Page 20 of Murder & Mayhem (Bloody Desires #9)

DOMINIC

S leep was hard to come by. All I could think about was Jamie in the other room and if I was doing the right thing by leaving him alone like that.

At least a dozen times, I got out of bed to go check on him.

Half those times, I made it into the hallway before turning back.

Once, I even made it all the way into the room, ready to do whatever I could to make it better, but Jamie was already asleep.

It wasn’t peaceful, and I was tempted to wake him, but he settled down before I could decide so I silently made my way back to the spare bedroom.

Seeing him struggle only made sleep harder.

I stayed awake, switching between playing with my knife to keep my hands busy and checking my phone for messages from Ari or Gideon.

The chat was quiet, and if something didn’t give soon, I’d end up doing something I’d regret.

The door was completely open, so wide it set me on edge. But my bedroom was directly across the small hallway from the spare I was staying in, so this way if Jamie got up, I’d know immediately. If some threat managed to break in, they’d be dead before they ever got close to him.

Around 2 AM, I gave up on sleep entirely and pulled out my laptop to do my own research.

Generally, I left it to Ari because he was a fucking genius, but I was no slouch.

I started by looking at the information Ari had sent me about Jamie earlier.

I should feel guilty. It was an invasion of privacy, and I would be pissed if the situation were reversed and he looked up my juvenile records like that.

But if this would help me protect Jamie, then I would do whatever was necessary and make sure I had all the information available.

I could deal with a pissed-off Jamie, but even in this short time, I knew I wouldn’t survive a dead one.

Jameson Sullivan, born April 3, 2005—yeah, I wasn’t going to think about that too hard—to Ashley Sullivan, age 16.

No father listed. The address on the birth certificate seemed to be Ashley’s childhood home, but Jamie had first shown up on DCFS’s radar when someone had called the police when they’d found him crawling around in a dumpster.

His mom had been living in a tent nearby.

After that, his history was hazy. Bailey Sullivan’s birth certificate had been filed in Toledo, Ohio, and Ari had found record of Jamie being registered for kindergarten there, but he hadn’t finished the year.

Somehow, he’d ended up here with Joey Byrne.

There was no record of a legal marriage between Joey and Ashley, but she had signed over parental guardianship to him when Jamie had been nine. She’d died three years later.

That was it. There was a spotty education record until Jamie had officially signed himself out of high school when he’d been sixteen.

Bailey’s was a little more consistent, but not by much.

The last six months was the longest he had gone to school without any gaps.

That had been Jamie’s doing, working his ass off to give Bailey a better life than he’d had.

I closed out the files, feeling sick and ragey.

Pushing my computer to the side, I got out of bed and started to pace the room like a caged fucking animal.

I needed to kill or fuck someone hard and rough.

But since that was off the table with the one person I had any interest in fucking right now, I fell back to killing.

I grabbed my phone and texted the group chat.

Me :

Any updates? I need a fucking name, A.

What did it say about my brothers that both of them were awake and answering immediately? None of the three of us slept well on a good day. When we were hooked on something, getting a couple hours between the three of us was the best we could expect.

Ari :

Sorry. Believe it or not, Slash isn’t an original street name. And O’Malley seems to be in the wind. He’s not at any of his usual haunts, and there’s been no hits on his name anywhere on the web, on either side. Gotta be patient and trust the process.

I growled and gave the finger to my phone. Trust the process my ass. The process was too damn slow.

Gideon :

Told you to get a punching bag. It’s not the same as beating some asshole’s face in, but it could take the edge off. Though, so could that sweet boy you’ve got a hard-on for.

Why the fuck had I texted these assholes?

Me :

I’d be happy to beat your face in next time I see you. Keep Jamie’s name outta your mouth.

Gideon came back immediately with a laughing emoji and then a GIF of the Heath Ledger Joker that says Why So Salty .

I closed my eyes, counted to five, and reminded myself that he was my brother and I loved him.

I looked back at my phone, preparing a comeback that maybe would finally shut Gid the fuck up, when a bone-chilling scream from the other room had me forgetting all about my asshole brother or anything else.

My knife was in my hand, and I was down the hallway before he finished screaming.

I burst into the room ready to kill, but there was no threat.

At least, not a physical one. Jamie lay in the middle of the bed, the sheets tangled around his waist and legs, his arms thrown up over his head.

His eyes were squeezed shut and his face scrunched in fear and pain, his fluffy hair matted down with sweat.

He whimpered and twisted his head away from me but didn’t wake up.

My pulse was racing as I tried to get it together, the immediate drop of adrenaline giving me a damn headache.

Jamie had never shut the lamp off by the side of the bed, so it was easy for me to see the space.

The only things hurting Jamie were in his mind, but I wouldn’t be able to relax until I could check for myself.

I looked under the bed, in the closet, and in the bathroom.

When I was sure there was no one or nothing else hidden in the corners, I was finally able to shut off the “fight” portion of my brain and focus on Jamie, who was still thrashing in the blankets, unable to pull away from whatever was tormenting him.

“Please, help me.”

Fuck. I flicked the blade shut and shoved it in my pocket, since it wouldn’t help with these types of demons, before closing the distance till I was standing directly next to the bed, unsure of my next move.

I hated feeling helpless. It was something I hadn’t had to deal with much as an adult and I liked it that way. We worked fucking hard to keep it like that. Right now, though, I had no idea what to do to take away Jamie’s pain and make things better for him.

“I-I’m sorry. I-I won’t do it again. I promise. Please. Please, just don’t—” Jamie broke off, his body curling into himself.

I wasn’t a stranger to nightmares, both my own and my brothers’.

Gid in particular still struggled with them and could get violent as fuck if you startled him by trying to wake him.

It was why I hesitated. I wasn’t worried about Jamie hurting me, but I didn’t want him to be accidentally injured if he went on the offensive.

“Goddammit.” I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to come up with some kind of plan.

“Please, Dominic. I-I’m sorry. Please help.” He whimpered softly, his arms and legs jerking, like he was fighting against something. “Please don’t hurt me. I-I’ll do anything.”

Okay, fuck this. I didn’t give a crap how bad an idea it was to wake someone from a nightmare. I couldn’t fucking take it any longer.

“Jamie?” I kept my voice as soft and gentle as I could manage. I sat down on the edge of the mattress, trying to leave some space between us. “You need to wake up, sweetheart.”

Jamie’s body jerked, his face scrunched up in pain, but he still didn’t wake.

“Jamie,” I said louder, threading a trace of dominance into my tone. “Wake up for me.”

I lightly touched his shoulder .

He flew up to a sitting position, arms swinging. I narrowly dodged a fist to the face and caught his arms in my hand.

“No! Let me go!” He was still mostly asleep, but I instantly let his arms fall to the side. I’d mostly grabbed them on reflex anyway.

“C’mon, beautiful, come back to me. You’re safe.”

Tears streamed down Jamie’s face as he finally began to come around.

“Dominic?”

I smiled softly and took the chance to brush some of the hair off his face and out of his eyes. He didn’t move away and instead leaned a little further into my touch.

“Yeah, it’s me. You had a nightmare, but you’re safe now.”

Jamie’s eyes got hazy, like he was starting to fall back into that hell. I lightly touched his chin with my thumb, turning his head in my direction. “Stay with me, beautiful. There’s no reason to go back there now. Stay here.”

Jamie picked at his cuticles, and I deserved a medal for not stopping him. Let him come to you, Dominic, for fuck’s sake. Don’t cross any lines . Though, if they were self-imposed lines, did they really count?

“You called me that in my dream. Beautiful.” His tone was monotone, dead.

I blanched. Using context clues I could piece together, that wasn’t a good thing.

“Do you want me to stop calling you that? I don’t want to upset you, even unintentionally.”

Jamie finally turned his head to me, his eyes as dead as his voice. Was it bad that I’d take the sadness back over this? At least it was an emotion.

“No,” he said quietly. “It’s not the same. This you isn’t the same as dream you. At least not to me.”

I wanted to hug him so fucking badly. I recognized touch starved when I saw it, and Jamie was beyond touch starved. But I wasn’t sure if it would be welcomed, so I held back, even if it was killing me.

“No, I’m not. I have no idea what that asshole dream me did, but I fucking promise you that I’d rather cut my hand off than hurt you. That might be extreme and a little insane considering we barely know each other, but it’s true.”

Jamie huffed in amusement. “I don’t know if that statement is what’s more insane or the fact that I believe you.”

I couldn’t take it anymore. “Jamie, sweetheart, can I hug you? You can say no,” I reminded him.

He shook his head but leaned into me at the same time, leaving me confused at what he wanted. “I don’t want to say no.”

Good enough for me. I should probably ease the boy into me, but it was late and I was exhausted, and we were both so strung out that I was past the point of restraint. I wrapped my arms around him and dragged him into my lap.

Jamie squeaked, but he didn’t try to stop me, even when I manhandled him until he was facing me.

Tentative hands wrapped around my shoulders, light at first, but as I continued to hold on without any complaints, his grip got tighter too.

Then he rested his head against my shoulder.

I adjusted us so my back was against the headboard.

Jamie was basically kneeling on either side of my legs, with his ass down and resting on my thighs.

I brushed my lips over the top of his head. “Good boy, that’s it, just relax now.”

Jamie sobbed, but it wasn’t the draining, hopeless ones from before. This was a cross between a laugh and a cry.

“You smell so good. And feel so good. I should be scared. Why am I not scared?”

“Oh, beautiful, you’re breaking my heart. It’s not easy, but I hope one day you feel safe enough to accept good touch without questioning it. Sometimes a hug can just be a hug.”

Jamie sighed softly and buried his face farther into the space between my shoulder and neck. I rubbed my hands up and down his back, careful to stay above his shirt.

“That sounds really nice.”

I swallowed back some emotion. “It is, baby boy. It really is.”

Jamie got quiet after that, and his breathing slowed enough that I thought he fell asleep. He was still holding on tight, so I did too. If this was how he finally got rest, I was happy to let it happen.

I closed my eyes, letting the exhaustion take me over. We’d have to get up and on the road in only a few hours, and coffee and willpower could only push a person so far.

I drifted in and out of consciousness for a while, so I couldn’t be sure that what I heard was real and not only in my imagination.

But as the blackness almost completely enveloped me, I swore I heard Jamie say, “Thank you for giving me my first real hug. Maybe I do know how to feel safe after all.”

I tried to speak because that deserved a response, but the fog of sleep was too much and I was out within seconds. I’d have to tell him tomorrow.