Page 25 of Never Submit (Bad Wolves #2)

Chapter 25

Ren

M athis’s hand is warm in mine, our footsteps and heartbeats perfectly in time on our way back to camp. The mate bond is a strong presence inside of me, a fire on a cold night, sheltering me. A sense of home like I’ve only experienced at one time in my life.

With Noble.

The forest holds nothing scary in its darkness, either. For the first time in my life, the darkness is welcome, and I don’t need artificial light to convince myself I’m fine.

This is a good place, I realize, a safe place, yeah, but calming too. Or maybe it’s being with Mathis and finally understanding why I’ve always felt the way I do about him.

With him, there’s peace.

It’s the same sort of sensation I get with Noble but in a different way. Equally deep and no less powerful.

Mathis follows an invisible trail back to camp, our earlier footsteps through the snow invisible. Lost.

I wish Carrigan was around.

Well, not here exactly, not in this beautiful afterglow moment I won’t trade for the world. But having her far away feels like I’ve lost a limb. I still feel her when she’s not present. Wherever she is right now, wherever Torin shipped her off to…I hope she can forgive me.

“I understand,” Mathis says suddenly.

I glance sideways at him. “You understand what?”

“How you feel about your friend.” His fingers squeeze mine. “And this is weird for me as well. I feel what you feel, and somewhere with us, I sense Noble. Like we’re a unit. And there’s something else…” He trails off. “Another element to the mate bond I don’t understand.”

He lifts my hand to his mouth and kisses my knuckles. Warmth spirals through me, my lips curving in an automatic smile.

“I’m sure it’s something other pack members won’t take kindly to.” I shrug. “I mean, from what you’ve said, mate bonds are sacred. And I’ve got two of them. I’m not a natural wolf.”

How will they look at me now? They’ve been friendly up to this point. Will they continue to be?

Will they look at me like I’m a selfish bitch? A burden? Something unnatural?

“There are a lot of intricacies when it comes to pack politics. I’ll teach you.” Mathis sounds determined. “You don’t have to worry about anything.”

“You mean like the thing where I have a mate from two packs who have only just decided to stop having a pissing contest with each other?” I tease sweetly.

But underneath his determination there’s worry on a level he can’t hide from me anymore. My breath catches in my chest. How in the world am I actually going to navigate this?

You won’t be alone , he says in my head. That’s what matters .

There’s no way for me to learn all about how to be a shifter when this isn’t my place, and I grew up as a human. How am I going to fit in? And now it’s not just about letting down one pack; there are two involved. Two very different packs with very different men leading them.

What if we never have a life without the threat of Andras and the Blood Moon wolves looming over us?

Mathis cups my face between his hands, his callused thumbs brushing my cheekbones. His grip is unbreakable. “Breathe,” he orders. “Before you have a panic attack.”

I want to tell him I’ve never had a panic attack in my life, but the words are stuck and refuse to come out. It’s too hard to focus on my lungs, on the way they work, because oxygen just isn’t getting into my body. Black spots dance in front of my vision.

Relax, sweetheart, you’re okay , Mathis adds.

It’s a sweet moment, but a little weird without Noble there. Except he is there, in my head and in my heart, adding a steady and calming presence.

“There’s nothing to worry about,” Mathis says out loud, forcing me to look at him. “Everything is going to work out.”

How do I tell him there are too many loose ends? That there are threads dangling and no matter how hard I try for them, they are always just out of reach and I feel like I’ll never get anything resolved.

The people I care about in my life, the few of them I have, now have targets painted on their backs because of their association with me.

And two mates.

I’m not a born shifter, but somehow I have two men destined by fate to love me. To be there with me through life’s good points and challenges. What does it mean?

That line of thinking won’t lead me anywhere good, and the old victim mentality is still there in the back of my head, the automatic pathway for my thoughts. I have to stop that .

Mathis adds his strength to mine, bolstering my resolve.

His heartbeat matches mine. Or maybe mine is struggling to match his, but eventually it slows down to a more normal pace. We inhale together, holding it in our lungs for the same count of time before exhaling.

His lips purse and he presses them to mine in an achingly sweet kiss. “There,” he murmurs. “You feel better?”

I smile against him.

A twig crunches behind us, but Mathis doesn’t flinch. Doesn’t turn away when Dax steps out from around a tree trunk. His lips part in a wide grin.

“I wanted to see you shift,” he says in an undertone, stalking closer. “I got to see something even more interesting. Amazing how different that jasmine scent is when you’re getting fucked, Red.”

Something inside of me comes alive, a feral piece I’m hardly able to name as I watch Dax slink forward. Every part of me wants him despite the soreness between my legs from Mathis.

He’s at home here in the dark woods. Something straight out of a fairytale designed to scare children. My very own big bad wolf. His golden hair is like a beacon, his eyes glowing, and his beard bristling.

“Did you like what you saw?” I ask Dax breathlessly.

“Little Red, you know I liked it.”

And I love the way he calls me Red. Like it’s some kind of badge of honor that only I’ve earned. Especially since I’ve never been the nickname type. I want him. Even with my pussy still pulsing from Mathis, desire pools in my lower belly and between my legs .

The growl in Dax’s tone tells me everything I need to know about how he feels. I glance at Mathis, expecting some kind of change on his face but there is nothing. Only a calm sort of acceptance of the situation.

I don’t mind . It’s not ideal, but it’s real .

His mood impacts mine and my heartbeat slows, going steady. Dax is his beta, but I’ve slept with him. Have they shared a woman before? Or is that another one of those things you just don’t do?

How can he not mind?

“She’s getting much better at the change,” Mathis tells Dax. “And like I said, Ren, the more you do it, the easier it will be, sweetheart.”

“Again. Do it again.” Dax is adamant.

There is something powerful in the way Dax talks. It’s on a different level from Mathis, even though Mathis is the alpha in this case. There’s still a ring of command in Dax’s tone I’m powerless to ignore.

And on an entirely different level, I want to show him. Pride lights me up like small bubbles of power in my veins. “Right now?” I murmur.

“Go on, if you’re comfortable,” Mathis urges.

I’m reluctant to pull my hand from his, even when I know the contact is there in my head through our bond.

Noble is there too in this tangled web of energy connecting the three of us. Finally, I step away from Mathis and hold my arms out, lifting them overhead. Drawing in a breath and feeling the soft light of the full moon wash over me.

I do feel the sway more. This place is quiet, peaceful, like someone’s hit the pause button on my life and I’m finally able to breathe. With the moon bathing the forest in a velvety glow, it’s much easier to feel the part of me I’ve pushed down since I absorbed the Moonstone.

The swish of the wind through the trees and the crunch of dead leaves and thick snow underfoot…this isn’t my world. And yet it is. Now . It’s theirs, and so it’s mine.

When we get back to camp, things aren’t going to stay this way. It’s a tender moment, trapped in time like a mosquito in amber, and I want to make sure I’m present for every single bit of it.

However, the change is still too new. It’s terrifying and unnatural even when it’s the most natural thing in the world. My body knows exactly what to do but it’s taking my mind so much longer to catch up.

The shift takes over and warps my bones. There’s pain, of course. I wonder if there will always be that small but potent agony or if eventually it will seem like second nature to float in the sea of it. It’s less intense, it seems, when the moon is full. Just like Mathis said.

My arms lengthen, my bones cracking and reshaping until my hands are no longer fingers but paws and claws.

I am the white wolf, and she is me.

Maybe this is what I was born to be from the beginning, and I had to be born dead in order to become this now.

Those thoughts slip away when Mathis steps forward. He shudders and bends. Twisting his chest to the sky as his own wolf pushes to the surface.

“A thing of beauty. Fucking hell,” Dax growls from behind me.

The fur on my spine shivers, my muscles contracting. I turn to him in time to watch him throw himself into his own transformation.

“Red, you have no idea what you do to me. No fucking clue. ”

He grabs his cock, standing there through the shift until he has no choice but to drop onto all fours. His wolf is aroused as well and ready for action.

An equal desire burns through me. With the two of them here, we could?—

Mathis lifts his head to the sky and howls. The sound travels like the rippling energy from a bell. I feel it everywhere.

“You pig.” Torin’s voice drips with disdain. “Tuck your dick away. There are children out here.”

Dax glances left and right then licks his lips as he straightens, the wolf melting back into his humanity but barely. “I don’t see any kids around.”

Torin fixes Mathis in his sights, reproach emanating from him in waves. It doesn’t make me want him less, though.

It’s like whoever I am now, wolf or woman, I’m crazy for the four of them. Mathis, Dax, Torin, and Noble. Absolutely insane and hungry to taste them.

One at a time? All at once? It doesn’t matter. Not to me.

Torin strides through the trees, his blond hair contained at the nape of his neck. His goatee is neat, trimmed, every part of him dignified. He’d never strip in the woods this way.

He hardly looks real. “Control him. I shouldn’t have to ask you again,” he commands Mathis.

Mathis shrugs easily and refuses to step away from me. “Dax is right, though. I wouldn’t let him do those things if there were pups present.”

“That’s the hill you want to die on?” Torin is most certainly avoiding me, like there’s anything new about his actions.

My senses are wild, my hormones out of control. I lift my muzzle to Torin and stare hard at him until he has no choice but to look at me, to feel and acknowledge whatever crackles to life between us.

The others might not see the minute differences on his face, but I do. There and gone in a blink. There's pride, a horrible vicious pride in his eyes as he takes in my wolf. And something I might have labeled as heartbreak if I didn’t know him as well as I do.

All of it shutters down in a flash.

Where’s Noble? His presence could hopefully diffuse a bit of the tension I can also smell in the air.

I’m not sure, Mathis answers. He’s close, though. Somewhere in camp. Waiting for us to return.

“What are you doing out here, anyway?” Dax gripes. He’s still got one hand on his erection and he’s glaring at Torin, furious at having his shift interrupted.

“When the Grey Valley alpha decides to take off, it’s my business to find him. We have to talk.” Torin jerks his head back the way he came.

“You couldn’t have sent one of your very eager underlings to come find me?” Mathis asks. “Seems like you went to a lot of trouble to track us down in the woods. Not really your scene, Steel.”

“You disappeared with my beta’s mate,” Torin says. His hands slide casually into his pockets. “I’d say that’s my business, since she’s a part of my pack.”

Mathis steps forward, resting a massive hand on the top of my head. “She’s part of mine, too. Use your goddamn head, Torin, and see what you’re refusing to see. Or are you blocking off those senses now?”

The two of them engage in a staring contest. My wolf senses are at attention. There’s an unspoken language here, something only alphas understand .

“You…have a mate bond too. You and Ms. Wexler.”

The sound of my name has the human in the wolf’s body ready to change back for the sole purpose of telling him off. He’s seriously still calling me by my last name? After all of this?

What a dickhead.

“Yes. She’s mine, too. Which means I’ll attend whatever meeting you want to have for the sole purpose of reconsidering the boundaries between us. Things are a little more complicated now than when we first started.”

“It doesn’t matter to me what you choose to do. I’m done wasting time tracking you down,” Torin replies with a sneer. He turns on his heel toward camp.

A low whine vibrates in the back of my throat.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, it’s nothing,” Mathis assures me.

His touch is a lodestone for me and I watch Torin until his shadow disappears through the trees.

Dax grunts out something unintelligible, and when my head swivels to him, he’s back on all fours. Magic pulses, filling the small clearing with electricity through his change. He shakes his head, snarling at the open air, his gaze focused on something neither of us can see.

Like there are invisible insects swarming him, he snaps again before his shoulders hunch, and he swipes his muzzle across the ground, huffing.

Is Dax okay?

Mathis takes a beat, and then, He was so happy to see you it took him a moment to realize the bond. Don’t worry. He’ll come around. He’s not as unstable as people think he is.

Mathis shifts as well and falls into step beside me, nudging me along to get me moving .

I don’t want to hurt anyone , I insist.

A mate bond is a beautiful thing. They’re just surprised. You’re not hurting anyone .

Yet guilt trails me on my way back to camp. Mathis refuses to leave my side until he’s deposited me on the sagging front porch of the cabin I share with Noble. I know better than to ask what will happen now.

The moon rides high in the sky and it’s time for Mathis the alpha to take the lead. Mathis nips at my neck before he takes off in the opposite direction with a howl. Throughout the camp, his people answer him, a chorus of mournful bays lifting to the night sky.