Page 57 of Moonlight & Matrimony (Oak Ridge #2)

I wish I could be more like him, but it takes all of my strength to even muster the ghost of a smile these days.

My mind trails back to the moment I almost lost them, and then to the moment I truly did.

Because the truth is, they are lost to me now, and there is no going back.

The suffocating heaviness of guilt, compounded by the open wound caused by the loss of Nono’s effervescent spirit, leaves me feeling empty.

I wish I could go back in time and open my heart to her sooner.

I wasted so much time trying not to love her.

By the time I realized I already did, it was too damn late.

Putting my truck in park, I slam my palms on the steering wheel, muttering a curse.

Walking up the weathered pathway on autopilot, I glance over at the familiar sage green victorian next door, then to the tree swing that will never look the same again.

I’m so absorbed in memories that I don’t even register that my door is unlocked and my lights are on until I’m standing in the middle of my home, staring at the back of a small curly-haired child sitting at the kitchen island.

Now I know I’ve lost it.

I’m sure I’m hallucinating, but the air smells like them — something flowery mixed with something sweet. She turns, and her piercing blue eyes find me as she lifts her hand in a hesitant wave. She still doesn't speak.

Before I can process what I’m seeing, a blur of golden fur snags my attention. Sage’s tail whips behind her as she barrels into me. My body collapses to the floor at the sight of the stunning woman following close behind. “Y — you came back?”

Ivy sinks to her knees in front of me, wrapping me in her arms as her warmth surrounds me. “I’m so sorry, Luca. How’s Nana doing?”

My body instantly grows rigid. Of course she’s not here for me. She’s here because Paige told her what happened. I quickly pull myself out of her embrace. “She’s doing alright, considering. It was a bit of a shock, but Paige and Cade are taking good care of her.”

“That’s good. I wanted to call you but…”

I stand, avoiding looking at her face, afraid of what I’ll see there. “It’s fine. This is your house too. Make yourself at home.”

“Luca…” she reaches out, her hand trailing down my forearm as I step out of her reach.

I don’t stop when she says my name. I can’t.

This is everything I’ve wanted since the moment they disappeared into that airport.

But she’s not here for me. She’s here out of some misplaced sense of obligation to make sure I’m okay before she leaves again.

It’s inevitable, and I can’t let myself hope for anything more. This time, I’ll be the one to run.

Ivy

I knew I’d made a mistake the instant the words left my mouth.

He doesn’t know I want to be here; he doesn’t know how long I hesitated before deciding to come back, only to realize that my heart never truly left.

And how could he know? I didn’t bother to tell him I was his from the very start. Completely, irrevocably his.

“Come on Ry, let’s get you to bed.” My sweet girl silently takes my hand, following me towards the stairs.

When we reach the second floor, she looks down the hallway at the door to Luca’s room, an expression I’ve never seen before flicking across her features before she tugs me through her door.

Memories of our once happy existence assault me as I walk through the space, and a bittersweet pang of regret settles in my bones.

I trace my hand over the small picture frame encasing a photo of me and Rylin on my wedding day, our foreheads locked together underneath my delicate veil, a joyful expression on both of our faces. I can almost hear her giggles. God, I miss that sound.

Once Rylin is tucked in, I read her a bedtime story, and then another until she drifts off to sleep.

She looks peaceful this way, like all the pain that lives within her evaporates when she closes her eyes.

I wish I could bring her that peace when she’s awake, too.

I’ve tried everything to get through to her.

Evie keeps telling me I just need to give her time, but every day without her voice is like another stab to the heart.

Walking to the door, I turn out the lights, intending to leave Rylin in peace, but I’m stopped dead in my tracks by the scattered moon and stars glowing overhead. The ceiling is covered in glow-in-the-dark stickers of various patterns and constellations that weren’t there before we left. Luca.

Turning on my heel, I bolt down the stairs, following Luca’s path through the back door, not stopping to consider what I might say when I do catch up with him.

The moon is bright and full as I step out onto the back porch, where I find him sitting on the steps, leaning back on his elbows with his head tipped up to the sky.

“I watched the moon every night while you were gone,” he murmurs, not sparing me a single glance.

I won’t lie and say it doesn’t sting. “Counted stars, wondering if you were looking up, too. You consumed my waking hours, and when I’d finally drift off to sleep, I’d find you there waiting for me.

No matter where I was or what I was doing, I couldn’t escape the memory of you. Didn’t want to, if I’m being honest.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, still rooted to the spot behind him on the deck.

He shifts his position, resting his elbows on his thighs as his posture deflates once more.

He still hasn’t looked at me, and I don’t know what’s holding him back.

My heart is screaming at me to spill every unspoken feeling, but something much more insistent is telling me he’s not ready to hear me, so I take a tentative seat at his side, soaking in the warmth radiating from his body.

“Rylin’s room?” I murmur.

“I once told her you were like the moon. That even when the night is darkest, the moon still shines, and no amount of clouds or shadows can take away its light. I thought, if you ever came back, she might need a reminder that no matter what darkness she’s fighting, her light is still there, too.”

Tears track down my cheeks as his words settle deep in my chest, filling the hollow that’s existed since the moment we left.

Much like my daughter, I don’t have words, so I remain silent.

When Luca finally meets my gaze, his expression is utterly empty.

I barely recognize the man beside me, and it pierces my heart in the worst way.

His hand comes up to swipe away a tear, and we stare into each others eyes for a heartbeat or two, before he turns away once more. “I should get to bed.”

The next day, Luca is gone before I even wake up.