Page 16

If Markos had intended spending the night with his mate to be administered as a punishment, the activity turned anything but. Once I got dressed — relatively, since fortunately the tribe lady offered me a hot bath, which was much needed — we walked over to her tent and started catching up on everything that had happened since we last saw each other.

Karisha also answered a question I hadn’t asked, which was where Slatanya had gone, since it was only Mira that cared for my needs recently. I was sad to find out that one of the men who had attacked me was her mate. I did not know if Dahr stopped her from coming in or if she refused, but the effects pained me the same. Even though I had never cared for someone romantically that much, I knew how painful losing people was, and I couldn’t help but feel guilty for her sorrows.

“So how did you and Dahr end up fucking?”

Karisha did not hesitate to ask after I settled myself comfortably in her copper bathtub, leaving me no choice but to tell her some details about our day swimming and the return to the tent. She didn’t need to know everything, which was why I kept a lot of details to myself and only told her the juicy parts as far as storytelling was involved. From her reaction at seeing Dahr’s erection, I doubted she wanted to know about his many talents.

“I can get you a contraceptive,”

Karisha offered rather bashfully, but I quickly shook my head, thanking her, but refusing her offer.

“I should warn you, drakes aren’t the best parents,”

the tribe lady explained, surprised by my refusal.

“Not sure why that is really, it must have something to do with the fact that we’re historically a fighting tribe. Not many of us have dreams of family,”

she sighed deeply at her own words.

“Not because we don’t want children, but because so many of us perish in battle. A long life is a privilege in our species and many of us choose not to reproduce from fear of orphaning younglings,” she explained.

“I myself would love to get pregnant, Markos and I have been trying for years.”

I didn’t want her to get the wrong idea, but I also wasn’t prepared for the looks of pity and the care towards me that came as soon as I told someone about my disease, so I chose to simply clarify my intentions.

“I don’t want to have Dahr’s children,”

I tried to avoid misinterpretation.

“I simply cannot get a period, so there’s no need for contraceptives.”

Karisha pressed her lips together in a tight line. Fortunately, her saddened gaze only lasted a few seconds, before her cheerful attitude revealed itself once again.

“So what do you want to do today?”

Everything was a poor choice of words, but we did exactly that. Karisha helped me bathe, then we had lunch and took long hours playing with each other’s hair. She showed me how to make the traditional drake braids while I told her about conditioning and showed her my favourite scalp massage routine, which was a big win with the tribe lady.

She gave me access to her dresses and we danced around in her clothes, trying on various shades and jewellery, until it was time for dinner, where we talked about men and told stories about ex boyfriends. I had to tell most of the stories this time, even though I had a very limited experience, since Karisha had only been with Markos and had another childhood sweetheart before him, whom she had only kissed twice.

I told her about the time I went to a karaoke bar and met one of the exchange students and how I had to sneak him into my room in the ladies’ quarters and had to perform completely silently not to wake up my roommates.

She started laughing out loud when I told her that we were discovered because the guy snored louder than a falling tree trunk and one of my roomies started screaming at the sound, thinking we were being attacked. The dean had to come, catching the guy in his underwear, attempting an escape out the window.

We spent hours talking, deep into the night and emptied two carafes of wine by the time sleep caught up with us. Even though I kept thinking about Dahr, I couldn’t say I hadn’t enjoyed this girl time with Karisha and the clarity it provided.

There was an internal battle I still fought with myself and every time I thought I reached a decision; a new flutter of my heart reminded me of what I had felt in Dahr’s arms. What I had felt having him inside me and how he’d raised long forgotten feelings.

He treated me with care, and he always put my pleasure first. He was always attentive to my needs and my safety and ensured that everyone around acted the same way. Either by fear or by choice. Maybe this was the man I had been waiting for. Maybe he was meant to be my last adventure. Maybe he was a murderer who was going to destroy everything I loved…

A boot kicked against the bed frame, waking me up with a jolt and raising me from the hangover state of dreams I had been lingering in by Karisha’s side. I opened my eyes to see a growling tribe lord, towering over me, visibly annoyed that I was occupying his side of the bed.

“He wants to see you,”

Markos commanded and motioned me with his chin. I didn’t need to know more and jumped out of the bed with newly found force to rush into Dahr’s arms.

My feet moved with sharp determination, my steps filled with excitement, as if I was walking on clouds. I did not care what time it was, who was looking at me through my journey in the camp and what those people were thinking at the sight of a dishevelled human, walking around from tent to tent.

All I needed was Dahr. I needed to see him, to touch him, to feel him. I needed to nestle myself into his chest and breathe him in, to feel that constant scent of charcoal and salt, the smell of an aftermath of a battle that seemed to be permanently tattooed onto his skin.

So I ran back to the tent. Back to him and his loving embrace, fully determined to continue the ‘conversation’ we had started before Markos put distance in between his cousin and I.

I only needed to spot the sight of Dahr, however, to completely change my mind. The warrior was seated on the side of the mattress, in his large carved wooden bed, covered in blood and leaning into himself, his dark locks sweaty and filled with sand.

“Dahr,”

I immediately ran to him and caressed the loose hair to the side to allow me to see his face. He turned to me then, with a pleased smile that did not do much to hide his tired features.

“You are exhausted,”

I noted and slowly stretched my fingers across the side of his face to attempt a slow caress. His stubble tickled my fingers as I did so, making me smile.

“You need to go to bed. Was the training really hard?”

I didn’t want to think about Markos and how he was interfering in mine and Dahr’s relationship. I scoffed at my own thoughts. I could hardly call it that. Having sex with the man who had ordered my kidnapping and deeply enjoying it was more like it.

“Markos wanted to recover the lost time,”

Dahr pressed his chin into the palm of my hand and moved slowly to place the side of his face closer to my touch. Just like a puppy in search of cuddles.

Needless to say, my heart melted, and I moved closer to him to wrap my arms around his shoulders and offer him a more comfortable spot to lean into. We stayed like that for long minutes, until Dahr’s agitation faded away, the connection our touch was forging having a positive effect on both our spirits.

“Come, I’ll help you clean yourself up,”

I offered after our breathing relaxed to the extent of synchronising.

Dahr nodded without protest, probably too exhausted to argue with the fact that he indeed needed to get cleaned up before throwing himself into bed.

By the state of this man, who could barely stand after the strenuous eighteen-hour training session, I knew that the dreams of my inner thighs had to be put on hold. And surprisingly, that did not affect me one bit. I was more than happy to trace his taut muscles with the wet cloth and apply the cream Mira had brought for my face injury, which had miraculously recovered, across his wounds until his skin was fresh and clean again, that bronze tan of his ready for kissing.

I wanted to do so much, I wanted to lick and taste every side of his body, to trace my mouth across his every curve and study his entire body with everything I had. Instead, I moved him back into the bed and wrapped him in one of the fur-lined blankets which had appeared again. I hadn’t seen someone enter this tent to clean it, but it must have been happening, since there was a constant flow of fresh water, food, clean bedding and emptying of the necessities pot.

“You do not have to baby me, little flame,”

Dahr protested just as he did the opposite and let himself fall into the bed and shimmied into the blanket where I tucked him tightly in. I knew pressure created blood stimulation and offered his muscles relaxation, so I made his little nest as comfortable and tight as possible. I then grabbed a towel and placed a strand of his hair in between my palms to form small circles with my towel-covered hands to remove the wetness from his hair.

“I don’t think anyone has ever babied you in your entire life. You might as well sit back and enjoy the experience,”

I chuckled while turning his head slowly to the side to give my towel better access to his hair.

Dahr breathed in deeply, as if to let himself enjoy the warmth of my caresses and the care he had received for the past hour, before he let himself snap out of it, not losing his always-on warrior guard.

“Is this how your parents brought you up?”

his adamant shining eyes pressed the question, his attention fully focused on my lips as I started speaking.

“Not at all. I don’t remember much of my parents and my aunt only took me in for a few months before she got married and followed her husband to the new continent. It would be bad of me to say that the school for girls didn’t do their best to take care of us. But they had limited resources and whenever we got something, we had to share it amongst ourselves and… as you can imagine, it wasn’t the easiest thing. I suppose this is how I would have liked to be treated,”

I finally answered his question.

I already anticipated his instant need to touch me and probably do the same as I had done just a few minutes before and hug the pain away, but I pressed my hands on both sides of the blanket to keep him locked in.

“Don’t you dare, it took me forever to wrap that tightly around you. You will not piss on my work, great warrior,”

I pressed my lips together and made sure to furrow my brows threateningly.

He laughed and nodded, heeding my command.

“Do you think me a great warrior?”

he smiled then, pleased with my choice of words.

I did my best to avoid a blush from overpowering the colour of my cheeks, but I did not know if I succeeded. I felt my cheeks heat, so I started speaking quickly. It was better to admit my feelings than linger in them and make this situation more embarrassing than it already was.

“Aren’t you supposed to be the greatest warrior in the camp?”

Dahr chuckled and took pity on me, theatrically letting out a small grimace as he shifted slowly to the side to gain a better view of me and making a mess of my hard work wrapping him in.

“Not after Markos had my balls all through the night. I swear, if he weren’t my cousin, I would have killed him just to pay him back for all the pain he caused me through the years,”

he laughed, more to himself because I did not find a joke about killing funny. He must have realised, because Dahr immediately changed the subject.

“I apologise for the night away, my cousin and I needed to clarify some things.”

“Not at all,”

It was my turn to shake his concern away.

“Karisha and I had a blast. And I will embrace any opportunity to use that mighty bathtub of hers.”

Dahr’s features changed then, and I watched to see how his entire face shifted. He looked as uncomfortable as a nun in a strip club.

“What?”

I pushed. I thought that we were past embarrassing at this point. The man had been inside me for hours, for god’s sake. It wasn’t like we were strangers anymore.

“It is not my intention for this question to come as an insult to you…”

Dahr said, trying to appease the moment. Of course, it had the opposite effect and made me more anxious.

“What?”

I asked again, the vein in my throat starting to pump more vigorously.

“It is only, I am not familiar with human customs and your way of life, which is why—”

“Dahr, just spill it already,”

I said, stopping my circular movement from drying his hair, too filled with anticipation to be able to focus.

“I can speak to Karisha about contraception if the conversation hasn’t happened yet,”

Dahr released the words and closed his eyes tightly for a few seconds, like someone who expected a good beating.

“Oh,”

I embraced a wave of relief.

“There’s no need for that, I already explained to Karisha that I don’t get a period.”

I thought that would be enough explanation for him. I had never met a man in my life to take an interest in a woman’s parts, apart from the obvious activities, so when Dahr started to enquire about this and asked if everything was alright, I was taken aback.

It was the last thing I wanted.

The last thing I needed.

I had been the one who wanted to cut all connection with him just the day before, but I hadn’t expected the situation to change so drastically in such a short time. I wanted to spend more time with him, I wanted to get to know him better. To learn about his customs and maybe even be given an opportunity to plead my case. But I could not be a hypocrite either. I couldn’t ask to know his truth without sharing mine.

I just wished I was given a few more days.

“I suffer from a medical condition that has no cure,”

I confessed. I straightened my back as Dahr moved abruptly from the bed to shift himself closer to me, rising to better face me.

I had done this more times than I could count, every time I got close to someone since I was diagnosed. And I knew how to navigate through this conversation. Step one: make sure that they knew from the very beginning that there was no way of saving my life. Yes, I had investigated it. Yes, I had been to other doctors. Yes, I looked into every single medical trial.

“What do you mean?”

Dahr’s relaxation abandoned him in a split second, his night-sky dark eyes pinned on me, wide with terror.

I sighed then, a silent apology for breaking his joyful moment.

“If we’re going to do this, I need you to make a promise.”

“Anything.”

I barely had time to finish my words that his answer already came.

“I will tell you the entire story, but you need to promise not to interrupt. Not to ask questions, not to tell me your feelings, not to sigh, push, curse, offer a solution, anything that might come to your mind. I have a practised way of doing this and if you let me follow it, it will be the most effective and will cause the least amount of pain for the both of us.”

Dahr must have already taken it upon himself to follow directions because he didn’t even nod.

This should be easy enough then.

“It started when I was thirteen. Funnily enough, because all the other girls my age had gotten their periods, and I was still waiting for mine. Miss Linda, one of the nurses there, thought it curious and sent me to a doctor’s appointment. For a few years I was given different opinions. That I may have a hormone deficiency, that I was developing slower, and I should patiently wait for my body to fully grow, that I should change my diet, and exercise more.”

Come to think of it now, those had been the least stressful doctor’s appointments I had ever been to.

“When I got accepted at university and moved into the campus, I had to be checked up by the faculty nurses. It was supposed to be a routine appointment where they took a blood sample, checked our blood pressure, did some breathing tests and so on. The results were sent to the faculty of medicinal sciences, for year four students to practise on real samples before they got out into the world and became doctors.”

I looked over at Dahr for the first time since I had started speaking, to see that he was absorbing my every word. My heart pumped faster then. I was so proud of him. So proud that he had trained control over his reactions. So grateful that, maybe for the first ever time in my life, I had the real possibility of telling my story without interruption. Without putting my listener’s feelings over my own.

“It turned out that my blood sample was marked as a false positive. The student even got in trouble for labelling it like that, because she said that the quality of the blood was insufficient. She kept insisting that she was correct in her analysis and went to the faculty dean to demand a fresh blood sample to dispute the low mark she had received on her lab analysis. A few days later I received a letter inviting me to give a fresh sample, only if I wished to. My identity was concealed to the student, but the letter had a short addendum explaining the situation and confirming that I was free to refuse. Fortunately for both me and that girl, I decided to be kind that day and went for another test.”

I stopped for a few seconds to take a breath. My mouth was dry from speaking so much and I realised that I never strolled through this part so quickly. This was normally the time when people started questioning and opening their mouths to prove they knew better, but Dahr simply looked at me and waited.

“Turns out the blood sample was labelled correctly, since the quality of my blood was not up to standard. I inquired later and found out that the student received summa cum laude on her assessment and went on to have a brilliant end of the year. I, however, had to be put through study after study. I almost failed my first year because I had to go to so many doctor’s appointments and be hospitalised over and over. I’m telling you, I do not envy lab rats,”

I giggled, but Dahr did not show any reaction.

“Anyway, I graduated, summa cum laude as well,”

I smiled to myself. It was probably the biggest achievement of my life.

“And got diagnosed. They don’t have a name for the disease yet and they asked to put my name on it, but I blatantly refused. Imagine someone being diagnosed with Milenora Cortez or The Cortez disease. Nope. Not something I want to be remembered for, thank you very much,”

I shook my head, imagining a poor twenty-year old carrying my burden and my name alongside it. They could put their mark on it for all I cared.

I could see that Dahr was almost exploding with the need to know and decided to reward him for making this journey easy for me.

“It’s similar to thromboangilitis, basically my blood vessels become blocked and blood flow is reduced in certain areas. Over time, the tissue gets destroyed. What’s interesting in my condition, apparently, is that this form of the disease doesn’t attack the extremities, as it would generally, but it likes to go to the vital organs. Lungs, liver, kidneys, heart, brain. My blood is basically rotting inside my body until it becomes useless, and I die. And yes, before you ask, they did offer medication to prevent this from accelerating.”

I was getting to the very end, to the part where people started judging me for my choices. Everything that had happened until this point was out of my control, but everything that happened past it, suddenly turned me into the bad guy. I always received different reactions to this. Some people started becoming religious and told me that what I was doing was a sin. Others told me that I should at least try to keep myself alive and hope they find a cure. And others told me that I was giving up. I was actually pretty curious to see which category Dahr fell under.

“I could get three blood transfusions a week and pump myself full of medicine, maybe even be lucky enough to get an organ transplant or two. That would get me about fifteen to twenty years. Or, I could simply decide to live my life and do the best I can with the time that I have left, which, before you ask, is somewhere around three to five years.”

There, I let new air into my lungs.

There it was.

My entire life story and the thing that defined me as soon as I said anything about it. I won’t be anything more to Dahr than the dying girl, the one who doesn’t fight for her own life, the one that doesn’t value the gift of life. The one that always has to be coddled and protected.

“You can speak now,”

I pressed a small smile to Dahr, but it probably looked as fake as it felt.

“As drakes, we don’t have tomorrow guaranteed, so we are used to death breathing down our shoulders. As a human, I suppose you have different battles to fight.”

That was it? That was all he had to say about it? Relief flushed over me and I almost wanted to jump into his arms. My need to do so must have been visible through my body language because Dahr took the lead and asked for exactly what I wanted.

“Can I hold you?”

I didn’t lose a second to let myself fall into his arms.