Page 47
Clarissa
M y goodbye with Vespera when we left the Mid Territory the following morning was quick. She was the only one I bothered saying farewell to.
She grasped me tightly and whispered how sorry she was, how she wished she could help, how much she was going to miss me. I patted her back but kept a firm hand on the wall in my mind, the one I feared would shatter like glass if I so much as breathed on it.
And then we were off. I stared out the carriage window as we rode south.
And rode.
And rode.
The Penworth Estates in the South Territory were a two-day journey from Silenus Manor.
I requested to share a carriage with my mother, Devora, and Katrine, knowing I wouldn’t be able to handle the conversations I was sure would occur with Thorne and Galen after what happened at the Harvest Festival.
Mia got her energy out playing with Katrine and a ball of string in the small confines of the carriage, then napped in my lap as I watched the hills and wide fields of the Mid Territory transition to silver, burgundy, and teal-tinted mountain peaks, green countryside broken up by stone pathways and jutting rock formations .
Mother and the maids chatted throughout the long ride, but they seemed to know to leave me alone.
Every once in a while, Mother would rest her hand on my knee, a quiet sign that she was thinking about me.
When we stopped at an inn halfway to our destination, I headed straight to my room, avoiding Galen’s concerned look and Thorne’s hand as it stretched out to graze my pinkie, a question in his eyes.
The next day, we did it all over again.
I was so tired.
The kind of tired that sleep couldn’t fix.
Which didn’t matter, considering the pain from the burns on my ankles and calves kept me from sleeping, anyway.
I wasn’t even going to bother with them that first night after it happened, but when Devora saw the burns, she was so distraught that I let her apply a topical ointment and bandage the worst of them just to calm her down.
She was there every morning and night, cleaning the wounds, adding more ointment, and replacing the bandages.
Every time she touched them, it made me think of the fire.
It made me remember the spear shoved through the fox’s limp body.
It made me remember the flames running along its fluffy white tail until it consumed it whole.
The pain wasn’t only in my legs. It tore through my chest like a jagged knife, leaving behind an infection that oozed a dark sludge of rejection and betrayal.
I tried to block it out. I tried to cover it with bandages the way Devora covered my burns. But I’d never been good at suppressing such strong emotions—just hiding them. While inside I was thick, viscous darkness, on the outside…I was cold and detached.
Perhaps that was the kind of queen and empress they wanted. Perhaps that was who I needed to become to avoid growing these attachments that ended up as ash in the wind.
I had always put others first. Always . Their interests, their feelings, their voices, their safety. And it still wasn’t enough. Not for people who were so burdened by fear and grudges. Not for people so blinded by their own misconceptions of me and where I came from.
I knew only a few were behind the crime, and it was wrong of me to blame them all. But it didn’t matter. The damage was done, and I’d learned my lesson.
Good intentions couldn’t undo a history of hatred. A few days of charm, smiles, and pleasantries couldn’t outweigh centuries of suspicion. I’d been a fool for thinking I could wipe the slate clean.
“We should be there soon,” my mother said after almost two full days of traveling.
I nodded absentmindedly, running my fingers through Mia’s soft fur as she stood and circled my lap to find a better position.
I’d been silent nearly the entire journey, too lost in my own thoughts and trying to mentally prepare myself for the second leg of the tour.
I dreaded meeting the Penworth regent family.
They were the other ones Galen’s council said were opposed to my arrival, and I didn’t have the energy to put on the face of Empress Clarissa Aris.
The idea of having to impress these people after two days of being crammed in a carriage, stewing in my own anger and pain, made me want to launch myself out this small window.
The sun began to set behind the mountains, and even I had to admit how beautiful the scene was.
Deep red, gold, and subtle hints of blue painted the sky.
The mountain peaks shone above the darkening horizon, and when the carriage slowed to a stop and the door opened, a refreshing breeze brushed my skin.
I closed my eyes and breathed it in, thankful to have left behind the humid heat. Katrine took Mia’s leash as she and Devora climbed out of the carriage to get our bags. Mother paused, shut the door behind them, and sat back on the bench with a sigh.
“I hate this,” she said softly, gazing out the window at the enormous estate to our right. “I hate watching you go through this and not being able to do anything about it.”
“It’s not your job, Mother,” I said, my voice dull and tired. “I’ll be fine.”
“We did our best to shelter you from the worst of it, you know,” she said.
“You and Leo both.” I furrowed my brow, and she continued, “Back in the early days of the sleeping curse, when people first began to believe it was your father’s fault, we knew we had to protect the two of you from it all.
I know you and Leo both faced hardships, but we tried…
we tried to keep the worst of it from you.
To give you as normal of a childhood as we could, all things considered.
I never wanted you to see this sort of hatred. ”
“Has something like this happened before?” I asked.
She nodded. “People did… horrible things in the beginning. Born out of fear and the need to blame someone for their loved ones being taken from them in the curse. They knew my Shifter form, and the skin of a wolf was once nailed to our cottage door, along with various pieces of the animal being left on our doorstep over time. Countless death threats toward your father were tied to bricks and thrown through the windows. The first time it happened, glass shattered all around you and your brother, and Leo cut his foot. That was why we never let the two of you play by the fireplace when you were toddlers.”
My lips parted on an exhale. “Mother, I—I’m so sorry. I never knew.”
She smiled grimly. “That was the point, sweet girl. We didn’t want you to. And I wish I could keep you from this, too. I wish I could take the brunt of it as your father and I did back then. You’re so strong, my Clarissa, but a mother never stops wanting to protect her children.”
You’re so strong . People kept saying that. First Thorne, now her. I just wished I could believe it myself sometimes.
Knuckles rapped on the carriage, and Mother reached across to pat my cheek. “I may not be able to carry this burden for you, but I will always stand by you.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, kissing her palm and taking a deep breath.
The carriage door opened. Hiding a wince from the swelling in my leg, I descended the short steps and landed on a paved walkway leading to a miniature palace, with high wrought-iron gates between two imposing stone walls.
Galen stood by my side, and together, we silently walked along the path, through the gates, and to the entrance.
The instant I caught a glimpse of Lord and Lady Penworth, I knew I was in for a long few days.
The looks on their faces could have cut glass.
Sharp and pointed, his green stare and her dark gray one followed me as we met them at the top of the steps to the grand entrance.
They were both a little older than my mother, somewhere in their late sixties or early seventies.
He had a full head of bright gray hair that looked so slicked back, it was stiff.
He glared down at me over his hooked nose, not so much as inclining his head when we approached.
Lady Penworth was no better. Her silver hair was pulled into a tight bun at the top of her head, her piercing gray eyes even larger behind thin spectacles. She raised an eyebrow when I smiled politely, her frail shoulders moving up and down with a sigh.
“I’m surprised you two bothered to come at all, if the rumors from the Mid Territory are true,” was Lord Penworth’s way of greeting Galen and me.
Galen’s charming grin faltered, but he righted it at once. “My carriages travel quickly, but it appears gossip travels even faster. It’s good to see you, Rhys.”
Lord Rhys Penworth’s simple hmm was the most judgmental sound I’d ever heard. “Likewise, Your Majesty. It’s been long enough.” He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. “So, this is her?”
The sneer in his tone grated on my nerves, and it seemed I wasn’t the only one.
A large shadow appeared at my side. I glanced up to see the thick, strained jawline of Thorne glaring back at Lord Penworth with a look that would make even myself back away.
I reached behind me to discreetly place a hand on his, warning him against doing something stupid.
“I do hope you don’t plan to bring that kind of scandal to our territory, Your Majesties,” Lady Penworth said, eyes flitting between Galen and me.
I bit down on the inside of my cheek so hard, I tasted blood.
Whether she spoke of the multiple assassination attempts or the display at the festival, I wasn’t sure.
But either way, she acted as if we had asked for those things to happen.
As if I hadn’t spent days in the trenches with the people of this kingdom, doing what I could to give them back their healthy land.
My fingers curled at my sides, the ghostly imprint of my claws scraping against my palms. If I had to deal with these pompous pricks for the next five days, I was going to lose my mind.
I inclined my head toward her. “It was never our intention to upset anyone, Your Grace. I assure you, this visit will be nothing but respectful. We just want to get to know the people of your territory better and see how we can best serve them.”
Her pale lips thinned. “We’ll see.”
“For the love of the Fates, Mother. Give it a rest. Nobody’s scared of you,” an unfamiliar voice said from behind the Penworths as the massive black doors opened.
The speaker was a young woman leaning against the doorframe with a smirk.
Her chestnut-brown hair came to her chin on one side of her face, and was shorn close to the scalp on the other.
Silver piercings glittered along the edges of both ears, with one long silver bar through her eyebrow as well.
She was only a year or two younger than me, if that.
Lady Penworth rolled her eyes, and the strange woman shot me a wink.
I liked this girl immediately.
“Ah, Taryn,” Lady Penworth said on a heavy exhale. “I was wondering when you’d show up.”
“Couldn’t miss the fun,” Taryn said, uncrossing her arms and jumping from the threshold to the landing below.
“Taryn?” Galen asked, giving her a bewildered look. “You’re finally back?”
“Hey there, Gale. Nice to see you too,” she said with a grin, and I quirked an eyebrow at the nickname. She held out a hand to me. “And nice to meet you , Empress Aris. My name is Taryn Penworth, and I have something you may want to see.”
Table of Contents
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- Page 47 (Reading here)
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