Page 28

SHATTERING

I n my quarters, Kaden unbuttoned his waistcoat, shrugging it off and letting it fall to the floor. He fumbled with the knotted cravat as he mumbled, “Bollocks.”

“Here, let me help,” I smiled, brushing his hands aside and untying it for him. “Did you have fun tonight? Feel celebrated like the big, strong competitor you are?”

He chuckled, wrapping his hands around my waist and pulling my body flush with his, candlelight and shadows dancing over the plains of his face. “Indeed, I did. Call me big and strong again. Emphasis on big .”

Letting the silky fabric slip from my fingers and flutter to the ground, I reached on my toes to press my lips against his. He tasted of honey and the faint bite of liquor. “You’re so strong,” I purred, squeezing his biceps and drawing out the words. “And big .”

He grinned, grabbing hold of my bottom through my gown and lifting me. I squealed, laughing as he twirled me around and then carried me to the bed, tossing me on it.

I propped myself on my elbows, bending one knee and placing my foot on the edge of the bed. He sucked in a gulp of air, raking his eyes over my figure, and then fixated on the deep slit in the velvet exposing my bent leg.

He wrapped his hand around my foot, pulling it toward him and kneading the instep. “You were the most beautiful creature at the ball tonight.”

A disbelieving snort left my exhale, followed by a small moan as he worked a tender area. “Maybe it was the mead.”

He paused until I focused my eyes on his face. I had a pleasant warmth from the drink, but his expression, lined with sincerity, anchored me to the bed. “I mean it, Ser. Or, at least, I think so because I couldn’t see anyone but you.”

I smiled, heat rising over my chest as my eyelids fluttered. “Thank you. And thank you for whatever witchery you’re doing to my feet.”

He chuckled, picking up the other foot and giving it the same treatment. When he finished, I stretched, my toes curling and fingers stretching wide. I sat up, my heart forgetting how to beat as he looked into my eyes intently, head tilting, one hand rubbing his chest.

“Will you help me?” I asked, reaching for the ties at the back of my dress.

“If you’re asking for me to unwrap the present I’ve been waiting for all damn night, I wouldn’t dream of doing anything else.”

Slipping off the bed to stand before him, the corner of my mouth curled. “Well, less talk. More action.”

His hands bracketed my waist, squeezing as he held in a laugh, the green of his eyes glinting as he bent toward me. My breath hitched. I swallowed as his lips hovered above mine, his breath tickling my skin.

“I’ve no objection to taking action with you,” he whispered, echoing his words from the tête-à-tête we’d had before we’d crossed this muddied line between friendship and intimacy.

My eyes closed.

Waiting.

My heart galloped. It was a restless beast trapped within the confines of my corseted bodice, heat pooling in my belly, anticipating.

He straightened abruptly, my body swaying in a daze before he spun me around by the waist. I braced my hands on the edge of the bed, and he swept my hair over the front of my shoulder, gliding his hand from my nape down to the interweaving bindings. With nimble fingers, he unraveled the ties, the velvet fist around me releasing.

He took a quick intake of breath, its release skittering down my exposed spine. “You’re bare under this?” he rasped, stepping into my space.

I turned my head, smirking and shimmying my shoulders so the fabric slipped further down. “This dress was an all-in-one kind of situation. I can just keep it on if it bothers?—”

He grabbed me by the hips, pulling them against his rigid body. The air fled from my lungs, and I reached my right hand up to hook around his nape to steady myself. His fingers dug into the plush material. “Don’t you fucking dare,” he growled before leaning down and nipping my neck. A startled mewl fell from my lips, and I pressed my rear into him, wishing there wasn’t a barrier between us.

His left hand slid up the loosened bodice as he feasted on the curve of my neck. My fingers dug into the soft waves at his nape.

The callouses of his fingertips scraped up my arm, a shiver chasing them, fleeing over my chest until my aching buds pressed against the corset. He pushed the two draped-cloth bands from my shoulder and biceps, and I shifted my arm, freeing it completely.

His mouth moved to my ear. “You taste like salted honey. And I’m starving.”

I gasped as he shoved my bodice down to my hips and then grazed his fingers over my belly. My ribs. Cupping my breasts, heavy with need, in his palms. His right hand gently squeezed before slipping down, burrowing under the waist of my gown. His left hand plucked at my puckered nipple, and I bit my bottom lip to keep in another whimper.

He groaned, resting his temple against mine when his fingers tunneled between my thighs, realizing that my womanhood was bared. I grinned, my front teeth refusing to release my bottom lip. “Fuck, woman. You’re going to end me.”

In fitful circles, he twirled his thumb around my clit, his first two fingers gliding through my wetness, driving into me.

My body buzzed and vibrated, an inferno building at the apex of my thighs as he worked me, pumping and pinching.

Coiling, molten waves rippled from the base of my spine as I cried out, thrusting my chest forward, my toes curling into the stony floor. His left hand cradled my breast; his other slowly continued slipping around my pulsing nub and in and out of my sex until I drooped forward, my limbs languid and spent.

“That’s my girl.” He slipped his fingers from me, moving his hands over my skin and carefully pushing the wide skirt from my hips and down my legs. As it puddled around my feet, he shifted. The whisper of his shirt brushed against my back as he removed it, dropping it to the ground. My frame wobbled, my bones almost liquefied, as he scooped me into his arms and placed me on the bed.

He untied his trousers, shoving them off. His length stood rigid. My mouth watered, my thighs pressing together and shifting. I needed more. More friction. More of his hot skin gliding against mine. More of him.

Kaden crawled onto the bed, positioning himself between my thighs as I opened for him. He placed a soft, lingering kiss on the ribs in the middle of my breasts.

A brief memory of our first intimacy together flitted across my mind. The decision I made, then, under the Elysium Tree—buckling to whatever the Fates had planned. And accepting that I’d be broken into a million pieces.

But I was ready. It was time to shatter. But in a way similar to the sunset upon rippling water, its rays splintering and dancing into the horizon.

Always the same.

But also new.

Something ever-evolving.

“Kaden,” I whispered, “I … I think it’s time for the main course.”

His eyes snapped to mine, his voice deep and husky. “Are you sure?”

“I want this. I want it to be with you.”

He stared at my lips. “It’ll be taken from us, Ser.”

“But not in this moment.”

Reverently, he rested his forehead against my ribs, his hot breath floating over my stomach. I wiggled my hips and sucked in a breath at the mild friction it ignited on my sensitive clitoris.

Kaden looked up at me, grinning and quite pleased with himself. He pushed himself up and crawled over my body, pausing to draw one nipple between his lips. My mouth opened partially, my breaths quickening and echoing through the air.

His tongue circled the peaked bundle, and he sucked it before letting it pop from his lips. Molten electricity zipped through my channel, and my hips bucked once more, greedy for attention. My nails dug into the bedsheets.

“So impatient,” he murmured, gliding his right hand down my side, then to my hip. He braced himself on his other elbow, fingers twining with the loose curls next to my ear. Sweetly and tortuously, his mouth lowered slowly to mine. I held my breath, heart hammering in anticipation laced with nerves and desire.

He looked into my eyes, an ocean of emotions sweeping through his before tenderly kissing me. My tongue met his as his right hand cupped between my legs, two thick fingers sliding back and forth over my opening.

My hands gripped his hips as his ragged words breathed over my mouth. “You’re so wet, sweeting. So fucking beautiful. Let me hear you ask for what you want. I need words.”

My legs trembled as his thumb caressed my clit, and I shook my head, pushing into his touch. He flicked the throbbing bud, and a gasping groan fell from my throat. He kissed me hard, taking my pleasured sounds within him.

“Words, Seryn,” he growled, sliding two fingers into me. Slowly pulling them back out.

“I … I want you. Inside me.”

“But I am.” He thrust his fingers back in, and my nails clamped into his flesh, tugging at his hips.

I moaned, “Please, Kaden. I need you .”

He smiled as his fingers left me, and he positioned the head of his cock at my entrance.

For a moment, my breath was stuck within my chest as nerves reared and tension flooded my belly as he braced himself on both forearms.

“Breathe, Ser. Look at me.” He brushed his thumb over my temple, and his tender gaze penetrated deep into mine, soothing me.

Achy longing swept over my limbs, my muscles relaxing. My desire pushed aside any worry, my sex pulsing. He smiled before his mouth crashed into mine, his hips pushing forward with a powerful thrust.

There was a sharp pinch of pain. I gasped, but the garbled sound was trapped between us. He stilled, fully seated within me, strained concern washing over his face. “I’m sorry, Ser.”

I bit my lip, adjusting to the odd sensation of fullness. The pain eased, and I shifted, feeling the weight of him. Of what we were doing.

I closed my eyes, sliding one hand over his tense back muscles and then his shoulder. I lifted my head, and he met me, joining his mouth with mine. I kissed him deeply, slowly, tasting him as our tongues danced with each other’s. My fingers pressed into him, encouraging him to move.

He pulled out, the friction of his hard length dragging along my core. A moan hummed within my throat, and he grunted, pushing back in.

“Oh … oh, Kaden. More. I need …”

“Fuck, Ser.” His hips moved faster. The sounds of our joining echoed through the space. I opened my eyes, flames casting waves of light over our slick skin as I looked down to where we were joined.

The sight of his thick cock sliding in and out of me was too much. I was going to combust. Heat raced down my back, and I clenched around him, relishing in the exquisite friction of him inside me. He groaned, sweat dripping off his brow and onto my cheek.

A new, agonized throbbing vibrated at the base of my spine as my hips met his, desperate for more. My fingers dug into his skin as every muscle within me strained.

Kaden thrust into me. Hard. And my limbs trembled. I cried out as a fiery explosion ignited deep within me, stars exploding behind my eyes.

My sex convulsed around his hard length, and he reared up on one elbow, biceps straining as he slipped from me. He took himself in his other hand, pumping twice as a throaty groan rumbled through and from him, his seed painting my stomach.

He fell limp on top of me, his cheek resting between my breasts. I grinned, feeling wonderfully boneless and enjoying his weight atop me. My fingers played with the ends of his hair as his arms wrapped around me.

He rolled to his side, positioning me in the crook of his arm.

“Kaden …”

“Hmm?”

“I think I’d like dessert later.”

A choked laugh rumbled in his chest, and I tucked my head against his chest, grinning as we drifted into a deep, sated slumber.

Later, his soft breaths brushed against my cheek, loose tendrils of my hair tickling my chin. I squirmed in his arms, and his grip tightened around my waist. The heat of his bare skin pressed against my back, and I sighed, allowing my deliciously sore body to sink further into the twisted sheets. Into him.

“Ser, there’s something I need you to know.” His raspy voice drifted over me, goosebumps sweeping over me. “You know I … I love you, right?”

Something fluttered apprehensively through my belly. I turned my head toward him, gripping his hand over my stomach. My eyes searched his, softening. “Of course I do. We’re best friends.”

A huff of air left his nose, and he rested his forehead against my temple. “Not what I meant.”

“What are you saying, Kade?”

“I love you as my best friend. And more .”

My heart dropped into my gut, panic tunneling into its vacancy.

“No.”

“No?” His arm slipped from me, and he sat up, resting his arms on bent knees. I rolled on my back, gnawing on the inside of my cheek.

“After the Dor?—”

“I don’t care about the bleeding Dormancy,” he growled, shoving his fingers through his messy hair. “I care about you. I love you. I think I have for a long time. Just to be clear—more than just my friend.”

“Kade … I don’t know what to say.” My pulse thumped clumsily as if drowning in a sticky vat of honey. It’s not that I didn’t feel deeply for Kaden, but I wasn’t certain I felt how he needed me to.

He hung his head. “You don’t need to say anything. I can read between the bed sheets.” His words felt like a slap to the face. My brows whipped to my hairline; my mouth dropped open.

“That’s not fair, and you know it,” I snapped, sitting up while clutching said sheets to my breasts, throwing my feet over the side of the mattress.

He hoisted himself off the bed, huffing, and burning indignation bubbled at the back of my skull as I watched him. We’d shared something significant. I gave myself to him. Trusted him with my body. My vulnerability.

Plucking his breeches from the floor, he jabbed his legs into them. He didn’t bother tying them, and despite my growing ire, my mouth watered at the sight of them dipping low on his hips.

Stop. I wrapped my arms around myself in frustrated confusion, tucking my lips between my teeth. Chastising my tactless desires. I was self-centered. I’d hurt my best friend.

He bent to pick up his tunic, handing it to me as he stared past me and out to the unyielding sea. I slipped the tunic over my body as I stood before him, my center still sore from what we’d shared. The embarrassing burn of tears threatened me, and I inhaled deeply through my nose. Refusing to give in to the emotion.

The wrinkled hem rustled against my knees as I reached for him, my palm brushing over the strained muscles of his biceps.

His jaw tensed, and he cursed under his breath. “I know. But I don’t want to feel this way—I don’t want any of it. I knew what I was doing when we started this. I’ve always known that I’d rip my heart out just to be with you … if even for a moment. That is on me, not you.”

He turned to leave, but I slid my hand to his wrist, holding firm. “Kaden, please. I care about you; I need you. You’re my best friend—one of the most important people in my life. But I don’t know if I can promise anything more than what we have now. Even if … even if we remember after we wake up.”

“It’s him, isn’t it?” he murmured, still facing the door.

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.”

He scoffed.

“Kaden, I don’t …” I choked on the words. “My mind and feelings are my own—no matter how muddled. I thought we were on the same page with being intimate.”

He whipped his focus back to me, his gaze burning into mine. “We were—until we weren’t. Like I said, that’s my fault.” He shifted his eyes to the rumpled bedsheets and then back to me. “I made our bed. Laid in it. And now we can end with that. Thank the Ancients—wherever the fuck they are—I won’t remember any of this.”

I flinched, crushing the fingers of my free hand into my palm to steady myself. His words were a bitter arrow, and it had found its mark right between my ribs. He scrubbed his free hand over his chest as if he, too, had been stabbed, the skin turning pink.

“This—all this—meant a great deal to me. You mean more to me than you’ll ever know. Please hear me. I’m just trying to be as honest as possible, and I’m sorry. I … I never meant to hurt you.”

“You never do.” He tugged his wrist away from my grip and strode toward the door. My aching heart lurched, hurtling to the black stone beneath my feet. The door slammed behind him, rattling in its frame—the metallic clang echoing through my hollow bones.

I had wanted to break—into something new.

Transformed.

My body wilted, a strangled cry ripping from my throat as I gasped for air.

It was no use blaming the Fates. This was my doing. I deserved to weep under the crushing consequences of my choices.

I’d gotten what I wanted.

Kaden didn’t.

Yet we had both shattered anyway.