Page 45 of My Ex-Best Men (Ex Marks the Spot #4)

***Claire***

I found the first giant flaw with Madeline being the wedding planner the next night during the rehearsal dinner.

While she sat at a table with Sophia, Jake, and my three men, I was exiled to a table by the bathroom with Jordan and a few of Jake’s distant cousins who’d flown in earlier than they’d been invited.

I was literally at a table with people who weren’t supposed to be at the dinner.

When the guys had spotted the discrepancy, they’d wanted to speak up but I wouldn’t let them.

I wasn’t going to be the cause of any other trouble for Sophia.

So I was sitting between Jordan and Jake’s cousin, Jerry.

Jerry, who was a forty-year-old toddler with the table manners of a toad.

After his third deep burp I actually leaned closer to Jordan because he was the lesser of the two evils. He, of course, took advantage of the situation. He put his arm along the back of my chair and even pulled me closer.

“I’m glad we’re getting to spend some time together, babe. I’ve missed you.”

Jerry leaned towards me, lifted his right leg, and let a loud fart rip. He made eye contact with me while he did it and then grinned. “Sorry.”

It was too much. I popped up from my chair and excused myself. “I need to ask Sophia something. Be right back.”

Before I made it two feet from the table and Jerry’s toxic fumes, Madeline was there. With her official clipboard in her hands and a chilly smile on her face, she tilted her head as she looked me over. I wasn’t going to let her think she was getting to me so I just smiled back at her.

“Could you stay in your seat until after dinner is served? I don’t want to confuse the servers.

” She tapped her nails on the glittery clipboard and I noticed it read ‘Maid of Honor’.

She saw me looking at it and her grin turned even chillier.

“It’s from another wedding. Don’t worry.

We all think you’re doing just the best job at being Sophia’s maid of honor. ”

I took a deep breath and counted to ten. It didn’t help. I wanted to strangle her. Instead, I took another deep breath and stepped around her. “I just need to run to the bathroom. Excuse me.”

She waited until I was almost by her and then she lightly grabbed my upper arm. “I’m really happy for you, Claire. I think it’s so great that you’re open enough and brave enough to screw three men so openly without worrying about what people are thinking and saying about you.”

I didn’t manage to form a retort before she’d skirted away to haunt the next person. All my desire to flee from my table vanished so I just plopped back down in my seat and did my best to not breathe in all of Jerry’s gases.

Jordan leaned over. “Maybe we should play a game. Every fart or burp from him, we take a shot.”

I snorted. “I have no interest in dying of alcohol poisoning.”

He laughed and tried to put his arm around me until I pushed it away. “I’m just trying to be friendly, Claire. Give a guy a break.”

“You can be friendly without touching me.” I squeezed my eyes shut as Jerry farted again. “Nope. I can’t do this.”

“Here. Change seats with me. It’s the least I can do.

” Jordan stood up and ushered me into his seat, farther from Jerry.

“We’re together for the rest of the night.

I’d much rather us play nice than spend the night being bitter at each other the whole time.

Maybe we should pretend we’re different people tonight. ”

I took a deep breath and nearly gagged when I inhaled what smelled like rotten eggs. Turning away, I gripped Jordan’s arm tight and shook my head as my eyes watered. “I can’t do this. Oh, god. He’s not well.”

Jordan’s face turned green. “Jerry! Bloody hell, man! Either plug yourself or slink back to whatever mud hole you crawled out of!”

Jerry had the decency to look at least a little embarrassed. “Sorry. I’m lactose intolerant.”

I watched in horror as he picked up another piece of the cheese that came as our appetizer.

I wanted to slap it out of his hand and cry at the same time.

The smells he was emitting had no place anywhere near a dinner table.

A waiter came our way and then immediately changed direction after inhaling the toxic air surrounding us.

I shook my head and pushed away from the table. “I can’t. I just can’t!”

Sophia caught me when I was fleeing the table for fresh air.

I’d almost escaped the hotel when her fingers latched onto my hand and held firm.

“What the hell are you doing way over there? You know damn well you’re supposed to be at my table.

Maybe even closer to me than Jake so we can put our heads together and talk shit. ”

I tried to force a smile but my eyes were still watering from Jerry’s last fart. Tears ran down my cheeks and when I opened my mouth to try to explain that I wasn’t upset I just started cackling. I doubled over and held my sides as my muscles ached. “Oh, my god. I- Jerry- Gas!”

Jordan suddenly pushed past us, nearly knocking me over, on his own search for fresh air. As soon as he opened the door, he sucked in a lung full of the good stuff and let out a loud, shaky breath. “I believe I’ve smelled hell in the bowels of that man.”

Anthony was at my side in a flash, a growl in his throat. “Watch where you’re going. You almost knocked Claire over.”

I held up my hand and tried to contain my laughter to explain that Jordan’s push was excusable under the circumstances. “Couldn’t breathe! Jerry! Gas!”

Jake’s face appeared in front of mine, even as I was doubled over, and his eyes were wide. “Someone gave Jerry cheese, didn’t they?”

I let out a howl of laughter and tried to stand up straight.

Anthony had to help me and in the end, he just ended up holding my body against his, my back to his front with his arms around me.

I wiped tears from my face as fast as they fell and sagged against Anthony.

It took me a while to get control of myself but when I did, I still barely got more than a few sentences out before I cackled again.

“I’m sorry! That table needs to be declared a biohazard.

I think something’s seriously wrong with Jerry, internally. No human should make that smell.”

Sophia giggled hard enough that her plunging neckline and bouncing boobs stole Jake’s attention. When she saw where he was looking, she slipped her arms around his waist and grinned up at him. “I’ve still got it, huh?”

“I really, really hate to tell you this, but I think some of the smell is clinging to your hair…” Anthony sniffed me and his entire body stiffened. “Wow…”

Will chose that moment to join us and his eyes widened as he inhaled. I watched his nostrils flare before he took a step back. “Um…”

“This is not happening to me.” I pushed away from Anthony and held my hands up as he and Will both tried to reach for me. “No! I stink! I can’t believe you told me I stink, Anthony! I can’t believe I stink!”

Zane moved around the group of people staring at me and rolled his eyes. “I’ve got this. You don’t spend a few years on a tour bus without losing your ability to smell bad things. Come on, stinky. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Madeline appeared with her clipboard. “The meal is about to be served, everyone. If you could all return to your tables…”

“You put Claire at the wrong table, Madeline. When she gets back from her biohazard rinse, she needs a seat at our table.” Sophia’s tone left no room for argument but Madeline still tried.

“Everything’s already planned and organized-”

“I don’t care much for weddings but one of the traditions I’m into is the maid of honor sticking close to the bride.” Sophia tapped Madeline’s clipboard. “I’m sure it was just an oversight, not putting Claire with me, but I’d love it if you could fix that.”

I took no joy in the flush that crept up Madeline’s neck. I didn’t want to cause her problems but I was more than grateful to have Sophia on my side, ready to save me from Jerry. “I can just pull up a chair.”

Zane sniffed me and whistled. “Let’s let them figure it out. We need to get you hosed down before this funk seeps any deeper.”

I made a panicked sound. “Don’t even joke about that. I feel like I just survived something traumatic. Look at my hands. They’re shaking.”

He grinned and easily tossed me over his shoulder. No sooner than I felt the breeze against my asscheeks did I feel his big hand settle over my short dress to cover me. “We’ll be right back.”