Page 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

Kassandra

I swiped on a little lip gloss and stared at my reflection in the mirror.

Do I need a little more mascara on my lashes?

I put the tube of gloss down and reached for the mascara but stopped myself. I wasn't going to do this. Not anymore. I tried for years after Mikey and Nate were born to glam myself up, in hopes Michael would give me some attention, to no avail. It wasn't until I joined an online support group that I realized there was nothing wrong with me. A man needed to accept me for who I was. I didn't need to change for him.

The same would apply to David, even if I wasn't supposed to be thinking about him that way.

I was a recent widow.

I'd hurt him once by cutting off our friendship in favor of Michael.

Besides, he didn't harbor the same feelings I did. Madalyn was the love of his life, and despite how things ended between them, he never moved on. And to his parents’ utter dismay, he never got married.

That was three solid reasons that we couldn’t have a future together, and I needed to remember that. Spending extra time getting ready in the morning wasn't going to change it.

I looked at the watch on my wrist.

Shit!

And it was making me late. Gah!

I rushed out of the bedroom and almost fell straight on my ass as my stocking feet slipped around on the hardwood floor. Instead I bumped my shoulder against the wall and threw my hands out to catch myself.

"Mikey! Nate! We need to be out the door in five minutes!" I yelled on my way down the stairs. Both of my boys liked to sleep in when they could. It wasn't the height of hockey season, so Mikey didn't have to be up super early in the morning, which meant he slept as long as possible.

I came to an abrupt halt just inside the kitchen. In all my rushing around, I completely missed the smell of bacon and eggs being cooked.

"Ah . . ." I didn't know what to say. Mikey and Nate were sitting at the kitchen table, each of them shoveling down a plate of food with orange juice in front of them.

"We'll be ready to go." Nate was the first to look and speak around a mouthful of food.

"Please don't talk with your mouth full."

"Sorry."

I didn't correct him the second time. There were some battles that weren't worth fighting over and this was one of them. Not right now anyway. I was just happy they looked ready to go to school without me having to yell at them to move their asses.

"Who made breakfast?"

"David did," Mikey answered before he shoveled the last piece of bacon on his plate into his mouth.

David was nowhere in sight. The blankets I gave him last night were folded neatly on the couch. I wondered if he slipped out in the early morning. I was a little disappointed if that was the case. He mentioned being there to protect us, so I figured that meant he would still be here when I woke up. I glanced around the kitchen like I expected the man we were discussing to pop out of the pantry.

He didn't. And it would've been awkward if he did.

"Did he leave?" I told myself I wasn't going to ask, but of course my mouth had other ideas.

"No, he said he needed to make a few phone calls," Mikey answered on his way to the sink. He rinsed off his plate and loaded it into the dishwasher. I smiled to myself. I might've married an idiot but he gave me two great sons. And I was going to do everything in my power to make sure they were nothing like their father.

"Are you both ready for school?"

"Yup." Nate popped the last bite off his plate and then followed in his brother’s steps to clean up from breakfast. "Love you, Mom."

I sighed both at Nate's words and the fact that I was going to miss David's breakfast because I took too long getting ready. I bet he made kick-ass eggs and the bacon looked to be the perfect amount of crispy.

"Love you too." I spun on my heels and came to an abrupt stop when I almost crashed into David.

"You're going to leave before eating breakfast?" He looked just as disappointed as I was about the fact.

I glanced at the time of the microwave. "I'm running late." My voice held the same disappointment David's did.

"I'll make it into a breakfast sandwich that you can take with you." David was already moving around me to follow through on his statement before I could say anything. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Go ahead and finish doing what you need to. I'll bring it out to you in two minutes."

I didn't bother to argue. I wanted that sandwich more than I wanted anything else in my life at the moment. I couldn't remember the last time someone made me food outside of a restaurant. "Thank you."

Mikey and Nate were already by the front door putting their backpacks over their shoulders. I forced myself to walk away from David's magnetic pull and follow my kids out the door. I could be a few minutes late to work, but my kids couldn't afford to be late to school.

"I love you both." I pulled them each into a hug and gave them a kiss on their cheek. Both had to bend down to accommodate me, despite being near five foot seven in my heels. "Please drive safe and text me when you get to school," I told Mikey.

It was the same thing I told him every time he drove.

"I will, and I love you, too. I'm going to hit the gym after school but should still be home before you get out of work."

"Okay." I didn't know if my kids were so mature that they didn't mind telling me their plans without me having to hound them for it, or if it was a result of how their father acted, but I was grateful for it. I never had to worry about what they were doing because they told me.

I was standing in the same spot moments later when David came outside. "Here you go. A bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich to go." The sandwich was wrapped up nicely in a paper towel and piping hot.

"You didn't have to do that." I took the sandwich from his outstretched hand and held it close. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me, and I was seconds away from tearing up for it.

"I know I didn't have to,” he said. “I wanted to."

I stood there awkwardly, not exactly sure what to do. Should I hug him? I mean, I really wanted to, but not because he made me a breakfast sandwich.

Should I say something? Shit, I didn't thank him.

"Thank you," I blurted out quickly. "No one ever makes me breakfast," I tacked on, like that would explain why I was acting weird. But instead of smiling, David now wore a frown.

"You deserve to have breakfast made for you."

Time to change the subject. There was no way I was ruining this morning by bringing up all the flaws of my deceased husband.

"I have to go. I truly appreciate you making breakfast for us. I'm not sure what your plan is for the day,” I rambled, “but there's a spare key under the mat you can use. I'll be home sometime later but I’m not exactly sure what time." I decided that if I didn't start walking to my vehicle, I was more than likely going to continue spewing nonsense.

"Have a great day at work, Kassandra," David said to my retreating back. "Oh, and we'll be talking about leaving a key in an obvious place later."

I waved off what he said and rushed to open the car door. It wasn't until I was safely behind the wheel, and no longer physically exposed to him, that I took a real deep breath. He affected me so much that it was hard to think and do simple things like take oxygen into my body so I could survive around him.

I backed out of the driveway slowly. No need to get into a fender bender with David watching. I've made enough of an ass out of myself since he came back that I didn't need to add to it. I'm sure I’ll have plenty of other chances while he’s here.

It wasn't until the first red light that I allowed myself to take a bite of my breakfast. I closed my eyes and moaned as the combination of fluffy eggs, crispy bacon, and melted cheese hit my taste buds. Either the sandwich was just that good, or the fact that it was made by someone else made it taste so much better. Regardless, I was savoring the goodness when a horn blared behind me. My eyes flew open to see the light had changed to green, and I sighed with frustration.

Stupid impatient people in city morning traffic were ruining my happy buzz.

I managed to make it to my office building without further incident. I was only able to take two more bites but that just meant I could eat it without interruption at my desk.

I was chewing the last bite when my assistant walked through my office door but came to a stumbling stop.

"Wait, are you actually eating breakfast on your own? As in, I don't need to remind you or force it down your throat when you start to get cranky from lack of food?" Amanda popped her hip out with a smirk.

Amanda had been my assistant for the last five years, and she was every man's wet dream. At five foot nine, with long blonde hair, stunning blue eyes, and lashes a woman would kill for, she looked more like a model than an assistant. She was exactly the kind of young woman Michael loved to hit on. When she first started, he would make excuses to stop in and see me just so he could try and flirt with her. Thankfully, Amanda was quick to put him in his place. She once told me she lived and breathed by the girl code, and cheating spouses were a big no-no to her. Amanda couldn't understand why I never divorced him.

"I am, but only because someone beat you to it."

"Hold up." Amanda's heels clicked across the tiled floor before she settled into the guest chair on the other side of my desk. "Who the hell beat me to it, and what's with that look on your face?" She waved her finger at me.

"What look?" I mock scowled but couldn't hold it for long. I was too busy feeling happy to give it my all.

"Is that a smile ?" Amanda gasped. "Lips turned up. Sparkle in the eyes." She slapped her hands on my desk. "Yup, definitely a smile. What sorcery is this? Better yet, who is he? Because that's not your 'my kids did something amazing' smile. That's a smile only a man can give you."

Apparently, I paused too long before answering.

"Wait, did you get laid ?" This gasp was much louder.

"Shhh!" I hissed. "Keep your voice down! I don't need anyone else hearing you and starting rumors."

"Ummm. It's only the two of us here, remember? That big glass door out there keeps everyone else on this floor from hearing anything."

Oh, right. I rented a small office space for my interior design company, and it was only me and Amanda who worked here, but still.

"Okay, fine,” I conceded, “but you still need to keep your voice down, and no, I didn't get laid. Kinda hard to do when just yesterday I was busy pretending to mourn my dead husband and taking care of my kids."

"Mikey is seventeen and Nate is fifteen. They aren't toddlers who need babysitters. I'm sure if you told them you were going out for a few hours, they would be fine on their own."

I rolled my eyes. "That's not the point. Yesterday was about Michael. Not me."

Amanda huffed and crossed her arms. "It's always about Michael. Him offing himself was supposed to change that for you."

My assistant didn't hide the fact that she couldn't stand my late husband. If it was up to Amanda, she probably would've thrown me a party when he died. She would've named it too.

A “Kassandra is finally free of the douchebag” party, if I had to guess.

"It's only been a few days."

"Fine, but that smile is because of a man, so spill."

There was no use denying it. Amanda wasn't just my assistant. She was my best friend, which was sad really, considering she was fifteen years younger than me.

"Do you remember when I told you about David Black?"

I stupidly got drunk one night and spilled all about my high school crush on David, and how if there was any man who could break my dry spell, it would be him.

"Hunky David Black the millionaire who owns a very successful security company right here in Boston? How could I forget? We cyber stalked him that night, and if I remember correctly, I encouraged you to call him up to dust off the cobweb . . . down under." The last part was said in the most cringe-worthy of an Australian accent I had ever heard.

"Yes, the one and the same. Well, I did call him after Michael passed and he flew in yesterday for the funeral. He needed a place to stay, so I offered him my couch, and when I woke up this morning, he had made breakfast for me and the boys."

"Hold the phone." Both of Amanda's hands went up and she scooted to the edge of her seat. "You mean to tell me you had that sexy-as-fuck man in your house last night and you made him sleep on the couch ? What the hell is wrong with you, Kassandra? A man like that you invite into your bed and beg him to ravish you. Has our friendship taught you nothing over the years?"

I laughed. "I'm not you. Besides, in high school he was in love with my best friend. He doesn't even know I’ve had this crush on him all these years. Not to mention Michael forced me to push him away. I didn't think it would look good to drag him into my bed after not seeing him for so long."

"Oh, honey," Amanda tsked. "There is never a wrong time to drag a man into your bed. Especially when it's been as long as it has been for you. We've worked together for what? Five years, right?" I nodded my head. "And as far as I know, you haven't let a man anywhere near you in all that time, and for God knows how long before that. I think it's time."

My cheeks heated and it wasn't from the hot flashes I occasionally got. It was closer to eight years since I had sex. Ever since I found out Michael was screwing around on me, I refused to let him touch me. I didn't want him anywhere near me and told him as much.

I could still remember the argument we had that night over it.

"Is that perfume I smell on you?" I pushed him away. "It smells like something a hooker would wear."

"What the fuck do you expect, Kassandra? You refuse to give me the kind of sex I need without whining, so I had to go somewhere else to find it," Michael slurred, as he swayed, the whiskey mixing with the smell of the cheap perfume.

The kind of sex he was referring to was his selfish need to get off without giving me a single orgasm.

"Fine, get your dick wet somewhere else, but don't think for a second you’ll come home and stick that diseased penis anywhere near me."

"Fine," Michael childishly huffed back. "I don't want your overused vagina anyway."

That was the beginning of the end for us.

"Kassandra?" I came back to the present to Amanda waving her hands in front of me. "I'm not wrong, am I?"

I sighed. "No, you're not, but that doesn't mean I'm going to jump into bed with David. I'm pretty sure he's still hung up on Madalyn. He never got married, and you saw when we looked him up, he's never been photographed with the same woman twice."

"Exactly. He's the perfect man to get back out there with. Let him rock your world and then you can get back on the proverbial horse. Find yourself a man who treats you better than that asshat of a husband ever did."

I didn't want to tell Amanda that wasn't possible. My feelings for David were so deep that I doubted I could ever have anything casual with him. My heart would get involved and then it would shatter when he didn't return the feelings.

Instead I changed the subject.

"How about we talk about work instead of my personal life? You mentioned another project right before everything blew up."

By “blew up” I meant my husband killed himself because he likely had some bad people after him, but I was intentionally pushing that to the back of my mind for now.

"Yes!" Amanda bounced in her chair. "Your favorite LLC is back and has another house they want you to design. Do you think we’ll ever figure out who this mystery company is, and why they want you to design so much for them?"

"Probably not," I chuckled. "As long as they keep paying well and allow me complete control of the designs, I won't question it too much. They’re my favorite jobs to take."

I didn't tell Amanda that I thought about the company, and owner, often. They purposely kept themselves hidden, and that alone piqued my interest, but like I told her, I wouldn't question it too much. At the end of the month, whoever this mystery company was, they were the reason I could afford to continue giving my kids what they wanted and needed in life.