Page 14 of Our Moon (JACT #1)

Trevor and Alex are both home tonight, so I text Chase to let him know I want to meet him at his apartment. I know it’s risky, doing this while my brothers are home, but I can’t wait another minute. I want answers.

“Hey, baby girl,” Chase croons as I slip in the side door to the garage. I’m surprised to see him downstairs in the band’s practice space, rather than waiting for me upstairs in his apartment. We can easily be caught down here if my brothers were to come by for their instruments or a visit.

I give him a shy smile, “Hey, Chase. ”

He sets his acoustic guitar on the couch beside him and stands. “To what do I owe the pleasure of this clandestine meeting?” he asks as he struts towards me.

God, he’s gorgeous. I could look into his eyes all day long and not get tired of it. Then there’s the way he walks and the way he talks. I could get lost in him. I want to get lost with him.

“Ally,” he says, snapping his fingers in front of my face.

I startle and shake my thoughts of his bottomless blue eyes from my head. “I wanted to ask you something,” I tell him. “Can we go upstairs?”

“You wanna go upstairs?” he smirks and wriggles his eyebrows.

I roll my eyes and laugh. “Yes, but not for the reasons I’m sure you’re thinking.” He visibly deflates. “At least not right away.” I add, boldly running my fingertips down his toned bicep. I throw in a wink, and he perks back up. “I just don’t want my brothers to walk in.”

“You know it’ll be a lot worse if they walk in and we’re upstairs, right?”

“Well, I’m not planning on them walking in, and if they do, I’ll hide in your closet or something. ”

“My closet is in my bedroom,” he says, scratching his chin as though he’s deep in thought. “I kind of like the idea of you in my bedroom.” He grins mischievously again and tingles erupt throughout my entire body.

“Head out of the gutter, Baker,” I finally say.

He smiles to let me know he’s teasing me. “Come on,” he says as he grabs my hand and leads me up the stairs to his apartment.

I haven’t been up here before. It’s really nice.

It’s set up like a studio, with everything out in the open except for the bathroom and what I guess is a closet.

There’s a small kitchenette when you first walk in, complete with a breakfast bar and two stools.

To the left there is a seating area with a leather couch, entertainment center, and small coffee table.

These boys and their leather furniture. I try to ignore his large bed in the farthest corner of the space, but recall him just mentioning his bedroom.

I thought for sure that meant a separate space.

I take a seat on the couch and Chase sits beside me, never releasing my hand.

“What’s going on, baby girl? You seem so serious.” Nervous is more like it, but Chase was probably just being polite.

“I thought you said you had a bedroom?” I ask, trying to shake the nerves out.

He smirks again, “This whole place is my bedroom. ”

I roll my eyes, “On that note…” I take a deep breath. “I wanted to talk to you about some things.”

“So you said,” he says, referring to my earlier texts I’m sure. I had never texted him before, never really needed to. He always kind of showed up before I could think even think about it.

I look into his eyes again, which are now filled with concern. “I don’t think it’s anything bad,” I say, trying to assure him.

“That’s good,” he says, but he still doesn’t relax his expression.

“I spoke with Lucy today,” I start. I haven’t spoken to Chase much about wanting to find the missing pieces of my life.

I tend to want to live in the now when I’m with him and he encourages that.

He’s so understanding about everything, and his opinions are so fresh.

He doesn’t worry about coddling me, he just tells it like it is, and he does it in a way that’s not offensive or hurtful.

I can tell he genuinely cares. And I worry that he may not like the idea of me digging into my past and not just letting things happen naturally.

“That’s good. What did you talk about?”

“Just stuff,” I say, looking down at my lap. What was I thinking? How can I mention a possible hidden fling from my past to my current hidden fling? Ugh. How messed up am I? Two hidden flings ?

Chase puts his finger under my chin and lifts my head to face him. “What is it, baby girl? You know you can tell me anything.”

I nod because, yes, I do know that. I take a deep breath and let it all out in a quick exhale. “Lucy seems to think I might have been seeing someone before the accident.”

I watch the emotions flash across his face. Shock, fear, was that relief?

“What makes you think that?” he asks calmly.

I look at him for a moment before I respond.

“She didn’t know for sure, she just mentioned some peculiar behaviors.

Said I was pretty transparent and that it seemed like I was hiding something, or some one .

She heard voices when I was on the phone with her sometimes, but I’d just tell her it was nothing. ”

He seems to consider this, then asks, “What did you want to ask me?”

Right. I did want to ask him something. “I was wondering if maybe you remembered anything from the time I used to hang out with you guys. Maybe you saw or heard something that might help me figure out what I was up to?”

He stands up and begins to pace, running his hands through his hair over and over again, and mumbling to himself.

I can’t make out what he’s saying, but his whole reaction strikes me as a bit odd.

I didn’t think he’d love the idea of there being someone in my life before when we’ve got something building between us now, but I didn’t expect this.

It seems like he’s close to losing it, and he’s always been so calm and collected.

“Chase?” He pauses and looks over to me. I can’t even explain the look on his face. He looks absolutely torn. Oh my God, does he know something? “Do you know something?”

He continues to stare at me as more of the same emotions wash over his face, only this time there is sadness as well. “I,” he starts. Then he shakes his head and turns away from me to resume pacing.

I get up from my place on the couch and boldly approach him. I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my cheek against his back. He immediately stops his forward motion and tenses up, but then relaxes and puts his hands over mine. “It’s okay, Chase. Whatever it is, it’s okay.”

He takes a deep breath, then says “I’m sorry, Ally, but I don’t know anything.”

Huh. Well, that I didn’t expect. Based off his reaction alone I thought he knew something. But maybe it was just the thought of something coming between us that upset him. I do my best to reassure him.

“Chase, whatever it is, whatever happened before, I want you to know that I care about you a lot. I like what we’ve got going here, and I don’t want anything to change that.

Things from the past might come up, and it might make me, or us, question things, but I’m happy here, now, with you. I want to see what this is.”

He sighs and squeezes my hands, then he turns around.

Looking into my eyes, he frames my face with his hands.

“You don’t know how good it is to hear you say that, baby girl.

” He leans forward and gives me a brief, soft kiss.

“I care about you a lot, too. I want us to have a real shot, so I’m being very careful here.

I don’t want to make anyone upset, and you’ve been through a lot, so I don’t want to push you before you’re ready.

But just know that I feel the same way you do, I care about you so much.

I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you. ”

I lay my head against his chest and smile.

This man completely disarms me. He knows all the right things to say, all the time.

It’s almost too good to be true, but he’s right here in front of me.

I can see him and feel him, so I know he’s real.

When he wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head, I melt.

“I’m going to ask the guys about it, too. Just to see if they remember anything.” I feel him stiffen under me. “I promise it’s not going to change anything between us.”

He pulls back and looks me in the eyes, his face completely serious. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. ”

“What? Why?”

“Just think about it, Al. If you didn’t tell anyone before, maybe there was a reason.”

I think about it, and he’s right. It was the same concern I had when I talked to Lucy. I didn’t want to create any unnecessary trouble. Things are going well with me and my brothers, and with me and Chase. Why rock the boat?

“You’re right,” I rest my head on his chest. “If it’s meant to be revealed, it will be.”

He exhales, and I feel his body lose its tension. He wraps his arms around me again and holds me close. “I don’t want to lose you, baby girl.”

I laugh, he’s so silly. As if he’d lose me. “I’m not going anywhere,” I promise him. He sighs and his grip tightens, as if he’s afraid if he lets go of me, I’m going to float away or something.

“I hope not,” he whispers.

We spend the rest of the evening curled up together on his couch, but something is off. Chase doesn’t kiss me or even really touch me. He just holds me as close as he can, my head tucked under his chin, like he really is afraid I am going to disappear.

Around midnight, I finally sneak back into my house, and I make it all the way to my room without bumping into my brothers.

As I lay in my bed, I think about the entire scene with Chase.

He just wasn’t himself, and I don’t know what I make of it.

He seemed… scared. When I said goodnight, he held me so close and kept telling me he didn’t want to lose me.

Maybe it has something to do with the accident.

We were all close back then, so it could be that he felt he lost me back then, and now, the idea that there might be another man makes him feel like he could lose me now, in a completely different way than before.

I wish there was some way I could reassure him that that’s not the case.

I only know him; I only want him. I can’t imagine feeling any differently.

I finally fall asleep to dreams of the color blue.