Page 51 of Moonlight & Matrimony (Oak Ridge #2)

Ivy

? Us - James Bay

T he soft glow of the early morning light filters through the curtains as the memories of last night come rushing back, sending me reeling from the intensity.

As I lay there, a clash of emotions swirls in my gut, each one more dangerous than the last. The boundaries I so carefully built around my heart are crumbling, and a persistent ache is beginning to take root in my chest. The warmth of Luca's touch lingers on my skin like a caress, and despite my resolve, I can’t escape the unsettling truth — I’m dangerously close to breaking my own promises.

It takes me a moment to register that Luca isn’t in bed with me, but I assume he had to work or make a delivery today and I make a mental note to shoot him a text.

After quickly gathering my things, I wrap myself in Luca’s robe for the short walk back to my bedroom.

Once I’m showered, I throw on my comfiest oversized sweater, a pair of leggings, and some fuzzy socks, then venture downstairs for breakfast. The house is silent, no sign of Luca in the kitchen, and Rylin is still with Paige.

The scent of coffee lingers in the air as I prepare a fresh cup, taking a moment to soak in the stillness.

I can’t remember the last time I felt so at peace.

Before I met Austin, maybe. That thought sends a spike of guilt through my heart.

Without Austin, there is no Rylin, and I could never regret her.

I would endure every ounce of pain and heartache all over again if it meant keeping her safe and whole and happy.

The quiet doesn’t last long as a very agitated Hazel hops up onto the kitchen island, mewling for attention, or more likely, breakfast.

“Ok. I hear you, pretty girl. You couldn't give me five minutes of peace, huh?” Hazel bumps her head into the hand that’s clutching my coffee mug — as close to an apology as I’ll get, I suppose.

I set to work filling their food and water bowls, lest I incur the wrath of Sage and Chance next.

Come to think of it, it’s odd that I haven’t seen them yet this morning.

Sage is usually the first to greet me as soon as she hears my footsteps on the stairs.

When I walk into the den in search of my wayward pup, I’m taken aback by the sight that greets me.

Sage is laid up on the sectional with her head on Luca’s legs while Chance is curled up in a ball on his chest. I hesitate in the doorway, my mind running over the list of reasons he would have slept on the couch instead of in bed with me after everything we shared the night before, and well into the early hours of the morning.

Does he regret it? Was it too much? Am I too much?

Instead of sticking around to find out, I rush up the stairs to make myself presentable, then gather my purse and keys on my way out the door.

In an effort to extricate myself from the suffocating weight of uncertainty, I take the familiar path towards the cabin, hoping some time away with my best girl will lend me some perspective.

The short drive to my destination is agonizing — the stillness of the morning opening me up to every lingering question, and the answers I’m not ready to face, leaving me feeling raw and exposed.

His whispered words come back to me, ‘ you’re everything, Ivy’, and a sudden rush of sadness settles in my chest.

“Mommy!” Rylin’s excited voice snaps me out of my thoughts as I step out of my SUV. She bounds down the porch steps, her little legs propelling her into my arms, cocooning me in the warmth and unfettered joy only she can provide.

“I missed you,” I whisper, my voice coming out a little choked. Rylin gives me an assessing stare, then plants a soft kiss on my forehead that somehow finds my last remaining thread of composure and tugs it free. A tidal wave of emotions comes crashing down around me, leaving me breathless.

“Ivy, are you alright?” Paige’s voice cuts through the fog as she helps me onto my feet. The next few minutes are a blur as she guides me into the cabin and sets me down on the sofa.

“Is mommy okay?”

“She will be, Ry. Why don’t you go find Uncle Cade and I’ll help mommy feel better, okay?”

“Okay.”

Paige settles beside me on the couch, wrapping an arm around my shoulder as she rests her head on top of mine. “Talk to me.”

“I don’t even know where to start. I feel so stupid.” A choked sob escapes me as I struggle to contain the torrent of emotions I’ve been holding back for weeks now. Every bit of fear, sadness, hope, and longing comes crashing down around me like waves in a stormy sea, threatening to pull me under.

Her hand strokes over my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze, silently urging me to open up. “Start at the beginning. Did something happen with Austin?”

“No. Nothing like that.”

“Luca?” she guesses. An involuntary shudder rolls down my spine at the mention of his name, and Paige doesn’t miss the action. “What the fuck did my asshole brother do?!”

“I thought you were Switzerland?” I ask, infusing my tone with a lightness I don’t feel. It’s a half-hearted attempt at levity, and it fails miserably as I notice the look of concern etched on her face.

“You both looked so happy at Luca’s birthday party. What changed?”

I consider my words, uncertain how to explain without saying too much. “When we got home, we were… intimate,” I explain. “I took control, and we had fun. It was wonderful, and mind blowing, and then something shifted. It felt… different somehow.”

She releases me from her hold, turning her body to face mine as she gathers my hands in hers. “What do you mean? Different how?”

How do you explain to your best friend that you were ready to admit that you might be falling for your fake husband, her brother, without laying yourself completely bare and exposing every fear and insecurity? It’s impossible.

“I can’t explain it. Everything seemed good — better than good. We fell asleep together, but when I woke up, I found Luca asleep on the couch.”

She winces, her brows knitted together, lips pulling into a slight, empathetic frown. She leans in just a bit, as though trying to offer comfort without words. “Did he tell you why?”

“I… didn’t stick around to find out.”

“Ivy Jo Roberts! Are you telling me you’re over here spiraling over a fucking miscommunication?”

I recoil at her outburst, pulling my hands free from her grasp, my fingers tingling from where her grip had tightened slightly.

I toss my hands in the air, frustration bubbling over.

“What possible reason could there be for him to have left after the best sex of my fucking life, only to sleep alone on the couch?”

Her features soften as she takes in my disheveled appearance and the hurt that’s clearly written all over my face.

“OK, I’ll admit it doesn’t look good. But you won’t know his reasons unless you talk to him.

Go home, Ivy. Find out what really happened so you can stop looking like somebody kicked your dog. ”

“Hey, you leave Sage out of this.”

She rolls her eyes, but the sympathy still lingers in her voice. “Seriously. Grab Rylin and go home, hun.”

Pulling to a stop in the driveway, I immediately spot Luca sitting on the porch steps.

His posture is slumped, elbows resting on his knees, his face drawn with a look of utter resignation — like someone who’s already given up before the conversation even starts.

The sight hits me harder than I expected, a tight knot forming in my chest.

I slowly step around to the passenger side and help Rylin out of her car seat, she’s barely got her feet on the ground before she’s rushing over to the house, wrapping herself around Luca like a koala bear, burying her face in his chest. “I missed you!” she squeals.

“Missed you, too, Bug.” he replies.

I allow them a moment to savor the reunion before sending Rylin up to her room. She nods and heads inside, leaving me alone on the porch with my husband and a million unanswered questions.

“Hey,” I say, taking a seat beside him on the steps, a little farther apart than is normal for us, knowing that if he touches me, I might fall apart.

Every atom in my body is vibrating with the need to reach out and pull him to me, but I know it’ll only crumble what little confidence I have left for the difficult confrontation to come.

“Hey you.” His lips tug up at the corners in a placating smile, but it feels like a slight. I had planned to take things slow and ease into the conversation, but the moment I saw him sitting out here, I knew that wasn’t going to happen.

“Wanna tell me why you weren’t in bed this morning?”

Luca sighs, raking his hand through his hair, his eyes still not meeting mine. If they did, he’d see just how much his abandonment affected me. Every one of his movements feels like a jab; every unspoken word lending another crushing blow to my already battered heart.

“What happened, Luca?” I whisper, clinging to every ounce of conviction I can muster. I know I’m about to be dealt the final blow, and I’m helpless against it. I never should’ve let my guard down. Not for Luca. Not for anyone.

“ You happened, Ivy. You and this marriage, and that amazing little girl, and this fucking beautiful life that I didn’t ask for.” I suck in a sharp breath, the sting of his words hitting me like a dagger to the heart. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean... this is hard for me, Ivy. I —”

I choke back a sob that’s threatening to escape, straightening my posture as I prepare to rebuild every barrier he meticulously tore down, brick by brick.

“This was all a huge mistake. I should go. Rylin and I can move to the ranch and… we’ll be ok,” the moment the words are out, I know they hold no truth.

How could they? Before Luca, we were barely surviving.

Without him — without him I might not be able to breathe.

And isn’t that the most sobering thought?

“Stay,” he pleads, his hand reaching for mine, finding only air as I pull away. His face falls into his palms. “I’m not doing a very good job of explaining myself.”

Standing from the stairs, I inhale a steadying breath, wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans as I prepare to walk away. “I think you’ve made yourself pretty clear, Luca.”

He stands, his chest to my back as he continues to speak.

“No. I haven’t. I’m fucking it all up. Last night was…

fuck. Ivy… when you came knocking at my door, you flipped my entire world on its axis.

I didn’t know what to make of you. Then I met Rylin, and it was like the first drop of rain after a scorching hot summer; she breathed life back into me.

I didn’t know what any of it meant — but something told me I needed to protect you — something innate and essential.

To the world, I wrote it off as some duty to my sister’s friend, but it was never that.

From the very beginning I told myself I wouldn’t — couldn’t — do this,” he rests his forehead against my shoulder, hesitating for a breath.

I don’t pull away. I don’t move at all, allowing his presence to consume me one last time as his pinky finger winds around mine. “Do what, Luca?”

“I didn’t mean to fall for you. In the end, everybody leaves.”

His words crack me wide open, shattering the last of my resolve. Every fiber of my being is telling me to wrap him in my arms — to prove him wrong — but I can’t. And I don’t. Instead, I do the only thing I can do. Run.

Luca

I feel her absence like a suffocating weight pressing down on my chest, and I can’t stand my own presence any longer, so I go to the only place I can think of to make sense of what I’ve done. It isn’t lost on me how spectacularly I’ve fucked up.

“What are you doing here, big brother?” Paige’s face is indignant, cold fury radiating off her waves. Despite her small stature, I’m almost afraid of her like this. “Come to explain why you hurt my best friend?”

“Kind of? I don’t know, Paige.” I sigh, posture deflating as I step through the front door. The house is quiet as she motions for me to follow her out to the back deck, waving to Cade as we pass him in the den, gently rocking Sofia in his arms.

Once we’re away from the sleeping infant, she rounds on me.

“Spill,” she says, sinking down onto the plush, oversized sectional.

The view of the lake is stunning this time of year, hues of oranges and yellows reflecting off the surface, as the frigid water ripples along the shore.

The peacefulness of the scene is a stark contrast to the torrent of emotions coursing through my chest.

I take a seat beside her, considering my next words carefully. Everything seems insufficient to explain what happened between us except for one simple truth — “I love her.”

“No shit,” she scoffs, shaking her head.

“You knew?”

“Everybody knows except for you and Ivy, dumbass! Did you tell her?”

“I — not exactly,” I wince, recalling the details of every harsh word I threw at her, and the broken expression on her face as she ran from me. Paige pats me on the shoulder in a show of support.

“Fix it,” she says matter-of-factly.

“I’m not sure how,” I admit. Apologies and atonement have never been my strong suit. I didn’t exactly have a stellar example to go by growing up.

Paige rolls her eyes at me in a dramatic way that takes me back to our childhood.

“Start by apologizing profusely, preferably on your knees, with books, and maybe a cat to take the edge off. Then tell her you love her and you want to be together for real. Tell her you’re a fucking idiot, and vow to make up for it for the rest of your life.

But sitting here isn’t going to make things right. ”

“Maybe you’re right. But what if she doesn’t want that?”

“First, she always wants books and cats,” she teases, a playful grin tugging at her lips, but her eyes hold something softer, more knowing. “But seriously, Luca, you won’t know until you talk to her. And for what it’s worth, I think she loves you, too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”