Page 29

Amber

“ R un Bear.”

The ball hits my chest and my hands reach out to tuck it there as I sprint smoothly across the grass toward the end zone.

“Touchdown!” I wave my hands and jut my hips from side to side, doing a tiny dance before I make a beeline for the house. “See you guys later.”

“Those little legs are fast,” Bradley says, sliding his ball cap on my head as I pass him. It’s flicked backward and exudes his spicy scent.

As I cross the street and head to my parents’ house, my phone pings and a smile immediately rises.

Dad

I made you cheese and potato pie.

I quickly type and the Morrison’s dog barks as I pass their gate. I’m glad he wanted some alone time with me before I leave.

Amber

You’re the best, I’m two minutes away.

Kat is sleeping at her friend’s house but promised to come in the morning to say goodbye and Mom is out with her book club friends, which makes it the perfect time to have a night with one of my favorite people.

I twist the handle, and my mouth waters as I walk inside, letting the smell of creamy cheese marinate me.

“There’s my girl,” Dad runs to me with the oven gloves and apron still attached to him, “It’s to die for.” He throws his large arms around me.

“I’ll let it kill me softly with each bite.” I hug him so tight, needing to feel him a little more. Despite talking to him every day or at least every week, I haven’t seen him in a year—that is the hardest part, but I know he wanted to give me space to figure things out.

“Want to eat it on the roof like old times?” Dad asks, ushering me to the kitchen where a strawberry cheesecake rests on the counter. I swear he can read my mind. “Seeing the smile pop on your face when you saw it was worth the hustle.”

“I wanted a cheesecake two days ago and you made me one so how can I not smile.” I plunge two spoons inside and grab the glass pan on both sides while Dad grabs the potato pie. “Let’s go.”

We slowly exit the window from my room and steady each other as we lower down and place the food on our laps.

“Isn’t it hot?” I point to the Pyrex.

“No, it’s been out for thirty minutes I was just thinking in the kitchen until you came.” He takes the spoon I hand him. “Thanks.”

I gaze at the deliciousness under my nose—I don’t know which one I want to eat first.

“Just eat them together—one bite at a time.” Dad can see the dilemma in my concentrated expression and laughs.

Yeah, that’s what I should do.

“Your mom told me what happened two days ago when I was at work.”

The spoon stops halfway toward my mouth and I clear my voice. “Yeah?” I knew this conversation would probably lead to her. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Then listen to what I have to say.” I trace the urgency in his voice. There is something he wants to say to me even if I don’t want to hear it.

“I’m proud of you for standing up to yourself. You always did that without anyone’s help.”

I glance at him. It’s not what I thought he would say but the scintillating pride in his eyes makes my chest tight.

“For years, I tried to calm the raging tides between you two. I know how hard she is with you and I always wonder if I’ve done enough to protect you.”

“You did, Dad. It wasn’t about you. It was her demons and me just being a constant reminder for the baby you’ve lost.” I stare at the glowing moon, slowly peeling the layers of it inside my head, and shove the spoon inside my mouth—the fluffy cheesecake explodes on my tongue and calms my tight muscles.

“But it wasn’t your fault, I need you to know that.”

“I know.” I eat the potato pie next. “I don’t regret naming her, and I don’t blame you for giving me a chance to when Violet was born. I miss her like you and Mom. Mom abandoned me a long time ago and I need to move on for my peace of mind. We will never be like you and me but I hope she will be better for Kat.”

“She’s trying.” His fingers run through his beard. “Book club meetings, yoga classes, support groups.”

“That’s good,” I whisper.

Dad grabs my hand. “No matter what, you always have me you know that? First call and I’ll be there, I’ll never abandon you.”

I nod my chin up and down, smiling at him. “I know Dad.”

“She’s not a bad person.” His voice trembles a bit.

“She just had a difficult life?” I subtly raise my brows.

“It’s not an excuse when it comes to you girls. She needed to put it aside and be there for you but we can’t truly understand what she’d been through.”

No, we can’t.

I don’t know much about her past and never had the chance to ask. But I know it wouldn’t have made a difference.

We are our own islands, sharing the same water and knowing we could never step on each other’s land.

My chest feels heavy and I feel like I just sucker-punched myself with that thought.

“Maybe it was for the best. I got to spend more time with you.” I suggest.

You were my island.

“And I will always cherish that.” He brings my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles before his fingers clasp around the second spoon. “I’ve never seen you this happy, not since you were a little girl, and I like them. A lot.”

“I feel like I can finally breathe with them after holding my breath for so long.” A little chuckle escapes me when my words sink in.

“They put a smile on your face. They make you happy. They treat you well. That is all that matters to me.”

“I like them.” I pause and sneak a glimpse at him. “A lot.”

He nods out of the corner of my eye, contemplating. “I don’t know how it works and how it goes, but I can tell they care for you. Deeply. So open your heart and see where it takes you.”

“Is it weird that we didn’t hide our connection? We didn’t even try to hide it.” Not for a single second did I hide my feelings nor did they hide theirs. We let it be. We let it consume us. We let it thrive here when each still had questions.

“I think that a bond starts from the first encounter. When it’s there, it’s there. You can’t control it. You can’t tame it. You can’t manipulate it. Love doesn’t work that way. So the question is what are you going to do about it?”