Page 56 of Moonlight & Matrimony (Oak Ridge #2)

Ivy

? You All Over Me - Taylor Swift ft. Maren Morris

H is memory haunts me. Not Austin; not the ghost of the man who tormented me for the better part of a decade. No, it’s my husband — my savior. Luca.

I thought the mountains could be my refuge, but sitting on the back deck as the snow pelts down from an inky black sky has me longing for the view from Oak Ridge.

Pulling my daughter into my arms as I wrap us both in the thick wool blanket, I squeeze just a little too tightly.

Reminders of how I almost lost her play on a loop in my head.

We’ve been in Colorado for a few weeks, and she still hasn’t said a word.

We’re both just going through the motions — surviving.

Rylin rubs her cold nose against mine, then retreats inside the warmth of Wilder’s large ranch-style house.

He didn’t hesitate to take us in, settling Rylin into the bedroom across from his 2-year-old daughter with the jack and jill bathroom that leads to my adjoining room.

Truthfully, she spends more time in my bed than her own, but we’re grateful all the same.

Despite the distance, Luca is a constant presence. He reaches out every day. Sometimes just a line or two, other days much more. I reach into my pocket and scroll back through my messages to the very first one.

Luca: I miss you.

Luca: I wish I could say I knew the moment I saw you that I wanted you to be mine, but it wasn’t like that for me. Truth is, it was Rylin who stole my heart first. I was helpless against her light. I miss her, too.

Luca: Think I fell for you on our wedding day, under the big Oak Tree, when your lips met mine.

Luca: I know you’re not ready, and you might never be. But my heart belongs to you and Rylin. I’ll wait for you.

Luca: I have so many questions I want to ask you.

So many things I wish I could tell you. Is Rylin talking again?

Does she miss us? Are you healing? I’ve joined a group and I’m getting therapy.

The nightmares have changed. I don’t see him falling anymore.

Instead, I see your back disappearing into the airport.

I hear your screams in the creek. I feel your faint pulse under my fingertips as you cling to life.

Then there are the other dreams, the ones where Rylin is on the tree swing, giggling and smiling.

Lighting up my world. You, walking down the aisle on our wedding day.

Rylin curled up on your lap, elbow deep in a bowl of popcorn.

Those dreams are worth all of the bad ones.

Luca: I would do it all again if it meant keeping you safe. I can live with the ghosts, but I can't live without you.

Luca: You’re my moon and stars, Ivy. Still there, but just barely out of reach.

Twenty-five messages, each one both a balm and a dagger, simultaneously tearing me apart and gluing my pieces back together.

I’m not sure whether I should cry or run back into his arms. Lately I’ve been standing on the precipice, ready to take the leap and hope he catches me.

But what if it’s too late? I want to go home .

To the Hayeses; to little Sofia, Paige, and Cade.

I want to check on Sage, Hazel, and Chance, and see how they’re doing at the ranch.

We weren’t able to bring them with us to Colorado and I miss them terribly.

But mostly, I want to run back to Luca. I’ve felt a hollowness in my chest since the moment I stepped into the airport all those weeks ago; maybe it’s time to fill it again.

“Ivy?” Wilder’s voice brings me back to the present. “Paige is on the phone.”

When I decided it was time to leave, Griff reached out to their big brother in Colorado and we were on a plane two days later.

Despite Wilder’s best efforts, I haven’t been open about everything that happened with Austin and Luca.

I’m certain Griff and Jax probably gave him at least a little bit of a rundown, but I know he has questions, especially since Rylin still hasn’t uttered a single word since we got here.

Wilder lost his wife in an accident a couple of years back, so if anybody understands grief, it’s him, and he doesn’t push.

Still, I can’t bring myself to talk about them.

“Tell her I’m busy.” It’s a dick move, shutting everyone out, but I’m not ready.

“I think it’s urgent,” he says, his face awash with concern. I breathe deeply, in for four and out for four, before taking the phone from his outstretched hand.

“Hello?”

“Thank god, Ivy!” Paige’s voice is strained, like she’s been crying.

“Paige, what’s going on? Is Luca okay?”

The line is silent for several heartbeats, a rising sense of unease threatens to bring me to my knees. “He’s ok but… I hate to ask. I know you’re still going through a lot, but we need you.”

I can sense Paige’s distress and it cuts through me like a knife, reminding me of all the ways I’ve failed as a friend. Have I been selfish? I inhale a shaky breath, trying to calm my racing heart. “What happened?”

“Nono had a stroke. We’re flying back to Canada tomorrow. We’ll stay for a few days to say our goodbyes, but when we get back…” He needs me. She doesn’t say the words, but she doesn’t have to. Antonio was everything to Luca and Paige. And Nana Sofia. Oh god.

“What about Nana?”

“We’re bringing her back with us. Mom tried to fight me on it, but in the end she agreed it was probably best to keep her away while they go through the will and the estate with his kids.

It’s a big fucking mess. I can’t be with Luca while I’m trying to keep myself and Nana together.

I have Cade, but Luca… he’s going to be alone. ”

“No. No, he’s not. I’ll see you in a few days.”

The minute I spot Evelyn waiting for us at the baggage claim in Nashville, every worry and fear about returning instantly evaporates, replaced by the overwhelming feeling of rightness.

As much as I wavered about coming back, I realize now it was inevitable.

I don’t regret leaving. Although it didn’t necessarily heal us in all the ways I had hoped it would, if nothing else, time away gave me some much needed perspective.

Walking into the familiar two-story house in the heart of Oak Ridge, something settles deep in my bones. I feel his absence, and even though he’s not here, I’m immediately wrapped up in his familiar scent. Tears spring to my eyes as I’m bathed in the comfort of home.

Memories are etched into the walls like a time capsule.

Every stolen kiss and longing glance. Every featherlight touch, and heated embrace.

There are lines on the door frame where Luca measured Rylin’s height, teasing her over the possibility that her curls were just growing wilder as time went on.

Sitting on the entryway table is the crayola portrait Rylin gifted Luca for his birthday.

Lovingly displayed above the fireplace sits our wedding portrait — Luca and I locked in an intimate embrace under the old oak tree in the middle of town.

Everything is just as we left it, and yet it feels hollow without him here.

Evie quietly studies my face and, once she’s certain I’m not going to crumble, she asks. “Are you okay?”

“Better than okay.” Rylin’s little hand snakes through mine. I glance down at my girl, a smile on her face and the flicker of light in her eyes. It’s the first genuine smile I’ve seen in weeks, and it sends an arrow straight through my heart. This feels right.

Luca

“Luca Everett Roberts! Stop fussing over me,” Nana grumbles as I settle her on Paige’s sofa. Tucking a soft blanket around her legs. Her voice softens, “I’m fine, tesorino. You, on the other hand, look like shit.”

“Wow. Thanks, Nana,” I chuckle.

“Just telling it like it is. I know a little something about love, and what it feels like to lose it,” she says, her eyes somewhat glassy and far away. “Don’t look at me with pity, Luca. I’ve been fortunate in my life to find two great loves. When you find it, you cling to it with both hands.”

“Too late for that,” I say, eyes downcast as I needlessly adjust her blanket.

Nana reaches out a hand, squeezing mine in her fragile grip. I squeeze back, her time worn hand engulfed by my much larger palm. “It’s never too late. Until it is,” she whispers.

I nod in understanding. Ivy and Rylin are out there. Still breathing the same air. That has to be enough for now. I’ve tried to reach her, but she’s not ready, and I’ve accepted that, if a little reluctantly.

“I have to get home. Call if you need anything.” I kiss her forehead, then head back out to my truck, trying to steady myself for the solitude that awaits me back at the house.

Memories of Ivy and Rylin still haunt the place that was meant to be my refuge, now stained by thoughts of what could have been if I had just seen what was right in front of me.

I couldn’t bring myself to erase them from the place.

There’s a comfort in knowing that everything is as it was before the world crumbled around us.

The dark, empty streets are decorated for Christmas with wreaths on every lamppost, illuminating the shops along main street as I follow the familiar path back home.

I can’t believe Nono’s gone. I roll down my window, letting the frigid air chill my bones.

I don’t remember much about my mom’s dad, who passed away when I was barely eight years old, but Nana’s second husband, our Nono, has been in my life for as long as I can remember — a warm, steady presence.

He didn’t have a mean bone in his body, always ready to greet everyone with a warm smile and a meal — whether you were hungry or not.