Page 36 of Maverick (The Bull Riders #3)

She shakes her head. “That’s not true at all.

You can do everything I do plus more. You’re a great rider.

You can do dressage and Western. You do all kinds of things.

Also, oh my God, when you pierced your nose…

I thought mom and dad were going to die.

But I also thought it was the bravest thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve never been brave enough to do things I knew they wouldn’t like. ”

“It’s not bravery. It’s impulsivity. I just don’t think before I do things.”

She looks down at her hands. “All I do is think. And every time I think that maybe I’ll do something brave I get scared that mom and dad are going to reject me. And then I don’t do it. I just keep doing the thing they want me to do.”

“Please tell me this isn’t about your engagement.”

She falters. “I don’t think it is. But then… They’ve always been very excited about me dating Philip.”

“Do you love Philip?”

“I’m…” She shakes her head. “Don’t pay attention to me. I’m in a weird space. But I just wanted you to know that you’ve always been an inspiration to me. It’s crazy to me that you don’t know that.”

I don’t know that. I don’t know it because I’ve been so bogged down in my own feelings about what my parents thought of me that I assumed my sister thought the same things. I had my perspective on her perfection, and I assumed that she thought she was more perfect than me too.

“So what happened?”

“I fell in love with a widower who doesn’t want to love again, and who pushed me away in an extremely brutal fashion. It also gave me a horse.”

“Sounds complicated.”

“It’s complicated.”

This is the closest we’ve come to a heart-to-heart since we were kids.

Which makes me sad. She’s not the reason we were distant.

I’m not really the reason either. Our parents made us feel weird about each other, and when I blew it all up, I think she felt obligated to them, and I felt sorry for myself.

But we have each other.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this whole Maverick thing. From his losses and the pain he’s been through, it’s that when you have people who love you, you have to hold onto them. I’m lucky. I have a whole family, dysfunctional though we may be. And maybe I need boundaries with my parents.

But I don’t need those same boundaries with Harmony.

“Well, can I see your horse?”

I don’t know why this place, my family, seems suddenly different to me.

Maybe it’s this simple moment of vulnerability with my sister, where we both admit we don’t have it all together.

But at least this seems a little bit lighter.

For the first time, I feel like maybe my sister is on my team. And that feels kind of magical to me.

In the middle of a whole lot of things that don’t feel magical at all.

But I take Frank out, and Harmony and I take turns riding him, and she is as in love with him as I am by the end of it.

“Mom and Dad drove to San Francisco for a play,” she says. “Do you want to go to their place and watch a movie on the big screen? They’re gone for the night.”

I could go home, but I could always stay. And the idea of staying with Harmony, of not being alone, doesn’t feel bad.

Which is how we end up watching Two Weeks Notice, and eating popcorn with M&Ms.

“The last time I watched this was with him,” I say.

“Well, why did you choose it? Do you want to feel sad?”

“Maybe,” I say. “Maybe I do want to feel sad. Because this just sucks.”

“Well, I’m sorry,” she says.

“Me too.” Right then, I feel okay not being the best. I feel okay not having it all worked out, because I feel like she and I have more in common that way than I thought. Maybe that’s part of why I always felt like I had to win. Because I thought she was always winning. Effortlessly.

But hearing her perspective on me, and on herself, has shifted that.

“So none of us know what we’re doing,” I say.

“Nope.”

“He sure doesn’t know what he’s doing,” I say. “Because I think he loves me, and he’s a coward.”

“That’s probably true. But you know, you’re the bravest person I know. You told off mom and dad, and you totally left and went and became a champion and something else entirely. So you just need to keep being that person.”

I laugh. “I tried that. I declared my love for him and everything, and look where it got me.”

“Well,” she said slowly. “You really think he loves you, right?”

“I hope so.”

“And he got you tickets to this bull riding championship?”

“Sweet tickets,” I say. “Which are very expensive.”

“You should go. Looking hot. It is what Sandra Bullock would do.”

“I wrinkle my nose. “I… Well… It is what Sandra Bullock would do. At least, rom com Sandra Bullock.”

“Well, she is the only Sandra Bullock in question at this moment. And I think that you have to go. You have to show him what is missing. You have to remind him who the fuck you are.”

I turned toward her. “You know what? You’re right.

You are absolutely right. But you know what else rom com Sandra Bullock would never do?

She would never marry a guy she wasn’t wildly in love with.

Harmony, if you’re not wildly in love with him, you can’t marry him.

You can’t just follow mom and dad’s choreographed plan down the aisle if it’s not what you want. ”

She laughs nervously. “Well, sure, but…”

“I’m the black sheep,” I say. “And no matter what you do, it’s never going to blow up quite as badly as what I do.”

“I’m not sure about that. I think they like him better than they like me.”

And I realize then, the unbearable weight of expectation that she and I have lived under all this time.

It’s stupid. It’s unfair. Because we are both really talented people, and maybe different parents could’ve fostered that in a slightly more productive manner instead of making us feel like we had to be clones or we were failing. ”

“If we have to live together for a while, we could do that,” I say. “But you’re not going to be on your own.”

She reaches across the space to me. “Neither are you.”

No. I won’t be. I’ll have her. Dallas, Colt. I’ll have all the things that I’ve been working toward building.

Even if I don’t have Maverick.

But I’m still not done trying.

I’m going to do just like Harmony said. I’m going to show him what it looks like to be brave.

I’m going to do exactly what I told him to do. I’m going to show up. I’m going to be changed by this. I’m going to work for it, for him, for us.

Or sit there and get drunk and give him both middle fingers.

Either way, it’ll be a night to remember.