Page 38 of No Shot (The Toronto Tundra #2)

Bri

“ Dadaaa!” Kaia shouts from where she ’ s sitting in front of the TV screen.

Between playing with her myriad of toys sprawled out in front of her, she looks up every so often to see the Tundra game.

Right now, it ’ s zoomed in on a close-up of Scott ’ s face as he prepares to take the face-off.

How she recognizes him through the TV screen, I ’ ll never know, but it ’ s so stinkin ’ adorable to watch.

I march back over to the couch, wine in hand, and settle in next to Cami.

My attention span when it comes to hockey has certainly grown.

Watching a few plays in a row? No problem.

Following the puck wherever it goes? In my sleep.

Spotting Penn, and let ’ s be real, his body during a play? Almost too easy.

Except, right now, I don ’ t see him on the ice. He usually plays next to Theo and Scott. I ’ ve seen the trio enough to know at least that.

“ Do you see Penn?” I ask, scanning the screen.

“ No, I don ’ t think he ’ s out there right now.”

“ Why not? He plays with Scott. I always see them together. Is he injured or something?”

She shakes her head, much to my relief.

“ No, he wouldn ’ t be on the bench if he was injured. They ’ re probably testing him out on a new line.”

“ What does that mean?” Damn, I hate being this clueless, but it ’ s like she ’ s speaking in a different language right now. I ’ m struggling to decipher the code.

“ It could mean a lot of different things. I wouldn ’ t worry too much though…” Why would I worry?

“ Wait, why would they test him on a different line?”

“ Could be a lot of reasons…” I stare at her expectantly until she clues in, throwing a hand up in the air.

“ I don ’ t know, Bri. To balance the team out better, a strategy to match the opposing team ’ s line, chemistry with the other teammates, or maybe trying to motivate a player to get their game up.” My heart sinks into my chest.

“ What ’ s the deal with trades?” My sister looks over at me, sympathy in her eyes. I did some googling, and everyone seems to have a different opinion about Penn and his odds of staying on the team. It was contradictory and confusing, and I couldn ’ t make sense of it.

“ They ’ re just rumors… You can ’ t think about it too much. You ’ ll drive yourself crazy.” I stiffen in my seat.

What the hell does that even mean? “ What rumors?” I heard those two sports guys talking and then ended up on Twitter, which felt like the wrong place to get reliable information.

My sister, though, she should have some inside information, shouldn ’ t she?

I mean, she ’ s married to the captain of the team.

“ It doesn ’ t matter. Toronto is a hockey city. People are always going to talk and there ’ s nothing for certain.”

“ Cami, what is the talk about?”

She hesitates, looking down at Kaia for a beat.

“ I ’ ve heard Penn ’ s been struggling a bit more than usual lately, that ’ s all.” I nod, sensing Cami ’ s itch to change the subject. She ’ s not one to share difficult news. If she knew more than she was letting on, I ’ m not sure she ’ d even share it with me.

I don ’ t like this one bit.

“ Have there ever been rumors about Scott?”

“ Of course. Everyone has off games, off weeks, even. There ’ s more stability with a long-term contract, though.

Plus the fact that he leads the team adds even more security.

It ’ s hard to trade away the Captain, though not unheard of.

But the chatter, the speculation, it ’ s part of the game.

” She looks back over at me, studying my face.

“ You have to ignore it, focus on what you can control, or it ’ ll eat you alive. ”

“ Yeah, I guess.”

“ How has that been going by the way?”

I don’t fully register it, too focused on trying to spot Penn somewhere in the background when the camera pans to the bench.

“ Good,” I half-mumble without a second thought.

“ Are things getting serious between you two?” she asks it so casually it ’ s almost easy to ignore the fact that she is completely digging for information now.

We ’ ve been keeping everything pretty tight-lipped.

It ’ s not serious. We had an agreement.

We ’ re both young, available, and while we live in the same proximity, are enjoying each other ’ s company.

Exclusively . It works for us for now. Could it all come crashing down in an instant?

Sure, but I ’ ve been having too much fun to stop it.

“ What? No, of course not. We ’ re just hanging out.” I try my best to assure her, struggling to keep my tone from sounding too defensive.

“ You ’ ve been happier than usual, B. It ’ s nice to see. Would it be so bad if things progressed?”

Yes, it would be. I can ’ t focus on that right now, it ’ s too much. I take another sip of my wine, avoiding her eyes, and blankly watch the screen ahead of us.

She sighs, not pleased with my obvious avoidance. “ I can answer that for you. It wouldn ’ t be so bad.”

I cross my arms, not loving the direction this conversation is headed.

“ I swear sometimes, Bri, that you don ’ t let yourself be happy. Like you really think it ’ s easier if you ’ re miserable.” What the hell?

“ That ’ s not true,” I interject.

“ Well then, what are you so afraid of?”

What am I afraid of? Oh, I don ’ t know…

everything?! My thoughts start racing faster than I can process, a dull ache in my head growing.

There are so many possibilities of what could happen between Penn and me, but I ’ ve been trying to shove them deep, deep down.

It ’ s been working, like the separation between church and state.

Current Bri is enjoying her time, while realistic Bri senses the impending doom.

The separation keeps me sane, but right now, it ’ s overwhelming every inch of my body.

“ You ’ re just scared…” Cami continues, and my final thread snaps.

“ So let ’ s say I let go and fall madly in love? Then what? Then I ’ m just the girlfriend of Penn Brooks? I do that, and I ’ ll be stuck just like—” I slam my mouth shut before I get the word out.

“ Stuck just like me ?” she finishes for me.

I don ’ t have the courage to look at Cami right now.

She rises from her spot, moving a few inches closer to where I ’ m seated, her whole body turned to face me.

She takes the wine glass from my hand, gently placing it on the coffee table before grabbing my hand.

“ I ’ m happy, Bri.”

Does she really want to have this conversation right now? The look she gives me tells me that ’ s exactly what she wants to do. Fine. Have it her way.

“ That ’ s not true, Camille.” I turn to face her, her understanding eyes meeting mine. “ You don ’ t like it here. You hate the city, you ’ re lonely most of the time, and overwhelmed when you ’ re by yourself.”

“ All that can be true, but I don ’ t feel stuck.

I don ’ t feel abandoned or trapped. Heck, I ’ d gladly move to the Arctic, even if that meant I ’ d get to see Scott one day a week.

Even then it ’ d be worth it, because he ’ s worth it.

” She says it like it ’ s simple, like it makes perfect sense.

Maybe I am the one who ’ s missing something here, but…

“ It wasn ’ t my plan, Bri, I know that.

I ’ m not where I was expecting to be, and my life looks different from what I thought, yes.

But honestly, my imagination couldn ’ t have put together a more beautiful future.

I feel so privileged to get to stay home and raise our babies—yes, it can be a lot, but that doesn ’ t take away from the fact that it ’ s an honor I get to do it.

Scott and I together, this life we have, it ’ s better than— we ’ re better than anything I could have ever imagined for myself.

” I let her words sink in, noting the twinge of sadness in her tone.

“ Life is full of sacrifices. I know you think if you stick to your plan, you can avoid that, but it ’ s not realistic. I don ’ t want you to miss out on something beautiful, just because you ’ re afraid of altering your plans.”

“ I-I won ’ t,” I mutter. At least I think I won ’ t. I wouldn ’ t get in my own way, right? Honestly, I ’ ve had my life planned out for so long, I haven ’ t had time to notice what ’ s been outside of my tunnel vision… what I ’ ve really been giving up on in pursuit.

“ You know when we found out about baby.” She rubs a circle on her tummy while looking down at Kaia, who ’ s happily bumbling to herself. “ He asked me if I wanted to move back home.”

“ What do you mean?”

“ He offered for this to be his last season, to leave it all for us to move back to PEI.”

My jaw slacks open. He ’ s still in his prime, and he loves the Tundra. I know he does. “ Why?”

“ Because he ’ s willing to sacrifice for me, too. For us, our family. We ’ re in this together.”

My stomach drops, an anxious energy growing. “ Did you say yes?” I ’ ve been really liking it in Toronto. I love the city, and being close to her is a big part of that. I don ’ t want her to leave.

“ No.” There ’ s so much peace in that single word.

“ Why?”

“ Just like we ’ re working toward my dream of a family and moving back someday, playing is a dream of his, too.

Neither of us is giving it all up for the other because we ’ re working toward our future together .

I never expected to live here full-time, but imagine if I didn ’ t give it a chance?

Imagine if I was so set in my ways that I blocked myself from all of this.

” She waves around the room. “ A loving home, a growing family, a supportive partner… It ’ s a beautiful thing, Bri, even if it doesn ’ t seem like it from the outside looking in. ”

I blink at her a few times.

“ I ’ m sorry, Cami.” She ’ s so certain, so calm even after my judgment. This whole time, I ’ ve felt nothing but pity for her. How wrong could I have been? “I-I just have always wanted you to have everything you ’ ve hoped for.”

“ I know you do, B. I want the same for you. Just promise me you ’ ll be open to it if it comes to you a little differently than you expected.”

I nod, but my mind swirls as I continue to wrap my head around her words. What am I going to give up because I ’ m so set in my ways?

“ Love you,” I say as I pull her into a hug.

“ LOVE YOU TEE-BEE!” Kaia jumps onto the couch into our hug-huddle.