Page 52

Chapter 47

Aaliyah

T he memory faded in, clinging to the walls like the red that painted them. Vicious lights blazed from above, and I waited in horrified silence as shuffling echoed around me.

The room warped, as if bending to the sound before a man appeared, one my brain struggled to place as he flashed glinting white teeth at me.

"What do you want to do today, Aaliyah?" he asked as he brushed gentle fingers against my cheek.

I struggled not to flinch away.

Flinn Ammerson. That was his name, standing proudly against his chest on a little white name tag. He wore black slacks and a blue button-down dress shirt, with two open buttons on the top. His hair was a messy mop of brown that called to the hazel in his earthy eyes.

Conventionally, he was attractive, something that always made my stomach sour. Because I knew what was coming next.

"Feeling shy on me today? That's okay. Leave it all up to me," he whispered, leaning in.

His tongue brushed my cheek, his hand skimming down my neck. He didn't dip farther, wouldn't dare. Sir Amoun made sure that was clear with the first doctor that had tried anything more. I couldn't remember his name, or his face, but I remembered the way his body contorted after he'd been strung up, displayed in the halls like art made by a butcher. A warning to others. Small mercies in this hell.

Not that my heart didn't jolt in my chest, and bile didn't build in my mouth when his fingers trailed along my collarbone.

Eyes alight, he pulled back. I did my best to brace, closing my eyes for whatever he had planned.

One breath in, another out.

"Now, just sit back for me," he hummed, and I heard him flip through his papers before his pen touched down. He scribbled something, voicing it out loud just seconds later. "Doctor Flinn Ammerson, starting trial thirteen forty-three, March sixth, nineteen…"

I didn't hear the rest, keeping my eyes closed. One breath in, one out.

I held it in, even as the first blade broke skin, hitting muscle and tendon, dancing along nerves that coiled every muscle I had. I held it in until I couldn't breathe past the agony anymore. His laugh was acidic until that first whimper broke through.

He slammed a hand over my mouth, and his manic voice came to my ear, genuine terror clinging to it. "Don't scream. He'll hear you."

The kind that made me stay silent as I listened for quiet footsteps, for the man who ran this place, the one who'd stolen me from my home. Sir Amoun.

I let out a breath, stilling like the dead on the table, even as everything in me ached and burned. It crawled up my throat, and I held it back with sheer will and tears, Flinn's hand still over my mouth.

Never make noise.

I choked on my blood, and Flinn pulled back, facing the door as it opened. I kept myself still, even as I wanted to thrash.

"Progress?" The sharp voice was hauntingly familiar, and the tears I'd held on to fell, mixing with the blood that painted me.

They get more violent when they hear noise.

One breath in, another out … before sweet unconsciousness claimed me.

This one, like every memory before it, ended with the soft lull of my own heartbeat in my ears, and the building of a scream on my lips, one I didn't let go, even as it pressed on my lungs, and made it hard to breathe.

Never make noise.

The echoing of the memory slammed into me like the tremors that followed it. I gagged, sickened by the thought of Flinn. I'd forgotten about him. Even now that everything was fresh, he'd faded to the back of my mind. One of the first of many doctors I'd had.

Up to now, nearly all my memories had been centered on Nox and Castillion—or around Prince —but that moment, plucked from the seams of my consciousness, was before that. The years spent in that horrible cell were hard enough with him by my side … the decades without him were much harder pills to swallow.

I felt the tears before they fell, struggling to keep them in as my breathing became labored, quietly rioting in my chest. I'd spent enough time remembering Ascension to know how little of a life I'd actually had, but this was too much.

They get more violent when they hear noise.

I was still in Prince's arms, wrapped around him as he twitched and flinched, his own memories coming back to him. His skin was warmed from my own, his body the only thing keeping me grounded as I waited for the next vile memory to take me, but it never came. The silver room that held my soul was blissfully silent.

I reached up, pressing a hand to my head, searching for the pressure that had been dragging me along for the past several hours. It was absent and left in the place that had been my lack of memories was now only dread.

A shiver rocked me as I leaned more fully into Prince. The room was silent, something that made my skin crawl as I closed my eyes. Even Red's emotions were pulled back, diluted by the tension in the air. I knew the others were here, but I couldn't bring myself to look at them, not yet.

Not when I was so close to broken.

Something wrapped around my shoulders a couple seconds later, the soft scent of ocean salt giving Eirik away. His shirt was large, soaked in the heat that poured from him. He sat next to us, his body thumping against the ground.

Sound burst from his chest, the purr that had brought me back so many times, seeming so loud now. I lifted my eyes, catching his crystal-clear ones.

"How long?" I whispered, habitually.

Eirik huffed, reaching out to tuck a stray piece of hair over my ear. "Six hours."

He kept his voice low, and as I looked around, I realized Adrian and Fallon were strewn across the ground just a couple of feet away, sleeping soundly.

The dark bags under their eyes were more pronounced, the Calls that still ailed them affecting them even now as Fallon's face contorted with a gnarled grimace. At least the marks left by the sun seemed to have faded, even Fallon moving more easily as he rolled over, tossing in his sleep.

Magelav, however, held no such subtly. Their black hair was ruffled, eyes dulled with a lack of sleep. Their hands, up in a spell-casting position, were shaking. "How do you feel? Any more pesky memories hiding away in there?"

Adrian shot up first, looking around with wide, startled eyes. He was quick to move, standing and coming close. Fallon was slower, and my heart stalled in my chest at the idea that he might not come, that what I'd done earlier might have broken that tie.

I'd deserved it. I'd done as I promised I never would. I'd been ready to die in front of them, and they had no chance or ability to stop it. I hadn't expected Magelav to do anything but cave, but had they … I would have left the men I loved behind if it came to it.

Something that hurt me to admit.

But Fallon stood, still guarded as he narrowed his eyes, before he came to me. I reached for them, not getting out of Prince's lap, but getting close enough to touch. I ran gentle fingers over the creases on their faces, trying my best to keep my shaking down as they sighed into the touch.

"I don't think so," I said, looking around the room for Magelav, finding them at the table next to another familiar face.

Xander sat across from Mags, scowling as he tapped his finger against the wood. He wore a typical white suit, one leg crossed prissily over the other. Mags didn't give him the time of day, never taking their crazed eyes away from me.

Even when Xander whispered something I couldn't hear, and a vein popped on Magelav's neck.

"Good, then you're done here," Fallon grunted, his voice husky from sleep.

"What about Prince? We can't just leave him like this," I said.

His body still twitched under mine, and while I didn't see his soul snapping from the Rends , I could feel it happening. They echoed in the air, something almost audible, before fading away when more memories came to him.

It worried me that he was still out.

"He'll wake when he's done, a lot of memories in a mind like that. Or he'll die. Nothing more I can do." Mags's words hit the room like magic right before their arms finally dropped. They shook, almost violently, their eyes dulling further to a pasty white with bloodshot lines tracing them. They let out a weary sigh. "My part is done. With you awake, he just needs to remember."

My hand went to Prince's chest, searching for the thunder of his heart, and I only managed to open my mouth when I felt it.

"Why would he die?" I asked, and Mags shrugged.

"If he can't find his way out of the Void, it will claim him. Beg he's strong enough to come back to you." Mags didn't look worried, but at the same time I didn't expect them to. They were a wild card; that they helped at all was honestly a miracle. They tipped their head, humming as their eyes shot gold for just a moment. A flare of magic bursting into the air. "After all, it takes, and it takes, and it takes. "

Just as quickly, their eyes were back to normal, and they were looking at me with a feral grin. I shivered, keeping my hand over Prince's heart.

It made sense that he'd take longer to wake. He had more life to live, more memories he likely wanted to savor. I didn't have the same luxury between Ascension and my time in the Void. I just had to hope he'd open his eyes soon, and we could put this behind us. All of it .

I wanted to bury Ascension back down, keep it locked up, thrown away. The last memory still rattled me, hitting my soul like a hammer hit bone.

"Don't look so despondent, Aaliyah. We've already learned that Nero can't be held by something as simple as death," Xander said, nodding.

His words were meant to be encouraging, but the way he looked at us, like he might ask for Prince's body if he did die again, made the hairs on my neck stand on edge.

"Why are you here, Xander?" Fallon pressed, turning a cold stare to the volatile Dryad. "Don't you have someone else to bother?"

Xander chuckled, but didn't hide his sour glare, baring his teeth a bit too much in his smile. "Just checking on an old friend. Speaking of … where is Osiris?"

I swallowed hard, nearly jolting out of Prince's arms when Red's familiar presence bled support into the air. It calmed me, but didn't take away from that feeling.

The thought of Osiris made my chest hurt, and it was painful as I looked around the room, knowing I wouldn't find him. I reached up, grabbing the necklace he'd made to replace the one Sebek had broken, finding comfort in the heat it gave off at my touch. He'd always been a quiet presence, but that almost made the loss of him hit that much harder.

I could feel him when he was around, and knew he was always watching over us. I always felt safer when he was near.

Xander's smile broadened when no one spoke; I wasn't willing to give an inch on it, even to him.

Especially to him.

"He's in the Pits, isn't he? Such a shame Darius is so cruel, unless of course … Osiris planned this?" There was silence, the deadly kind that followed. Xander threw his head back and laughed.

The provocation masked his fear well … but not well enough for me to miss the hints of it I saw in the way he tensed when Magelav coughed. He stood beside them, and for a second, there was something like compassion flashing across his face. Magelav was beautiful like this, in a savage way, even if they were terrifying.

"He'll wake when he wakes," Mags said, before dipping their head and turning toward the door.

Xander was quick to follow.

"Come, Mags. We have some catching up to do. Don't we?" The words were purred, and Mags's face grew red, teeth bared like I'd seen Eirik do before.

They wobbled on their feet, though, seeming dazed as they leaned into Xander. He moved slowly, wrapping Mags's arm over his shoulder, and I was surprised that they allowed it.

"Piss off, you insufferable miscreant," they said, but didn't let go as Xander held them steady, more insults I couldn't quite hear following them out the door.

Silence met the room, and I sank farther into Prince's arms. Surrounded by the others, only missing one, was a balm to the chaos that still swirled in me. Memories replayed, and I was stuck counting the scars that lined my skin.

Saw.

I flinched.

Filet knife.

I trembled, unable to pull myself back, even as more hands found my skin. They covered the scars, but they were still there.

Dug so deep they'd never wash away.

"You promised," Fallon whispered, his voice cracking down the middle, the seams of his control splitting.

I looked up, catching his eyes, which had grown numb from where he sat on the floor.

"I know," I whispered.

I'd promised not to die, not to risk it, but this was something I couldn't have avoided. Even then, seeing the distraught look in his eyes was enough to hurt me.

"You were ready to die for Nero if it came to it. If you were wrong," he said, his face tensing up.

I turned back to Prince, his face serene. Magelav wouldn't have let me die. That much I'd known, I just had to convince them that saving Prince was the way to save me.

"I was ready to die for Prince if I was right," I responded, shaking my head. "And I can't apologize for it. I'd do it again, for any one of you."

Fallon let out a choked cry as he stood. The chair that he'd sat on flung back, hitting the floor with a crash.

"We don't want you to die for us, Aaliyah! We don't want you to sacrifice yourself. We want you to live . " He nearly didn't get the last word out, his hand going to his hair, flinging the blond locks into disarray. "You didn't even give us a warning. Magelav could have called your bluff, and it would have been over."

The quick thinking, the look in Magelav's eyes. It was hard to remember that I found it much easier to read people than most. I'd seen their ticks, the bits of them that gave away their emotions. I hadn't had time to explain it … "I took a bet on Mags's plan, but it wasn't a bluff. I wouldn't have done something so drastic if I wasn't expecting to win."

"How do you know?" Fallon pressed, shrugging off Adrian as he tried to calm him down. He wasn't screaming or thrashing; there wasn't a hint of rage on his face, but his disappointment was clear enough to see, and it stung. "What makes you so sure?"

I thought back to the Void, to Davi and the memory that had started this whole mess. To the tie that Prince and I shared.

"Because the same thing that ties me to Prince, is why my father survived the Natural War. My mom brought him back, not realizing it would use a piece of my soul to do so," I said, rubbing the space between my breasts as the thought of my mother made my heart ache. "Sebek didn't intend to kill his brother, but when my mother died at his hands? Arvand went with her. It's why he went so crazy. He didn't mean to kill him, not really."

I realized now how that had seemed to them, to Fallon, who'd already watched me die once, and almost die twice.

He twitched, scratching at the black marks that sat faded on his skin, the dark bags under his eyes suddenly so much more pronounced. Their time at Archon's, even the Call , had been pushed aside, but that didn't mean it wasn't affecting them.

I'd been such an idiot

"I'm sorry for scaring you," I whispered, curling into myself as I watched Fallon deflate, his hands going to his head as he tried to settle his breathing.

Quickened breaths, shaking hands, eyes that seemed to daze the longer he panted. I knew the signs of panic, and I was quick to move, standing in front of him. I reached up, cupping his cheeks to get him to look at me.

I struggled to open my mouth, words seeming useless.

"What do you see?" a voice whispered, Adrian to my left, helping to support Fallon as his legs quaked.

"Four walls, dark paint, brothers"—he pulled in a breath, this one steadier—" Aaliyah ."

"What do you feel?" Another voice, a deep rumble. Eirik.

Fallon took another breath, his eyes on mine as he leaned into my palms. "Warm."

It took a few more minutes, but the shaking subsided, and Fallon seemed to get his grips. He kissed my palm, closing his eyes. "I'm trying, trouble, so hard to remember that you're strong. But I can't handle watching you die again. A thousand times dead is a thousand times too many. One more is too fucking many."

"Look at me," I whispered, holding his face in my hands with all the tenderness I could. He looked like I might fade away if he didn't cling hard enough. "What's going on, Fallon? Really?"

He shuddered, closing his eyes the same way I did when memories of Ascension came, no doubt seeing whatever it was that haunted him behind the dark sheen.

"I keep seeing you dead, keep seeing your blood on my hands," he whispered, shaking his head. "I keep seeing Aislinn in every face I see. Have since Archon stuck me in his fucking lamp. I've been trying to ignore it, but it has me so amped up, so paranoid. It's pathetic?—"

I pulled him to me before he could get any more cruel words out, pressing my lips to his to silence the venom he was spewing about himself. I hadn't seen it before, how hard he'd been holding himself back to try to let me breathe while being strangled by his own fear.

"Thank you for caring about me. For everything," I whispered, smiling at the dazed look in his eyes and the way he looked back to my lips. "I'll try not to leave you in the dark again."

He swallowed, tapping his forehead against mine as he brushed scarred knuckles against my cheek. So gentle, so loving. "You could have died?—"

"I love you," I whispered.

His eyes went comically wide before he looked away from me, my hands slipping off of his cheeks as he rubbed the back of his head. "Are you trying to distract me, trouble?"

"No. Just realized I needed to say it. I love you , Fallon. Thank you for caring about me, for standing by my side," I said, and he turned back to me again.

This time, he led the kiss, holding me close enough that I couldn't feel the ache of the day anymore. "I love you, too."

The room was surprisingly quiet following my confession, and Fallon seemed all the happier with it as he asked, "You all right?"

His face was still clinging to dark shadows, his eyes haunted by a past he struggled to outrun. I didn't want to lay more burden on him, not now.

"I'm fine," I whispered before I could think better of it.

We'd come so far, and saying it felt like a slap. Tears soured the taste in my mouth, and the back of my throat became heavy with them as I tried to find words.

"Don't lie to me, Aaliyah. We help each other with our burdens," he said—exactly what I'd been thinking.

Words I couldn't voice, a pain that was so fresh I could still feel the cuts. I wanted to share, to tell them, to find comfort in their arms. But that voice that came with my memories was little more than a curse now, telling me things I knew weren't true, things that damned me.

I wasn't whole, not anymore. I never had been. I wasn't what they needed.

They needed someone strong, someone who could stand by them. Who wouldn't buckle like I was.

Prince, as if even in his dreams realizing I needed him, tightened his arms. I felt his heart against my ear as his move jolted my head to his chest. The steady thump, the shallow breaths.

"Ascension," I started before I could stop myself, stomping on the thoughts of inadequacy. "I was there for a long time, longer than I ever thought. Getting my memories back?—"

I bit my lip, a hand shooting to my shoulder, to an ache there I'd all but forgotten about. The first tear that fell opened a dam.

"I'm broken, Fallon. No piece of me is still intact, and I don't know what to do. I don't know how you could want me after?—"

The words never finished, as Fallon was tipping his head down, sealing his lips to mine. He did exactly as I had to him and cut off the venom I spewed about myself.

He had never been one for words, so I listened. To the way he kissed me, to the achingly gentle slide of his tongue over my lips, to the look in his eyes that I knew was saved for me.

"Aaliyah, I will always want you. Always . And I will tell you as many times as you need to hear. I'll scream it if you need me to." Fallon's face was vibrant, and I choked on my tears at the devotion in his eyes.

"You're ours. Ours to love, ours to protect. Ours to treasure," Eirik added in, shocking me as his lips found my forehead.

"We are Vivas," Fallon finished, running his thumb across the scar on my lip. When he leaned in this time, his tongue traced it. The skin was thin there, sensitive, and I trembled at the delicate touch.

The vow that had been forged in fire, and that made them family.

"Bound by blood, family by choice," Adrian added softly, smiling when I looked his way.

"When one calls, the others follow." Eirik's words were softened by the purr of his beast.

They looked at me, watching me silently, and it was with unending joy that I realized they wanted me to finish it. The vow that they'd made. The bond that made them Vivas.

They wanted me in it.

"And when one fights, we fight with them," I finished, nearly breaking when Fallon's lips tilted in a soft smile.

"You're our family, love," Adrian said. "Through the good, and the bad. We're by your side."

Prince stirred under me, twitching again, this time his hands lifting. They found my cheeks, cool to the touch, pulling me away from Fallon's grip. There was a ghost of a breath before his lips slid over mine, and I gasped.

There was a sureness to his kiss, a confidence that felt new in the way he angled our heads, his fingers guiding our moves.

"Forever," he purred, his silver eyes opening.

The anxiety around regaining our memories was lost to me. Instead, there was only him.

"Prince," I whispered, following him as he pulled away, not ready to give up his lips just yet.

He laughed, stealing a few more kisses.

"Morning, my sweet Aaliyah," he whispered, knocking his forehead against mine.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, watching as he shrugged his shoulders and rolled his head from side to side.

I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to stand a different man than I knew. The fear that the few years we'd shared would be overshadowed by centuries of life wasn't new to me … but he just smiled, the curl to his lips sinfully familiar.

"Better, now," he whispered.

He didn't look better, at least not his body, but it was nice to see his eyes clear. I settled my ear against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart and his easy breaths.

There was shuffling, and before I knew it, we were standing.

I was still wrapped up in Prince's arms, my head lying on his shoulder. Exhaustion was a beast that I'd pushed off for too long.

"Come on, let's get a few hours of actual rest, love," Adrian whispered, and I nodded, letting him gently comb his hands through my hair. "We're not going anywhere."