Page 16

William

We slept together every night after that, and kissed before bed. We ensured only our lips touched, because physical contact in more than one way at a time overwhelmed Ryan. It took all his energy to keep the panic at bay while he kissed me. Having to focus on anywhere else our bodies touched would’ve been too much.

We’d kiss, then he’d let me bury my nose in his neck, where I breathed him in before skimming my lips down to his shoulder. Then, we’d roll over and fall asleep back-to-back.

There was kissing and scenting during the day too, just not as all-consuming as when our bodies were aligned in the dark. A surprise peck on my cheek as I ate dinner, or he’d trail a finger down his throat while we watched the rain from the living room floor. A not-so-subtle request for my lips to be there.

Ryan could be demanding too. If I was in the library reading or responding to emails, or engrossed in a movie we were watching, he’d sit on my desk—disrupting my paperwork—or toss popcorn at me to get my attention. I’d stalk him while he backed into a corner leaving himself with nowhere to go. Then he’d close his eyes and raise his chin as he parted his lips for me. I’d make the kiss count, knowing it would be mere seconds before he retreated.

I’d leave him flushed and visibly aroused, then back away with a smile, because I couldn’t seem to stop smiling lately.

I didn’t prey on his reactions, or take advantage of what I thought his body wanted. His mind held the control, and it never hesitated to shut things down once he couldn’t handle any more. I’d simply excuse myself to take care of my own needs in private before returning. It had been the best two weeks of my life.

“Are you almost ready? It’s a thirty-minute drive across town, more if there’s traffic. We’re going to be late,” I complained from outside Ryan’s bedroom door. He’d been in there getting ready for over an hour. I never got impatient with him, but I was already on edge because he’d logged into the medical portal for his test results and had yet to confirm if everything came back okay.

I didn’t ask. He had a right to his privacy, but he’d avoided it for over a week after learning they were available. Relief flooded me when he held up a note with the words I’d been waiting for scrolled across it.

I’m ready .

I showed him how to create the online account, then stepped away so he could set up his password and log in. He then stared at the screen for an agonizing amount of time before logging out and leaving me standing there to think the worst.

I’d printed out my results the moment I got the email saying they were ready. I’d shared them with him, hoping it would give him the courage to face his, and also to explain how to interpret them once he did.

“Take your time,” I said. Entering a ballroom gala with close to a thousand people in attendance would be staggering for anyone, let alone Ryan. He had a right to take all the time in the world. “No rush.”

I’d made it to the end of the hall when his door opened. My shiny Oxfords squeaked against the floor as I spun around.

“ Wow ,” I breathed, drinking him in. The all-black tuxedo fit the contours of his slim, yet defined, body. I’d been nervous the measurements I’d taken were incorrect. Getting them had been a challenge, and he’d walked away when I’d asked if I could double check for accuracy.

His beauty had a youthful quality, but his broad stature and time-worn eyes lent credibility to his manhood. He carried the weight of many hardships on his shoulders, and he’d seen, experienced, and survived things no one ever should.

His shoes were shiny too, but he’d gone with the Venetian-style loafer. They looked great on him. He wore his hair in a neat bun, which put his slightly larger ears on display. Of all the things he seemed self-conscious about, his ears were never one of them. I found them sexy as hell.

Seeing him dressed in all black pleased my senses. His attire complemented the shock of black hair and black eyes set on a canvas of pale skin. The beauty mark staining his cheek could’ve been seen as an imperfection, but it only made him more gorgeous. I wanted to do things to him I wasn’t proud of. Things I hoped he’d one day be ready for.

I held myself in check, looking him up and down while he waited for a response from me. “You look…” I trailed off, searching for the right word. Beautiful, sexy, arousing… “Nice,” I ended up going with, but it didn’t feel like enough. “You look more than nice. You look amazing, Ryan. Handsome.”

He tugged on the cuffs of his sleeves, the tips of his ears turning a pretty shade of pink.

“Your bow tie is crooked. Is it okay if I fix it?”

He nodded as I approached, holding his head up for my adjustments.

I stepped back to take in my handy work. “Better.”

I pulled his wool coat from the closet, holding it open so he could slide into it. He did the same for me.

“Are you nervous?” I asked, fixing my lapels. Ryan blew out a heavy breath then nodded. “Don’t worry, I won’t let—” I caught myself before promising not to let anything happen to him. Those words felt empty to me. “I won’t let you out of my sight. We stick together.”

He nodded again, then held up a finger while he dug into his pocket for a folded piece of paper.

“What’s this?”

I’m okay, it read.

“I’m okay,” I repeated under my breath before snapping my head up. “You’re okay? Really ?” I wanted to be extra sure. He pointed to the two words again. “So why did you keep me in suspense all day? Do you just live to torture me?” I joked.

He smiled. A wide smile showcasing his straight, pearly whites, and his dimples. I’d never seen that smile before. My expression must have shown it, because he actually chuckled. With sound! It was low and gone as fast as it came, but I’d heard it.

“Do that again,” I whispered, but he sealed his lips as though he knew he’d given me something precious and was now unsure if I deserved it. I’d already stored it in my memory bank, though. I’d never forget it.

It sounded like a beautiful but chaotic musical scale. A succession of rumbly, husky and hoarse. It sounded untried. It was the sweetest music I’d ever heard.

After handing our coats off to the attendant, we stopped near the wall fountain along the perimeter of the room. I wanted to give Ryan time to adjust to the grandeur of the ballroom before we did more than dip our toe in it.

His jittery gaze roamed the room, absorbing everything in it from the gem-cut chandeliers, to the extravagant floral arrangements at the center of every table. I tracked his perusal of the finely dressed attendees as the stringed section provided ambient music from the curved stage.

“There are sanctuary rooms around every corner. We invite all the residents and staff from Safe Haven, and other survivors who we’ve helped. This,” I said, in reference to the flurry of activity happening in front of us, “can be a lot for some of them to take in. We set up the rooms as a place they can escape to when they need to be alone. They’re insulated from sound, they lock from the inside, and they’re filled with every comfort you can imagine.” I waited for him to look at me. “If you feel at any time that you need to get away from this, you let me know. Even if you want to go home.” I hadn’t meant to say home. I should’ve said my place. But it did feel like home. Our home.

I gestured toward each exit, pointing out the security personnel dressed to blend in, discreetly manning each door. “Most of them are off duty or retired cops. They’re trained to handle any emergency situation.”

Ryan turned to me abruptly, leaning in for a kiss. I stepped back. He frowned, his confusion obvious.

“We shouldn’t do that here,” I whispered, hating that I couldn’t anchor him, that I couldn’t provide some normalcy. “There are people here who may question that.” Xavier being one of them. I’d spotted him chatting on the opposite side of the dance floor. I supposed the end of our working relationship didn’t mean the end of him supporting an important cause. I would’ve expected nothing less from him.

A hand eagerly waving in the air caught my attention. I smiled as my mother beckoned us over to the chocolate fountain. Davidson stood next to her in a black and white tux. Ryan went rigid.

“I already told him you aren’t ready to talk. He can’t force you.”

Ryan nodded after taking a deep breath. We let a server pass before diving into the fray.

“William!” Mark Delaney called, weaving through the throng of people to get to us. He was an older, stocky gentleman who ran one of the largest film studios in Hollywood. He was also one of Freedom Fighters most generous donors.

“Mark,” I replied with as much enthusiasm as I could fake. I had three unread emails from him in my inbox, and several from my agent ordering me to get back to him.

“You’re a hard man to get a hold of these days,” he said, skipping the small talk. I appreciated it. Ryan stepped as close to me as he could without actually touching me, his head turning in every direction.

“Have you had a chance to look at the script I sent you? You’re the first person I thought of when it crossed my desk. It was like kismet,” he chuckled, accepting a champagne flute from a server. “Who better to handle the screen composition for something like this?”

“I’m flattered, truly, but I’m taking some time off from work right now.”

“Yes, your agent said as much. I knew she couldn’t possibly be serious, though.” He laughed. “You’re in the prime of your career. You’re on the wish list of every idiot in Hollywood holding a camera, for Christ’s sake. You’d be insane to pull away now.” His laughter died when I didn’t join in. Ryan stiffened beside me, his gaze burning into the side of my face.

“You… You can’t be serious ?”

“I am. Now if you’ll excuse us—”

Mark stepped left, cutting off my path to my mother and Davidson. “Now hold on a second.” He hadn’t sipped from his flute yet, and I was close to snatching it from him and downing the contents myself. This wasn’t something I wanted to address in front of Ryan.

“Just read it, will you? It’s about the kidnapping of the Kiwanika girls. I thought this topic was close to your heart. We spent hours talking about it over lunch the last time I was in town on business.”

The Kiwanika reservation sat just shy of the Mexican border. After a string of young girls went missing over a three-month period, the authorities decided to take the situation seriously. At first, they believed they were dealing with a case of rebellious teen girls who’d run away from home. Then reports came in linking the disappearances to a sex trafficking ring. The investigation ended up hitting a wall—until one of the girls managed to escape.

Ryan twisted his whole body toward me, but other than a quick cursory glance from Mark, we both ignored him.

“It is important to me,” I said, trying not to show my urgent need to end the conversation. “But as I said, I’m on hiatus at the moment. I can bring it to Xavier. He’s more than capable of filling my shoes.”

“I’m sure one day he will be,” Mark said. “But we don’t want Xavier. We want you.” He sounded disappointed now, making a final request before striding off. “Look, just read it and give me a call if you change your mind.”

I turned to Ryan then, my heart absorbing the blow of sadness his gaze unleashed on me. “Come on,” I rasped, “or my mother will eat all the chocolate.” My joke didn’t land well, and for once his refusal to speak didn’t leave me conflicted. I had a feeling I knew where his thoughts had gone, and I didn’t want to hear it.

“If it isn’t the man of the hour!” a familiar voice declared from somewhere to my right. Ryan and I were on the outskirts of the excitement now, about twenty feet from where Davidson and my mother chatted with one another.

“Senator Roberts,” I greeted. I relaxed my jaw as he came to a stop in front of us, managing to make my next words sound welcoming. “Happy you could make it.”

“Are you kidding me? I’d never miss it. What you’re doing here is amazing.”

“Thank you. I don’t mean to be rude, but my mother’s waiting for us.” I looked over, and bless her heart, she stared back looking concerned.

“Ah, yeah, she looks like she’s ready to come over and chase me away.” We both laughed at that, only mine was forced. “Real quick before you go, we’re introducing a new bill to congress next month. One that will grant stiffer penalties for anyone involved in the trafficking of people—at all levels. You’d be surprised how many officials are accepting bribes at our ports and borders. Think you can make it out to D.C. in support? Maybe bring a few residents from Safe Haven? It’d be good to show the faces of those who’ve been affected by this. Maybe they can even share a few words—”

“I’m sorry to interrupt Senator, but I’m unfortunately unable to travel at the moment. If the offer still stands, I can see if someone from our staff would be willing to represent Freedom Fighters. Just reach out to me with the details.”

“Someone from your staff?” He frowned. “I do think having you there personally could make all the difference.”

“Sorry, but I can’t.” I got Ryan and I moving before he could add anything else.

“What’s wrong?” I asked when Ryan came to a halt. He looked to the table where Senator Roberts now sat next to his wife, then back at me. “Let’s just meet up with my mother and Davidson so we can get to our table.”

Ryan grabbed the hem of my jacket when I passed him, stopping me. He crossed his arms, stubbornly refusing to move until I told him what was going on with me.

“I can’t leave you,” I whispered. He dropped his arms to his sides, that heartstopping sadness gracing his handsome face again. “I don’t want to.”

We met up with my mother and Davidson, Ryan offering them both a small smile before we were ushered to our tables. The awards and performance portion of the evening was about to start.

I couldn’t enjoy or concentrate on any of it. Not even the testimonials made by so many survivors, or when I took the stage to thank them all for their show of courage and perseverance. Not even when Davidson hopped on right after to give an impromptu speech in my honor.

Thoughts of Ryan plagued me. I needed to know what ran through his mind while he stewed in the seat next to me. I released an audible breath when the music started up, and the Emcee ordered everyone to the dance floor.

Davidson leaned over to me. “Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?” He’d attempted a whisper, but he had the kind of booming voice that couldn’t quite pull it off.

I glanced at Ryan who now listened to my mother chattering on the other side of him. “We’ll be fine,” she said, pausing to address my look of concern. “Won’t we, Ryan?” He nodded once without looking at me.

Davidson and I excused ourselves, but we didn’t go too far. I had to keep an eye on Ryan, to be able to get to him quickly if I needed to.

“We go together.”

I let my eyes drift shut on those words as they floated through my head, taking me to a place I didn’t want to be.

“We were able to piece together more information,” Davidson said, bringing me back to reality. I stood taller.

“Anything you can share with me?”

“Most of it is public knowledge by now. Some of the Americans found had been taken while studying abroad. Others while on vacation. A few were abducted right here on our soil. They were forced into labor mostly, but some were passed through the underground sex trade. Residential brothels, online ads and escort services, fake massage businesses… A few were purchased by wealthy sadists to be kept for personal use. Those stories are the worst.”

I wondered where Ryan fell into those categories. Labor, my mind supplied. It had to be forced labor. The other possibilities were too painful to consider.

“William?”

“Huh?”

“I said they were all rounded up and resold to the same benefactor shortly before we found them. None of the survivors can provide an accurate description of the man.” Davidson looked at me as though he wondered if Ryan could.

“I told you, he can’t help you right now.”

“You know, I would think you of all people would—”

“I want these people caught,” I said, stopping him right there. “But he isn’t ready to talk about it, and by law, you can’t make him. You’ve got plenty to work with from the others. Chances are Ryan knows just as much, or as little, as they do.”

“They’ve all got their own story,” he said. “They’ve all faced their own individual horrors.”

What else did he want from me? Did he want me to tie Ryan down and force him to give us answers?

Davidson gave a slow nod when I didn’t engage further. “Have you gotten him any closer to agreeing to go to Safe Haven?”

“Uh, no. I’m still working on it.” I smoothed my hands down my jacket front.

“Uh, huh,” Davidson said, tone indicating he didn’t buy my casual act. On top of everything else, this was the last conversation I wanted to have tonight. Davidson was also the last person I wanted to have it with. If anyone could see through my bullshit, it would be one of the FBI’s top agents.

“Has he communicated anything about a family? People who may be happy to know he’s alive?”

“No. He hasn’t.”

“Has he given you his last name? Something we can plug into the missing person’s database?”

“No.”

Davidson glanced at Ryan before bringing his shrewd gaze back to me. “Have you asked him?”

“Is this an interrogation?” My guilt made me defensive.

“No, but the fact that you think so is concerning.” He sounded offended. Davidson was a father figure of sorts. He knew what made this cause personal to me, even if he didn’t know all the particulars involving my abduction. He cared about me, about the work we were doing. He had a right to his questions, and he was smart to be worried.

“I don’t think pressuring him for those answers would be helpful.”

“What are you, a shrink now?” In addition to caring, Davidson could also be direct to a fault.

“He’ll be okay. I’m helping him.”

Davidson moved into my line of sight, blocking my view of Ryan. “He’s fine,” he said when I tried to look around him. “He’s with your mother, and there’s more than a dozen armed men stationed at every entry point.”

I stepped back to let a giggling group of women pass between us, then closed some of the distance again. “Say what you need to say, Davidson.”

“I know you don’t have bad intentions, because that’s not the kind of person you are. But I’m aware you have your demons. Sometimes demons influence our decisions.” He pursed his lips before continuing. “You have feelings for him.”

I didn’t see any point in lying, and it wasn’t a question anyway. Davidson had seen right through me. All I could do was nod.

“And how does he feel?”

“The same.” I assumed anyway. Ryan hadn’t spelled out his feelings for me, but he’d more than shown them. Some of those feelings were good, and depending on the day, some not so good. I felt it beneath his soft, seeking lips every night. “It’s complicated.”

“I imagine it is,” he mused. “And now you’re helping him.” He’d stressed the word as if quoting me. We were quiet then. “Did I ever tell you how my marriage ended?”

“No,” I said, clasping my hands behind me to keep from fisting them. I despised Davidson blocking my view of Ryan, especially when he seemed intent on giving me a rude awakening via a cautionary tale.

“This was during my tenure with the police department. She walked into my precinct pretty banged up. Her boyfriend had done a number on her. He’d been beating on her for years.” His jaw clenched at the memory.

“Even through all the swelling and bruises, she was beautiful. I wanted to bury the guy. We brought him in and booked him. He had a few outstanding warrants and ended up doing some time. She had nothing. She’d been completely dependent on him. I went into hero mode.” He glanced over his shoulder at Ryan as if to say I was in that mode now.

“Long story short, we fell in love. I bought her the dream house, complete with the fucking white fence, gave her the 2.5 kids and a dog. The whole bit.” He lowered his voice, but it still carried over the music and hum of conversation around us.

“I gave her anything she wanted, she never had to work for anything. With what she’d gone through, I’d built a wall of protection around her instead of encouraging her to deal with her issues. It was mostly unintentional,” he admitted. “I thought I was doing the right thing. Giving her what she wanted. Keeping her safe. But part of me didn’t want her to be dependent on anyone but me. I didn’t want to lose her, but in the end, she’d only traded a shitty cage for a gilded one. But a cage is a cage, kid, and eventually your little bird will want to break free.” He let that sink in before adding, “That’s if you don’t start resenting him first, because if he’s caged, then so are you.”

“It’s not like that,” I swore, feeling his words wrap around my neck and squeeze. “He’ll get better. It takes time. He’s already more comfortable with me.”

“With you .” He said it in a way that didn’t make me feel so accomplished. I’d measured Ryan’s progress by the progress he’d made with me. I’d made it all about me.

“That’s great, kid.” His tone suggested the opposite.

He moved out of the way, and Ryan stood there, my mother not too far behind. He seemed pained, turmoil creating fine lines across his features. How much of Davidson’s lecture had he heard? Even the tail end of it would’ve been too much.

“Ryan,” I breathed, but he’d already made an about-turn, knocking into a server and sending the contents of his tray crashing to the floor. A collective gasp spread through the immediate area as glass broke and champagne splashed onto the people loitering nearby. My mother reached for him, but he shrank back, bumping into a table, toppling it, the silverware, and floral arrangements to the floor. He had the whole room’s attention now. Even the music came to a halt.

Flushing bright red, he ducked his head and hurried in the direction of the sanctuary rooms.

I glanced over to Davidson, whose gaze was sympathetic, but also seemed to say: He may be getting comfortable with you, but what about the rest of the world?