Page 62 of Outside Looking In

“You say you don’t know what happened. And if your dad asks what you were up to today, you leave this part out. It’s not really a lie, per se. It’s a lie of omission, which is different.”

I’m teaching my little brother to lie. I belong in hell.

“It’s a secret, Walt. Let’s shake on it.” Nathan held out his hand. Walt’s limp, soft hand met his for a deflated shake.

Nathan went back to his bedroom in Mark’s house and sat on the bed, staring at the blank wall, hating himself. He realized this was why he was incapable of being loved, incapable of having a family. Because he always found a way to fuck it up royally.

* * *

If there was evera need for a Jiminy Cricket to tell him what to do, it was now. Nathan walked across the field from Mark’s house and stopped in a patch where he remembered getting reception previously.

“It’s three o’clock in the bloody morning,” Eamonn said when he picked up.

“You’re getting an early start to the day. You’re welcome. It’s four in the afternoon where I am, because I am still in New Zealand, wreaking absolute havoc on a very nice family.”

“What happened?” he asked, now wide awake. “Have you told them the truth?”

“Worse. I just convinced my ten-year-old half brother to lie for me.” A pain lanced his heart as he pictured Walt reluctantly agreeing to keep a secret.

“What is going on? Are you still working on the farm?”

“Yes. And I’ve gotten quite good at it. I’m also buggering the farmer, who is the brother of the man whose son I just asked to lie.” Nathan collapsed on the ground, not caring about the grass stains he was getting.

“Bleeding Christ, Nathan. You really know how to cock things up.”

“Tell me about it.” He stared at the clouds being carried across the sky by some celestial conveyer belt. “My mother was amazing. She was the greatest performer I’ve ever seen. But she was also a badass bitch.”

“Sounds like someone I know,” Eamonn said. “You have to tell them the truth.”

“But if I do, everything will change. They’ll know I’ve been lying to them. For the first time, I feel like I’m part of a family. I’m afraid to lose that.”

“They’ll understand.”

“Come on, E. I’ve been lying to them from the moment I stepped foot in their house, and even if I do come clean, that will just make me the illegitimate bastard son of their wonderful mother. That won’t make me family.” Nathan pictured their faces glaring at him, the same way his real family looked at him. “Liam will never talk to me again.”

“The farmer?”

“He hates liars, and I can’t stop. The other night, my dad called in the middle of somereally fantasticshower sex—”

“TMI”

“—and I kept having to say it was a telemarketer.”

“Why?”

“I told him both my parents were dead.”

“Nathan!”

Nathan smacked a hand on his forehead and slid it down to cover his eyes. “I had a good reason in the moment.”

Eamonn let out a sigh.

“And I’ve managed to cock everything up while being completely sober, so I deserve a little bit of credit.”

“Really?” Eamonn asked.

“I haven’t had a drink in weeks.”