Page 28 of No Shot (The Toronto Tundra #2)

Bri

You don ’ t like him, you ’ ve been dickmatized. It happens to the best of us. You can ’ t blame yourself for it—it takes even the most perceptive of women by surprise. How it happened doesn ’ t matter, Bri. But, say it with me.

You.

Do.

Not.

Like.

Penn.

You can ’ t.

I recite the words again for the third time today, and I ’ ve only been awake for thirty minutes. I putter toward the bathroom sink, splashing freezing water on my face. Hopefully, the shock to my system is all I need to right the world again.

I don ’ t like him.

I don ’ t know how I let him slither into my life, planting needy seeds in my head with his hot body. He ’ s somehow made me a sub, an utterly repulsive thought normally, but with him, I don ’ t know, it ’ s different. Exciting. Invigorating.

Why I kissed him that night of my panic attack or slept with him again, I ’ ll never know. I ’ m playing a dangerous game, and I know I need to shut it down.

That ’ s the thing, though, for him, it is just a game. I ’ m convenient. I mean, walking less than ten steps to get laid? It just makes sense, but I can ’ t do it anymore without getting attached. And I won ’ t let myself get attached.

I ’ ve seen this before. One minute, my sister is living her best life exploring Toronto, and next thing you know, she ’ s met a hockey player, fallen head over heels in love, and is trapped.

Her entire life plan, everything she dreamed of, derailed.

It ’ s a slippery slope, and one I will fight for my life not to slide down.

I seriously need to invest in some grappling hooks.

I look up, giving myself a pep talk like I always do when I need to escape my own head. Pointing at my reflection, I level myself with my most serious glare.

“ No more spiralling. You are in control of your own life. Now get dressed, go to work, and get over whatever sort of crush you ’ ve convinced yourself you have.”

I have one week of no contact to snap out of this dickmatization fog.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, and the name on my screen hits like a jolt to the system.

Penn: Damn, even Cinderella left a glass slipper

behind when she fled the scene…

I smile at my phone. Damn it, Bri. Do not engage. Do not respond.

Me: New phone, who dis?

Hopeless.

Penn: Colossal dick.

Me: Doesn ’ t ring a bell.

Penn: Very funny. It ’ s Penn, you may not

recognize the name written down, 'cus you ’ re

usually screaming it.

Me: Because you ’ re infuriating?

Penn: No, because I don ’ t let you come until you

beg me to.

Penn: I like hearing you scream my name, by the

way, while you writhe, desperate underneath me

right before you come apart. Almost as much as I

love when you say it in that sassy tone, when

you ’ re trying to act tough.

Me: I am tough.

Penn: Sure you are. That ’ s why you snuggled into

my chest before your little disappearing act.

Me: Maybe I was using your body heat.

Penn: You can use my body anytime you want,

Soup .

***

Penn: Did you watch my game?

Me: Why, you score a goal?

I can be a bitch sometimes, I know. It ’ s easier that way, like a safe default setting, but that doesn ’ t mean it ’ s something I ’ m proud of. It ’ s exactly why I asked the question, even though I know he didn ’ t.

I ’ m not about to admit it to him, but I actually did watch the game. Cami invited Mia and I over to her place for a girls ’ night, and despite still not knowing all the rules, it was a fun time.

Penn: If I told you I scored a hat trick would

you believe me?

Me: No.

Penn: Sigh, how the mighty have fallen. How was

your day?

Me: Fine.

Penn: Can I buy another word?

Me: Work was tiring, but the day was fine.

Penn: HOLY! Blabber mouth over here…

I catch myself smiling a little and force my hand to close out the message chain. Doesn ’ t stop me from peeking at the notifications though…

Penn: She ’ s a walking thesaurus ladies and

gentlemen.

Penn: Truly, you couldn ’ t get her to be quiet if

you tried.

Penn: *Typing*

Ugh.

Me: Shouldn ’ t you be out celebrating?

Penn: SO YOU DID WATCH.

Guilty. While Penn didn ’ t score, the team did win.

They beat the New York Knights three to one.

Mia was screaming the whole time. Her dad used to coach there, apparently, and despite living in New York for a chunk of her life, she really wanted the Tundra to crush them.

She ’ s usually so sweet and quiet. I liked seeing the competitive side of her.

Me: Go to a bar and chase a puck bunny or

something.

Penn: Can ’ t, I ’ m celibate, remember?

Me: You keep using that word. I do not think it

means what you think it means.

Penn: INCONCEIVABLE!

Me: You know the Princess Bride?

Penn: Duh. Cinematic masterpiece. Why do you

think I ’ m so romantic? Raised on the good stuff,

rom-coms and all that shit.

Me: lol

Penn: If I start saying as you wish, will you be

nicer to me?

Me: Dunno. Worth a shot.

Penn: As you wish…

***

Penn: Hey

Penn: You know how neighbors usually come over

and ask each other favors, like for a cup of

sugar and stuff?

Me: Yes…

Penn: Well, I need a favor. Can you help?

Me: Probably not.

Penn: Are you home?

Me: Are you stalking me?

Penn: You ’ re infuriating. Answer the question,

Soup.

Me: Yes, I ’ m home. Can I help you? Probably

not.

Penn: I think a package got delivered to my

door, can you grab it for me? Pretty please?

Part of me really thought he was going to ask something inappropriate. Surprisingly, this is a neighborly act. I can collect a package for him. Maybe we are headed toward a safe zone. Neighbors and pseudo-friends, I like it.

Me: No problem, I got it.

Penn: Perfect, open it for me.

Me: That’s mail fraud.

Penn: Do it, Soup.

Me: Pass.

Penn: I give you my permission.

Me: Nope.

Penn: Sigh, screenshot this and if the mail

police come after you, you can submit this as

evidence. I ’ ll testify to the fact that you were

coerced. I ’ ll vouch for you.

I know he ’ s kidding, but I screenshot it anyway. Better safe than sorry. No way, I ’ m going down for Penn. For uhh, mail fraud, I mean.

Penn: You know I get a notification when you

screenshot our chat, right?

My stomach lurches as heat floods my cheeks.

Penn: Gotcha, didn ’ t I?

Dick.

I grab the scissors from my kitchen junk drawer and carefully cut open the tape seal. Oh. My. God. I snap a picture of the massive, girthy, twelve-inch dildo and send it to him.

Me: I don ’ t even want to know what you plan to

do with this.

Penn: It ’ s for you.

Penn: Figured you might be missing me and my

giant dick. Something for you to remember us by

in the meantime…

It ’ s a joke, that much is clear. But fun fact about me—a shocker to all, really—I like to spin situations so that I ’ m in control.

Me: Jokes on you, I ’ m going to use it.

I ’ m only half-kidding. It ’ s way larger than humanly possible, but part of me is insanely curious…

Missed call from Penn.

Missed call from Penn.

Penn: Show me.

Missed call from Penn.

I ’ m going to let him squirm with that one. I mean, if you can ’ t take the heat, don ’ t send a… silicone… monster dick? You get the point.

I close my phone and go back to prepping dinner, adding the final touches to my plate before sitting down to enjoy it.

By the time I ’ ve cleaned up the kitchen and settled onto the couch, there ’ s another missed call from my desperate neighbor. Needy much?

This is going to be fun… I rip open the packaging and carry it up to the bedroom loft.

I really shouldn ’ t be getting involved like this.

It ’ s not like me to act so childishly, but oh well, you only live once, right?

I grab one of my more scandalous lingerie sets.

It ’ s more strappy and picturesque than functional, but when an occasion calls for it, it ’ s one of my favorites to wear.

Lining myself up, I make sure the majority of my body is shielded from view in the standing mirror ’ s reflection. Face hidden, obviously. If I ’ m going to run a major corporation one day, I ’ m not about to have scandalous pictures out there in the cloud with my face in them.

Pulling out my phone, I play with the camera settings to ensure I have the perfect angle and lighting before capturing my shot.

I smile at the pic. I look good. It ’ s playful and teasing, without revealing too much, exactly how I like it.

Black kitten heels, my bare legs, part of my ass, and the lace straps intertwining up my back are on display. The p ièce de résistance ? Hanging from my right hand is the comically large cock.

I hit send and turn on airplane mode for the rest of the night.

Enjoy blue balls, dick.