Page 21

Twenty-One

Henry

“So?” Conor sits in the aisle seat across from me on the team’s plane. “Let’s hear it.”

I pick up my phone and roll my eyes. “We’re not doing this.”

“You’re not going to live up to your end of the deal? That’s not right,” Conor says.

“Then you’ll have to do a punishment,” Tweetie says, leaning forward to see past Conor. “And come on, man, you can’t let your word mean shit. What would Bodhi think?”

I glance at Rowan, and he shrugs like he agrees.

“Fine. You want to know what happened?” I ask.

“Duh,” Conor says.

“I brought Jade up to my condo to tell her why I walked out of her hotel room three years ago without an explanation.”

“Well shit, if I had a penny for every time a woman asked me why I left, I’d be?—”

“Just as rich as you are now, Tweetie,” I deadpan.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure the women know the score when they go to a hotel room with you.” Conor shrugs. When Tweetie looks offended, he adds, “Sorry, man, but it’s the truth.”

Tweetie chews on the inside of his cheek and stares into his lap. “Well, this isn’t about me, it’s about Henry.”

“That’s right.” Conor holds up his hand with his fingers spread, reminding me I couldn’t get one shot past him this morning.

“Why did you leave?” Rowan asks.

I don’t often open up, but the fact is, I have no one to talk to about this. I usually go to Reed when I’m trying to work something out, but he’s too close to this situation. He loves me and Jade both, and he can’t be an impartial outsider.

I look behind me to find most of the team already asleep or close to it. The plane is dark, and if these jackasses weren’t on my ass, I’d be sleeping too. I inhale a deep breath, uncomfortable with the idea of telling these guys, but they’ve turned into the closest thing I have to brothers. I don’t want to be the reason we don’t win the Cup because I’m messed up in the head.

So I decide to just blurt it out. “Jade’s the love of my life.”

Tweetie lets out a low whistle and turns to stare out the window at the dark sky. I think my words hit a nerve with him.

Conor nods. “All right, good start.”

But I can tell Conor doesn’t really know what to say. I’m not sure he’s ever felt that way about anyone before.

Rowan turns to face me. “Then why aren’t you with her?”

He went for what he wanted with Kyleigh, won the girl, and is currently on the yellow brick road toward happily ever after.

“It’s not that simple. There’s a long past with a lot of baggage on both sides, and honestly, what it comes down to is that I love her too much to keep her.”

Conor’s eyes widen. This is definitely foreign territory for him.

“Do you think she feels the same?” Tweetie asks, surprising me by rejoining the conversation.

I nod. “I know she does. Our feelings for each other have never been the problem.”

A small part of me wonders if that’s still true given the ass wipe she was shacking up with in Hawaii. I can’t deny that it hurt when she told me how serious they’d gotten.

“Then what’s the problem?” Conor looks genuinely curious.

I think he’s under the false belief that you meet a woman, discover she’s the one, woo her, fall in love with one another, and walk off into the sunset. I don’t think love is that simple, but maybe I think that only because mine isn’t.

“She doesn’t love herself.” It hurts to say the words out loud.

“Who doesn’t love themselves?” Tweetie asks with furrowed brows as if the concept is entirely foreign to him.

“Some of us don’t think we walk on fucking water.” Conor glares at him.

Tweetie holds up his hands, then opens his water bottle and takes a big swig.

“Maybe that’s not it. Maybe it’s more that she doesn’t think she’s enough,” I say.

“Are you sure she isn’t just going through something?” Rowan asks. He’s the only one I feel like I should be having this conversation with, but the other two want in for some reason.

“I tried to let her go. When I first got drafted to Chicago after college, she was supposed to come with me, but I sent her away to find out who she wanted to be. At the time, I’d hoped she’d come back in a year or two, but she never did. Eventually I moved on, told myself she was happier living her adventures, but now, when every other facet of my life is in place except for the fact that I have no one to share my life with, she’s back. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence. But at the same time, I can’t let Bodhi get hurt. It’s one thing for me to pine away for her, but you’ve seen how badly Bodhi wants a woman in our home.”

Rowan nods because he witnessed it with Kyleigh. The way Bodhi thinks she’s the best thing ever, always gravitating toward her when we’re all together. Before Kyleigh came around, I’m not sure Bodhi really thought much about having a mom or a wife for me. Maybe it’s just his age, I don’t know.

“So, you’re protecting your heart,” Conor says. “And Bodhi’s.”

I nod.

“And your plan is to just do nothing?” Rowan asks. He gives me a look. The one that says a few months ago, I was singing a different tune when I offered him advice regarding his relationship with Kyleigh.

But that was different. Jade and I are different.

“Yeah, but don’t worry. This conversation really put it all in perspective for me.”

“Really?” Conor asks, puffing out his chest.

“No. Not at all,” I deadpan.

“Then what?” Conor looks at Rowan and points at him. “You’re the only one attached. Fix it.”

“Fix it? You’re the one who wanted to hash this out. I knew he wasn’t ready.” Rowan picks up his phone.

“The man isn’t even close to ready,” Tweetie says. “This convo is premature.”

“We’re not talking about your ejaculation, Tweetie,” Conor says.

“What are you, twelve years old with jokes like that?” Tweetie punches him in the arm.

“We can’t wait until we start losing because you’re thinking about her in the middle of a game,” Conor says, continuing to press the issue.

He has no idea I’ve played more games with Jade in my head than not.

“I’m fine. She’s been back for what, three weeks, and I’ve played fine. Better than fine.”

“Yeah, for sure…” Rowan’s gaze diverts to his phone.

“I mean, there was that play in the second period today…” Tweetie shakes his head.

When I lost the puck? Hello, it’s fucking hockey. The point of the game is for the other team to try to get the puck.

“And that easy shot you missed in the first.” Conor cringes.

“But you do you,” Rowan says with a shrug. “They’re probably just flukes, right?”

“Are you guys fucking kidding me?” My voice rises. “Do you want me to talk about that shit slapshot you made in the third, Tweetie, or the fact you acted like I wasn’t open in the second?” I stare at Rowan. “Or you do realize we were tied until the third because you let the puck get past your stick and let the defender get it, right?” I shift my gaze to Conor. “But let’s just point fingers at my mistakes.”

“Do the math, Daddy. We each had one and you had two.”

I narrow my eyes at Tweetie. “Screw all of you.”

“We’re just saying you can’t ignore this. She’s here, and she’s very much in your world. She’s your kid’s teacher, for fuck’s sake. Deal with it. Fight for her, fuck her, or cut her loose. But this whole Romeo and Juliet bullshit is exactly that—bullshit.” Conor crosses his arms and stares at me.

Surprisingly, he has a point. I’m sitting in limbo, and nothing gets done if you’re just standing on the ice.

“I just said something good, didn’t I?” Conor leans over, looking surprised at himself. “Oh shit, look the lightbulb is on.” He points at my head. “Fuck, I should be a marriage counselor.”

Tweetie chuckles.

“Let’s not quit hockey just yet,” Rowan says, putting his phone back down. “Is he right?”

I shrug.

“Daddy, what the fuck? Give credit where credit is due.” Conor holds out his arms.

“Pinkie, shut the fuck up,” one of our teammates says from the row behind us.

“Fine. Yeah, you have me thinking,” I grumble.

Conor leans over and pats my leg. “You have my number. Day or… well, I’m here for you during the day anytime you need me.” He winks and sits back in his seat as if he just performed a fifteen-hour brain surgery.

Rowan’s eyes don’t leave the side of my head.

This isn’t easy because the biggest question is where does Jade fit into my new life? I need to stop living in the past and decide whether I can chance Bodhi’s and my future.

If it was just me, I’d run off this plane and drive to her house, use the key to her childhood home, and sneak up to her bedroom, begging her to give us another try, but it’s not only me. I have to make sure not to forget that.