Page 34 of Our Moon (JACT #1)

Present

Everyone was quiet for a beat after I finished my perspective on the last two years of our life–my life.

My life with Ally. My life without Ally.

Ally coming back into my life. I didn’t want to tell her all this in front of them.

I wanted to share it with her privately.

But with the way everything went down, I didn’t know what the hell else to do.

“Dude, you’re a virgin?” Joey finally says, breaking the deafening silence.

I laugh. “That’s all you got from that? ”

“Sorry, man,” he shrugs. “Evie always says I’m a twelve year old boy trapped in a man’s body.”

“You son of a bitch!” Alex roars as he jumps off the couch. Trevor quickly gets up and stands in his way as he tries to get to me. “You were screwing around with our sister behind our backs?” Alex yells.

And there it is, the freak out I knew would eventually happen when all was revealed.

Alex is usually a pretty laid-back dude, but when someone messes with his family, all bets are off.

Pile on the fact that I probably just refreshed his emotions of losing his parents and nearly losing Ally, and he has the potential to be a very loose cannon.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ally take a step back at Alex’s outburst, and I instinctively stand from my seat and put myself between him and her. The movement only irritates Alex more.

“It wasn’t like that, man. I swear.” I’m not just defending myself, but Ally as well. Eventually Alex will realize it was both of us hiding stuff from everyone and I don’t want him to turn his anger on her.

“Dude, chill out,” Trevor says to Alex and pushes him back to the couch to sit.

“Alex, come on, man. We’re all family here, he wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t hurt Ally,” Joey tries to reason. At least someone seems to be on my side. Trevor is looking at me like I’m a stranger, Alex looks like he wants to kill me, and Ally… Ally just looks defeated.

Alex laughs. “Right. Did either of you just hear what he said? They were running around behind our backs for months.” I don’t miss how he says “they” that time, and my heart hurts for Ally. She doesn’t deserve this. I knew it then, and I know it now, but dammit, I love her.

Trevor and Joey look like they’re considering what Alex is saying, and Ally is just looking at me with the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, baby girl,” I whisper. “So sorry.”

She’s standing there, frozen, at the edge of the room. Her eyes jerk from mine, to the others before she collapses on the floor. Her breaths are coming in pants, and I know she’s having an anxiety attack.

I rush over to her and rub my hand in soothing circles on her back. Whispering reassuring words, trying to calmly guide her breathing. This worked when she had the one in the kitchen a while ago, and I hope she’s not too upset with me to let it work now.

“Get your fucking hands off her!”

“Alex, back off! You’re not helping!” Trevor says.

“I’m okay,” she whispers after a few minutes of deep, labored breathing. She unfolds herself from her protective position on the floor. I shuffle back and help her to stand.

“Here, let’s get you over to the chair.” I say to her. With my hand on her elbow, I guide her to the chair I had vacated a few minutes ago and let her sit down, then I hand her my water bottle. Hopefully, she doesn’t mind that I already drank out of it.

“Thank you,” she says quietly, looking down at the bottle in her hands.

“You’re welcome.” I smile sadly and take her place in the center of the room. “Look, I know you’re all pissed,” I start, making eye contact with everyone in the room. “And I get that. If I thought someone was hurting Ally, I’d be freaking out, too. But it wasn’t like that.”

“You were messing around with my sister. You both lied to us. To all of us.” Alex snarls. Trevor is still standing in front of him, and Joey is ready to pounce should Alex try to get up again.

Finally, Trevor moves from his position guarding Alex and approaches me.

I tense, not knowing what to expect, but then Trevor surprises me by pulling me into a hug.

“Why the hell didn’t you say something after the accident?

Her being in a coma, waking up and not remembering, it had to be killing you. ”

I pull away and look Trevor right in the eyes. “It was hard. But I couldn’t tell you without her. We promised we’d do it together. She means the world to me, and I couldn’t break that promise. Even if that meant that I had to hold back my true feelings about everything.”

Trevor nods. “Look, I don’t know what’s going to happen since she doesn’t remember anything. But I support you guys.” He looks over to Ally when he says that last part. Then he looks back at me. “But if you do one damn thing to pressure her or hurt her—”

“I would never,” I interrupt, knowing that’s a lie because I already hurt her by starting something with her again and withholding the truth.

“I’ve prayed every day after the accident that she would come back to us.

And I’ve prayed every day since she’s woken up that she’ll eventually find her way back to me.

” I turn my attention to Ally and plead my case, “I know this is all a lot to take in, and it’s why I never said anything.

I didn’t want to confuse you or make you think you had to feel something you didn’t.

I knew that eventually you’d either find your way back to me on your own, or you’d remember.

We hadn’t been in love long before, but it was strong, and I have had no doubt that one day, it will pull us back together again. ”

And it did. It did pull us back together again. And now my stupidity just might be tearing it back apart.

Alex, who has remained silent since his last outburst, finally gets up from his spot on the couch.

He glares individually at each person in the room.

“This is fucked up. They both lied to us. I don’t give a shit what the circumstances were.

We were a family, and they lied,” he points in mine and Ally’s direction.

He doesn’t raise his voice; he just states it all solemnly.

“Alex,” Ally starts.

“No. I’m trying to cut you some slack now because you don’t know what the hell you did back then, but I’m not going to be quiet anymore. This is messed up. I’m your twin, damn it. We might not have always been the best of friends, but senior year we were tight. And you didn’t say anything.”

He is hurt. He is hurt, and I couldn’t blame him because he’s right to feel that way. I hate that he’s hurting Ally, because I feel like she is an extension of myself, but what can I do that won’t make it worse?

“But,” she tries again.

“No, Ally. Just no.” He looks over at Trevor. “He’s supposed to be your best friend and he kept something this big from you, and you’re just accepting it?” He shakes his head. “I’m out of here.”

“Alex,” Trevor calls after him. Alex doesn’t turn around; he just keeps walking out of the room and a few seconds later we hear the front door slam shut, the loud bang causing Ally to jump.

“He’ll come around,” Trevor says .

“Well, I’m gonna head home. Let you guys talk,” Joey says. He walks over to Ally, pulls her in for a hug and gives her a kiss on the top of her head. “Call me or Evie if you need anything.”

She gives him a small smile. “Thanks for coming.”

“Anything for you, doll.”

It’s just me, Trevor, and Ally left in the room now. Trevor and I are still standing in the middle of the room, and it’s awkward now that no one is speaking. Ally is still sitting, staring down at the water bottle in her hands.

“Well, I guess I’ll let you two talk,” Trevor finally says. Ally looks up quickly, hopefully surprised that he’s leaving us alone together and not afraid. “Yell if you need me,” he tells her. He gives me a nod and leaves the room.

I’m suddenly so nervous I can’t stay still.

After a minute or so of silence, I sit on the sofa across from Ally.

“I’m really sorry, Ally. I didn’t want it to come out like that.

I didn’t want it to come out at all. I really meant what I said before, that I figured you’d find your way back eventually either because you remembered or because you felt it again.

I really don’t want you to feel pressured or anything.

And I sure don’t want you to feel awkward around me either. ”

“It’s not your fault, Chase. I asked for this. I knew it might be something pretty epic.” Her voice is completely devoid of feelings.

“What we had was pretty epic,” I say quietly.

She looks up and meets my eyes. I finally see there are tears in hers, and it breaks my heart all over again.

“You lied to me, Chase. I straight up asked you if you knew anything about that time, and you lied. I was feeling it. The pull between us. I was feeling it, and you could have just put me out of my misery then. Instead all of this happened,” she raises her hands and gestures to the room, to the events that just unfolded.

“And to hear all that,” she continues, shaking her head in apparent disbelief, “about our entire relationship in front of my family? I just don’t know what to do with all this right now.

I don’t know. I didn’t expect this. I expected something, but not this. ”

And now I know just how bad I fucked up. Real bad.

“I’m sorry. I know I’ve said that a million times, but only because it’s true. I didn’t want to hurt you, Ally. I made some bad choices, thinking they were what was best for you.”

“Yeah, well, I need time to think.” She isn’t making eye contact with me now. She’s looking anywhere but in my eyes. I can feel the recently mended pieces of my heart cracking and falling apart again .

“Of course,” I nod, hopeful because she didn’t completely dismiss me. That’s got to count for something, right? “You know where to find me if you want to talk or whatever. I’m always going to be here for you, baby girl. No matter what happens between us.”

She nods absently as she stares down at the floor.

I know I need to leave, and I stand up to do just that, but I’m terrified she’ll never let me this close to her again.

Before I can convince myself what a terrible idea it is, I step in front of her and lean forward to quickly kiss her head.

Then I turn and leave the room before I can see her reaction to my kiss.

I go up to my apartment and lay back on my bed, staring at the ceiling.

I should have told Ally the truth when we spent that first afternoon watching TV together.

I should have told her the first time we hung out together, or when we watched the movie, before we kissed.

There had been a hundred times when I should have told her about us.

But I didn’t.

And now I have to live with whatever happens next.