Page 17

I was starting to enjoy myself a lot more without the burden of hiding who I was. Without being judged and having to defend my choices.

Dahr didn’t press on the subject for the entire day, either too tired or too unaffected by my story. Though, I doubted my choice of words since sorrow had become visible on his features when he was listening to me. Still, he hadn’t said a word. Not about my disease at least, because in the evening, after we both sat together for dinner, Dahr’s mouth chose to focus on other more pleasurable things.

I woke up to find the bed empty, his side of the mattress still carrying the warmth of his body, and a breakfast spread of delicious foods already waiting for me on the table.

The maps and other weapons he used to dump on the wooden surface started to pile up together on the right side, since more than half of the long table was always carrying snacks and drinks for the both of us to enjoy.

Even though I didn’t really want to take credit, I knew my presence had been the one to persuade him to take more care of himself. To enjoy himself more and take the time to do small and mindless activities, such as sharing a meal and a chat with someone, just because he could. I was beyond proud that the ‘someone’ he chose to spend his time with was me. Me and Markos, who had snatched my lover out of bed at the crack of dawn to push him into another session of training and arguing.

“I’m confused,”

I finally admitted to Karisha after double checking the inventory reports she had politely, and very hopefully, asked me to glance over to ensure the math was accurate.

“What exactly is the relationship between Markos and Dahr?”

“They are cousins,”

Karisha smiled as she tilted her head slowly like one who wonders if their partner in conversation is out of their mind.

“What is their rank, I mean.”

I shook my head to find better words, because the way I had put it made it sound like they were characters from a video game.

“The chain of command within camp?”

Karisha blinked those stunning blue eyes at me as a small sneaky smile appeared.

“You want to know why Markos feels the need to order your man around?”

she read my question for what it was. Flutters started building inside my stomach at her words. My man. Was that what Dahr was? Mine?

“Yes,”

I admitted and lowered my gaze, half-ashamed to put her in this position, yet hopeful that she trusted me enough to clarify my confusion.

“Apart from being tribe leader, Markos is the only one to share Dahr’s pain. They both lost the same family when Dahr was forced into battle. I suppose Markos remembers a lot more than he should. And I guess that kind of fear never truly goes away,”

the tribe lady replied with a sigh, a lament for what her mate could have been without carrying that pain. It made me feel ashamed of my question, of the fact that I only saw my own selfish purpose and did not try to understand what the situation truly was. And Markos’ role in it.

I continued helping Karisha with more accounting as the afternoon hours flew by and the tribe lady took advantage and started working on other assignments she was trying to complete before the end of the week. Surprisingly, they did not mark their registers with the days of the week and only with the dates, so I wasn’t really sure what day of the week it was.

I remembered I was preparing for my Thursday meeting with my doctoral advisor, but I couldn’t truly remember if my life had stopped after the Tuesday or Wednesday class. All I knew was what that book told me, that today was the 18th of March. And that every single record for every accounting region ended with the final day of the month. No ongoing trades passed to the following week, and they didn’t have the idea of financial quarters, which made me question the possibility that they were occupying a region per month and moving swiftly after to start a new life, ending every cycle on the very last day.

Which posed various questions: were they kidnapping a person a month? What other reason would they have to call me March?

Were they attacking a region a month?

Was that captive in any way connected to the region, apart from the obvious fact that they were local?

And most importantly, what would happen to me at the end of March? What terrible choices would I be faced with?

I found it odd and extremely irritating how Karisha spoke to me as if I were an old friend and even counted on my help with documents of extreme importance, yet she did not tell me the whole truth, only feeding me bits of information, just enough to make me complacent in my lingering state.

The more I worked on her registers, the more thoughts and questions invaded my mind and my general wellbeing. Was I being used for something? And if so, what for?

Why was Markos so against me getting closer to Dahr, when Karisha supported the idea? Why had Dahr kept me tied up to that metal bar for days, without caring about me? And what was it that he said that night, when I went against my own promise to care for him?

Was he referring to me?

I like this one too damn much…

Well, he did like me. The throbbing in between my legs at the memories of what we’d done the night before told me that at least.

But it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t let myself fall into this fantasy, where I was slowly becoming part of the camp. Where I had started to take on responsibilities, where I started having my own traditions with Dahr and even started greeting the neighbouring tents and chatting with them each day.

I especially liked the lady that lived three tents down Karisha’s, who spent most of her days outside, basking in the sunny day and she always carried a book with her. No matter what her duties, no matter if she was cooking outside the tent on the small fires I kept seeing around or if she had to help carry wood, she always had a book with her. I truly admired that lady and her calm composure, her positivity and will to enjoy her life.

I had started to care about more of these people, I even had a full-on conversation with Sylam the other day, who told me he had recently fathered twins and that following me around had been a blessing rather than a chore, since he could visit his tent a few times a day and see his boys.

I was starting to get lost in this way of life and let myself be absorbed into tradition, which was the most dangerous thing I could do. Especially since I didn’t yet fully understand my role in the camp. My fury and burning questions must have summoned the one person who could answer them all, because as soon as the tent flaps moved to let the evening fading light in, I saw Markos walking into his home, carrying the same grim composure as he always did.

His dark blue eyes pressed on me, questioning.

Unfortunately for him, today was not the day to piss me off. If he was expecting me to jump from the table where I had been working on invoicing most of the day and run away scared, he had to think twice.

“Good evening,”

I said and looked at him only enough to finish my words, before I turned my attention back to the papers in front of me.

“Why is she still here?”

The tribe leader must have posed the question to his mate, but I was annoyed enough to answer before Karisha had time to react.

“She can speak for herself,”

I snapped and moved my attention to his so abruptly, that my curly loose strands of hair moved along with me, protecting me like a helmet. I had been made fun of at university more than a few times and colleagues compared my savage hair with Medusa’s snakes. That was before I had learnt to condition properly and use setting foam. I suppose this moment would earn me back my nickname.

“Very well, then,”

Markos accepted the challenge. “Speak.”

“I happen to be helping your mate with the register,”

I pointed and motioned elegantly with my right hand, which was still holding the blue pen I had used for the entire day that had left a deep mark on my middle finger.

“You can hurry up and finish,”

Markos ordered without even taking the time to pose a grateful smile or even a nod to acknowledge the hard work that I had been doing. Not that I needed him to, Karisha had been more than thankful and coddled me with sweets and skincare products, but still, I would have expected him to at least acknowledge the fact that I was earning my keep.

“Don’t think you can boss me around like you do everyone else,”

I pressed the words and strengthened my back, preparing myself for an outburst.

Only, it earned a scoff from Markos, who crossed his arms over his bare, sweaty chest. There must have been a tradition here, because these men didn’t really feel the need to wear anything else but pants. Still, Markos had always followed Karisha’s fashion, so I was a little more than surprised to see him sporting training leathers.

“March, you are all bark and no bite,”

he shook his head with disappointment.

“You remind me of those tiny dogs humans like so much… chinhuas? Is it?”

I furrowed my brows for a second, not understanding what he wanted to say.

“A chihuahua?”

I asked then, appalled by the comparison, but Markos tipped his head back and started laughing.

“That’s the one!”

He drew a breath then and fixed his eyes back on me. Through this entire exchange, I spotted Karisha chilling in her bed and watching us as one does a tennis match, moving her head from her mate to me.

“You want to appear fierce and terrifying, but you can’t even handle a kick,”

the tribe lord challenged.

Fury burst through my bones, forcing me into a stand. This man knew nothing. Nothing about what I had been through. Nothing about who I was. I started walking towards him, fear abandoning my spirit as the need to prove him wrong possessed me instead.

“You know nothing about me, pretty boy. You are just a bully, and I have more than enough experience with the likes of you to be intimidated,”

I snapped, completing my sentence just when I reached him, my face separated from his by only a few inches. I did not care that he was as tall as Dahr and I had to look up at him. If I had enough guts for the mighty Grannicus, a tribe leader was nothing in comparison. Or so I hoped.

“Is that so, March?”

Markos leaned into me, almost to the point of pressing his nose against mine.

“Yes,”

I did not let myself be intimidated, even though I already felt my pulse throbbing in my throat.

“Don’t think that you can treat me the same way you treat Dahr, which by the way, should be a lot nicer than what you are currently doing. He may be some great warrior you are all worshipping, and he may be sharing blood with whatever ancient god, but he is also your cousin,”

I snapped at him and by the way his pupils dilated, I knew I was too far gone in my threat to back down now. So I might as well continue.

“You treat him like a soldier, not like a person. With feelings and emotions. With dreams and hopes. He deserves so much more than fighting all day and being shoved in a tent at night, so you might reconsider your attitude towards him as well, since we are reaching this topic,”

I realised that I had started speaking in my teacher voice, but Markos hadn’t hit or kicked me, so something must be working.

“You would like to know why I treat Dahr the way I do?”

Markos replied in challenge.

“As a matter of fact, yes,”

I mimicked his gesture and crossed my arms as well, involuntarily touching his sweaty abs as I did so, due to my close position to him. Feeling the deep need to protect my man. My man.

Markos must have seen my intentions very clearly because his grin widened. His gaze didn’t unpeg itself from me, but he stepped to the side as he released the challenge, letting me see the person standing right behind him.

“Would you like to answer that, cousin?”

The dreadful feeling of mortification followed me long through the evening. That was, until Markos insisted that Dahr and I stay for dinner and Karisha kept refilling my glass to ‘make me more lively.’

I wasn’t much of a drinker, but any excuse worked to hide my shame and Dahr’s gaze that kept piercing me with a proud focus. I didn’t have to ask if he overheard my rampant rage towards his cousin or what I had said about him.

So I kept drinking.

Long through the night. Long after everyone around relaxed and started telling me the story I wanted to hear most. And long after the giggles started to envelop the night, probably at my expense, because, who knew alcohol gave me such a filthy mouth?

A soft kiss on my temple forced my consciousness awake, making me embrace a full-on headache. My head pounded with viciousness, like a stab wound through my left eye that pierced deep into my brain, making it shake awake all the embarrassing memories of the night before.

How I had climbed on Dahr’s lap and ate dessert from his plate, how I kept complaining about my boobs looking so much smaller than Karisha’s in these krastas and how the men were so lucky because they looked delicious with no vests on.

God… kill me now.

I didn’t even want to look at Dahr, couldn’t face whatever expression would be waiting for me on his face. I half-expected him to vanish and just dump me in my bed, with absolutely no intention to see me ever again.

“There’s bread and hard cheese for your stomach,”

Dahr announced with a soft voice as he leaned into me for another small kiss, this time on my cheek.

“I recommend sleeping until you feel better, I’ll come find you before dinner.”

I wanted nothing more than to hug him and apologise, to tell him how stupid I was to get involved in things that were out of my control and how untrained with alcohol I had let myself become in the past years. Instead, I let myself drift off, soothed by his deep voice and the slow caresses he kept placing on my cheek.

“...has no one else to protect his ass,”

Markos’ laugh appeared through the fog of my drunken memories.

“Lucky I didn’t stab you when you were eleven, this silly one got himself impaled in the iron fence…”

Dahr’s eyes were sharp, lovingly looking at me, as Karisha’s laughter echoed from somewhere behind.

“I had to hold him up for a couple of hours until his mother came home. And he was a chubby boy back then.”

“I was not!”

Markos started defending himself, but both Karisha and Dahr howled with laughter.

“... unfortunate events. Raakim is an absolute miserable bastard,”

it was Karisha who said it and I don’t think I ever heard her swear like this.

“I tried to run away…”

Dahr’s explanation protruded through my mind.

“My power manifested early… too early, almost a decade before my coming of age. I didn’t want to put my family in danger, so I ran.”

“...when they caught him, they brought him back to town and made him watch as every member of our family was slaughtered,”

it was Markos’ turn to say.

“They left me alive as an incentive. A reminder to follow the rules.”

“After that, we both transferred from camp to camp, fighting and killing when we were told to,”

Dahr’s adamant eyes pierced my heart, shattering the pieces his story hadn’t cracked just yet.

“We’re lucky to have stayed alive this long,”

he confessed.

“Not when we have such a brave leader,”

Karisha reached for Dahr’s hand over the table and squeezed it slightly.

“You are saving thousands of souls every month.”

“And killing thousands more,”

Dahr’s broken voice forced my eyes open.

Last night slowly pieced itself together, memories still faded at the edges, like a round block of marble that broke against the chisel.

Dahr’s power had been so great that he ran away, too scared to face what he had to do. And his entire family paid the price. I seemed to remember that the boys’ mothers were half-sisters, both of them defeated in that slaughter. A slaughter they had to watch. A slaughter that forced them into compliance. That broke their spirits.

I had absolutely no right to interfere, and I had completely misjudged the two of them. Markos was doing nothing but protect his only family member left alive. What I still didn’t understand was, why did he feel the need to protect him from me?

My stomach groaned and I barely pushed my head out of the tent, where I whirled my guts on the hard rocky terrain. I wasn’t a big fan of sickness, so this entire action bothered me more than it should have. By the end of it, my body was shaking as though I had seen a ghost or had a full-on panic attack.

“Rough night?”

a glass of water appeared in front of me, a strong hand holding it near my face but not right under my mouth, should I decide to go for a second round of vomiting. I barely lifted my head to see Sylam, crouching over me, his shadow covering my face from the harsh midday sun.

“You have no idea,”

I groaned and forced my feet into a stand while grabbing his hand for extra support.

“Drink slowly, the first absinthe coma is no joke,”

I heard Sylam chuckle for the very first time as he handed me the glass of water.

“You seem cheerful today,”

I observed while tilting my head away from the sun and taking a step back towards the tent, doing my best to cover the light against Sylam’s tall frame.

“I like solstice celebrations,”

he smiled again, with even more excitement.

“Which by the way, you need to get ready for. The tribe lady sent me to fetch you.”

I immediately shook my head, the only thing I wanted was to fall back into that bed and pass out.

“She also said that if you refuse, I should wrap you up like a fish and dump you in her bed. That she’ll have to deal with you anyway, so you might as well not put up a fight,”

he smirked, giving me a full view of his straight teeth.

“She did not say that!”

I frowned at him before I took another sip of water. It’s fall into my stomach was heavy and slightly painful, but soothing, nonetheless.

“Would you like to find out?”

Sylam challenged.

I released a deep sigh then followed the warrior to Karisha’s tent.

“Finally! I was starting to think we need to burn that tent to get you out!”

Karisha giggled at the sight of me.

“Ha. Ha,”

I said with no amount of joy as I entered her ‘room’ and launched myself into bed, letting my head fall over her soft pillows.

“I feel like I’m dying…”

I groaned as the room started spinning around me, making Karisha’s sweet voice sound like a clap of thunder booming into my ears.

“Here,”

the woman stepped towards me and offered me a steaming mug, jiggling it a bit to draw my attention to her movement. I did not react and only blinked at her, too tired to move again. Walking from my tent to hers already took most of my energy and my body begged to rest yet again.

“Sylam already gave me a glass of water. I think it made me more drunk than I already was,”

I groaned into her pillow again, cursing my life choices and swearing to myself that, no matter how tasty the drink, I would never have more than one. Ever again.

“It’s egg white and whiskey,”

Karisha did not move from my side and continued to jiggle the mug in my face.

“Sounds disgusting,”

my nose wrinkled at the description. The last thing I wanted was to put that in my already upset stomach.

“Sounds like it’s the only thing that will make you feel like a human again if you want to get ready for the party tonight.”

The tribe lady did not move from my side until I begrudgingly accepted the drink.

Not wanting to give myself enough time to sulk in my own nausea, I tipped the mug back and poured its contents into my mouth. The tasteless slimy liquid made me want to spit it out, but I forced it down my throat and swallowed a few times as the burn of the whiskey lit up my trachea. I stuck out my tongue once I finished, both to show Karisha that I had indeed swallowed the disgusting liquid and to give my taste buds a chance to breathe.

“I take it back. That was foul on so many levels. And it’s… orange?”

I looked into the mug to see a trail of orange lingering with un-swallowed bits.

“That’s from the turmeric. And black pepper,”

the tribe lady explained.

“For the headache.”

“Thanks…”

I grumbled and leaned back on the pillow, the well-deserved award for swallowing that dreadful concoction.

“You can nap for another hour or so, until I have my bath. I already told Mira to come earlier and help you get ready,”

I heard Karisha announce but as soon as she said, ‘nap for another hour’, I let my body fall into the deep relaxation of her bed and closed my eyes.

Four hours later, I was feeling and looking brand new, with much-needed help of the tribe lady and Mira, who retired early to get herself ready as well. After a good napping session and a long bath where I soaked the alcohol out of my pores, I started to feel like myself again. I even got hungry and nibbled at one thing or another as Mira helped with Karisha’s braids.

I was beyond surprised to see Karisha adopting the tribe’s leathery fashion, since I was so used to seeing her in her stunning garments, but I could not deny it, she looked absolutely beautiful. Her skin was a bit too light compared to everyone else’s in the camp and even my own, but still, she sported the vest and skirt like one who was ready to make a fashion statement.

“How does it feel to wear no underwear?”

I giggled when she came out from behind the panel she had situated on the side of the room, to allow me privacy to bathe in peace and her enough space to get dressed.

“Who said I am wearing any underneath my dress?”

she smirked playfully.

“I am a mated woman, after all…”

“Ewww, Karishaaa,”

I started laughing and sent a splash of water in her direction, which she elegantly avoided.

Once I was out of the tub, I had to accept my own fate and allow the two women to primp me and put my hair in the same sort of plaits everyone else around me seemed to wear. When we got out of the tent and joined the already formed convoy of people who started walking towards the west, I was surprised to see that even most men — those that wore their hair longer than their shoulders — followed the same braiding fashion to unify the camp.

We walked like that, following the steps of the crowd, with more and more people joining as we passed their tents until we reached the warrior’s area. To find them all forming long lines and carrying torches, already waiting for us.

Markos and Dahr walked in front of the crowd, welcoming us and stopping just a few steps away from Karisha and I.

“For another year, we welcome the spring season and rejoice in the arrival of new life. May the month of March and the three that follow it find us fruitful and safe,”

Markos took the lead and addressed the crowd, he too wearing the training leathers, just like his mate, perfectly blending into the crowd of drakes, assembled around the warrior camp to hear his speech.

By my side, the tribe lady brimmed with pride. I turned my head slowly towards her to find her struggling to blink away tears, a permanent smile painted on her face.

“We thank Grannicus for keeping us under his protection, for the sacrifices he makes and for another month of life. May Belgarath lead your path to victory, brother,”

Markos turned towards Dahr, the torch he carried illuminating the sweat on Dahr’s sculpted muscles.

“and may the fire guide you home.”

Dahr simply dipped his chin in gratitude. For some reason, I knew that he would not be doing a speech like Markos had and would simply join in the festivities, whatever they were.

“May the fire guide us all home,”

the warrior said as his eyes found mine.

The entire crowd burst with the sound of this cheer, all of them repeating the same words. Some, more hopeful than others. Some, shouting them into the sky. Others, whispering them to the gods.

“May the fire guide us all home,”

I said to myself, unable to unhook my gaze from Dahr’s.

I assumed that must have been the entire ceremony, because the leader abandoned his position and started walking towards Karisha and I, with Markos in tune, the warrior part of the camp mixing with the rest of its people, the light of the torches they carried mingling into the crowd.

“You look beautiful tonight,”

Dahr leaned in and placed a kiss on my lips. In front of everyone.

I was in so much shock I didn’t even react when he grabbed my hand in his. Earning everyone’s attention.

“The hard part is over, little flame. Now we walk to your other love,”

he murmured into my ear before he turned on his heels to level with me, both of us facing west. With the corner of my eye, I saw people moving and shifting to the side, all of them working to form a long line. Then I turned to find Karisha and Markos, holding hands. With the tribe leader carrying a torch, the same as Dahr was.

Dahr started walking and invited me along, my steps and his, our joining hands and the trail our feet left into the sand forming a way for all others to join.

I wasn’t the best person to take the lead in this kind of situation. I hated being the centre of attention and I had been living in a constant state of anxiety for the first few months when I started teaching, at the mere thought that thirty pairs of eyes were constantly fixed on me, for multiple hours a day. I hated presenting at art shows, because I had to constantly speak to people about what had inspired me for that particular piece, and I almost passed out when I had to do my dissertation paper presentation.

But here, now, with Dahr at my side, I felt like I could conquer the world. I did not shy away from walking side by side with this mountain of a man and watching his features be illuminated by the flame he carried. I actually felt a dash of excitement flicker through my bones when I saw his powerful and determined stance, and I almost melted with pride at the fact that he had chosen me to walk beside him.

Until I remembered his words.

“What’s my other love?”

I tried to whisper into him, not wanting to break the ritual. What did he suppose my current love was, so that he referred to another one?

“The sea,”

Dahr turned to me, a smile gleaming into the fire light.

I only then let myself feel the sand beneath my feet and understand that we were truly walking towards the beach. That the infinity of black in front of me was not a particularly heavy night, but waves covered in darkness.

I must have been too enthralled in his presence to let myself hear the clash of sounds that followed my ‘other love’, as he’d so adequately put it. Because right now, my heart beat for him entirely.

We stopped at the very edge of the sand, to the point where the waves stretched to tickle our feet and find their end before they returned into the water. I heard the others stopping as well and looked behind me to see a long procession of torches, slithering long into the night and stretching as far as the eyes could see.

It was a stunning view. The sea, veiled in darkness, the night sky, twinkling with stars and the thousands of flickering lights, filled with wishes of a better season. As far as faerie traditions went, this was one to be cherished. I wished at that moment to be a painter. To be able to capture this feeling, this moment reaped from dreams, the beauty of this gathering.

“Are you ready?”

Dahr pulled my attention back to him.

“Ready for what?”

I turned, suddenly scared about what came next. I mentally made a note to have words with Karisha, who didn’t want to tell me anything about what would happen at this party, so the surprise wouldn’t be ruined.

“Ready for what?”

I leaned into Dahr, doing my best to whisper the words and hide my lack of preparation from the others. The last thing I wanted was to do something I shouldn’t be and put him in an embarrassing position.

“To make your solstice farewell,”

he said, speaking at full volume, not hiding the fact that I had no idea what I was supposed to do.

“It’s not even solstice yet. Isn't the solstice on the 22nd?”

Dahr tipped his head and chuckled then.

“It is the drake solstice we are celebrating, little flame. We’re three days ahead of the main camp, so might as well be three days ahead of their traditions,”

he smiled wider, proud of this sort of rebellion they created for themselves, uncaring about the alienation they suffered from the other faeries.

“What do I do?”

I asked as Dahr carefully placed himself behind me to rest a hand on my hip, shifting my body to fully face the sea. He moved the torch he’d been carrying easily within my reach.

“It’s a drake tradition,”

he leaned in behind me to whisper into my ear, the wind carrying his voice deep down my skin.

“Our ancestors were so used to losing their lives, that they celebrated each season as if it were a year. And every solstice they said goodbye.”

“Goodbye?”

I wanted to turn to find him, but his cheek was pressed against mine and I couldn’t let myself break the connection. Instinctively, I reached and touched part of the torch and his hand along with it, as he still held it high.

“In case you die by summer, you want to go without any regrets. So you say them. Speak them out loud. Whatever they are and however long it takes,”

he explained, catching my fingers under his and forcing me to grip the torch firmer.

“Once you are ready, you throw it into the sea.”

“Won’t it be lost?”

I looked up at the torch, understanding the symbol behind it. Suddenly hit with the realisation. Why Dahr had looked at me with such wonder when I spent the entire day in the water. Why he’d told me his kind and water didn’t get along. And the sacrifice he made by letting himself swim by my side… if what he did could even be called swimming.

The sea symbolised their death. And they never walked away from it. Always trained by its side. Always lived by its side.

A constant reminder of their kind’s destiny. Of the impending doom they were all fated to meet.

Dahr must have guessed my understanding, because he kept silent by my side, helping me to hold the torch. I took a deep breath in. And released it. Letting myself feel the loss. The pain. The relief.

“I am ready,”

I nodded, more to urge myself on.

I didn’t know if I had to do it out loud or if it was a personal ritual, but Dahr did not let me go. Did not release the warmth of his body from mine. And I had been more truthful with him than I had been with anyone in as long as I could remember.

“I regret my lack of strength, my lack of patience. I regret not creating a masterpiece to carry my name long after I am gone. I regret not remembering my family and I regret…”

I stopped. The words felt empty in my mouth. I did not feel any deep throbbing in my chest. I did not feel panic riding through me, and by the love of god, I wasn’t even getting teary eyes.

What Karisha felt when her mate addressed the crowd, that was a feeling whose loss was worth regretting. But I wasn’t losing that. I was gaining it.

“I regret not taking the time to feel eternal. To love with my last breath and to feel until my heart bursts out. And I am grateful… for having another chance,”

my mouth dried at the words, forcing me to stop.

I turned to Dahr then, questioning, and I was invaded by relief when he nodded in approval.

“Now, throw it,”

he said with an encouraging smile.

“What about you?”

Didn’t he want to say goodbye?

“I have no regrets this solstice,”

the warrior said as he placed my hand over the torch and helped me yank it far into the sea, both of us watching the line in the sky, following the echo of the regrets I left behind.

The promise I had just made to myself.