Page 55
I pinched my brows together and blinked at him through the drops on my lashes. “You—you're falling for me?”
His shoulders dropped with his next exhale. “How could I not?”
My head spun. Before the cave-in, I thought this was all in my mind—every heated glance, every grazing touch, the crackle of lightning I felt when he was near.
It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. It wasn’t supposed to happen at all . I had a responsibility. A duty I proudly bore, so long as it would help our nations. People counted on me. Believed in me. Expected me to do the right thing.
He was never supposed to matter.
He was never supposed to be the balm to my storm. The one who inexplicably knew how to soothe the fringes of my panic. The one who crawled his way under my skin and made a home in the corner of a heart I’d sworn I couldn’t give away. The one who saw parts of myself I hated and didn’t turn his back.
“How did this happen?” I breathed out, more to myself than him.
He combed his fingers through his wet hair and rested a hand on the base of his neck, his forearm flexing when he squeezed it. “Trust me, I didn’t plan for any of it.”
I leaned back until my spine hit the damp rock wall behind me. “I don’t know what we’re supposed to do.”
“Nothing, Empress,” he said quickly. “This is for me to bear, and only me. It has nothing to do with you. I would never do anything to jeopardize the plans you have.”
I glanced at him with wide eyes. “You think this has nothing to do with me?”
“I only mean that?—”
“You think I’m not falling for you too?”
His words evaporated on his lips, his chest swelling as he took a shuddering breath. He didn’t even seem to notice his feet moving toward me. “You are?”
This was possibly the worst mistake I’d ever make. Nothing good could come from today. From opening my heart and telling him the truth—telling myself the truth—because I was going to be Empress Clarissa Aris, and it didn’t matter what I wanted. Not if people would suffer for it.
But right now…
Right now, we were just Rissa and Thorne.
His hand came up to cup my neck, tentatively at first. When I didn’t push away, his thumb brushed along my bottom lip. My eyes fluttered shut.
“Clarissa…” He trailed off, waiting for my answer as his warm breath washed over my cheeks. Something hot and longing coiled in my core.
“Yes,” I said, voice trembling. “I think I’m falling for you too.” He dropped his forehead to mine, a tremor going through his body. “And I don’t know how to stop.”
His thumb traced my chin and over my jaw, then down to the pulse point above my collarbone.
His hand wrapped around the back of my neck.
He pulled his forehead away, his eyes so close, I could see water droplets dripping from his lashes with every blink.
They fell onto my cheek and rolled down my neck.
“Then we fall together,” he murmured, pressing his thumb into my pulse as he brought his lips to mine.
I gasped against his mouth and instantly parted for him, bringing my hands around his upper arms to pull him in.
I pushed onto my toes until my chest met his, and I could feel his thundering heart.
His tongue slid along mine as his hand weaved to the base of my skull and his fingers tangled in my hair with bruising, desperate force.
He tasted like every kind of desire I wasn’t supposed to have. Sweet and fresh and free with a jagged edge begging for me to cut myself on, to bleed out the reasons this would never work until all that was left was us.
Rissa and Thorne.
For a moment, I let myself take .
I trailed my fingers down the drenched fabric of his shirt, feeling corded muscle flex at my touch.
My hands made their way to his hard chest where the ridges of four claw marks strained against his shirt.
I sucked in a breath and broke the kiss.
My fingers trembled as I took in the faint outline of the scars beneath the wet material.
“It’s my fault,” I whispered.
He gripped my wrists. “I will gladly bear your mark, Clarissa. It’s a part of me, as you always will be.”
I swallowed and slowly rested my palms on the top of his chest, looking back up at him. His other hand fell to the small of my back while he angled my face and brought my lips to meet his again, moving urgently against me. Feverishly. As if he knew this dream would have to come to an end soon .
He was everywhere. His hands, his fingers, his scent. He clung to me the way our wet clothes clung to our skin until I couldn’t tell where I stopped and he began.
Breaking away, he traced a path of fire with his lips on my neck, his rough beard biting into the sensitive skin. A moan slipped from my throat as my head fell back to the rock wall.
“I’ve been dreaming of this since the day I met you,” he said, lips fluttering against me with every word.
“Then we’ve come full circle,” I said with a breathless laugh. “What did you call me? A wet, feral cat?”
He pulled back slightly to gaze down at me, my hands still pinned between us. “You are the most stunning creature I’ve ever seen, Clarissa.” Kissing my forehead, he then lowered his face to brush his nose against mine, his words pouring over me like hot oil.
“It doesn’t matter where you are. Soaking wet and spitting fire, running through a field as your fox, or hugging my daughter with flowers in your hair.
” His fingers swept a strand of hair behind my ear, and unexpected tears burned the backs of my eyes.
“Because it’s you . And all of it is beautiful.
All of it is powerful and captivating and good . ”
A tear fell down my cheek, my heart swelling with so many strong emotions I typically tried to hide.
But that was his point, wasn’t it? I didn’t have to hide them from him.
I didn’t have to pretend to be the perfectly poised empress, always in control, always calm and collected.
As if there wasn’t a wild, untamed fox usually bursting beneath my skin.
He’d seen that side of me, the side that made people turn away in horror or disgust, and he thought it was beautiful.
He thought it was good .
“Please don’t cry,” he whispered, kissing away the tear rolling toward my chin.
I raised myself up to burrow my face in his neck, unable to bear the thoughts and feelings swirling like a storm inside me with no outlet, no way to shift and let them be free.
“It’s not fair,” I said quietly. I closed my eyes and inhaled him, the scent of sweet grass and leather and river water and warmth.
Would he ever hold me like this again?
Would anyone ?
“To find you, to find this , and have it ripped away. It’s not fair,” I repeated.
His heart beat beneath my palms, and I could feel how much he wanted this.
How much it pained him too. With every heavy breath, every wave of heat rolling between us, my hopelessness morphed into frantic need.
My entire body ached to be closer to him.
To make up for all those hours I’d spent keeping my distance, forcing my gaze away and clenching my fingers to my side.
I turned my neck until my lips grazed his skin. When I pressed a kiss below his ear and let my tongue flick against him, he let out a low hiss, gripping my waist tighter.
“Lie to me, Empress,” he rasped. “Tell me none of this is real.” His thumb brushed right above my hip, making my breath hitch. “Tell me you haven’t thought of me every night as I have you. Tell me it won’t hurt to watch you walk back to him .”
“This isn’t real,” I breathed into him as I wound my arms around his neck, kissing the column of his throat. “I never think of you.” I skimmed my lips up the other side of his jaw. “And if this is pain…then let it come. I’d rather feel this than nothing at all.”
He silenced me with another punishing kiss, his lips and tongue and teeth devouring me like a starved man. When he tugged on my thighs, I jumped to wrap my legs around his waist and slid my fingers into his hair, exploring every inch of him I could reach.
“I loathe you,” I said into his kiss, pulse pounding and fire spreading down my spine.
“And I loathe you,” he repeated back to me in a growl.
I lost myself in him. For the first time in perhaps my entire life, I didn’t think about the consequences. I didn’t think about what waited for us on the other side of this mountain .
I just felt . Truly, deeply, wildly. Unrestrained. Uncontrolled and imperfect, the way I never could be.
Hungry kisses turned to sweet caresses until we broke away panting. His fingers dug into the backs of my thighs hard enough to leave a mark.
As our breaths slowed, a heavy weight descended between us, thick and hot and suffocating.
“Thorne…” I whispered, my voice breaking at the end.
“Don’t say it, Empress. Please.”
I swallowed and rested my forehead against his as he held me. “I don’t…I don’t know how to do this.” The words were barely a whisper, the tears I’d forced back earlier now flowing freely and silently.
I’d let this man, this soft-hearted, idealistic, romantic man cloaked under the cocky mask of his youth worm his way into my heart.
Him and his daughter both. I’d lied to myself for days that it was mere attraction, that it was far too quick to feel anything meaningful.
My life was tied up in my responsibilities, and I could never be deterred by a handsome man and his pretty words.
But he was so much more than pretty words.
He was the compassion of a father, the grief of a lover, the unconditional loyalty of a son and friend.
A steady, immovable rock and a gentle summer’s breeze.
Red-hot passion and lightning hidden behind cool blue eyes.
There was so much I still didn’t know, so much I wanted to learn, so many layers I wanted to peel back. To see what made Thorne Reaux tick.
Perhaps in a different life, I could.
In this life, however, I was marrying another man. I was leaving this kingdom for my own. I would never be able to be with him.
It was selfish of me to want this time with him after everything I knew I had to do. Putting us in this position would just make it more painful when I left.
There was only one way this would end. And it wasn’t at his side .
Mustering every ounce of self-control I had, I pulled away from him until he lowered me to my feet.
I gazed up with my fingers still intertwined in his shirt. My teeth worried at my bottom lip, so many words threatening to burst to the surface. “If things were different, I?—”
“I know, Empress,” he murmured, wiping a tear with his thumb. “Me too.”
Table of Contents
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- Page 55 (Reading here)
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