Page 22 of Never Submit (Bad Wolves #2)

Chapter 22

Mathis

G etting the packs to cooperate is nothing but pure chaos. As I thought it would be.

What choice is left?

Not a fucking one, because the camp has got to be home for the foreseeable future. Whatever it takes to turn the wreck of a landscape into something warm, familiar, and, most importantly, protected, I’ll do it.

Not that I’ll ever fucking admit it to Torin, but he chose right. The camp is perfect.

It’s sheltered by the forest on one side and the algae-covered lake on the other. Far enough from Grey Mountain to offer a semblance of security.

I draw in a frosty breath and hold it in my lungs, stalking through the cabins. They need some work. But they’re livable in their current condition, as he stated. And like hell we need the added stress of workmen coming in and out with their trucks and supplies.

It’s bad enough we risked exposure by moving so many wolves out here at one time. We didn’t have any time to be discreet. Not when Andras is poised to attack again .

Owen joins me, his head hung low to his chest and twin scratches marking the side of his cheek. Scars to remind him of his failure to protect his wife. “Mathis, we need a plan to get Flora back.”

I shouldn't have to remind him, but this is the third time in as many days where he’s cornered me. “We’re ill-equipped to take on Andras in our current situation. We lost too many to the last attack.”

I understand where he’s coming from. I want Flora back as much as he does. I lost a friend, but he lost a mate, and no doubt he’s being driven out of his mind.

“I know what the guy looks like, though,” Owen insists. “If we know, then we can find him. He’s missing an eye. He’s not exactly inconspicuous, Mathis. Flora scratched it out herself. She did a brave thing by taking out his eye.”

I clap him on the shoulder. “And you should be mighty proud of that, Owen. Right now, I need you to watch after your girls. Make sure they know they’re safe. Let me handle getting our women back.”

He stares at me, hopeless, dark-eyed. I doubt he’s been getting any sleep with his mate gone. “They miss their mom.”

Go ahead and gut me, why don’t you?

“I promise, as soon as I can, I’ll get men out there to track them. With it unsafe to return to the building, we’re right back where we started,” I explain.

My muscles ache from the fight, even days later. I catch myself jumping at shadows from the corner of my vision.

Right now, with so many dead or kidnapped, Dax is the only person I’ve got left with enough power to actively manhunt Andras. And I’ve needed him here like a crutch. I have no clue what I would’ve done without him .

Owen grips the front of my jacket. “ We have to save Flora .”

His grave tone grates at me for a multitude of reasons. Slowly, I pry his fingers free, forcing him to drop his hands back to his sides.

“We will. Give me time.”

Based on the sheer amount of effort it took to get us here, to get everyone settled in their cabins, I haven’t had a moment to form a battle plan for our future.

“Go see your girls, Owen.” I imbue my tone with command, one he’s powerless to ignore. “Your daughters need you.”

He stares at me for a heartbeat longer before nodding. “ Fine .”

He’s about to lose it, and I can’t blame him.

Footsteps sound behind me, crunching over gravel determinedly. “Mathis? I wanna talk to you.”

Ren’s scent hits me first like a punch to the gut. She’s got me suckered, ready to fall to my knees, and I have half a heartbeat to compose myself before I turn to face Ren.

She’s magnificent. And right now, she smells like Torin’s expensive and cloying cologne.

“You've been making the rounds?”

“There are a few names on my list of people to talk to. One down, one to go.”

The full moon is approaching. Ren feels it, too. Her hair crackles around her head in a halo of rich darkness. Her eyes have taken on the distinctive amber hue of a wolf nearing her change but she’s fully human.

For now.

There is nothing but power and grace in her movements. Has she realized the change? Her power will be strongest at the full moon, if she’s like the rest of us .

“Whatever you need, can it wait?” I ask, hating myself for even having to say it. I have a thousand other things to do, but Torin is there to help. And Flora can?—

I pull up short, remembering that Flora isn’t with us. My chest goes tight and it’s a struggle to pull my authority around me. A struggle to maintain control.

Ren points a finger at my chest and drives it home with such force my heart skips a beat. “No, it can’t wait. Because I need to know what we’re doing to get Flora back.”

“You’re reading my mind, sweetheart,” I murmur. “And you can join the club. Owen just badgered me about the same thing.”

She won’t take her eyes off of mine. “If that’s the case, then you should be able to read my mind and know that I’m serious. I want to help.” She confronts me with her shoulders thrown back and her chest puffed out, her back arched.

Which only serves to bring those gorgeous tits closer to my face.

My own wolf lifts his head and stands at attention. Her nearness, her scent, everything about her calls to me.

But she doesn't belong to me. My fingers curl into fists, and I shove them into my pockets to keep from touching her. Hands to myself.

I’m not the kind of man to touch someone else’s mate.

“There’s not much I can do, to be honest, not until we rally our forces together into a cohesive unit. We have no chance of standing up against Andras yet.”

It’s a risk to talk to her so openly about these things, especially where we currently stand. I jerk my head down the recently cleared path.

“I’ve been stuck in my cabin for three days. Three. Noble is guarding over me like I’m some kind of precious jewel and the only thing I’m allowed to do is help the others adjust. I can’t leave the camp. We’re in the middle of nowhere.”

She’s stressed. Her hormones are out of control, her scent like being hit with a thousand battering rams at once. My head goes foggy, swimming in a sea of her.

My wolf rises up and overpowers me for a moment. He wants her, desperately. And with my nerves frayed and my logic fragmented by grief, it’s hard to force him back.

“Walk with me?” I suggest.

Ren pulls up short. “Walk with you?”

“Yes.” I stare at her, imposing my meaning on her. As an alpha and as a man. “Come.”

Ren is ready to fight. She came here itching for one, and to be deprived of it now isn’t sitting well with her. Emotions flicker across her face faster than I’m able to interpret. Then she bites down on her lip, her brows thin into a single line, and her eyes narrow like I’m trying to pull one over on her.

“ Come , sweetheart.” I start walking.

She waits a beat and then scrambles after me. Her scent is too pungent and sweet for me to ignore for long. It rips through me with every inhalation, filtering in through the cells of my body, taking up permanent residence. I don’t want to push her away.

I’m not sure I can.

“I understand things are fucked up right now, but Flora is pregnant. Shouldn’t that count for extra? What happens if she starts to go into labor while Andras has her?” Ren shudders. “I don’t have friends in the camp, Mathis. With Flora gone, and Torin telling me he’s got Carrigan somewhere safe, I’m just…I’m…”

“You have a good heart.”

“You act like you’re not panicking! ”

We head into the comforting gray and brown of the forest. Under the shelter of the trees, I’m more at ease.

“Of course I’m panicking. Every wolf stolen from my pack is not only an insult but a huge loss. I want to get Flora back as much as you do, trust me. She’s only the latest in a long line of women Andras stole from my pack. And now Torin’s.”

“Then use me. I’m a wolf just like…just like you are.” Ren swallows audibly. “Teach me how to fully control my shift and I can go out and look for her, too. Maybe Dax needs someone to pick up scents with him.”

I glance at her sideways. “Dax has been doing this a lot longer than you have. He’s the best tracker we have.”

And yes, soon enough I’ll send him back out there. To search for needles in haystacks.

Ren stares stubbornly ahead, her nose slightly lifted. “Then he’s the best one to teach me how to do it. And you're the best one to show me how to control the shift. It hurts, Mathis. Even when I’m not in control, it still feels wrong, like my body is fighting it or rejecting it or something. Maybe if I’d been able to shift, I could have stopped the guy from grabbing Flora in the first place.”

“I agree that you need to be taught, but now really isn’t?—”

She steps in front of me, cutting off my movement, and pushes both her palms against my pecs. Heat immediately travels like an electric current from the place where we connect. My eyes widen slightly.

“What if now is the only time we have? Mathis, please. Show me!”

She’s pale, determined, and I swallow a groan, a lump forming in my throat. I’m powerless to deny her anything. Especially when she’s looking at me this way .

My wolf wants to get to her so badly it’s a physical ache in my gut. Without thinking, without stopping to realize what I’m doing, I kiss her. A soft peck of my mouth against hers that leaves me crying out for more.

“Fine. We can take a minute.”

“I know you’re the all-busy-alpha but I really appreciate it,” she says sweetly.

“You’re trying to butter me up.” I like it.

I nestle her underneath my arm and guide her back toward the main lodge where Torin and I have been conducting our business. Sort of a makeshift headquarters while we’re working together.

He took the camp’s office as his, and Dax and I holed up in one of the camper cabins nearby. Torin will be hard at work doing what he does best—organizing and making everyone’s life miserable with his micromanaging. But it works out all the better for me.

His beta might be Ren’s mate, but she sought me out.

The connection between us, although I’ve done my best to deny it many times, still exists. It’s a thrumming in my veins along with blood, a beat of my heart like something is pulsing in near-perfect time.

A small space where a kitchen garden used to be is the perfect clearing to help Ren through her change. Which should be easier with the approach of the full moon.

“No one will see us here,” I assure her, stopping her on one of the nearly invisible flagstone pavers marking a path through the overgrown, slumbering garden.

Ren’s hands go straight to her hips. “You think I’m embarrassed by it?”

“I think there’s always a slight hesitation when it comes to embracing something you’re not used to. Something that has never been a part of your world before,” I hurry to say, to correct myself before she fixes those glowing eyes on me in a bad way. I don’t want to ruin this before it starts. This tender, budding moment where it’s only the two of us in a raging sea of stress.

“The first thing you need to remember is to relax,” I tell her. “Keep your body calm and your mind away from anything that scares you.”

“That’s going to help me stop fighting the change?” she clarifies.

“I’m not sure. That’s what my mother told me when I was going through my adolescence. It doesn’t really make the transition easier, but it gives your mind something different to focus on rather than the stress of what your body is experiencing. Now widen your legs.”

I wait for her to move into position. Balanced evenly on both feet.

“Hands off the hips. Leave your arms loose at your sides and swing them around a little bit.”

I go through the motions myself, keeping my feet planted while I work my arms from side to side in a flowing motion, keeping my breath timed with the movement.

Ren mimics me. “I feel silly.”

“Silly is better than scared, isn’t it?” I tease. “Not to mention your clothes. Dresses will help you when you shift. Easier to move, easier to tear off. You might want to consider wearing them.”

She arches a brow. “Seriously?”

I mimic her right back and say, “Clothing can be constricting when you need to shift quickly. Especially in emergencies. It’s why I don’t wear underwear. And why Dax is always naked.”

Ren snorts, shaking her head to clear whatever picture in her mind has her blushing. “So. Your mom taught you, huh?”

“She did indeed. Since my father was being the all-busy-alpha as well.” I throw her own words back at her but not with any kind of malice. It delights me, being able to share a little bit of my family’s history with her.

“How did she describe it? Your mom?”

“You mean our shift? She described it as embracing a different part of me, something that’s always been there, and having it show on the outside. It’s not something you fight because it’s in you. The wolf is not separate. The wolf is you.”

Ren stumbles over her words. “Then why does it only seem accessible when I’m really emotional? It’s like my hormones are going nuts and the more I try to control myself, the deeper I get into this pit, this well, and then it’s not me anymore. It’s this other thing taking over.”

“It feels that way because you’re not a natural-born wolf. But that doesn’t make you any less of one,” I explain gently.

This, I realize as we both go through the motions of swinging our arms, is something special. I can’t put my finger on it exactly, or pinpoint why the thought has made itself known, growing louder.

But it’s just me and Ren bonding outside the lodge. The two of us with an uncertain future ahead.

I slow my movements until we both go still but the energy is flowing. “Close your eyes, sweetheart. Look at that pit inside of you. The one you say you feel. Your wolf is there but she’s not separate. She’s you. She is always going to be there. She feels the pull of the moon.”

Ren’s eyes flutter shut and she nods. “It’ s there. The moon… It’s like when you get a craving for something and you know it won’t be curbed until you have it.”

“Exactly. And there’s no reason not to give in.”

“But I’m scared.”

Her body is resisting the change. If she would only lower those walls, it would be easier.

Her hands curl, her arms bent at the elbows and her head tilting to the side. Small patches of white fur erupt over her wrists and the sides of her neck, her jaw cracking out of place. Pain screws her face into an awful, heartbreaking expression.

“Stop fighting.”

“It hurts , Mathis.”

She’s whimpering, and now I’m the one torn. Do I comfort her? Do I take her in my arms and tell her she doesn't have to do this, that I’ll make sure she never hurts again?

Or do I approach her as the alpha? Using my voice of command on her, ordering her to do as she’s told, may make the transition a bit easier on her.

“The more you practice, the better it will be,” I assure her. “Faster. Less pain.”

She shakes her head and the patches of fur disappear back into her skin. “I’m never going to get this.”

She’s frustrated, something I understand, something I’ve bitterly struggled against myself in the past.

“You will.”

“I’ve failed so much in my life, Mathis. You have no idea.” She shifts her hip to the side, staring at me for a long moment as she wraps her arms around her chest. The chill in the air doesn’t bother her the way it used to. Has she noticed it yet, I wonder, how she walks around the camp in the T-shirt and light red hoodie? No coat ?

“I wanted to try riding a horse once. Which seems cliché, of course. I got spooked when the horse neighed at me, and I never went back. Same thing with singing,” she tells me. “I tried karaoke once with my friends. I never even made it to the stage.”

“This isn’t one of your hobbies. Or something you think you’re going to try. This is your life. You are a wolf.”

“ But why? ” she explodes, her hands going into the air. Her scent ramps up to levels I can’t ignore until I feel like I’m drowning in her. “Why did the Goddess choose me ? I never asked to absorb the Moonstone. It just happened.”

“Yes, it happened,” I insist. “The Goddess chose you. What are you going to do now?”

“Gripe about it, apparently. And fail.”

“It’s not a failure. Do you think it came easily to me, what I had to do?” I toss it out as I approach her, resting my hands on her shoulders.

She’s trembling with a combination of frustration and confusion. The full moon is only going to make it worse. Tonight, tomorrow, and the next day, the lure will be too much for Ren to ignore.

Ren twists her face into a smirk. “Everything seems to come easy to you.”

“Well, I’m glad you think so, sweetheart, because I wouldn’t want you or anyone else to think otherwise of me. But I wasn’t always an alpha. Once I was a kid, too. And I didn’t have horseback riding or singing lessons.”

“Then what did little baby Mathis Blake have instead?”

Ren gets me riled up on a good day. When she uses my name that way? Fuck me .

I run my hand through my hair before scrubbing it down the side of my face. My wolf prowls closer in a bid for nearness. To get close to her. To mark her the way I’ve wanted to mark her from the start.

“I had archery,” I tell her with a slight smile. “I had target practice. Would you believe I’m a crack shot? I shot my first squirrel at ten and then my father handed it off to some of our omegas. They made stew. I was never so proud of myself.”

“Squirrel stew?” Ren makes a barf face.

“Hey, don’t knock it until you’ve had a chance to try it. Flora is definitely one of the best cooks we’ve got. You’ve tasted her cooking for yourself.”

The mention of Flora does exactly what I wanted it to do. It gets Ren out of her overthinking and back into the present moment. She stares at me, her nostrils flared.

“The first time I changed, I was a little nervous. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be as good as my father at anything I’ve had to do in my life. Because to me, he was the best. The best dad, the best alpha, the quickest to shift, all of it. And a fantastic mate to my mom.”

Hearing the word widens her eyes. “Your parents were mates?”

I nod. “They were. And I knew that if they could weather the storms together that I’d be able to do anything. Which still didn’t stop me from being nervous when it came time to change. You have to listen to your body. Now, shut your eyes.”

Ren obeys much faster this time, standing rooted to the ground, her eyes squeezed shut. “Okay.”

I pitch my tone low and instill a bit of command into every syllable. Something Ren may not recognize right away but something she’ll feel inside of her. It will help calm her down.

“My father took me out into the woods outside of our cabin where I always used to play. There were other kids in our pack around the same age as me but he wanted it to be special, just the two of us. He walked me through it, and when I was halfway shifted, he changed as well. Showed me how it was done.”

“My mom is a dentist,” Ren replies. “Well, was a dentist. She and Dad died in a car crash five years ago, but she always was very no-nonsense. She knew the steps and the procedures to anything in her life. Which always made it seem so strange that she and Dad told me all those stories about the local deity who saved me. I mean, why would they have thought to go that route in the first place? Where did they hear the stories?”

I have no explanation for Ren. “It was meant to be.”

“She showed me how to bandage my dolls when they were sick. Even if it was just pretend, Mom never did anything half-assed. She was the steadiest person I knew.”

I watch her intently, noting the way her spine curves forward and her legs bend at unnatural angles. I watch her face for pain and there’s a slight tightening around her eyes but that’s all. That’s the only indication of pain before she falls forward and lands on all fours. Her skin disappears under a wave of snow-white fur.

Her body pitches closer to the ground, and I scent her. If I thought her irresistible as a human, her scent as a wolf makes my mouth water and stirs to life those buried urges inside of me.

“That’s it,” I whisper.

Ren completes her change, and I shift with her, allowing my wolf to take over.

A short barked command gets her attention, and she whips around to face me. Then I turn and take off into the woods.

Knowing instinctively that Ren is close on my heels.