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Sixty-One

Henry

“What are you doing?” I ask the guys as they follow me into my Uber.

“Going with you,” Conor says as if it’s obvious.

Tweetie slides into the front seat. “You don’t mind, right?” he asks the driver.

The driver shakes his head even though it looks like a clown car with all of us piled in this tiny thing.

“Bodhi’s having surgery. We’re all going to be there for him.” Rowan pats my shoulder, sliding in next to me.

Once again, this group of guys is showing up for me. I have no words to express my gratitude.

The drive to the hospital feels as if it lasts forever even though we’re fortunate there’s hardly any traffic since it’s so late. I pull up to the emergency entrance and rush inside.

After I show my ID, the guys hang back as the nurse escorts me through the doors and winds me through what feels like the maze of an emergency room.

“Right through there,” she says and signals to a door.

I open the sliding door and stop, my bag slipping off my shoulder. Bodhi is curled into Jade’s body, and she has her arm wrapped protectively around him, her cheek on the top of his head. They’re both asleep.

Reed is in a chair in the corner, and his eyes spring open, so I must have woken him. He stands and signals for us to leave the room when I really just want to crawl into that bed with them. Hug Bodhi tight and kiss Jade, telling them I’m here and everything will be okay.

“Come on a walk with me,” Reed says in a low voice.

I start to walk farther into the room.

“Let them sleep.”

He’s right. If Bodhi’s having surgery early this morning, he needs his rest.

I slide my bag into the room and follow Reed. We walk toward the waiting room, and the three guys say hello to Reed, getting relaxed on the furniture. God knows what the other people in here think.

After the hellos are over, the two of us get cups of coffee and head into the corner of the waiting room where we have more privacy.

“You okay?” Reed asks.

I nod. “Just happy I’m here now.”

“I’ll bet. So, his surgery is at seven in the morning. The pediatric surgeon has looked at the break, and he’ll explain everything to us when they prep him. Everyone has been great, but… Jade.”

The muscles in my chest tighten. “What?” She’s in there with my son, holding him and taking his fears away. What could he possibly say to me?

“I just want you to know that this was hard for her. She was questioned a lot about who she was, her relation to Bodhi, her relation to you, and what exactly happened.”

“They thought she might have hurt him?” I ask, able to read the subtext of Reed’s lawyer talk.

“Yes. Now that’s standard protocol when a kid comes in with an injury, but she’s sensitive as to where she fits in your life. And all these people asking her things she didn’t know the answers to…”

“I was scared she wouldn’t be here.” Admitting my fear out loud makes me feel like a dirtbag. “That this was all too much for her.”

He nods. “You know, when I first got together with Victoria, Jade scared the shit out of me.”

I chuckle. “Why? What did you have to hide?”

“Nothing but fear. I thought she’d sense how afraid I was. I’d never had a kid. I didn’t know how to be a parent or if that was even a role I should take on. I always toed a line with her, but now that she’s older, I think I’ve done a pretty good job. We both have, and I’m really proud of our relationship. I also have Victoria to thank for that. She never stood in the way.”

“Are you saying I’m so worried I’m hindering the process?”

He nods and sips his coffee. “You’re a little protective, which I get. She hurt you, and you hurt her, and you don’t want Bodhi to be hurt either. But in doing that, you’re not allowing her to figure out where she fits. I’m not gonna lie and tell you she didn’t cry tonight. That she didn’t feel so guilty I, too, was worried I’d turn around, and she’d be gone. But she’s here, and that’s what matters.”

I hate the fact she went through all of that without me. How different it would’ve been if I had been here. But then maybe she still would’ve felt as though she was standing on the outside of a bubble Bodhi and me were in.

“I don’t want to push her too fast, but I want it all at the same time. I want to marry her, have her adopt Bodhi.”

He smiles then laughs and leans back in his seat. “It’ll all come in time, but I wanted to remind you of something. I may have been a rock star of a stepdad, but we do have to consider what Pete did. Victoria has always told me of her fears for Jade, especially when it came to you.”

My forehead wrinkles. “What?”

“You lost your parents at a young age, and that helped form who you are today. How you think you can wrap your arms around someone and take every laser strike to prevent them from hurting. That didn’t work before. Jade has come in second to her dad’s career her entire life. And because of that, she sacrifices herself to be with others. She really seems to be finding herself this time, and I don’t think I have to tell you this, but I’ve always felt like a father figure to you, and I would tell the boys the same, so I want to share it with you. I hope I’m not overstepping.”

“You’d never overstep. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me for all of these years.”

He sighs. “She needs you to loosen the reins.”

“I know that,” I rush out.

“She needs the freedom and support to find out what kind of person she’ll be—with you, to Bodhi, and in this next stage of her life. It’s not a ‘you fit here’ situation. Jade has a history of allowing herself to fall into those roles to make sure she doesn’t feel less than, which, ironically, is exactly what leads to her feeling that way. Take it from me—it’s a really fucking scary thing to come into an already existing family. If you think you have to be a certain way, that’s only going to make it feel impossible to ever fit in.”

“But I don’t put any demands on her. I just want her. All of her.”

He pats me on the knee. “I know. I do. You’re well-intentioned, but all I’m saying is to let her find her confidence on her own. That means you can’t save her, which I know is really hard for you. It’s not your job to save her. Your job is to pick her up if she falls and make sure she can trust that you’ll be there every time without judgment.”

I rock back in my seat and really let his words sink in. He’s right. I’ve been hindering us this whole time, even though I was trying to help. I nod. “Thanks. I think I needed to hear that.”

He sips his coffee. “Now go join your family.”

Conor comes over and takes my seat when I stand. “I’m next.”

“For?” Reed asks, eyebrows drawing down.

“Life advice.”

Reed gets comfortable in his seat and rests his ankle on his knee. “All right, let’s hear it.”

I walk away shaking my head at how lucky I got when he was assigned to be my Big Brother. It literally changed the trajectory of my life, and I still have no idea how to truly thank him.

Scratch that. Yes, I do.

By being the man, I need to be to his stepdaughter.