Page 9

CHAPTER NINE

Kassandra

This was the first day I didn't dread coming home, and that made me the worst mother in the world. I loved my kids. They were my everything, but having to go home every night to their worthless father would drain me even before I walked through the door. Somehow I knew today would be different.

Maybe it was because Michael was finally out of our lives. Even though he died days ago, planning the funeral was exhausting. Today was a fresh start and it began with a cooked breakfast. Already things were looking up.

I unlocked the front door and was instantly greeted by laughter. I stopped and just let myself soak up the sound. I missed my boys being this happy and carefree.

It was in that moment that it hit me. I thought I was doing the right thing by not divorcing Michael, that I was keeping my family together, but the truth was I subjected my sons to misery. They had to watch me walk around sad and utterly heartbroken. That wasn't fair to them and I vowed to do better.

Slipping off my shoes and putting them in their proper spot, I followed the sound of the laughter to the kitchen and once again just paused. David stood at the stove cooking something that smelled fantastic. Mikey was helping him, and Nate was at the table doing his homework, but instead of looking frustrated, he was smiling.

"Rap it for me again!" David pointed a spoon in Nate's direction and my son did as he was asked.

I had to catch the formula between the bouts of laughter but Nate gave the correct answer to one of the formulas that had been stumping him for weeks. I was so damn proud of him.

Mikey was the first to notice me. "Hey, Mom! Dinner’s almost ready."

"Okay …" I was so surprised that I didn't know what else to say. I walked over to Nate and kissed him on the head. "How was school today?"

With a wide smile spread across his face, Nate answered, "It was good! I finally figured out this math formula, so the test tomorrow is going to be great."

"I thought the test was today?"

"It was supposed to be, but the teacher was out sick, so she pushed it back. Said we had an extra day to study and it's a good thing. David helped me figure out the part I couldn't understand."

I glanced over at the man we were discussing. He was too busy stirring whatever was in the pan but I could see the small upturn of his lips and knew David was listening to us. He was giving Nate his time to shine without stepping in, and I fell for the man just a little more.

"I'm happy to hear that. Now tell me what smells so good in here?"

"Chicken marsala, herbed smashed baby potatoes, and grilled asparagus." Mikey beamed. "David offered to teach me how to make it."

"Well, I must say it smells fantastic in here. I can't wait to taste it. I'm just going to run upstairs and change out of my work clothes real quick."

Seeing how happy both of my boys were lifted some of the weight off my chest from when I first walked in. I might've done them a disservice before, but things were better now. I dashed out of the kitchen and upstairs to my bedroom, and stripped out of my dress and tights, throwing them both in the hamper.

I contemplated putting on my new since-Michael-died “at home” outfit but decided against the sweatpants for a pair of jeans instead. They wouldn't be as comfortable but at least I wouldn't look like a bum. I paired an oversized sweater with it that was super soft and made up for the fact that the jeans would be poking into my stomach. Lastly, I touched up my mascara before heading back downstairs.

By the time I emerged back in the kitchen, the table was set and the delicious-smelling food sat in the middle.

"Would you like a glass of wine with dinner?" David slid up next to me and asked.

I looked up at him through my lashes. "I would love one, thank you. And thank you for cooking dinner. You didn't have to do that after cooking us breakfast this morning."

"It's my pleasure. I'm the one who had spare time today while you worked. It's the least I could do so that your evening was a bit more relaxing."

If he continued to do and say things like that, I was a goner. It was going to be hard enough for me not to fall madly in love with him more than I already was. I’d wanted to believe that some of the feelings I’d had for him as a teenager were just superficial and would fade over the years. So far that wasn't the case.

Conversation around the dinner table was lighthearted and fun. The laughter I first walked in on continued, and for once, dinner wasn't tense and full of forced conversations. The food tasted as good as it smelled, and overall, the evening was perfect. I wanted to freeze the moment forever.

"That was delicious." I leaned back in my chair and put my hand on my stomach. The jeans no longer sounded like a good idea now that I was overly stuffed. "Thank you so much for cooking tonight." I looked between all three of them since I learned throughout the dinner conversation that Nate helped in between his homework.

"It was fun," Mikey replied, standing up with his plate, but I stopped him.

"Nope, leave that there. You all cooked, so it's only fair that I clean up."

All three of them tried to argue back at once but I wasn't having it. I put my hand up and the talking ceased.

"I insist. I appreciate what you all did, but I would feel terrible if you cleaned up as well, so please let me do it."

Mikey was the first to agree. "Okay, but only because I promised Brittany I would call her after dinner to help her with a history project she has due this week."

"Make sure you're not giving her the answers," I whispered when he leaned in to kiss my cheek.

"I never do. Love you, Mom."

"Love you too."

"I'm going to go see if any of my friends are online since I finished my homework early for once." Nate raced out of the kitchen but I yelled after him, "Love you!"

He rushed back in and gave me a kiss on my other cheek. "Love you, too."

I chuckled and laughed at his eagerness. It was rare that homework took him less than three hours a night, so it was nice to see him getting to do something fun in the evening.

"And then there was one." David smiled.

He helped me gather the dishes in silence. I wanted to argue that he too should be sitting down to relax, but I got the feeling nothing I said would matter, so I accepted the help without a fight.

I was rinsing off the last dish to put into the dishwasher when I finally spoke. "Thank you for this, and I don't just mean cooking dinner. Spending time with Mikey and Nate. Michael never did that, and walking into the house tonight to hear laughter was a nice surprise."

David stopped what he was doing to lean back against the cabinets. He folded his arms over his chest and his one foot crossed over the other before he spoke. "You know you don't need to compare us, right? I don't need to know all the ways Michael failed you over the years."

I set the dish down into the sink and rested both hands on the edge of the sink before dropping my chin to my chest with a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry. It's just hard for me not to compare the two of you. I've done it since high school."

I didn't miss the way he tensed next to me. "What do you mean?"

I decided I was done hiding my feelings.

"Madalyn had you, so by default, that left me with Michael. But it was always obvious Madalyn won the lottery while Michael was a cheap replacement. It was a stupid thought process and probably why my marriage was doomed from the beginning."

I focused on starting the dishwasher. I couldn't look him in the eye after that confession. He would know that my shitty marriage was just as much my fault as it was Michael's. Our entire relationship was spent being grouchy that he wasn't the man I truly wanted.

"Truth be told, I set Michael up for failure right from the beginning." The confession slipped out of my mouth before I could think better of it but I was glad I finally admitted it out loud. Over thirty years was a long time to keep that secret.

"You did no such thing." David touched my arm. "Hey, look at me." I slowly brought my gaze up to him. “There's no reason Michael couldn't have been a better husband to you. I doubt you ever told him he was a cheap replacement."

I snickered. "Nope, I definitely kept that to myself."

"Exactly. So there was no reason for him to neglect you or your children. And there was no reason for him to isolate you from others."

I turned around and mimicked his position. "He was jealous of you, you know that. I wasn't the only one who settled. He was drawn to Madalyn just like everyone else was. I think he hated that you had her. I remember how happy he was when she left you and never came back. Things were better there for a while, but then he found out I was writing you letters and everything changed. He was mad all over again."

"Why did you stay with him if things were bad? I would've helped you leave him if that's what you wanted."

I gave him a sad smile. "I was pregnant when Michael told me I needed to stop talking to you. I figured it would be selfish of me to pick you over my family. Then when I lost the baby a few weeks later, I figured it was too late. I had ruined things between us."

"You could have never ruined things between us. All it would've taken was a phone call and I would've come to you. You were my best friend."

Were . I really hated that word. Mostly because I didn't want to just be friends with him. I wanted to be so much more to him.