Page 15 of Our Moon (JACT #1)

School has started and I’m in seventh heaven.

I love my classes, and I’m really good at it, too.

I’m not sure if it’s innate talent, or if it’s because I’ve already read all my books, but I’m only two weeks in and already getting complimented left and right by my instructors on my techniques.

I’ve even made friends with a couple of my classmates.

It’s nice having people outside of the band to talk to and commiserate with.

Things between Chase and me are… complicated.

It’s been a few weeks since we had our talk in his apartment, and since then, he has been a little distant.

I guess a part of him might be worried about the skeletons that may be lurking in my closet, bu t I thought he would have gotten over it by now.

I’ve told him time and time again that I’m only interested in him now, and that should be what matters.

I know the distance doesn’t help either.

It was already hard enough spending time together in secret, but now I’m in classes five days a week and studying the rest of the time, and he’s involved in the prep for the new album and upcoming tour.

It’s even more difficult for us to find time together.

Part of me still wonders if I should confront my brothers and Joey to see if they have any idea of what I was up to before the accident.

After the talk with Chase, I kind of let it go, happy to live in the now with him and returning to my original theory of whoever or whatever it was not being important enough if they or it could so easily disappear from my life.

But it’s always going to be that niggling thought in the back of my mind, and maybe in the back of Chase’s as well.

Maybe finding out some answers and putting it to bed once and for all will remove the strain on our relationship and allow us to finally move forward and come out of hiding.

I hate lying to my brothers. Even if it’s just a lie of omission, it’s still a lie, and it’s not how I want to base our relationship.

I wish I could talk to Evie or Lucy about all this, but to do that and get a legitimate opinion from them, I’d have to reveal my relationship with Chase, and I’m not sure we’re anywhere near ready to go public.

Especially since we’re in this limbo state.

Lucy already gave me her opinion on the pre-accident situation, so she’d probably only reiterate that anyway.

We’ve spoken a few times since our first conversation, but I conveniently steered clear of the topic, and I guess she knew enough not to ask.

And Evie is just way too close to the guys to talk to about Chase.

She’d probably tell Joey, who would in turn tell my brothers.

When it came to Trevor and Alex, it had to come from me.

There’s really only one thing left for me to do to try to get to the bottom of this once and for all.

I have to talk to the guys. I want me and Chase to be able to move forward.

No matter what Dr. Moody or anyone else thinks about me delving into my past, I can’t not push this.

I want to know that I did everything I could to figure it out so that I will no longer be bothered by the questions in my mind.

Nearly every other moment of my life can be explained in some way by someone.

The things Lucy said cannot. This is something I need to know.

And I want to find out and then let it all go. I just hope it doesn’t upset Chase.

***

I’m pacing the entrance to the man room, nervous as hell. I had slept on my thoughts from the previous day and decided that I had to talk to the band. I wasted no time calling a band meeting, which, needless to say brought some interesting reactions since I’m not technically in the band .

The guys should be here any minute, and I have no idea how I’m going to broach the subject.

I’m forcing myself to think positively. Everyone has been nothing but supportive of me, and I can’t imagine this will be any different.

But I’m still worried about Chase. I hope he understands that I have to know, why I have to know.

I pull my cell phone out of my pocket when I hear a beep indicating a text.

It’s Lucy. It’ll be fine, you’ll do great.

Stop worrying. I had sent her a text this morning when I woke up, letting her know I was finally going to talk to them.

She encouraged me, and I told her to think positive thoughts at noon, when the guys agreed to take a break from their studio time to meet with me.

I felt awful interrupting their time at the studio because I know they’re trying to get the finishing touches done on the album before they leave for tour in a couple months. The album is supposed to drop in a month, and hopefully the timing will boost ticket sales for their shows.

Thanks, I text back to Lucy. There’s little question in my mind as to whether or not she had been my best friend before. She obviously knew me well enough to know I’d need some encouragement right about now.

As I’m tucking my phone back into my pocket, the guys arrive. They look exhausted after all the work they’ve been doing at the studio, and again I’m thankful they agreed to meet with me anyway .

They grab assorted beverages from the kitchen – Gatorade, bottled water, and soda – and make their way into the man room.

Alex and Joey sit on the sofa, Trevor sits on the recliner, and Chase gestures for me to sit in the last remaining seat, a plain black arm chair, but I shake my head and motion for him to sit. I’m too nervous to sit still.

“So what’s going on, kid?” Trevor asks.

Blunt and straightforward, I tell myself. I take a deep breath in and let it out. “Well, you guys know I’ve been trying to put together pieces of my past.” I pause for a moment while they nod their understanding. “The year before the accident seems to be the biggest blank.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I swear I see Chase stiffen, but when I look over at him, he’s completely composed.

I haven’t seen him in a few days, and I want nothing other than to crawl into his lap and have him hold me tight.

I worry that my pursuit of this is going to hurt him, but he just smiles softly at me.

Bringing myself back to focus, I continue.

“You guys know I’ve been in contact with Lucy.

” They all nod so I continue. “She got me thinking about what happened after I broke up with Blake. I mean, I know I hung out with you all a lot after that, but that’s all I really know.

Lucy said she and I kind of grew apart that year because she was focusing on school and prepping for college, and I spent most of my time with the band.

So she didn’t really have any insight for me. ”

“Yeah,” Trevor says. “You hung out in the garage with us while we practiced and went to our gigs with us.” The rest of the group nods their agreement. “I don’t think you really did anything else.”

Oh, how I wish that was the case. Now for the hard part.

“Lucy mentioned something the first time we spoke.” I looked over at Chase and hoped my eyes expressed my apology.

“She said that a few times when she talked to me on the phone, it sounded like I was with someone, that I was hushing them or something. But when she would ask me about it I just kind of brushed it off and said it was no one or nothing. She kind of made it sound like I might have been sneaking around or something.”

“What do you mean?” Trevor asks, as he leans forward in his seat.

“I don’t really know. That’s why I asked you guys to meet with me. I was hoping that maybe since I spent so much time with you all, that maybe you saw something that you didn’t think was anything at the time. Maybe with this new information from Lucy, it will mean something?”

“I really don’t remember anything that stands out, Ally.”

“I figured you would have said something if you did, Trev. But the thing is, if I was sneaking around, then it probably wouldn’t have stood out, you know?” I wring my hands in front of me, hoping one of them has a break through.

Trevor nods his understanding. “After school you’d come home, do any homework you didn’t finish in study hall, and then come out to the garage.

We’d go in for dinner, or out, and then head back out to the garage.

And when mom called you inside, you went.

I really can’t think of any gaps of time that are unaccounted for. ”

Joey chimes in next. “I can’t think of anything either, girl. Sorry.”

I nod. “It’s okay. I knew it was a long shot.”

I look over to Chase, he’s hunched over, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Alex is glaring in Chase’s direction. Does Chase know something? Does Alex?

“Chase?” I ask, drawing Trevor’s and Joey’s attention to him as well. He picks up his head and looks at me, obvious pain is displayed all over his face. Then he glances at Alex’s harsh stare, then over to Trevor’s concerned face, before finally landing on Joey’s curious one.

He lets out a sigh and shakes his head. “I’m so sorry, Ally.”