Page 21 of My Ex-Best Men (Ex Marks the Spot #4)

***Claire***

I ’d planned the snorkeling trip without thinking.

I wasn’t a big fan of the open ocean, my swimming was adequate at best, and I hadn’t been on a boat in years.

I’d set myself up for failure and I was suffering because of it.

I had a hangover and the constant rocking of the boat had me feeling more seasick than I could ever remember being.

Seconds after leaving the marina I’d had my head in a bucket and was vomiting.

I was stubborn and refused to stay behind, though.

I’d planned the excursion for the bridal party and I wasn’t missing it.

After Uncle Sal, who’d somehow wrangled an invite from Sophia, started sharing explicit stories from his past, however, I changed my mind and wished I’d stayed behind.

Nothing could dull the horror at hearing my geriatric great-uncle describe his penis as a Bruce Willis movie. Die Hard would never be the same.

I tried to glare at him to make him stop talking but with my head in the bucket and Will, Zane, and Anthony shuffling around me to be the one holding my hair back, I couldn’t get to him. I had to continue to endure his tales.

“Well, after my dalliance with the senator I went on down to Cuba on a boat with a wealthy Canadian named Dom who loved leather and naughty young men like me. Dom had these huge hands… In all the years since my time with that man, I’ve never been spanked the same way.

” Uncle Sal sighed so dramatically, I heard it over the engine of the boat.

“It’s a shame, really. A good spanking is just what the doctor orders some days.

Just ask my sweet little niece over there.

I heard spanking sounds coming from her apartment in London during one visit… ”

I yanked my head up so fast that whoever had managed to hold my hair ended up ripping out a few strands. “Uncle Sal!”

“You know the quiet ones are always the freakiest.” Sophia snorted and winked at me. “Although, I am curious about who was spanking you. I know it wasn’t Jordan. You would’ve murdered him.”

Jordan, who’d invited himself on the trip, perked up. “I might’ve slapped that ass a time or-”

“Stop talking or I’ll toss your little ass over the side of the boat.” Will’s voice promised violence and it shut Jordan right up.

“Move, asshole.” Anthony shoved Zane out of the way once he and Will were focused on Jordan. He gently wrapped my hair around his hand and squatted next to me. “Do you need me to throw him overboard?”

“Jordan or Uncle Sal?”

He grinned and brushed his knuckles down the side of my face. “Either one of them for you, baby. Just say the word.”

I pressed my face into his palm and then paled as another wave of sickness hit me. I barely made it into the bucket.

“Hey, Will, could you rub sunscreen into my back? After Mom had that skin cancer scare a few years ago, I’ve been neurotic about being safe.” Madeline’s sickly sweet voice made the nausea worse.

“Now that you’re free, Zane, could you sing for us? It would mean the world!” Lizzie grabbed Zane’s arm and pulled him towards the front of the boat but I could still hear her begging him to sing.

“You know, your grandmother was quite the lady in her day, Jake.” Uncle Sal whistled. “Back when I swung every way possible, she rocked my world a few times. Did I ever tell you that? She had this trick she’d do with a chandelier and a piece of rope that-”

“Oh, my god.” Jake groaned. “Move over, Claire. I need the puke bucket.”

“Don’t be a prude, Jake.” Sophia giggled. “Grandma Grace was young once. She had every right to be wild.”

“I’m going to talk over that nightmare for you.

” Anthony settled next to me. “I took a refresher CPR course when I heard about the snorkeling trip. I figured I’d be prepared in case you forgot how to swim again.

The ocean’s a lot different than a college pool, though.

I did some research and I almost wish I hadn’t.

Did you know that one milliliter of ocean water can contain millions of viruses?

Also, there are over three million ships wrecked at the bottom of the sea. ”

I lifted my head and frowned. “I didn’t forget how to swim. And don’t tell me about viruses and shipwrecks right now, please.”

Uncle Sal, with the hearing of a bat, decided to give his input. “Oh, Claire told me all about how you two first met. She’d been studying for an exam all night long and she cut through the gym to get to her class faster. Only she caught sight of that one’s fine body and fell right into the pool.”

Anthony’s hand tightened slightly in my hair. “Is that true? You never told me you saw me before you fell in.”

“Oh, she definitely saw you. And with all the blood rushing to her lady parts, she couldn’t think of how to swim so she just sank.

” Uncle Sal was having too much fun. “Thankfully, her eye candy also happened to be an excellent swimmer. He saved her. Every time she talked about it, she had hearts in her eyes.”

I hugged the bucket tighter. “How about someone throws me overboard?”

“Not going to happen. Do you know how many sharks live in the ocean? How many creatures in general? We’ve only explored around twenty percent of the ocean and we’ve already found colossal squids.

What else do you think is hiding down there?

” Anthony rubbed my back in gentle circles.

“Besides, I want to hear more about those hearts in your eyes.”

“That reminds me of a time-”

“Uncle Sal!” I didn’t know what he was going to say next but I didn’t want to hear it either way.

His eye roll was so prominent that I could hear it in his voice. “Oh, relax. I’m not going to tell anymore of your secrets. I’ve got plenty of my own to spill, honey.”

“Thanks, Will.” Madeline giggled. “Tell us more about Claire, Uncle Sal. Was she totally helpless when it came to men in college like she was in high school?”

The thing about Uncle Sal was that he would embarrass me happily but he’d turn into a fierce guard dog at the drop of a hat if he thought someone was messing with me. I almost felt bad for Madeline.

“Look around you. Between the rockstar and the billionaire, what makes you think Claire is helpless when it comes to men? Of course, there are others that I can’t name who’d blow your tiny little mind.

” Uncle Sal cleared his throat haughtily.

“How’s your daddy, by the way? I hated rejecting him when he came over a few months ago but I just have never been able to see myself with a man who has kids like… Well, you know.”

Anthony leaned down, daringly putting himself closer to my mess, and let out a soft laugh against my neck. “Remind me to send that man on whatever shopping spree he wants.”

“Okay, Uncle Sal.” Will sounded pained as he spoke up for Madeline. “Play nice.”

“That was me playing nice. You should see me when I’m a bitch.”

“I didn’t hear you telling Madeline to play nice.” Zane returned to our end of the boat and he sounded as grumpy as I felt about Will standing up for Madeline.

The captain of the boat raised his voice and called out over everyone. “How about we all play nice and hit the water? I’m going to drop anchor here for the day.”