Page 9
Eight
Sebastian
I don’t understand in the slightest how Marla could handle this demon.
Every single morning, I’m lured out to the forest and taken down. A wisp of a memory, the gentle sway of my mother’s voice, plays on the edges of my mind. A sound I shouldn’t remember, yet it lingers. Her words, like a relentless tide of scorn and hatred, wash over me, shattering my will to fight.
Daggers cut me with each thought, every word uttered by my fucking father who used to beat me senseless.
The ghosts of the people I killed lurk in the shadows, ready to tear me to shreds, and I fall for it each time.
With a sigh, I stand at the back door.
“Sebastian?”
Marla is the only thing that prevents me from completely falling apart. Without her, I’d crumble into a cracked statue of the man I once was, the sharp edges of my grief cutting into my soul like shards of stone.
“My dove, did you sleep well?”
Of course, I’ve noticed how much she’s needed to rest—the dark circles under her eyes speak volumes. After the first week of having the demon removed, she didn’t even move from the bed.
Chloe and Sid took care of the new souls that time and I’m grateful they found each other, but also they’ve become pillars to our operation.
“Yes, I’m glad you could stay in. Not like I don’t love looking for you every morning.” Marla smirks, and it’s beautiful to see joy cross her features, even when she’s teasing me.
When she slips her arms around my waist, the tension leaves my muscles, and I feel a sense of calm, if only for a moment.
“New souls are arriving today. Are we ready for this?” Sid asks as he strolls out into the hall.
My hands tremble, and a cold sweat slicks my palms, the overwhelming fear making me question my ability to continue.
Marla’s description of the brain fog was a light haze, but the experience is far more debilitating.
The reality is a relentless drowning of memories, a suffocating imprisonment within my mind. It’s unbelievable to me what she faced every day. Though I’m thankful for her peace now, I’m left grappling with a profound sense of loss and a fear for my well-being.
“We’re always ready. Same plan as last time?” Marla asks, tilting her head as she crosses her arms and leans against me.
“Actually, Chloe and I wanted to talk to you guys about something.” Sid doesn’t make eye contact and toes the ground with his shoe.
My chest is tight, constricting my breath as a cacophony of angry whispers assaults my ears, the air thick with volatile energy.
“Stay with me, Sebastian, it’s not real, my love,” Marla murmurs, gripping my hand.
“What do you guys want to talk about?” I ask, and walk away from the back door.
At the front, unfinished wooden chairs sit, a testament to the little time we have for leisure. Sid eases down on one, and Marla curls in my lap. Chloe walks out from the bedroom and glances around the room before meeting Sid’s gaze.
“Well, we’ve thought about this and talked a lot, but we have an idea,” Chloe says.
I arch my eyebrow and observe Sid.
“We’re going to branch out, if that’s something you both are okay with.”
Marla pulls away from me, leaning forward to glance at both of them. The absence of her safety is a gaping wound in my chest, a constant, agonizing ache.
These days, a minor event can shatter my composure and leave me in pieces. My weakness with this demon was never greater, even though you need all the strength in the world to endure its curse.
“What do you mean?” my dove asks.
“Listen, you are both great, but we figured if we went out on our own, we could help more people. While we’ve been out on the last few welcomes and exploring, we found an entire area on the other side that drops off souls.”
Shock surges through me. Somehow, I was convinced that we were including every single individual.
“We want to build a community of folks that desire to help the new souls. Although some may resist, we are ready to pass on what we’ve learned to all those receptive and expand this aid to a much larger group.
No one left behind. The lost become found until they’re willing to break off onto their own,” Sid says and reclines in his chair.
“I’m so proud of you both. It’ll be different without you, but it makes sense. Where will you live, though?” Marla asks. I stroke her back, needing to feel her under my fingertips.
Chloe shrugs and rakes her hand through her mohawk. “We’ve found a couple of dug-out tunnels that could make do until we find something else. You know how it is, always moving and fighting.”
“When will you leave?” I ask.
“Figured we’d head out this morning to the other side and set up our place before welcoming the new souls. Seemed like the best time to start fresh.” Sid smiles at me.
“Way to go, guys. I’m happy you’re going to carry on this mission. It’s important for the realm to keep the fear and tension down a bit.” Marla jumps and gives them each a hug.
I shake Sid’s hand, feeling his firm grip, and embrace Chloe before they both nod and head out the door.
A warm smile spreads across my face as I glance at Marla.
“Back to the two of us. What will we ever do?” I ask and raise an eyebrow. Her giggle fills the space and restores my heart rate to normal.
As she walks toward my chair, the ground shakes, and large black eyes peer through the branches of our roof. I know he’s here again and is angry that I didn’t succumb to the dreadful music earlier.
Marla’s face blurs, a whirlwind of emotions washing over me as my mind races. I was made to protect her, and now I’m the vulnerable one, unable to keep her safe from everything.
Hands of the past reach through our canopy and grasp at my clothes. My father’s words reverberate within me, and I close my eyes, waiting for the next assault.
“Sebastian, stay here with me,” Marla begs.
As much as I want to meet her wishes, I’m taken deeper into my mind and the house of nightmares replaces our treehouse. Old décor covers the walls, and a door slams.
He’s coming for me once more, and this time I’m not even a man. I’m the little boy who couldn’t ever be enough. My body trembles with fear as the heavy tread of his boots pound the old wooden floor, and I rack my brain trying to remember my mistake.
“You no-good piece of shit. I’ve told you time and time again to keep your toys off the front lawn.” My father stands before me, shaking his finger at me, and as he gets closer, it’s jammed into my shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Dad,” I whisper.
His deep chuckle fills my ears, and I swallow the lump in my throat. My vision blurs, the unshed tears burning my eyes like acid rain, but I understand crying won’t change anything. Even at my young age, that one tear will bring terrible consequences.
“You’re gonna be sorry, boy,” he grunts.
Snapping off his belt, I anticipate what’s coming and as his large hand wraps around my tiny shoulder; I brace for the impact. Every day he does this despite my best efforts, and I don’t know why.
“My love,” Marla screams.
The past dissipates, like a storm passing through, and I look into her hazel eyes. She grips my thighs and launches herself into my lap, squashing the darkness.
I grip her neck and bring her closer. Kissing her fiercely, I pull back to gaze into her irises before I press my lips tenderly to hers again. “I love you so fucking much, my dove.”
“I adore you, Sebastian. There is no one I’d rather spend eternity with than you. You’re doing so well. I know it feels impossible, but you are handling things.”
She’s crazy. These days, the past I thought I’d killed and buried returns like a relentless tide of guilt and dread, its crushing weight suffocating me and threatening to destroy my very being. The memories, sharp and vivid, claw at my mind.
“Let’s go, we’ll welcome the new souls, get our minds off things, alright?” She grasps my hand and as we link fingers, I know I chose this to protect her from the torture. I’m unsure if I’ll make it, but I will do my best for her.
As we walk out into the realm, I glance around at the deep crimson sky. Every time new souls are coming, it’s always darker than normal. Usually a red and orange blend becomes shrouded in terror and rage.
“I’m glad they went off on their own. The other areas didn’t occur to me. I don’t know why I feel bad,” I tell her as we walk.
“We can’t know everything, but I agree. I wonder how many people I let down, although maybe it’s for the best. If we were everywhere, we might have never met Sid and Chloe and showed them the way.” Marla has a pep to her I’ve never seen, and I love it.
As we reach the crowd, they are bickering amongst themselves and my dove whistles loudly. Most turn to look at her, and with a deep sigh she does the speech she always does. Cries fill the air, and she hugs people before pairing some of them up who don’t run.
After a while we’re left alone again, and she turns and shrugs before grabbing my hand, and we head back.
Once we reach the trail to our home, I notice the branches of the roof caved in. The angry red bitch of my old demon leers at me before stumbling away.
Long, skeletal shadows stretch across the lawn as I envision the camouflage monster tearing the house apart, its actions echoing in the silence of my mind. We can never have a moment of peace.
“Sebastian, it’s okay. Just some branches. Come on.”
I stare at her, mesmerized for a few minutes before looking away, then notice the house is fine except for the damaged roof. Shaking my head, I walk in with her and kneel once we’ve crossed the front entrance.
The sting of defeat settles in, and I wonder what our future might have held.
Marla drops before me, grasping my face with both hands as she stares into my eyes.
“You’ve got this, my love. We’re going to go to the Lords and switch this. I’ve been able to live my life this way, and I refuse to watch you break in front of me.”
Her words anger me, but as the tears drop, I can’t do anything to stop them. She wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me close. I sob into her shoulder.
Breaking the disguise of being dead inside might be the final straw. Growing up in a world where emotions were fuel for the fire is a scary thing now.
“You’re doing so good. I’m so proud of you, Sebastian. Look at me, we can do this, okay?”
Our eyes lock, and we don’t break contact until the bedroom door, where I lie down and feel her warm body against mine.
The thought of returning it to her makes my stomach twist, a desperate plea for strength to return to my soul.
“I can’t watch you be tortured. I’ve just got to get used to this.”
With a slight shake of her head, her touch remains, fingers weaving through my hair, her strokes soft against my skin, a silent reassurance.
Marla’s acceptance of my emotions, a stark contrast to others, offered a glimmer of hope that we could overcome this. My past is not a reflection of our future. She differs from those people from years ago who caused me such deep emotional wounds, although the scars remain.
The ache inside threatens to split me in two. As much as I love her and want everything to work out, the walls of my mind are closing in on me.