Page 34 of One Step Behind

I stare at Matthew’s face, searching for any sign of a twitch, but there’s nothing.

‘He’s taking it all in, that’s all.’

I try to imagine Mum’s face when the police told her about Matthew. Does she really not care? My eyes are drawn back to Jenna and suddenly all I want to do is cry and ask Jenna if Matthew is going to be OK. But Jenna is concentrating on her phone and there’s a deep frown creasing her forehead.

‘I’m sorry,’ she says, standing up and shoving her things into her bag. ‘I need to leave. Your brother is in the best possible hands, Sophie.’

‘Thank you.’

I watch Jenna hurry out of the ward and think again about Mum. A lifetime of hurt washes over me. The pain is as real as a physical cut, but worse. Cuts heal. When will I?

Chapter 18

Jenna

I jab at the button beside the lift two, then three times, and wait. Nothing happens. I stare at my phone, rereading the text from Christie.

Hi Jenna, Niamh has just been sick. I’m taking her home so I won’t be able to drop Beth and Archie back at the end of the party. I know you said you were planning to make it back anyway so hopefully this won’t be a problem. Sorry xx

Shit! Itisa problem. A big one. I didn’t hear the two missed calls from Christie or see the message until just now, and it’s nearly four p.m.

The lift is taking too long, so I leap down the stairs and check the time on my phone again. I need to be at the trampoline park in ten minutes. Images strobe in my mind – the sweaty, red faces of my children. Tearful Archie, and Beth stoic for the sake of her brother, but just as upset.

I should never have left them. I should have stayed and watched them have their fun, but Christie was there and said she could drive them home and I had to come to the hospital. I had to know my children were safe from you.

And they are.

By the time I’m out of the hospital I’m running, my phone pressed to my face, the hum of ringing in my ear.

‘Hello?’ Rachel answers on the third ring. I can hear the noise of the kids shouting in the background.

‘Hi Rachel, it’s Jenna. I’ve just seen a text from Christie saying she can’t drop my kids home. I’m on my way, but I’m going to be ten minutes late.’ If I’m lucky. ‘Do you mind waiting?’

There’s a pause. I hear her breath rattle in the microphone. ‘Normally it wouldn’t be a problem, of course, but we’re off to a family dinner straight after the party and we’re cutting it a bit fine. I didn’t know Christie was taking them home. I thought you said you were coming back.’

‘I was, but then I bumped into Christie in the car park. Didn’t she say anything to you?’ I ask as I reach my car and throw open the driver’s door.

‘No, she didn’t. I guess I could drop them home instead if that works. It’s on our way to the restaurant.’

‘Er … are you sure you don’t mind? I’m so sorry about this. Their dad, Stuart, is home.’

‘It’s fine,’ Rachel says. Her voice is neutral. There’s no clipped annoyance, but none of the breezy ‘I wouldn’t be sat here if I didn’t have to be’ humour from earlier.

‘I’m 24 Park Avenue.’

‘I know,’ she replies.

‘Thank you, and I’m sorry again.’

The guilt is a jagged rock in my stomach as I drive home. I park outside the house just as Rachel is shepherding Beth and Archie out of the back of her shiny silver Audi. I give the horn a light tap and wave, forcing a smile.

‘I’m so sorry,’ I say again as I dash over to them.

‘It’s really no problem.’

‘Would you like to come in for a cuppa?’ I ask. It’s the last thing I want to do but I feel like I have to offer, to make the effort to seem like a normal mum instead of one who leaves her children at a party then doesn’t pick them up.

‘That’s really kind but we’ve got our dinner to get to.’