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Chapter 36

Adrian

F eed.

The need strangled every thought that I had, changed my mind into something that was barely more than instincts. Sebek's reinforcement did its work, the Call just as vicious as it was the day he'd turned me.

It devoured me. Faces blurred, bodies becoming nothing more than flesh and blood that I snapped and snarled at as I was dragged through a mocking crowd that was still in shambles.

Their faces shifted, molting into those whose throats I'd already ripped out once. The picturesque gold and marble of the ballroom was replaced with the gritty underbelly of old London, dreary brick splattered with red. I arched in the arms that held me, fighting them and the will of the Eternium until I heard a bone snap, and my arm went limp.

The taste of blood on my tongue.

Blood that flooded my mouth. My own. I hadn't realized I'd sliced into my tongue as my fangs fell, until I choked on it. My body revolted, seizing as my eyes rolled back, straightening to a taut line as I nearly ripped myself out of Eirik's arms, accidentally slamming an open palm into his cheek as he grunted.

There was no pain, not like normal. I was used to tackling the feeling of my stomach trying to twist its way inside out, and the body aches that followed. Even the constant pulse in my gums that drove saliva to flood my mouth. But right now, the gnawing ache to feed wasn't physical as much as it was mental, tormenting me with visions of blood-soaked streets, my ears straining, searching for the pulse of a fearful heart.

And me begging that I wouldn't find one.

A scream filled the air that wrenched me aware for long enough to see Nero drop Fallon, cursing as my brother screamed until his vocal cords gave. Tears in his eyes, his entire body living agony as the Call pushed for something we couldn't give.

Blood. It wanted blood. Craved it. My mouth watered as Nero hauled Fal up again.

Wide eyes. I took another step forward, toward the girl whose fear sat heavy in the air. I was sticky, licking the blood off my lips as I screamed to stop in my own head, begged my legs to break and for me to fall.

The Call was everything I needed it not to be as it whispered heinous acts into my head. It was never what it should have been, Sebek's words mocking me, until the voice was my own, the devil on my shoulder.

But I didn't stop. Couldn't. Another body at my feet.

It brought up every memory I tried to push to the back of my broken mind. Every kill I fought so hard to hide behind a mask of a smile. The pressure of hands in my stomach, twisting organs, the blare of a digital clock counting down the moment until my failure. Even as that push drove me, I couldn't move, the force of the Eternium keeping me locked into place.

Three hours.

The reminder of those wretched hours strapped to that cold steel table was enough to drive me mad with rage.

Thirty-six minutes.

Emotion ran wild, my control tumbling down and down … until my vision darkened, splattered with red.

The halls quieted, the rush of people fading away.

My hands went to my head, fingers digging into skin, and I cried out as another wave crashed through me, my teeth gritting just as hands gripped my face. They pulled away my own, showing bloodied digits I couldn't feel.

I expected it to be Fallon, as it usually was. Cold hands and frigid green eyes that somehow calmed me down. Even with as insufferable as he could be. Instead, I was met with Nero .

Everything in me froze, and I was stunned to see him for a moment. I'd grown almost used to his absence. It felt too real to see him grimace at the no doubt abysmal state of me.

I'd been drifting along since we found out he was alive, my mind never really trusting that it was him. A few times I'd touched him just to see if he'd fade away, or looked a little quicker than I should have to make sure I hadn't just seen him out of the corner of my eye.

Even then, I couldn't be sure he wasn't a figment of my imagination, or another sick toy in Archon's lamp.

I searched my chest for the bonds that Archon's deal had severed, hunting for the one that felt like a steel thread, that held my soul to his in a tie that had been breakable only by death. It wasn't there, the pulsing mark over my chest a reminder of that even if I couldn't feel it.

Nero pulled in an exaggerated breath, dragging me to the floor in a practiced move. So I was sitting in front of him. Fallon was already there, and I was forced to lean on his shoulder to keep myself from tipping over.

Nero sat, crossed legged, before he grabbed my face again. "One breath in, settle the mind."

I was already breathing before he'd even said the familiar words that had gotten me through the worst of my Calls . Words I used to try to remember when we'd fought them after he was gone. I'd forgotten how much calmer he'd sounded, the steady way he breathed like nothing could shake him.

"One breath out, bring peace to the body," Fallon added, and his exhale forced its way past clenched teeth.

He grimaced, shaking as he snarled, losing focus enough for the red to completely swallow his eyes again. His breath caught, ending in a tortured scream as he bowed over. Nero was patient, more than we'd ever been with ourselves, as he took another breath, focusing on Fallon, watching as he struggled to follow.

Keeping at it until he did.

There was a waver in the hunger, a slight dimming to the red of my eyes as my vision cleared for a second. I breathed in deeper, easier.

"That's it." Nero's voice was a steady cadence, the hint of his Roman accent all sharp poise and haughty arrogance. For the first time since Sebek slammed the Call back down on me, I saw clearly.

Our room came into view, the concerned shuffling and whispers of everyone around us. It'd been a long time since the Call had been this bad.

I rubbed my temples, more out of habit than anything else, looking at Fallon as he still shook between flashes of red in his eyes.

"She's gone," someone whispered, slipping past the lull in the Call, and I lifted my head to catch Osiris's eyes, almost too groggy to understand his words.

Gone? She's gone?

"Aaliyah," I whispered, clenching my fists as I staggered to my feet, grunting when Eirik shot forward to keep me from absolutely eating the floor. The lack of Aaliyah's hands suddenly made sense, the missing heartbeat and the tender words leaving me hollow. I'd been so lost in the Call I hadn't even thought to look for her.

I made myself sick just thinking about it, covering my mouth as all that work we'd done flew out the window. A small, horrible part of me was glad she wasn't here to see this. To see me like this. My fangs caught my tongue again as I wet my lips at the idea of her blood sliding down my throat. It was washed away by the fear, the disgust that permeated my mind.

"Where is she?" I asked, the bitter bite to my words as much a surprise to me as it was to Osiris as his eyes widened. I didn't have an apology, too wrapped up in the fear that came with the lack of her presence to try to force one behind an easygoing smile.

"Did he get her?" Fallon asked, the rage in his voice added to mine, bouncing off me and clouding the room. "Did Sebek take her?"

The tension grew like wildfire before Nero was standing between us. He raised his arms as though we were two bulls about to go tearing through the room.

"No," he said firmly as he looked between us. "She disappeared after Sebek's bombshell … this is the same feeling I got at Archon's."

Eirik grunted, his face still beyond the cracking of his jaw as the skin on it pulled taut.

He rolled his head, fighting the snarl on his lips as his hand landed on the scar at his neck. His beast fought to get out, the frothing menace behind his eyes jolting, surging forward, but he looked to be at least mostly in control for now. "Same here."

Nero snorted, shaking his head. "At least you don't look like you're going to fully wolf out on us this time."

"Perhaps she's in the Void again," Osiris added, seeming as lost as I felt.

The Void. I pulled my hands through my hair, looking at the wrist that used to hold her mark. Had this happened before, I probably wouldn't have even worried. I'd never struggled to feel her, but now …

Was this even real ?

My breathing spiraled again, my eyes blotting as I backed up until I hit a wall. Nero followed me, trapping me there, and I felt rabid at the idea of him getting close enough to touch. The lights glared brighter than they were a few seconds ago, and I waited for the walls to fade away, to crumble into golden dust. I waited for the clock to tell me how much further I'd gotten. "That's not good enough, Nero. She could be in danger?—"

Nero didn't stop, like he could tell exactly what I was thinking. His hands landed on my shoulders, his eyes never leaving mine. I couldn't feel it, but it was grounding, even as my ears continued to ring, and my chest heaved.

"Trust me, if she was in danger, we'd know," he said, tapping his chest and showing the lavender mark on his wrist.

Jealousy fired hot in my chest at the sight of it, anger stealing my voice. I shrugged out of his hold. Emotions weren't something I avoided, not like this, yet I couldn't seem to get past how raw they felt.

I reached for my chest, for the golden mark that sat over my heart like a mocking bow. It was easy to move the blame, to take the panic I felt and tie it to Archon.

Archon wanted to destroy Osiris. He wanted us broken to do so.

"Would we? I've already had to deal with the feeling of her dying on me before, Nero. And now I can't feel her . She isn't there for me!" Fallon snarled, cutting into my thoughts. Nero stepped away, turning to face Fallon fully. He stood eye to eye with him, looking ready to finish a fight if it came to it. If Fallon didn't also look so pallid and sick, he probably would have already been throwing blows. "So, I'm going to need a better answer than we'll know. "

There was no hesitation in Nero's stance, no worry that leaked out of his words. "I don't have any better, Fallon. You have to trust me."

Trust was something I had in abundance a few weeks ago. Trust was something that didn't hide behind the smile. It lived and breathed in the bond I had with these men. Trust lived in the bonds I'd lost.

After I'd burned.

After I'd been tortured and ripped apart and turned into something I couldn't recognize. Eirik and Nero had saved us.

But they'd been too fucking late.

"I'm with Fallon. We can't just go off your instincts here. Not with this," I said, gritting my teeth when Nero's eyes narrowed at me over his shoulder, a look of disbelief flashing over his face. "The only thing I'll trust is seeing her in person."

Another wave of the Call had me tipping over, holding my hands over my stomach as I heaved. Fallon did the same to my side, alone in this struggle like me, in the emptiness that we felt. The bonds were gone, the mark that tied me to my little love …

Gone.

"I wasn't on time, and I didn't save you. Eirik did. He went on that roof expecting to burn, and I froze. That's on me." Arms wrapped around me, pulling me into a strong, familiar hug. Nero had always been touchy, he liked knowing that you were close. Part of me wanted to push him away in my righteous anger. The other had forgotten just how much I'd missed it. "I'm sorry, brother."

He pulled back, that Roman fire in his eyes a strength beyond what I could even imagine. I let out a breath, looking to the floor, desperately stomping down my rage. I had to shake it off, the way my vision narrowed and my eyes lingered on my bare wrist.

I'd pictured him before, like this, in my memories. Head strong and unrelenting.

Not once had it ever been so clear as it was now, with my brother in front of me, his voice not lost on the end of a scream.

Fuck, Nero was alive. I'd never have questioned him on this before, never would have even dreamed to. If Nero said something, then it was true .

He'd make it so.

The Call was barely a thought when I flung myself at him again, hugging him as tightly as I dared. His arms wrapped around me, and he grunted at the impact. His hand clapped on my back, but he didn't pull away, sinking into the affection like he always had.

Nero was alive, my brother was alive, and I had to trust that. He'd always protected us, guided us. Been the light that pulled me through the Call .

What on earth was I thinking?

"But if you think for even a second that I would let Aaliyah fall into harm, you don't know me as well as I thought you did," he said, as if he hadn't beaten death . It was all so very Nero, yet so different, too.

"How do you know she's all right?" Fallon whispered.

"I can feel it, here." Nero tapped his chest as he pulled back, humming as he looked around. "She'll be back when she's done doing whatever called her there. She's fine, I promise you this."

An awkward tension filled the air as Nero looked around. He checked each one of us carefully, grunting when he was done. "We good?"

There was a bit of silence before Fallon nodded. "Yeah, we're good."

Nero laughed at the back of his throat, shaking his head. "Wonderful, because I'm going to be honest. You really pissed me off right there, and if I was in a less giving mood, I'd probably have punched you in the fucking throat." The way he said it was filled with joking mirth, though I wouldn't have doubted it. Nero liked to solve problems with violence, and Fallon wouldn't have turned it down. Nero's face grew serious again, dipping his head solemnly. "But I did let you guys down, so I suppose I deserve that."

I shook my head, trying to clear the demons that Archon had planted there in his stupid fucking lamp. I stepped forward and set a hand on Nero's shoulder, like he had for me. His silver eyes gleamed when he looked up. "We're in this together. Come hell or high water, Nero."

Three hours.

Another wave came crashing down in my head. Feed. It whispered, taunted, and cried.

Thirty-six minutes.

I hoped to God I could last longer than that this time.