Page 10

Nine

Marla

D ecades have drifted by, leaving their mark on everything. I do what I can to help him, even as he falls further into the past.

Sebastian never let me take the demon back. He forbade me from ever seeing the Lords.

In between the constant threat, there were moments of unexpected peace, brief respites where his spirit shone with a quiet joy, but these tranquil interludes were far too short-lived to offer lasting solace.

Whenever I find him, I clean him and return him to the present, but he’s becoming a shell of the man he was.

I’ve broken his rules, pounding on the Lords’ doors, but to no avail. The silence is deafening, and I’m at a loss.

After getting back from welcoming new souls, I have to rest, but I fear what will become of Sebastian when I wake. My love for him is boundless, but an overwhelming fatigue weighs me down like never before.

Lying beside him, his arm wraps around me, a familiar warmth, and I feel at home.

Even as his mind tears him to shreds and the demons lurk, he’ll always be my place, the one I need more than anything else in this realm or another.

I rest my head against the moss and am wrapped in his heat. My eyelids are heavy and as the chaos reigns around us, I fall into a deep sleep.

Each morning, for several years, we wake nestled together, a quiet defiance against his inner turmoil.

I wouldn’t wish the camouflaging blue demon, with its sinister, unseen presence, upon my worst enemy. Its chilling effect is an experience I’d only reserve for my abusers.

This morning, I feel cold after waking. He’s run off again, and tears well and sting my eyes. A heavy weight presses down on my stomach, screaming that something is terribly wrong.

Running out of the house, I trace the trail he always takes. Large, grey boulders, worn smooth by time and weather, mark the path, poking out from the brittle, brown grass.

I duck and weave, avoiding the thorny branches that scratch at my flesh. This pain—a searing, exquisite torment—beckons to me, but duty calls louder.

All my focus, all my energy, is directed towards Sebastian. I need only think of him. He needs me to rescue him, just as he’s pulled me from the depths so many times before. A cold sweat clings to my skin, and I don’t know how I’ll keep bringing him back to the present.

Trampled brush in front of me is where I should find him, but Sebastian is nowhere to be seen. I continue trekking through the forest as I search for signs he went this way, but come up empty. Fear chills me. I’ve always found him before.

Panic seizes me, my heart races, and I am rooted to the spot, my gaze frantically searching the dense, ominous woods.

My instincts are stupid. Fighting or fleeing might help, but the sickening feeling of helplessness when you fawn or freeze makes any battle feel pointless.

Climbing over the fallen logs and twigs, heavy black vines snake around my ankles, pulling me down to the cold, hard ground with a thud. With a quick twist away from the barrier, I risk a look behind me.

The sight of the tall demon fills me with dread. The air itself seems to crackle with its dark energy. Tendrils slither through the forest floor and I hold back my screams. I’ve learned they love the sound. Each time I’ve failed, they seem to be filled with glee and become stronger.

I swallow the emotions bubbling on my tongue and kick out at the sinister fingers reaching for me. I don’t have the leisure to fight my own demons right now when I need to find Sebastian.

Glancing back at the edge of the forest, his tattoos stand out against the dark branches, and I know I have to reach him. Crawling, I shake off the tendrils that try to keep me in place. Out of the corner of my vision, I see my purple demon's fangs smile, and my breath catches in my lungs.

“STOP,” I shout, although it is futile.

Ignoring Depression and Anxiety will never be the answer, but right now, it might be the only thing to save us.I inhale as deep as I can and focus only on the sight ahead of me.

Painful hands run over my back as I scamper across the debris and reach the edge of the forest.

Sebastian isn’t fighting. He leans against a gnarled, ancient tree, its wood soft with decay, eyes unfocused, oblivious to my noisy struggle to stand, the sound of snapping twigs filling the air. He has lost to the claws of the blue monster, stuck in his memories.

“Sebastian?”

It’s as if he can’t hear me. I creep toward him, lowering myself to his level.

“Seb?” My voice is shaky while I walk to him on my knees.

Thunder crashes everywhere. He’s still zoned out even through the kaleidoscope of sounds around us. I place my palm on his knee, squeezing his muscle, but he remains lost. My heart thumps in my ribcage, dizziness spins my world, and I shuffle a touch closer to reach for him again.

In a heartbeat, his dark eyes lock onto mine, and his hand shoots out a forceful grip on my wrist. A low growl rumbles in Sebastian’s chest as he keeps me back. His grasp feels like a vise, and the thought of separation crushes my soul with despair.

Living in eternity without him isn’t possible. I’d crawl through whatever Cavum Terra has for me to reach him. He’s the only constant in my life, the only thing that makes sense in the ever-changing world.

“Go,” he hisses, the words laced with venom, “you’re not wanted here.”

He twists my wrist the wrong way, and a sharp, stabbing agony shoots up to my elbow. I cry out in distress.

“Leave, Marla,” he spits, “love will never be enough. You know that.”

As he looks into my eyes again, his gaze is cold, not the familiar look I remember. The torment is unbearable, and he uses force to push me, which sends me crashing to the forest floor.

When he doesn’t catch me, it cements the idea that we’re done. I’ll love him forever, but without his devotion in return, my heart will wither and die.

“Sebastian, this isn’t you. Let’s go home. We can…”

“Do what, Marla? Play house and pretend everything is fine? You could never love someone like me. Everything's ruined, and love has no place here anymore.”

He glances back at me one last time before sprinting into the shadowy depths of the forest, the sound of his footsteps fading, and I press my injured wrist against my side.

It’s just as my mother told me for years. An icy dread settles in my bones, whispering of failure and inadequacy. The eternal tie we were supposed to have feels like a cruel joke, a love I don’t deserve, a bond forever out of reach.

Standing, I glance into the woods, but I’ve lost track of him. Wandering back to our home seems stupid, but I have nowhere else to go. I’m alone again, likely how I should be.

The agonizing pain I carry has ripped through the lives of everyone around me, but as long as I’m by myself, my suffering will be contained.

I want to believe it’s the demon tearing us apart, but the rumination of my own thoughts strips that theory to shreds.

Reaching the treehouse, a flicker of hope ignites in my chest—maybe Sebastian is waiting behind this familiar door.

When I enter, the silence is deafening, but I still look around for him. Everything is meaningless if we’re not together. It’s all too much, and my body shakes. Tears pour from my eyes. I crumple to the ground, a raw, animalistic sob escaping my lips.

All of my childhood fears have become reality. Everything I’ve lived through and fixed is all for nothing without Sebastian. He’ll hold my soul in his hands until the end of time. There is no hope that could save me from myself now.

The pressure on my chest flows throughout my body, limbs tense under the devastation crashing against the jagged pieces of my heart. My home, my anchor, has been stolen from me. The tears falling aren’t enough, and my skin becomes too tight as waves of sorrow torment me.

My muscles scream as I pull myself off the floor, each movement a monumental effort, but I rise and walk to the table, my fingertips tracing the cool wood before finding my hidden weapon.

The rock’s sharp edge bites into my fingers as I grip it, a gratefulness washing over me for Sebastian’s persistence in mastering this craft.

I pull up my shirt and glance at my skin. Marked by a lifetime of emotions, a landscape of pain is etched onto my flesh. A network of scars, each a pale, raised line whispering tales of torment. It’s astonishing how he tolerated my flaws for so long.

As I press the jagged piece of rock against my arm, it takes force, but soon the blissful agony fills me. Blood drips, and for a moment I am able to breathe.

For a few minutes, I can pretend my world hasn’t broken, that my other half hasn’t been overtaken by the demons.

A world without Sebastian isn’t for me. My mother would call me a weak, worthless person, needing someone else to be whole. Her words don’t ring in my ears anymore since his selfless act, but the sorrow that has followed me my entire life will haunt me more than anything.

I vowed to love him for all time, a promise etched into my soul, unshakeable and true. For the rest of my days, I’ll hold on to the need for him. The nickname, a sweet whisper that I long to hear again.

Just as I approach the chair to continue slicing my skin, a loud bang on the door shatters the silence. I shove the tool in my pocket and wrap a rag around my arm. Cuts and gashes are a gruesome, familiar sight here in Cavum Terra.

With hesitation, I reach the weathered wood, its grain rough beneath my fingertips as I pull it back. The three Lords, imposing figures in their rich velvet robes, stand before me.

“Hello.”

“Marla,” Berimund says, “we have an offer. I know you’ve been trying to reach us, and I apologize for our lack of communication.”

I push my hand through my tresses before gesturing toward the house, inviting them in. They all walk forward and take a seat. Their existence seems too powerful in our rickety dwelling.

“What’s going on?” I ask.

Giso smiles at me, her long blonde hair braided. “You’ve done marvelous work here in the realm. Throughout the millennia of our presence here, never have we seen someone working with others to provide comfort and community.”

“It seemed like the right thing to do, no one left behind. Chloe and Sid have taken the responsibility on the other side of the realm,” I say.

“We’re aware. They’ve trained more teams to do the same. You’ve created a legacy. Sebastian, too. Treating everyone who took their own life with respect and compassion. It is endearing, it’s something we admire,” Tanca says.

The mention of Sebastian’s name clenches my heart with a familiar ache, but I must listen to this offer. If it will restore him, I’ll give them anything they desire, no matter the cost.

“Also, you’ve served a millennium here. It’s not in the rule book, but once a soul has proven they have what it takes not only to be resistant, but resilient against everything thrown at them, they are rewarded.” Berimund leans back in the chair and smiles at me.

“If you lead with that, people might actually try harder,” I say.

“Well, maybe. However, not everyone can be like you two. Showing the path to others, making sure no one is alone and letting individuals grow the way they needed to on Earth is a rarity.”

“And?” I’m impatient, but I need to find out what to do in order to save us both.

“There is another realm. It’s better. You’ll both be free of your demons and able to live out the rest of your eternity in Karus Anima,” Berimund tells me.

“Karus Anima?” I arch an eyebrow and wonder how I’ll even get Seb somewhere else.

“It means precious soul. You’ve proven over and over you belong there. Some people you might recognize, but no one who has hurt you in any lifetime will be there,” Giso says.

“Sebastian is lost. He took on my burden, and it consumed him, leaving him a shell of his former self. I don’t know how I’ll get him there. He wants nothing to do with me.” My voice trembles, and a sob escapes.

Giso’s hand wraps around my shoulder. I didn’t even see her rise from the chair. She strokes my arm and stares into my eyes. “It’ll work out if it’s meant to be. For now, this is limited, and we must go.”

Faced with the decision of leaving Sebastian in this hell he stole from me, I stand and follow the Lords.

I pray to any entity listening that he forgives my selfishness and that somehow, somewhere, he finds me again. The weight of my actions is heavy on my chest.

“I’m ready.”