Page 19

Bradley

C overed in dry tears, we sit on the stairs laughing at ourselves, it quickly becomes a sigh and hers follows.

I’m amused as always by Amber’s conflicted emotions. One minute she’s soft the next she’s angry, making the cutest pout, then she cries, laughs, and goes back to being tender.

“You kids are something else,” Mom’s voice filters in. “I waited until you were done and I have to say that it was pretty spectacular. Oscar nomination.” She shoots us her “I’m amazed” look, Amber covers her eyes in embarrassment and we continue to laugh even harder as Mom lowers next to me. “Don’t be embarrassed I thought it was adorable. I’m proud of you for talking it out.” She gently tries to convince Amber to remove her hands.

“This is your special day and your house, it was wrong of us to do it.”

“Nonsense,” Mom flips her hand dismissively, pushing her mouth to the side. “I like to believe Drew had some kind of intervention in today’s events, plus, you’re Bradley’s special roommates .“ A hint of longing reflects in her voice before she wiggles her eyebrows funnily.

I screw my face into a grimace, “Ugh, worst choice of words ever, I’m still beating myself for it.” I lean against the wall, stretching my numb leg a bit.

“What did your dad always tell you?” Mom asks.

“Wash your dishes,” I turn my head back to her, chuckling. “I couldn’t help myself.”

Their laughs drag longer and Mom rolls her eyes, sticking her tongue to her palate to make that tsk sound.

“Not that but yeah, he always wanted you to take care of things yourselves. Be responsible. Be grownups. But still have a childhood. What is the other thing he told you?” Her finger traces the Dad tattoo on my wrist.

“Be whatever makes you happy,” I recall. “I will always be proud of you no matter what you do. No matter where you go or who you go with. You’re my son. There is no length to which I wouldn’t go to see you happy. I love you, Bradley. You made me a dad and I swore to love and honor that.”

Sobbing in my mother’s arms, I let it all out. All of the happiest memories with him roll down my cheek—one after the other.

“It’s okay my baby. I miss him too.” She rubs my back and kisses my head. “The beautiful thing about heartbreak is that your heart still works afterward, and you will love again with each one. Maybe stronger, louder, even deeper. It’ll imprint your soul and you’ll be able to experience the most beautiful things.” When she pulls away her eyes glisten with fresh tears.

“My dad was the first to know I like boys and girls. I told him they all excite me. And he said then you better excite them back .“ I chuckle as I reminisce. “My dad asked the first guy I brought to the house how much I excited him from one to ten. The poor guy said five. My dad said get out of my house, my son deserves a ten .“ Tears trickle down my face and little laughs permeate the space. “He was always like that, jokes around the clock, the biggest entertainer with the biggest heart.”

“Like you,” Amber and Ronnie say together and Mom’s smile widens at them.

“Like me,” I repeat in a hushed tone. “I wish you had gotten the chance to know him.”

“I feel like we do through you,” Amber’s comforting touch meets my side as she scoots closer to me.

“What about you, Bear, what is your dream?” I never hear her talk about the future almost like it’s nonexistent—she’s worried about it but that’s where it leaves me wondering.

“I want to find my peace.” A sliver of hope colors her words and calmness envelopes her. “In love, work, and peace of mind.”

I reach up to brush my fingers in her hair, if we can be her safe space in all of this, then we will help her find what she is looking for.

My brothers join us at some point and we continue to reminisce for another hour or so. When I veer my gaze to the side, I notice Amber is drifting in and out of sleep.

“Mm,” half asleep and out of it she stifles a tiny moan as I lift her and carry her to my room upstairs. Pulling the blanket over her body, I kiss her forehead good night before I grab the laptop from the other side of the bed.

Scrolling to the bottom of what Amber wrote earlier, I type.

Whenever I look at you I see the little girl inside you. All I want is for her to be happy. To smile more. To laugh more. To believe in herself. To let go of her disappointments. You deserve more, Amber, you deserve to be loved for who you are and grow as a person. Don’t let the past deter you from becoming the wonderful woman you are because when I look at you, I see you.

“I don’t want to go to school,” she mumbles beside me, “I want pecan pie and my men.”

An exhale pushes out of my nose with a close-mouthed laugh. I’m amused but don’t want to wake her.

Every time you open up your mouth all I want to do is kiss the shit out of you, Ronnie. That deep, sexy gaze you throw at me with those beautiful fucking eyes of yours, makes my heart leap out of my chest. Flowers bloom in my stomach. And my brain eats, breathes, and lives you.

I still go back to the first day we met and replay it ten thousand times a day.

“I’m Bradley.” I introduce myself, sending my hand forward.

He pulls himself out of the momentary shock and shakes my hand. “Ronnie.”

Fuck, he is gorgeous.

“Yeah, I know. Luka won’t shut up about you and now I get why.” A smirk crawls to the corner of my mouth while my eyes study his adorable reaction carefully.

I think I became obsessed with you that day, wanting to see you smile and blush like you did at that moment.

I type it quickly on my phone as I run downstairs but before I even get to the bottom, I stumble over my brother’s shoes. Mid fall strong, tattooed arms catch me.

My gaze is face to face with those goddamn Jordan shoes my brother begged me to buy for him and my phone slips a stair lower right under Ronnie.

I grit my teeth as I flick my eyes up at him.

“Are you okay? Why are you texting while you are going down the stairs? You could get seriously hurt,” the scold in his soft tone is amusing on a whole new level. “Why are you smiling?”

“Because… you’re adorable when you get all protective and concerned.”

“I will drop you,” he warns with a raised eyebrow, “I’m still holding your sorry ass.”

“You wish you held my sweaty ass in your palm.”

“Oh, yeah?” He mirrors my amusement so wickedly. “Tell me it isn’t my name written on your screen with a detailed confession, Princess .”

Excuse me!

Am I turning red? Because I’m so fucking obsessed right now, even more, when he tosses saucy comments like this.

Shit!

I swear if I open my mouth a giggle will escape it. Pretending to clear my throat, “Where are you going?” I steady myself with his help and move to the side so he can pass me.

“Upstairs, I need to write something down and make a few phone calls to ensure everything is okay at the club.”

“Gotcha, Mr. Mitchell the business owner, but I’m stealing you later.”

Amused, he replies, “Okay but know I already own your ass,” and takes two stairs at a time, grinning widely.

Why does he have to be so fucking adorable, sexy, and authoritative, all at the same time? It’s so attractive and confusing, I never know which side of Ronnie I’m going to get and it makes me even more excited—Amber gets it too, she wrote about it and now it makes me laugh every time it happens.

I quickly walk out the front door and head to the driveway at the side of the house that leads to a garage. I breathe in the fresh air as the rays of the late morning sun kiss my skin. It’s hot today which is perfect since I’m taking them to the beach. Cole is already there when I arrive, listening to music and cleaning Dad’s old bike.

“You still take care of it?” I cross my arms, leaning against the doorframe.

“Yes, sir.” He puts soap on an old FZ-09. “Ryan takes good care of her, he made it his mission to keep it running for as long as he can. For dad, you know.”

“He likes to go to school and show it to the ladies.” I give him that “I don’t buy it” look but know that deep down Ryan cares about this bike more than he cares to admit. It holds so many memories for him, especially his last memories of Dad.

Cole chuckles, “Totally.”

“But I know it’s for Dad too, he loved to ride with him when he was little. I remember Dad lapping around the neighborhood with Ryan for hours.”

“Like he did with all of us.”

When he put his mind to something, he did it. If he wanted to collect a memory and share an experience, he did so with his entire heart. He never made excuses.

“I don’t think I ever told you,” Cole focuses my attention back at him as he opens the hose and washes the bike, “Dad came to me before the heart attack since we are the oldest, he decided at least one of us should know.”

“Know what…?”

“Remember the bike he had when we were kids?”

“Yeah.” Uncrossing my arms, I detach from the doorframe and step backward.

“He never sold it, he gave it to the Morrison’s.”

“Wh-what, no! They are the worst!”

“I know, their daughter was the devil but Mom confirmed it and said he had a heart of gold because their old car broke down and they had money problems.”

I snap my fingers and twitch my mouth in disbelief. “That’s her excuse for everything but he did have a heart of gold.” I look pensively off into the distance. “I’m disappointed but he had his reasons.”

“It’s in the past.” He closes the hose, water cascading down the bike and a small stream hits a protective motorcycle cover on the side of the garage. “Where are you planning to take them?” Cole asks.

I walk toward it, noticing it’s not spread over boxes or something like that, there’s a bike underneath. And it’s not Mom’s—hers is on the other side of the garage. “South Beach Boardwalk,” I answer.

“You sneaky bastard. You made them watch How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days . At least they get the full experience like in the movie.”

I pull the cover off of a gorgeous Ducati Panigale and whistle in appreciation. “Whose bike is this?”

“Mine.” He says proudly with a triumphant smile. “I saved everything I had, working horrendous jobs but it’s paid off.”

“Nice,” I squeeze his shoulder and clap him on the back when he comes near me. “I’m proud of you.”

“I figured I should upgrade, you have your R1, it’s time I have my little beast.”

“You came with it from the city?”

“Yeah, through the bridge.”

“Can we take it to the beach?”

“Sure, but not a scratch.” He warns with a soft smile.

“Not even a hair,” I promise.

A little figure paces toward us out of the corner of my eyes. Amber rubs her tired lids, wearing Ronnie’s Iron Maiden t-shirt that hangs just above her exposed thighs. Skipping on her little legs, “Good morning,” she softly says in her smoky morning voice and embraces me tightly. My body instantly melts. My soul too.

“Good morning, Bear.” I kiss the top of her head and fasten my arms around the small of her back, basking in her warmth and her faint musky scent.

Mom whips around the corner like her dress is on fire. “Okay good, I need help with grocery shopping. Josh’s ninetieth birthday is tomorrow and we’re hosting a dinner party.” Her eyes lock on Amber. “Amber, of course, your family can join,” she inches closer, “Scratch that, I expect to see them here.”

Amber coughs suddenly and pulls away from me. “I can ask Dad if he wants to help.”

“That would be amazing, no pressure, but I’m dying to get some of his recipes.”

Amber giggles sweetly, “I’ll ask him.”

“And the Morrison’s will join us too with their daughter.”

“Not the Morrison’s. Their daughter was in my class and she hated my guts so much that she told our teacher I copied her test when it was the other way around and then she spread rumors that I smoke joints behind the school which was untrue, it was her who did it. Not to mention she told the girl I had a crush on I had STDs because I bang everything with two legs, her words, and I didn’t.” I clench my jaw and narrow my eyes. She knows how much I despise that family because they always took advantage of us.

“We’re telling the Morrison’s something came up.” Mom reassures me. “I’ll handle it. But more importantly, how did I never know about this? I knew you weren’t fond of them but never knew why.” Her sharp tone cuts like a knife.

Cole and I glance at each other, scratching our faces. “Dad handled it. He said if you knew you would rain hell on their family.” I dare to look at her.

“You bet your ass I would’ve.” She’s giving us that terrifying look, stone-faced but her eyes are burning with rage. “Do they bother you today?”

“Nah, we use clever words against them and make them look like total idiots when we come across them in the street but Josh and Ryan never spoke to them,” Cole summarizes.

“Good, that’s my boys.” Her face softens quickly as she smooths the wrinkles from her classy midi dress. “You three are coming with me end of discussion.” She announces as she determinedly strides back to the house.

“Yes ma’am.”

I drape my arm around Amber’s shoulder and walk with her inside to get changed. “How did you sleep? Did you enjoy your pecan pie and your men?” I chuckle as I watch her confusion slowly seep in.

“Bradley! You came.” Ronnie caresses my cheeks which feels nice and soothing and why is he drunk?

Placing the grocery bags on the kitchen island, I chuck the car keys on the counter and stalk him as he passes through the backdoor. “Oh, fuck no. You got drunk with my brothers?”

“I’m not drunk,” he argues adorably with an angry pout. “I deserve to drink. This week I’m letting loose and… I deserve to drink.”

“You already said that,” I confirm with a grin.

“You started the party without me? Who raised you kids?” Mom sashays through the front door with her biker gear on after deciding she wants to ride on her motorcycle while we take the car. “We decided today is day drinking day. No responsibilities.”

“It’s our week off and we have nowhere important to be,” Ryan notes as he walks by.

“You’re seventeen,” I say as I scan the backyard. Josh plays with Teddy, as usual, and Ryan changes playlists every goddamn second. Ronnie slouches against the beanbag chair, a beer bottle dangling from his fingers.

“I drank Coke.” Ryan waves the can in his hand and winks. “I’m the driver.”

I pass him, “Don’t make me whoop your ass.” I crouch down next to Ronnie and kiss the crook of his neck. “You’re living your wild life this week?”

His palm clutches the neck of the beer bottle tightly. “Something like that.”

I search for an answer in his eyes but can’t decipher him for the first time. I’m so used to seeing him in control that it feels wrong even though it’s not. “How much did you drink?”

“Enough to qualify as a drunk even though I don’t feel like one. I never have. Don’t have the luxury.” His eyes are fixated on Teddy and Josh’s gleeful expressions. They roll on the grass, playing. “I have better things anyway but I want that so badly.”

“You love your underground club and your apartment.”

“I do.” His serious expression softens. “You charged into my life, changed the appearance of my apartment, and made me the happiest I’ve ever been.”

I swallow the thickness in my throat. I didn’t expect this confession to burst like that.

“You and Amber came out of nowhere. It’s like the universe dropped you on my doorstep. I thought there must be a reason, and I finally found it here.”

I feel like there’s something he isn’t saying. “What is it, Ronnie?” I want to know every thought that races through his head.

“I don’t want to hurt you. Us. Our friendship. I don’t want to ruin what we have because I want that one day.“ He signals me to look at them. Amber, Cole, and Mom join Teddy and Josh. Their laughter is infectious, trying to outsmart Teddy but our little boy is a smart cookie. He wields his charm and adorable puppy eyes as a weapon against them and gets away with another treat.

“What do we have?” It sounds like a demand but I want more. I need more.

“Flames.”

“Flames…?”

“Yeah. It burns so bad, almost blistering, but it feels so good I don’t want it to stop.”

“I’m not going to take advantage of you because you are drunk and tired. You didn’t sleep that much.“ I shake my head. “As much as I want to kiss the hell out of you,” I mumble.

“Catch,” Ryan tosses me a water bottle and I hand it to Ronnie who is now hugging his knees to his chest.

“Flames can be extinguished.” Amber drops on the beanbag chair beside Ronnie, her worried eyes pleading for an answer.

Gently grabbing our hands, he says, “Not ours. Ours is the kind that can’t be put out, right when the flames dwindle, they ignite once more.”

“If you want to get drunk we will take care of you,” Amber promises. “You can let loose for a day, we got you.”

She said it perfectly and I have nothing to add to that except for being there for them. I never had these strong feelings toward anyone else, this burning love comes once in a lifetime so we better not waste it.

We join the circle on the grass, a bottle of whiskey is passed between us, and Ryan and Josh only get to taste it twice, small sips.

After two hours outside we all decide to go for a nap. Ronnie pushes ahead of me, walking in a zigzag, and attempting to climb the stairs with slight stagger movements. I yank him backward and put his hand over my shoulders for support.

“Ronnie let me help you.” I insist.

“I don’t want you to help me because I want something else from you.”

My brows pull together in question, “What…?”

Leaning against me, his finger slides across my chest as he sighs. “Your cock.”

I short-circuit for a moment. “You—you will have my cock, I promise.” I swallow my unyielding whimper down. “But first, let’s get you to bed.” Dragging him up slowly, we manage to reach the top quickly.

“Please slap me,” I whisper to Amber, and without hesitation, she lands her hand across my cheek not too hard but I bet her handprint is detectable. “I’m impressed.”

“I have no idea why I did that. I’m sorry.” Her wheels turn so loudly that I know what she is about to ask before she asks it. “Did I hurt you?”

I chuckle, “No, Bear, it’s exactly what I needed.”

“I want Amber too.” Ronnie shares again.

“I’m right here.” She stretches up on the tip of her toes to kiss his cheek but he turns just in time to press his lips to hers, sneaky bastard.

“Gotcha.” He chuckles.

“You see. Don’t worry, we’re yours so rest on my comfy bed.” Fumbling with the doorknob, it finally opens when Amber tries it. I shuffle as I drag his heavy ass but he moves abruptly and my hip hits the nightstand, knocking a few books and my old lamp to the floor.

“Did I break something?” Ronnie mumbles.

“No, you’re good.” I situate him on the mattress and tug off his shoes. “I would’ve spanked you for this but you’re too sleepy.”

“You love spanking,” he whispers with eyes closed and two minutes away from falling asleep.

“Yes, I do.”

Amber disrobes her clothes and chucks them to the floor before she finds her spot in the center of the bed beside him and falls asleep as her head meets the pillow.

I never brought anyone here after that one time when my dad kicked that boy out. I wanted it to be with the right person, or two.

It sucks that he is not here to ask them the same question.

How much do I excite them?