Page 32

Clarissa

A hand gripped my blonde hair and yanked hard enough to tear strands from my scalp, making me cry out with a high-pitched bark. The teenage boy sneered at me, “What’s wrong with your face, you freak?”

I tried to rub away the tears in my eyes, only to remember that my hand had accidentally shifted into a paw at the wrist. One of my claws snagged on the tip of my snout where my fox nose met human cheeks.

“Half fox, half girl,” he said with a scoff. “Like a filthy half-breed.”

“Look what she did to me!” another girl screeched. Her eyes spat fire at me as she held her wounded arm. Four shallow claw marks marred her forearm, already welling with blood. “Mother always said the Shifters are beasts. She belongs in the woods with the rest of the animals.”

She gave a swift kick to my knee, and I went crashing to the ground. The older boy stomped on my exposed claws. I let out a yelp as I cradled the injured hand against my chest, my knees buried in the hard dirt of the forest floor.

A shadow appeared against the leaves.

“Don’t you dare touch her again,” a familiar voice said, menacing even in his youth.

I craned my neck to see my twin hovering over me, blocking out the sun like a fierce cloud. His dark hair, the opposite of mine, matched our near-black eyes as he scowled at the other two. A bundle of herbs was clutched in his hand. Only twelve years old and he still managed to look intimidating.

“What are you gonna do about it, Alchemist?” the older boy taunted. Shadows billowed at his feet and wrapped around his legs and arms, but they were weak. Light and airy, instead of the dark smoke I’d seen around the strongest Shadow Wielders in Veridia City.

Leo didn’t even give him time to attack first. He brought his herbs to his lips and said, “ Incendar .”

Flames erupted at the two teenagers’ feet, forcing them away from us.

An errant spark flicked onto the boy’s boot and traveled up his pants, his cruel features instantly turning to horror.

He and the girl batted at their clothing, flailing around like chickens as they tried to stop the magical fire.

Leo looked down at me cowering on the ground. “What did they do to you, Rissa?”

“It was my fault,” I choked out. “I—I couldn’t control it. I hurt her first. It was an accident. It was—it was my fault.”

I soared along the bottom of the hill, needing to get as far away from the village as possible. I had to rely on my senses to navigate back to the main roads before I lost myself in this territory.

The euphoria of having my magic back was overshadowed by shame. I’d just started to earn the trust of these people, to prove that Veridians were like them, that we were kind and compassionate and normal …only to once again be unable to control my magic.

Monster. Beast. Freak.

Those people would never be comfortable around me now.

I’d spent the last decade and a half learning to rein in this other half of me that constantly lived beneath my skin, struggling to tame the wildness into what others wanted to see.

To be disciplined. Able to manage my emotions instead of letting them overtake me.

I never wanted to hurt anyone the way I’d clawed that girl so long ago, and others like her. But I’d hurt him .

I’d hurt Thorne.

I shouldn’t have slipped. It was my fault.

I slowed to a walk when the main road we’d been traveling on earlier came into view.

Staying out of sight in the line of trees, I tugged on that well of magic inside me to shift back into my human form.

I needed to find my mother and make sure she was alright, then get to Silenus Manor before I made things worse.

But nothing happened. My human half wouldn’t emerge.

I couldn’t shift back.

It was normally as natural as breathing, but something…something was blocking it. I could still sense my magic; it just wouldn’t answer me.

A fresh wave of panic rose. Questions spun around me, a frenzy building along my spine. What if I couldn’t shift at all? Was I stuck like this? Was there something wrong with the magic of the curse? What would they do to my mother if they thought we were a threat to them?

I didn’t know what to do. Where to go. How to fix this . I could charm and negotiate my way into and out of most problems in my life, but I was completely helpless here. Weak and out of control.

Thoughts jumbled in my head as I made my way on four unsteady legs to lean against the trunk of a large tree.

I tried to shift again, but my panic was too strong.

I couldn’t focus; every snapped twig, crinkle of grass, and rush of wind through the trees had my neck jerking and tail tucking.

What if someone came after me? Or Mother? What if?—

I smelled him before I heard him. Sweet grass and leather. A bit of that same stench of death from the field mingled with a thin layer of sweat and blood. There was another animal with him too. A horse. I could hear its hooves crunching against leaves.

“Clarissa?” he called hesitantly, his dark boots appearing in my line of sight as they bounced against the side of his horse. My gaze traveled upward over his wrinkled pants and light blue shirt streaked with blood.

My fault .

The wound had stopped bleeding, but those marks…those four claw marks glared back at me, shining and jagged in his skin.

His eyes found me, and the deep crease in his forehead disappeared. “It’s just me.” He kept his voice even as he dismounted and slowly approached me with a limp. “You’re safe. Look, I’m alright too. I’m alive. I’m not angry with you—you were scared, but it’s okay now.”

How was any of this okay ? I’d hurt him. I’d terrorized a dozen farmers and was almost skewered with a rake. This whole territory was going to hate me.

“Clarissa, what you did…it was incredible .”

That made me rear back. I cocked my head to the side, one ear perked while the other flopped down.

He continued, “You ran away too quickly to see. But the rot…after you touched it, it—it disappeared. I’ve never seen anything like it.

Everything went back to normal. The entire cursed side of the hill literally regrew .

As if nothing had happened.” He moved another inch closer, and I didn’t flinch.

“You must have done something.” Extending an arm, his hand hovered near my face.

“Don’t be afraid of me. You’re safe,” he repeated, slowly lowering his fingers to the fur beneath my ear.

His warm hand touched me, and I closed my eyes, my nose involuntarily turning and nuzzling into his palm.

Magic tugged at my chest, and this time when I pulled on it, it responded. It ripped through me like a storm, chaotic and uncontrolled.

In the blink of an eye, I shifted back to my human form, with Thorne’s hand still cupping my cheek.

I sucked in a shaky breath at the sudden change, and his other arm came up to the side of my neck to steady me.

We were both on our knees in the grass and dirt, my hands clinging to his elbows as if he was the only thing keeping me from collapsing.

His gaze flicked down my body and then shot back up to meet my eyes, his lips parting on an exhale. Slowly, without tearing his eyes from mine, he began unbuttoning his shirt, deft fingers moving over the fabric. When he shrugged it off his massive shoulders, my eyes widened.

“What are you?—”

“Here,” he said, handing me the blood-stained shirt.

I glanced down and gasped. I’d torn through my cotton dress, leaving it in tatters draped over my shoulders and around my hips.

From a young age, Shifters must figure out how to control the shift, along with our clothing.

We’re taught how to anchor it to our magic so it can also shift at our will.

It’s one of the first things we learn—otherwise you wind up naked in the middle of the marketplace.

But this shift…it wasn’t controlled. It wasn’t planned.

My body and my magic were at odds, creating an imbalance that shredded through me.

I bit down on my bottom lip and took the shirt, hastily shoving my arms into the holes and struggling to do the buttons. I made it halfway before my fingers shook too fiercely, the aftermath of my shock making it hard to focus.

Strong hands replaced mine. “May I?” he asked, eyes still on mine.

I swallowed and gave a small nod.

Warmth emanated from him, seeping into my skin.

The occasional graze of his fingertip against the top of my chest sent little fissures of lightning up my neck.

His fingers made quick work of the rest of the buttons, lingering for a moment on my collarbone before he pulled away.

The end of the blue shirt swayed against my knees.

I looked back up at him, my eyes raking over the hard planes of his stomach to the dark hair curling around the claw marks in his skin, now on full display across his solid, bare chest.

My stomach tightened. “Thorne, I—I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I croaked.

“I know. I don’t blame you. You were just scared,” he repeated. “Are you alright?”

Shame from earlier crept back in. I wished he didn’t keep seeing me like this. These moments of weakness. How my confidence was a cover for the fear that lived in every inch of me.

I cleared my throat and got to my feet, sweeping past him as I brushed out my hair. “I’m fine. We should get back to the others.”

He didn’t move. “You saved me.”

“You’d do the same for me. Or anyone else who needed help.”

“When I saw the curse touch you…” He shook his head and got to his feet. “How did you know it wouldn’t hurt you?”

I shrugged. “I didn’t, for sure. It was this…feeling. I could feel its magic calling to me. And I figured it was the fastest way to get you out of its path.”

“Thank you.” His eyes held mine. “I owe you my life. As do the rest of them.” At that, I scoffed, and he frowned. “Why did you run, Clarissa?”

My brow furrowed. “Didn’t you see the way those people reacted? They didn’t think I saved anything. They were angry and afraid. I was only making it worse by staying. I—I had to get out of there.”

She’s a monster. A beast. Her kind are dangerous.

Tears stung the backs of my eyes. I reached instinctively for my fox half—ironic that the thing that comforted me most in my distress was what caused my volatile nature to begin with. But it was a part of me. It was me. Just…the half of me people hated. That they feared.

I let out a shuddering gasp as my hand flew to my chest.

My magic—it was fading again. Barely a sliver of it was left.

I stretched out my other arm and rested it against a tree trunk, squeezing my eyes shut to fight back the dismay crashing around me.

It was just like when we crossed the Veridian Empire borders—suffocating, empty, hollow.

As if I was being sucked dry and left to rot.

And then…it was gone. Again.

A hand wrapped around my upper arm. “What’s wrong?” Thorne asked.

I jerked away from him. Tears welled in my eyes, and I angrily brushed them away.

“I need to be alone for—for five minutes. Please. Go find the others. I—I’ll—” My voice cracked, and I swallowed hard, turning away from him again.

It all swirled behind my eyelids like a raging tempest. The curse, my magic, hurting him, the sneers of the people, those memories…

Leaves crinkled under his steps as he moved closer. “Empress, I?—”

“Why is it always you ?” I gritted out, whirling on him. “Why can’t you leave me alone ?”

He winced slightly. “What are you talking about?”

“I don’t need anyone to see me like this, Thorne. Just—please, get out. I’ll be fine .” My hand trembled as I pointed toward the main road, willing myself to stay in control. To not snap and crumble until I was alone again.

That was what it felt like without my magic. My other half.

Alone.

And I didn’t let anyone see this side of me.

“See you like what?” He was refusing to do as I asked. “Hurt? Scared? We all feel those things.” He shook his head in disbelief. “Is that what you think? That something is wrong with you?”

I didn’t respond. I simply glared at him, biting back the words I couldn’t say.

Strong emotions like this made me unstable. They made me dangerous. And when I couldn’t control them, they became my weakness. My magic may have healed my injuries over the years, but the bruises and scars still lined my body beneath the surface. The sting of rejection still pierced my skin.

And the proof of that was forever branded on his skin now too.

He ran his tongue along his lower lip before straightening his shoulders.

“I’ll leave you alone, if that’s what you want.

But there’s nothing wrong with whatever it is you’re feeling, Clarissa.

Everyone has moments that are hard to face, even the strongest of us.

” He brandished a hand toward me at the last part.

I let out a scoff. “None of this would be happening if I was strong enough.”

“You can’t honestly believe that.” When I stayed silent, he raised his voice in irritation.

“I don’t know what’s happened to you to make you think you’re not ‘enough’ of anything.

I barely know you, and I can already see how you’ve given all of yourself, not only to your own people, but to a kingdom you’ve spent barely a few days in.

A lesser person wouldn’t even consider doing what you’re doing.

You’re strong for everybody else in your life, Clarissa Aris.

” He was only a foot away from me, his jaw tight as a tendril of dark hair escaped from its strap and drifted down the side of his face.

His breath was hot on my nose and cheeks, but his next words left me cold.

“Who is strong for you ?”

I blinked up at him, my shoulders sagging as he took a step back. Then he pivoted on his heel and walked toward his horse, a slight limp still in his gait.

My eyes closed. I told myself I’d gotten what I wanted. To be left alone in the aftermath of this horrid day.

I wouldn’t let myself be weak. I wouldn’t let myself be helpless. Not in front of the rest of them, anyway. But right now…right now, I could let myself feel.

I sank to the ground and let the tears come.