Page 21

Kaz

HE WATCHED Miles walk out the door and slam it after him, and as much as he knew he should be running after him, he couldn’t.

He’d have to tell him things he couldn’t even admit to himself.

He had to let Miles go. There was no other way.

He tried to ignore the thing blooming in his chest, but it hurt.

It hurt so fucking much he could barely breathe.

He blinked, lashes sticking to his skin, and he realized tears were running down his cheeks.

With a growl, he dried his face with the back of his arm, then took off out the door, unsure where he was going.

He knew where he wanted to go, but he couldn’t.

He might be a selfish bastard but... he couldn’t drag Miles back in knowing this was the inevitable end to their relationship, no matter what he did or said.

No matter how right it all felt because he wasn’t right for Miles. He never had been-

He made his way downstairs, unsurprised to run into Jane who looked at him with a confused expression.

“Your friend just ran out of here telling me I shouldn’t trust you,” she said, arching a brow at him. “I take it your reunion didn’t go well, then? ”

Anger simmered under his skin, but he bit back the curses threatening to fall from his lips.

“He thinks we’re together.”

She stared at him unblinkingly for a few seconds, then exclaimed, “ Us? The two of us? He thinks we’re together? Why the fuck does he think that?”

“Why the fuck do you think?” he snapped.

He watched her face crumble and had to remind himself it wasn’t her fault that he was a fucking idiot.

“Fuck. I’m sorry,” she croaked out, tears springing to her eyes. “I know I’m too touchy. I-I won’t―”

It was too much. The guilt. It fucking ate at him, biting into every last scrap of his cold, dead heart.

“Fuck,” he yelled, slamming his fist into the wall, pain reverberating from his knuckles up his arm.That pain was nothing compared to the pain in his chest, so he reared back.

“You idiot,” Jane hissed, grabbing his hand and preventing him from hitting the wall again.

He ground his teeth, fingers flexing, trying and failing to find an outlet for his misery.

Jane tugged him toward the couch, pushing him down onto it. He dropped his head into his hand, his breathing ragged as he tried and failed to come to terms with what he’d done. What he’d willingly lost.

“I’m sorry,” Jane said in a small voice, guilt that had no place being there coating her words.

He slowly raised his gaze, hating himself even more for the tears running down her cheeks. A quick cursory glance told him they were alone which somehow didn’t make him feel any better.

“Not your fault,” he muttered, the fight seeping out of him. What remained wasn’t any better. He felt cold and empty, guilt and shame his only companions among the wretched pain still tearing at his chest. At his heart.

Jane sighed and sat down next to him, her arm wrapping around his shoulders as she pulled him into her embrace. She rested her head against his, and he clutched her hand tightly, wishing it wasn’t her he was holding right now.

“He’s the guy, isn’t he?”

“Yeah,” he croaked out, then cleared his throat.

He hadn’t told anyone about Miles. He hadn’t… dared to. He’d known from the start that it would crash and burn. How could it not?

He wasn’t worthy of someone’s affection, of their love. He just wasn’t.

“Why?” Jane asked.

He could barely open his mouth, his tongue feeling like sandpaper as he spoke.

“It’s too much. I wasn’t looking for anything like this. I just wanted to have fun. Miles was fun.”

“Until it was more than fun, huh?”

“It’s… too soon. Too… everything .”

He didn’t know how to put it into words.

His feelings were complicated, and he’d always been fucked in that way.

The shit he’d been through as a kid? It still woke him up some nights.

He’d stopped screaming a few years ago, but he still got that heart-pounding, breathless feeling as he shot upright in bed.

He’d been told most of his life that he was worthless and unworthy of any kind of affection.

He knew it was a lie, but that lie had burrowed deep inside him, and it had no intention of leaving any time soon.

He knew what real love looked like, but he couldn’t help thinking he didn’t deserve it.

He sure as fuck didn’t deserve Miles. No matter how much he…

cared about Miles. No matter how much he wanted more with Miles.

Miles deserved so much better than to be stuck with someone like him.

“Maybe it just wasn’t the right time for you?” Jane suggested, her smile soft, but uncertainty clung to her words.

Kaz shrugged just to appease her.

He wasn’t sure there’d ever be a right time. Not after what just happened between them. Miles thought he was a cheater. An asshole. Well, he wasn’t a cheater, but he was an asshole. He always had been, especially to Miles.

There was no way Miles would ever talk to him again. Any explanation he could give would come off as an excuse or a lie to Miles. He knew Miles well enough to be certain of that.

“Happy birthday to me,” he mumbled, a small smile finding his lips when Jane slapped his shoulder and started berating him in the way only a younger sister could.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and rested his cheek against the top of her head, tuning out her words. Maybe, one day, it would be Miles in his arms again.

He wasn’t counting on it.