Page 8

Eight

Jade

“So, Reed mentioned that you saw Henry?” Mom asks with her head facing down, staring into a mirror that’s angled to reflect the television so she can watch the morning show.

I knew Reed would tell her, but I don’t want to have another conversation about Henry. “It’s not a big deal.”

The only good thing about her being stuck in this face down position is that she can’t guilt me into telling her since she’s unable to give me that look she always does that makes me cave. “That’s funny. I think if I were you, it would be a big deal.”

“No worries, Mom. I’m not going to give up my life and stay here to be with Henry.” I cross my legs and grab the remote to turn up the volume, but her next words stop me.

“I just didn’t want you to be like me with your father. But Henry made the right decision when you graduated college. Made me think differently.”

I blow out a breath, my mind floating back to that moment when Henry broke me and saved me at the same time.

We dated all through college. There were nights I was his masseuse after a hard practice, his cook for a late dinner after an away game, or the one he sought comfort from after a bad game. Sometimes I felt as if I was a spectator in Henry’s life. I was there only when he could squeeze in an hour here or there, but I never wanted to not be with him, and I loved the time we spent together. He never made me feel like second best. It was just the nature of him pursuing his dream. If he could have, he would have chosen to be with me more than he was.

And watching him discover the player he was born to be was amazing. To be the one who saw him go from hardly playing to being the captain and star of the team. Walking hand in hand across campus as people said things to him about his performance, congratulating him on the wins. But all that made it harder to actually spend time alone with him. Everyone wanted to be his friend, and every girl wanted to steal him away from me. But I never worried about them. Henry would never cheat on me. I was his, just like he was mine.

The Chicago Falcons drafted Henry before he could legally drink. But with Reed’s encouragement, he decided to stay at Minnesota to earn his degree. I think Henry knew that was the right decision for him long term, especially since his scholarship took care of tuition.

When graduation came, the Falcons came calling again. Henry had already set up a bunch of coaching and training to prepare him for the national league when he got back to Chicago. We drove down, returning home, and found a one-bedroom apartment to rent.

I had no idea what I was going to do with my Bachelor of Arts degree. I loved photography and concentrated on it during my time in Minnesota. I wanted to be with Henry, I really did, but the closer the move got, the bigger that pit in my stomach grew. I was restless and confused about the future, but nothing could have prepared me for the night he knocked on my door to deliver the news of what he’d been carrying in his heart.

I was slowly packing my last box, watching some reality television show, taking too many breaks because of the addictive drama unfolding on screen. The knock on my door surprised me since my roommate had moved out the week prior, and Henry had said he was going to be late because he was going to get some drinks with the guys.

When I opened the door, Henry stood there with his hands in the pockets of his worn jeans, rocking back on his heels. He was nervous, and his smile didn’t come close to the one I usually got from him. I didn’t really understand the ins and outs of how hockey contracts worked, but there was no way Chicago could have changed their mind, right? Just the thought made tears well in my eyes for him.

“What’s wrong?” I pulled him into the apartment, shutting the door behind him.

He looked around at the boxes, and my heart sank. Instead of excitement and anticipation that we were going to start the next phase of our lives together, I saw only sadness and trepidation on his face.

“Henry, what is it?”

He glanced behind me at the couch. “Can we sit?”

“You’re scaring me.”

I followed him to the couch, and he sat down, picked up the remote and turned off the television, then swiveled to face me.

“Is it the Falcons?”

He shook his head, and relief lowered the panic coursing through my veins. I could deal with anything. As long as he had hockey, we’re good. Hockey was the one thing in Henry’s life that I didn’t think he could live without. After a horrific car accident that took his parents too young, he deserved to get everything he wanted. And he wanted a career in hockey, so I wanted him to have it.

“Then what is it?”

He took my hands, the warmth of his covering my always cold ones. “I don’t think you should come.”

My shoulders dropped, and I sank back into the couch, chest tight. “Come where?”

I knew what he was saying, but I hoped so badly that he meant something different. I didn’t want it to be what I already knew in my gut it was.

“To Chicago.” He inhaled a deep breath, his eyes never leaving mine.

My Henry. So assured, so confident, so persistent. He must have been thinking about this for a while because Henry wasn’t a spontaneous person. He was a thinker, an analyst, a pros and cons kind of guy. He wouldn’t bring this to me unless he’d been pondering it a long, long time.

“Why?” I tried to slide my hands out of his, but he tightened his hold, so I stopped fighting him.

“I think you know why…” He ran his fingers through mine, as if memorizing the way our fingers locked together so perfectly. “You’ve stood by my side and watched me reach my biggest goal in life. And I…” His voice cracked as tears filled my eyes so fast that they were moments from slipping down my cheeks. “I love you too much to let you come to Chicago, Jade. It’s not where you want to be. Not where you need to be. You’d only be going back for me and…” He shook his head.

“I don’t understand. We already have the apartment.” The thought of us parting brought with it so much fear that it almost paralyzed me.

“And I’ll move into it. Alone.” His eyes glistened with tears.

My heart cracked. Not splintered, but full on cleaved in two. Because a part of me knew he was right. I wanted to rail against his words, fight him with all I had, but he’d made his decision. Not a selfish decision. Not a rash decision. He hadn’t found some other woman or decided I wasn’t the one for him. The love was etched into his gorgeous face, his blue eyes overflowing with concern for me. My mom had been lecturing me for years about following Henry around. I’d chalked it up to my mom following my dad, which had ended up in a divorce because he cheated. I didn’t resent Henry, but the truth was that I was confused about what I wanted to do, and with graduation came the pressure to make a decision.

But still… the idea of not having him by my side… “Henry, I’m good. I’m fine.”

His head shook again, and he scooted closer to me on the couch. “I can’t do it, Jade. I want to. Believe me. I want to move you to Chicago, make love to you every night. Surprise you with dinners, Sunday breakfasts, and explore the parts of the city we’ve never discovered hand in hand. I want to give you everything… but that wouldn’t be fair… to you.”

I stared at our hands. His knee touching mine. And I wanted to take a picture, never forget us because what would become of our future if I didn’t go to Chicago with him?

What would I even do?

Henry pulled out his phone and did something on the screen, then I heard my phone ding across the room. “I bought you a ticket to Holland. I just sent it to you.”

“What?” I sat up, his hands falling to the couch. “Why would you do that?”

“Jade, that article about your talent…”

“Oh god, Henry, is that what this is about?”

A couple of months ago, there was an article written about my photography for the school magazine. I had a decent following after taking some pictures of Henry, which turned into more hockey players wanting me to take pictures of them on and off the ice. I loved the sports photography, but it was the nights at dusk when I’d drag Henry somewhere remote to capture the sunset that really thrilled me. I loved the beauty around us that most people ignored—or worse, didn’t have time to enjoy. He’d been on me about that article and the compliments from the professors saying I had a rare eye since the moment it came out.

“Yes.”

“I told you ? —”

He leaned in, his palm cradling my cheek, bringing my gaze to his. “And you’re wrong. You’re so talented, but you’ll never find out just how much until you go and discover it for yourself.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “But…”

“The internet says Holland is a beautiful place. Start there.”

I rose to my knees and wrapping my arms around his neck. My tears chased one another down my cheeks as I clung to him. “I don’t want to leave you.”

“You have to,” he whispered. “I’m afraid if you don’t, you’ll resent me someday, and I can’t handle that, Jade.”

I inhaled his scent of a fresh shower and him. My Henry. The boy who was my best friend and had showed me how I should be loved. I’d never find anyone like him again.

“Tell me you’ll go,” he asked softly.

My arms tightened, and I climbed into his lap, needing the comfort of his body. He knew me better than anyone else. He saw all of it. My fear to put myself out there. My restlessness and desire to explore, but my fear to leave him. My terror that I might be making the biggest mistake of my life. But still he pushed me, bought me a ticket, and somehow it only made me trust the fact that he had made the decision because he thought it was what was best for me. But still, I couldn’t answer him.

He drew back and took my cheeks in his hands. We stared into one another’s eyes for a long beat as if promising without words that our time would come again. But I wasn’t so sure. Our lives were forking off in different directions, and we had no idea if they’d meet again.

“I love you.” He pressed his lips to mine.

He made love to me that night, and it was filled with so much raw emotion that I cried in his arms afterward and for most of the night. But Henry kept telling me that exciting things were going to happen. He told me everything he’d seen online in Holland and how much he knew I was going to love it there. I wanted to beg him to come with me. See the world together. Our life could be like those nights we’d grab snacks from the convenience store and climb up to the highest point to watch the sunset. But he had his own dreams, and I had yet to discover mine.

He watched me pack a suitcase and drove me to the airport, assuring me that he’d take care of everything I’d packed at the apartment. So many times, I wanted to beg him to stop and turn around. His hand never let go of mine for the entire ride.

After he parked along the curb, he got my suitcase out of his car and hugged me.

“I don’t want to go.” My tears wouldn’t stop coming.

“I know. I don’t want you to go either, but you have to, Jade. I’ll handle everything here, telling everyone. Go and live. Figure out what your dream is.” He kissed the top of my head and rested his cheek there, squeezing me into his large body.

My hands gripped his shirt in the back, and I pressed my cheek into his chest, never wanting to forget him… forget us.

“Call your mom in a few days so she doesn’t call the police thinking I did something to you, okay?”

Only he could get me to laugh at a time like that.

He never stopped hugging me, giving me the time I needed, before stepping back, my fingers grappling to hang on until the last inch. Our gazes snagged on one another’s, and a small smile creased his lips.

“If you need anything, you call, okay?”

I nodded, knowing I wouldn’t have the strength to hear his voice and not come running home.

“I love you.”

“I… love… you.” It took everything in me to grab my suitcase and not climb back into the safety of his car. I rose to my tiptoes, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “I will always love you, Henry.”

He wrapped his arm around my waist, tugging me into him, deepening the kiss, his tongue thrusting into my mouth. My suitcase slipped from my hand, and I climbed him, wrapping my legs around his waist, not caring who witnessed us.

Panic seized me. No, I couldn’t go. What were we doing? We were making a huge mistake. We were the lucky ones who found love at such a young age. We were one of those love stories people tell each other.

Then he closed the kiss, and my legs unwound from his waist. He lowered me back to my feet, and I saw the determination and acceptance on his face. “You’re going to kill it.”

All of the emotions we were trying not to show couldn’t be hidden in our last look at each another, and I almost crumbled to the concrete. Somehow, I found the strength to reach for my suitcase and walk through the sliding doors, saying goodbye to Henry Hensley, the only boy I’d ever love.