Page 36

SHEDDING SKIN

D aylight spilled into our room, its midday beams cutting a straight column down the center of our room. Fresh spring air sifted through the open window. Something dug into my hip, and I flopped onto my back, the dark leather a tight fist around my torso.

My hands glided over the clothes I hadn’t bothered removing, mystical tourmaline branches glinting on my forefinger.

My dagger.

The satchel at my belt.

I sucked in a breath, sitting up and unfastening it. My trembling fingers dug within.

“What is that?” Letti yawned, stretching her arms above her head. “And what are you wearing? Didn’t get a better look at you in the wee hours of the morning.” She shrugged, shuffling and sitting on the end of my bed. It squeaked under her weight.

My front teeth bit into my bottom lip as I tipped the necklace pouch, three vials, and the talisman into my palm. A long breath expelled from deep within my chest, my heart bouncing. “Good thing you’re already sitting.” I chuckled, the sensation scratching up my throat.

“Spill.”

My hand cupped the back of hers, turning it and placing one vial in her palm. She held it up, studying the gray and silver-speckled powder.

“I lied before. I remember everything … from every Dormancy we’ve ever been through. And that”—I pointed to the tiny glass container—“is how I know.”

Her mouth dropped open. “What the void are you on about? Are you unwell?” She put her other hand on my forehead, but I swatted it away.

“Listen, don’t tell anyone. I mean it. I don’t know who to trust except Gavrel, Kaden, and you.” I huffed, untying the laces of my vest, feeling less confined as I did so. “I’m wearing these clothes because it’s what my physical body was wearing when I came back … from where we go during the Dormancy.” My eyes rolled to the ceiling in frustration. I didn’t know where to start. I sighed, looking back at her. “There is too much to go over, but I will if you want me to in the coming days … or you can take that tonic.”

Letti watched me with an intense focus as I tried to summarize where we went during the Dormancy—in our astral bodies—and how I was there physically somehow.

I ran my thumb over the black sliver in my palm, its energy zinging against my skin. My ember revealed itself after it was bitten out. I suspected this rune had tethered my body to Midst Fall during our long mandated slumbers, but I wasn’t sure why or how. Yet.

I went over when and how to use the orchid potion. Considering what I told her, Letti’s bottom teeth dragged over her top lip. “I’ll take it. You know I’ll believe whatever you tell me regardless, and if this will bring back my memories—it’s what I want.”

“Okay, sis, but know that it may unearth painful things. Things you’ve done or said. People you’ve loved or hurt during the forgotten moments. It isn’t easy.” The corners of my mouth wobbled.

She grabbed my hand. “Then we’ll take the hard path together. It’s the last day of the full moon. Do you think it’ll work now?”

I smiled, the feeling foreign but not entirely unpleasant. “There’s only one way to find out. Be warned—it gave me an awful headache. It was like I’d been run over by a horse. I was knocked out for several hours as well, but I’ll be here. Promise.”

“I know you will. I’m ready.” Her voice was full of conviction, heading to her bed. She pricked her thumb on my dagger, letting a few drops spill into the vial. Once the potion resembled a starry midnight sky, she tipped it down her throat, reclining on her mattress.

Her eyes widened at some sensation brewing within her. I whispered and took her hand, “It’ll be okay. I’m here.”

She nodded but then bowed off the bed, her face contorting in pain. Her fingers dug into the back of my hand, and I smoothed her golden curls off her face. Then she settled, her features and limbs sagging into a mystical sleep.

While she slept, I informed Father that she was feeling unwell and resting. He didn’t question it, directed me to care for her—as if I wouldn’t—and then left the house to go about his business.

It felt good to wash off the grit and sorrow from my skin. There was still so much, so many emotions, colliding within me. But I felt like I could breathe again. The familiar warmth and scent of the grymwood trees. The creak of one particularly whiny floorboard in the hall.

As I slid my worn chemise over my head, I grimaced. The scratch of its fibers along my shoulders felt foreign, as if it were old skin my body wanted to shed. I slipped my knee-length, mud-colored kirtle over it, lacing it up and ensuring my membrane settled over my muscles and bones.

Once more, I checked on Letti, her face serene in slumber. I went to my bed, picking up the necklace pouch. The dried petal needed to be put somewhere safe. My mouth twisted to the side as I scanned the room before my eyes landed on the bark and catbane-reed box my sister made for my thirteenth birthday.

I plucked it from my nightstand, nestled the pouch inside, and lifted a loose floor plank under my bed, tucking it in the exposed hole before clicking the wood back in place.

Throughout the rest of the afternoon, my fingers disturbed our garden soil at the side of our cottage, dug into the earth, and sprinkled seeds.

My body moved without thought, the monotonous work soothing my jagged musings. I arched, pushing my hands into my lower back, wiping a bead of sweat from my brow, and wiping my hands together to rid them of the clinging dirt.

A soft breeze caressed my cheek, my auburn curls fluttering against my neck. It carried with it a sweet, musky scent. The aroma of wood and grass—living things—trying to draw breath through all the decay.

My eyes closed, arms wrapping around my waist. I breathed in to the count of four. Could I move forward after everything I’d done? Everyone I hurt?

I exhaled.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

Did I have the strength to endure my memories?

Hold. Breathe in.

My eyes opened at the sound of flapping wings. The scratchy, gurgling caw of a raven swooped through the garden, nestling on a thick bough on a tree near the conservatory. It stared at me intently, tilting its head. I chewed the corner of my top lip, a tinder of hope kindling, yearning to chase away the shadowed doubts.

One step—one second—at a time. The Ancients bestowed the gift of existence upon mortals, so the least I could do was endure. Survive my ember. For living was to survive whatever dream or nightmare drifted across your path.

I could use my jagged edges to carve a new space for this version of myself … in this realm and all the others.

Before dusk, Letti awoke with a groan, her body rolling to one side and curling in on itself. I lit the candles on her nightstand and then rubbed her back. “It’ll be all right. Give yourself a moment. You’re safe.”

She whimpered and sat up, mouth grimacing as she rubbed at her temple. “I … It’s all jumbling around. You weren’t kidding.” She grabbed my hand, crunching her eyes closed for a moment.

“It’ll take some time.”

She shook her head as if trying to dislodge something lingering. “I’ll be all right. Yay for potions!” Her dry chuckle fell to the floor.

On my way to the kitchen, a hurried knock rapped on our front door.

“Gavrel?” I welcomed him in, his sword and a rucksack swaying against the back of his black tunic. It was startling to see him in civilian attire for once.

I blinked a few times before noticing his jaw ticking, his cold eyes surveying. “Where is Gideon?”

“Hello to you,” I griped, lifting my chin. “I have no clue. Why?”

“Good, we’ve got to go. Now.”

My nostrils flared, and I stepped back. “What? No, thanks. Did you find Kaden?”

“He’s missing.” He squeezed his eyes closed for a moment, sucking in a breath and then releasing it before looking at me. “Please, go grab a pack of clothes and your boots. We’ve got to move. I’ll explain as we go.”

I growled but stomped to my room, his heavy steps following. If he was saying we had to leave, there was a good reason for it, but I wouldn’t make it easy on him.

Letti shifted on her bed as we entered. “Hey, Gav. Any luck with Kaden?”

His eyes and voice softened as he looked at her. “Unfortunately, no. But I’ll find him.”

“Letti remembers everything. No need to tiptoe around her.” I held up the remaining two vials, shaking them.

“Bloody void.”

“It was her choice,” I retorted.

He clenched his teeth.

“What’s going on?” Letti asked, sliding onto the floor and standing at the end of my bed.

He scrubbed a hand down the stubble of his jaw, head tilting as he looked at my sister and ignored her question. “You know what? The Vawn sisters’ impulsivity just might work in our favor this time.”

My sister laughed. I huffed, stuffing my leather clothes and dark tunic into my rucksack. I put on my boots, grumbling the entire time. The woolen fabric of my kirtle swished as I tightened the belt. Gavrel’s lips pinched together as I glowered at him, securing my dagger. My talisman and the two vials were safely tucked within the belt satchel.

Letti stifled a laugh, her brows lifted, the corners of her eyes wrinkling. “How can I help?”

Our heads swiveled to the rounded window, its pane still ajar. The rumble of a heated conversation slipped into the room. All three of us crept to the window, Letti and I crouching under the sill and Gavrel hiding to the side. His fingers gently lifted the curtain’s hem as he peered through the gap.

“I’ll ask you only once more. Where is Seryn Vawn?” Irritation and authority lined the female’s voice. They were somewhere near the conservatory, their voices audible but distant.

“As I’ve said, she could be inside or anywhere for all I know. I’ve just returned home myself.” I pictured Father’s lips puckering, his inability to control the situation riling him.

“You’ve done well over the turns, Gideon. It isn’t a lack of gratitude on the Elders’ behalf. We’re just doing what we’re told. That is, we need to bring her in. The less struggle, the better for you and your daughter.” The male’s tone dripped with artful insincerity.

Letti and I held matching expressions of concern and confusion. Gavrel let the curtain fall in place, crouching beside us. His whispered orders were urgent. “Seryn, once the backyard is clear, we run.” He nodded at the window. “Letti, you’ll need to stay here. I’m sorry … It’s too dangerous without ember; you should be safe here. It’ll also be more useful if you stay. Keep an eye on your father, and do not disclose that you remember anything. If Breena or Rhaegar come to the house, pretend you don’t know them in front of Gideon, but get a message to them that we’ve gone to the Perilous Bogs. Rhaegar will find us.”

“What?” I hissed, hearing the shuffling of feet against grass. Letti nodded in agreement, completely trusting what he said.

“Gideon is one of the Somneia. He reported my mother. He also hasn’t had to undergo the Dormancy since Maya disappeared.”

Letti and I gasped, my hand flying over my mouth, an exclamation trapped behind my fingers. Rage burned through me, consuming the shock. Of course, Father was part of the Elders’ spy network.

My teeth threatened to break as I clenched them. He was safe in Midst Fall every winter—not trapped in the Murk. Spying. Getting other people culled. “That fucking piece of?—”

“It’s time. Let’s go.” Gavrel stood, glancing behind the curtain, the voices passing the back of the house.

Letti and I jumped up, wrapping our arms around each other fiercely. “I love you. Take care of yourself. I’ll be back for you before the next Dormancy.” It was a whispered promise I hoped I wouldn’t have to break.

Letti nodded, her thumb running along my cheek and brushing away a stray tear I hadn’t realized had fallen. “We’ve got this. Now go.” She spun, walking down the hall hastily, her golden curls bouncing behind her.

Gavrel opened the window and climbed out stealthily. I scooped up my rucksack, my ring vibrating against my pointer finger as I slipped through the window just as the rasp of our front door sounded.

Letti chimed, “Welcome home, Father. Who do we have here?”

Gavrel’s strong hands wrapped around my waist, helping me safely to the ground. My body slid down his front, tingles grating along my chest at the contact. He jerked his chin toward the trees as he released me and pulled the window closed swiftly.

Then we ran, the forest enfolding us in its embrace.