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“He simply wants to get under your skin. He obviously heard you’re planning to secure ties with Mysthelm and is trying to prevent that from happening.

You know how elitist they get about anything outside of Veridia.

” She shook her head. “No, I think scaring you into canceling your trip is exactly what he wants. It would show he has power over you. His note says as much—he’s trying to scare you. ”

My jaw clenched. “Wouldn’t he love that.”

“Then show him . You’re not afraid of his savagery. Go strengthen this alliance and show the empire you’re bringing us into a new age, one where we won’t be beaten down by threats.”

I hadn’t thought about it that way. Perhaps she was right. As much as I hated the idea of leaving my people after tonight, I trusted Lark and my council—for the most part—to contain the hysteria. I trusted my guards to keep those I cared about safe. I just had to trust myself.

“Will you come with me?” I asked without thinking, taking her hand in mine. “I know we hadn’t planned on it, and I know it’s short notice, but…” Sometimes a girl needs her mother. “I could really use your help over there.”

She smiled at me, eyes twinkling in the firelight. “Of course, Clarissa. I already have my bags packed.”

I laughed. “That was presumptuous of you.”

“Missing my daughter’s engagement? I was ready to throw myself onto that boat if you didn’t ask me. Who else is going to put the fear of the Fates into that king?”

With a chuckle, I leaned over and rested my head against her shoulder. Her arm came behind my back and stroked my hair. Closing my eyes, I let my muscles relax. I hadn’t realized how long it had been since I allowed myself to breathe. To take just one moment of peace with?—

A log shifted in the fireplace, breaking in half with a resounding snap .

My chest tightened as I jolted, every nerve ending in my body going into high alert.

Panic gripped me. The phantom memory of bones crunching and poking through my skin made bile crawl up my throat. I turned away from my mother to hide my sudden shortness of breath, squeezing my eyes shut while I tried to calm my Shifter half.

A steady hand rubbed my back as her other hand held my upper arm. “Is it still happening?” she whispered.

I swallowed hard. My muscles shook from how tightly I’d clenched them. “Sometimes,” I said on an exhale. “It’s the sound. It—” I cut myself off, the words catching in my throat.

She moved her hand in circles across my back. “It’s alright, sweet girl. You’re safe. You have nothing to fear.” Smoothing hair away from the nape of my neck, she gently coaxed me to face her again.

My mother knew about that night. She’d witnessed a couple of my panic attacks at the beginning and had always done her best to listen or give me space.

Eight months ago, the former emperor Theodore Gayl tried to kill me.

He knew I was his predecessor’s daughter and the rightful heir to the throne. He knew I’d been working for years to bring him down. And he’d wanted to teach us a lesson.

It felt like a veil had been thrown over my mind every time I thought back to that night in those darkened chambers.

How my friends Horace and Lark had tried to fight him after finding out he was the one to cast the sleeping curse that ravaged our empire.

How he’d been siphoning magic from thousands of Veridians who had fallen into the frozen sleep, using their power to bolster his own.

We’d attacked him in a moment of distraction.

Horace died. Protecting me .

Lark and I were clueless to the extent of Gayl’s power. He was so much stronger than we’d ever anticipated. We were idiots to think we could go up against him with the force of all those people’s stored magic behind him.

He’d retaliated without a second thought.

I still heard the first crack ringing through my ears in my dreams.

Bones breaking. One by one. With a flick of his hand, he snapped the bones in mine and Lark’s bodies, over and over.

She, thankfully, passed out after the first few, and he ceased punishing her.

She didn’t remember the agonizing pain. She didn’t remember listening to the sound of our bodies crumbling.

But my Shifter half was strong. My healing abilities didn’t allow me the blessed reprieve of unconsciousness.

And Gayl had a personal vendetta. I remembered every single one of the ninety-eight bones he broke.

I could feel each snap, each rupture, each stab of pain.

I heard Lark’s initial cries and the terror that swept through me when she went silent.

It was the only time in my life I’d cursed my magic and how quickly it healed me. The bones repaired themselves too fast—they hadn’t set right, and the healers had to go in and break them again to set them before my powers came into effect.

I remembered wishing for death. I remembered the pain being so blinding, but my mind wouldn’t go black.

It made me watch and feel and hear every excruciating moment.

And when that ended, I remembered the guilt.

Guilt that my best friend had been so close to never waking again, all because of her proximity to me.

Lark’s life forever changed that day. Now she was confined to a wheelchair, her body unable to function the way it once could.

“I just want it to go away,” I said to my mother. “I keep thinking time will pass, and it won’t be as bad. But I—I’m afraid it’ll never stop. I’ll never be able to get away from it.”

She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into her, like she would when I was a child. I missed the days when my world was so small that her embrace would make all the bad things in life go away.

“It takes time to heal,” she murmured. “Maybe not physically, but in here”—she touched my temple—“and in here.” Her hand that reached around my midsection landed on my heart, patting it softly. “You don’t have to hide these moments from me. Do you want to talk about?—”

“No,” I said quickly, clearing my throat and pulling away. “I’m fine. It always fades. I just—I just need some quiet.” When her shoulders sagged at my rushed tone, I offered her a small smile. “We have a long few days of travel coming, Mother. I don’t want us to be too tired.”

And the Fates only knew I didn’t need to dwell on that night any longer.

I couldn’t give voice to this weakness, to the deep, unending fear and guilt.

To how powerless I was against it. If I wasn’t even strong enough to push past this, how could I be expected to lead an entire people through hardships?

How could I ask them to put their faith in me as their empress when I was a prisoner to my own past?

My mother’s gaze searched mine for a moment, but she didn’t push. With a nod, she rose from the cushioned bench and kissed the top of my head. “Get some rest, dear,” she said as she leaned away and walked to the chamber door.

“I love you,” I called after her retreating figure. I’d learned long ago to take every opportunity to tell those closest to you how much you cared about them.

You never knew when it would be the last.