Page 22 of One Step Behind

‘Mummy,’ Archie shouts, racing across the floor and throwing himself at me as I step through the front door.

He hits me hard and I stagger to keep us upright and wrap my arms around him. My emotions burst out of their hiding place and flood to the surface. Love and joy and guilt, mixing like tie-dye colours.

Stuart walks down the hall with a washing basket full of clean and folded clothes. He grins when he sees me, lifting the basket like a prize. ‘A man’s work is never done.’

I laugh as Stuart steps forward to kiss my cheek. ‘You’re amazing,’ I whisper.

‘So true.’ As Stuart walks up the stairs, Beth runs down them.

‘Hi, darling,’ I smile at my freckle-faced daughter, feeling made whole somehow by the presence of my children.

She glances back at the stairs before turning to me. ‘Did you get the red ribbon?’ she asks in a hissed whisper.

‘How was your day?’ I ask, pulling her into a reluctant hug.

‘Fine. Did you get the ribbon?’ She steps away, watching me accusingly as though she knows the answer is no and she’s already planning her outburst.

‘It’s here.’ I rummage in my bag and pull out the reel of thick red ribbon I’d dashed to the high street for at lunchtime.

Beth tucks it into her school bag with a mumbled ‘Thanks’, just as Stuart jogs down the stairs.

I’m swept into the kitchen by the tide of my family, my feet moving in slow motion. Everyone is talking at once. Archie is telling me about a game he played at lunchtime. Beth is asking a question about the weekend. It’s hard to think straight. In the past twelve hours I’ve seen dozens of patients, I’ve saved lives – yours included – I’ve worked flat out, non-stop, and yet it’s these moments with my family that overwhelm me.

‘You look’ – Stuart tilts his head and frowns briefly – ‘wiped out. Did anything happen today?’

I nod.

‘What?’

‘He came into A&E today,’ I tell Stuart in a quiet voice. His eyes widen and he opens his mouth to ask another question, but I shake my head, nodding towards the kids.

‘Guess what?’ Archie says.

‘What?’ we both ask him.

‘I completed my merit chart today. I’m the first one in my class to move on to purple charts.’

Beth tuts from beside me. ‘Only because you get extra ones for not wetting yourself,’ she says, rolling her eyes.

‘Beth,’ Stuart and I chastise together. ‘That’s not nice,’ I add.

‘What? It’s the truth.’ She rolls her eyes again. ‘Can we watch a film tonight?’

‘Well done, Archie. That’s great.’ I smile at my boy and hold out my hand for a high five. ‘I’m proud of you.’

‘Not tonight, kiddo,’ Stuart says. ‘It’s a school night.’

Beth groans and her shoulders sag as though her arms have been knocked out of their sockets.

‘Mummy, look at the finger dust.’ Archie jumps up and down in front of me, pointing to the patches of grey dotted across the kitchen. ‘Isn’t it cool?’

‘The forensic team came this morning,’ Stuart explains. ‘I stayed home for them.’

‘Thanks for doing that.’

‘No worries. I’ve cleaned up most of it, but it’s a pain in the—’ He catches himself in time and glances at the kids. ‘A pain to clean.’

‘Thank you.’