Page 30

Thirty

Henry

What I’m about to do is a really bad idea, but I’m not a guy who can sit back and just let things be. I pull my phone from my pocket outside the Warner’s house and pull up the contact that used to have Jade’s name, but now has an acronym.

Want to go for a walk?

I click the button and see it pop up that it’s been delivered. My stomach hollows as I wait for a response. I hope everyone else is sleeping.

DDI: I’m in bed.

That’s it. All she says.

I get that, but I’m outside your house right now. Give me five minutes.

Henry…

Please. I have a game tomorrow night, and I can’t leave this.

That’s the truth of the matter. I need to figure out where we stand.

Let me grab a sweatshirt.

Thanks.

I sit on the steps of their house situated on the same street as St. Pat’s. She lived in the house next door with her grandma until Reed built this house for them. I glance over, remembering all the meals and sleepovers at her grandma’s place all those years ago. It looks as if there has been some remodeling, but not much. I’m assuming Victoria still owns it, and I have to wonder why she never sold it.

The door creaks open behind me, but I don’t turn around because I know it’s Jade.

She shuts it quietly and walks down the steps wearing flannel pants and a Minnesota sweatshirt. My Minnesota sweatshirt. Damn, it still looks good on her.

“You still have it?” I ask as she sits next to me.

“It was in my closet.”

I nod because of course it wasn’t with her while she traveled the world so she could throw it on during cold nights or just to remember me. God, I need to stop living in the past and move forward with the way things are now.

“Thanks for coming out,” I say, resting my forearms on my thighs and staring at the concrete steps.

“Where’s Bodhi?” she asks.

“Conor’s at my condo. He was happy to have a break from a night of listening to Tweetie’s headboard hit the wall.” When I messaged our group chat, I was surprised Conor was the first one to say he’d hang at my place in case Bodhi woke up. Maybe it’s just because he’s worried he got traded for nothing if I can’t keep my head together, but I’ll take it.

“So, what’s up?” Her voice is quiet.

I glance down the street, thinking we should walk, but for some reason, I don’t stand. I steel myself before I speak, not having any idea how this conversation is going to turn out. “I’m sick of this feeling, Jade. This hole I have inside me whenever I think of you.”

She sucks in a breath. “I know.”

I don’t doubt that she does.

“So, what do we do about it?” I take off my hat and toss it next to me, needing to weave my fingers through my hair.

“I don’t know.”

I turn toward her, and she draws back, so I stop the line of conversation. We can get back to it. Instead, I ask another question I really want the answer to. “Why are you teaching?”

Her shoulders fall, and she sighs. “Why do we have to go back to this?”

“Because it’s a really big fucking question, Jade. I let you go. I let you out of my fucking grip so you could go and find yourself. And I thought you did, what with all the beautiful photos you’d post. Pictures that make people stare in awe at the magic you found in the world. But then you come back here and decide to teach first grade? I want to know why you’re hiding in a classroom instead of out on the streets with your camera.”

She shakes her head, standing and walking down the rest of the steps. “What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to tell me it was worth it.” My voice cracks a bit. “I want you to tell me that the decision I made eight years ago was the right one.” I stare at her while she paces, shaking her head as though I’m wrong. “Come on, Jade, tell me.”

Silence descends over us on the dark street. It’s as if our roles have reversed, and I’m the one looking for immediate gratification while she’s the thinker.

“Just talk to me?—”

“I don’t know. Okay? I don’t know.” She stops walking back and forth and looks at me with tears in her eyes. “I don’t know. I feel more lost than ever right now.”

Never able to see her cry and not soothe her, I rush down the stairs and wrap my arms around her, hugging her tightly, just as I did the day of her grandma’s funeral. Her hands grip my sweatshirt, sobs racking her back.

This isn’t why I came here tonight. I didn’t want to upset her, but this back and forth between us needs to stop if I’m going to be able to help my team win the Cup and be the father I should be to Bodhi.

“Come on.” I take her hand and lead us down the sidewalk.

“Where are we going?”

“I don’t know, but we’ll find out when we get there.”

“Who are you?” she asks once we’re a little farther down her street.

“What do you mean?”

“Where is my usual calm and poised Henry? This demanding answers thing is new.”

“Do you not like it?” I ask, worried that maybe I’ve changed more than I thought in the years we’ve been apart and who I am today isn’t appealing to her anymore.

“I do. It’s just different. You’ve never been that way with me. Usually, I’m the one demanding answers.” She skips a crack, and I chuckle. “Old habit.”

When we were younger, we wouldn’t step on any cracks on the walk to school.

When we reach St. Pat’s, I walk us around the back of the building, but the playground is all fenced off, locked and secure.

“What do you say?” She unwinds her hand from mine and starts to climb the fence.

“You’re gonna get me arrested, and my name will be splashed all over the sports channels.” I follow her.

She gets up and over with more ease than I do, which is a tad embarrassing since I’m a professional athlete. But it’s not as if my training regularly includes climbing fences. Once we’re on the other side, she walks over to the giant piece of equipment with slides and bridges and poles to climb. Instead of taking the stairs, she walks up the slide.

I lift myself up the pole, remembering when I’d barely be able to make it.

Jade sits at the top, her legs stretched out and her head down, staring at her entwined hands. I squeeze myself in across from her. This thing was definitely made for small bodies.

“I… lost it,” she says, never looking at me. “My eye for the camera. My enjoyment. I just can’t do it anymore.”

I bite my bottom lip. “Is it because… of him?” I know I’ll hate it if she says yes.

She glances at me, and her answer is in her eyes. It usually is when she wants me to see her truth. “No.”

Thank God. I’m not sure I could’ve handled if it was because that would’ve meant she’d loved him. For some reason, I can deal with her having partners while we were apart, but love? Yeah, I’d struggle with that.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about it, and I think it’s a few different things. I think returning home and seeing you makes me hate my camera.” Her gaze falls to her lap. “I associate it with losing you. Like it was the other woman, and it came between us. She was fun for a while, but no replacement for you.”

I open my mouth, but she puts up her hand.

“Regardless, you have a life now, Henry. One I’m not a part of, and it’s been really hard to see it.” A lone tear escapes her eye and slides down her cheek. “I’m not blaming you. And I don’t think you made a bad decision sending me away, but I think maybe I did by letting you. Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten on that plane.”

“But everything you’ve seen and experienced is amazing. Bodhi was just saying the other day how cool he thought all your pictures were, but mostly he was interested in how many places you’ve been to.” I inch forward, desperate to soothe her pain.

She holds her hand in the air again, keeping me at bay. “I did find something while I was away, but I don’t think it’s what we thought it would be.” She looks up, nibbling on the inside of her cheek. “I found my love for my home.”

Is she saying what I think she is? I’m almost too afraid to hope.

“What are you saying?” My voice is a raspy whisper.

“I’m staying in Chicago.”

I’m struggling to find words. How long have I wanted to hear her say that? Too long. And it changes everything.