Page 21

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Ash & Ruin

NYX

T he only way out is through flight .

“Goddess damn me…” I breathed, unable to process what had just happened. I looked to Jed, whose eyes were still glued to the spot outside where Solaris had disappeared into the night. His jaw was clenched, his fists too. His broad chest rose and fell. The rage and confusion were mutual.

“I’m going to fucking kill him, Nyx.”

“I tried that already,” I grumbled.

“Yeah, well. I’m going to find a way to make him stay dead.”

“Well. You have fun with that. Life is hopeless and I’m disgusting, so I’m going to shower.” I turned on a heel, grimacing at the mess of glass and liquor. I waved a hand, summoning a line of gold flames that quickly burned away the destruction, leaving the floor sticky and charred.

I stalked to the spare bedroom. One I was all too familiar with. I tried to keep the memories from harassing my mind’s eye, though it was nearly impossible. This room was neat and tidy, though plain. A king-sized bed, a dresser, a desk, a window, and an attached bathroom. Everything was dark and glossy, looking mostly untouched.

Jed didn’t even follow me which was mildly horrifying but whatever. I stood under the hot water until it forced me out by running cold.

They think I organized that attack.

They think I murdered dozens of my own people.

Emilia, did she…?

I audibly gasped, my hand flying to my heart as the pain spasmed inside it. Big blue eyes watched me from inside my mind, and the thought of her was enough to bring me to my knees. My sister. My little sister. Fuck, I’d failed her so bad. I—

“No,” I hissed to myself. “Don’t. Don’t. Think of something else. Get dressed.”

I opened the closet shakily, already knowing what I’d find inside. It was no surprise that the closet was full of clothing that would fit me, in exactly my style. Leathers and lace, dresses and two pieces tight enough to showcase every dip and divot of my figure. The bastard knew what I liked, that was clear.

What did surprise me, though, was the assortment of men’s clothes on the opposite side.

He’d seriously prepared this room for me and Jedidiah.

What a fucking psychopath.

As my last-ditch effort of rebellion, I dodged all the clothes he had arranged for me, and put on an oversized t-shirt meant for Jed instead. I slid a pair of boxers on under it and stared at myself in the mirror. A freak looked back at me, her features all wrong. Big black eyes that were now void of any emotion. Lips pale and cracked. Skin the shade of sand, with muted gold tattoos that barely moved. Even my living tattoos were on death’s door. I’d seen myself like this before, of course. After Solaris had drained my magic. But now my veins coursed with raw, apocalyptic power. Yet I still looked like a shell of the person I once was.

Not even magic could revive me.

I left the bedroom to find Jed standing in the same spot as before, looking begrudgingly out the glass walls.

Jedidiah Stone, here in the penthouse of the Sun & Moon. It fit, yet it felt wrong. He’d Emerged three years before me, and from what I had heard, this used to be his lair during his first year at Veneficus. I never thought of that until now. I could only imagine how Solaris claiming it made him feel.

It didn’t make sense, though. Why would Solaris want him here? Only three souls in the entire world were permitted to enter this place.

Why Jed?

It must have been some sick, twisted game. He knew Jed and I were…a thing. Instead of trying to keep us apart, instead of trying to keep me all to himself, he was throwing us together. Was it a form of reverse psychology?

Either way, it was unsettling.

“What if we jump?”

My spine went as stiff as a steel rod. I hadn’t even realized he’d heard me leave the bedroom. My bare feet were silent on the marble floor, but he sensed me here anyway.

“What do you mean?” I wondered reluctantly.

He didn’t turn to face me. “What if we jump off the terrace? I’ll throw the portal globe once we’re in freefall—like I did to save you when you jumped off the mountain.”

My heart skipped a beat. “Goddess, Jed. That’s quite the gamble.”

“Yeah,” he muttered back. “Maybe I’ll try by myself first. If it works, I’ll come back up and grab you.”

“And if it doesn’t work, you’ll be dead!”

To that, he did not reply.

“Oh, come on. Don’t get suicidal on me now.” I went and stood beside him, taking in the expression on his face. He glared out the glass and at the twinkling lights as if the city had personally wronged him. Even with me right next to him, he didn’t look at me.

“I’m not going to let him control me,” he said, his voice low. “Fuck that, Nyx. Even with him cut off from his shadows, he’s managed to wrangle us like fucking cattle. I won’t let this happen. I’d rather die.”

“You didn’t have to come here.” The words slid off my tongue, sharp and lethal, without my brain’s consent. I sucked in a breath and clamped my lips shut, but they had already permeated the air with their cruelty.

He bristled slightly. Dark, stormy eyes finally lowered to meet mine. “No, I didn’t.”

“You’re better off just forgetting about me, Jed. My fate is sealed.”

He scoffed. “I never took you as someone who gives up so easily. He’s really doused your fire, Morningstar.”

I swallowed. I couldn’t even deny it.

“I’m going to jump,” he proclaimed, his tone absolute. “If I die, so be it. I should be dead anyways.”

“What?” I grabbed his arm, squeezing as if I could transfer some sense into him. “You’re alive because the Goddess willed it. I won’t let you gamble with your life like this!”

“I’m alive because the devil willed it.” His voice was quiet, hoarse. I didn’t understand. “I was supposed to die when my father pushed me off that cliff, Nyx. Every breath I take goes against nature. Against fate. I’m willing to risk my life to get out of here. If it works, I’ll be back to get you. If not, well…” He paused, his throat working. “Give him hell, baby.”

“Freefall is not flight!” My heart raced as I watched the idea solidify behind his eyes. He wasn’t fucking around—he was dead serious. “Solaris said the only way out of here is flight . You know how magic works. Spells like this are extremely literal. I won’t let you do this, Jed.”

He continued to look out at the dark city, his expression growing more and more crazed.

“Look—if anyone understands wanting to defy Solaris, it’s me. But this little idea of yours is taking things too far! He’s easier to sway than you think. Honestly, I think he’s just fucking lonely. He’s pathetic, okay? He’s not worth it. Let’s just wait for him to get back and—”

“And what, Nyx?” Jed growled, looking down at me with fury swimming in his eyes. “Wait for him to toy with us relentlessly like a cat with a mouse, deciding whether or not to fly us out of here? Fuck that.” His chest rose and fell. Before I could think of a reply, he turned and charged out the sliding glass door onto the terrace.

A helpless yelp escaped me as I followed him out into the night. “Jedidiah, stop!”

“No.”

“What is it with you two!” I demanded, my pulse racing erratically. “You guys have this bizarre fucking thing between you that I don’t understand! He went to Veneficus, and out of everyone there, he only wanted you . And now—you’re the only other person besides me that he allows into his lair? Something is going on and I demand you tell me right now!”

The look on his face nearly shattered me. Under the light of the low-hanging moon, his features were sharp and ethereal, his eyes full of rage and pain. He breathed hard and ragged as he allowed himself to lock eyes with me, a plea hiding within them. For a moment, I felt it. The truth. It wanted to erupt from him like water bursting through floodgates. It was right there, on his tongue, in his eyes. I could taste it, and I wanted more, instinctively moving closer to him until his breath whispered through my hair.

But then it recoiled. A creature that emerged from its cave only to sense danger and immediately retreat back into the darkness.

No matter how much he wanted me, he didn’t trust me. The deepest parts of him saw me as a threat.

The worst part was, I couldn’t even blame him.

His walls went up, his glare leaving my desperate one. “We both want the same girl,” he supplied. So blatantly ingenuine it made me want to vomit. “It’s not that hard to figure out, is it?”

I shook my head, abhorred that he would try and bullshit me. “No. That’s not it. It’s not me—I thought it was before, but I don’t think so now. It’s more than that. I can feel it. Tell me, Jed. What does he have on you?”

“Nothing!” he shouted. “Just drop it, Nyx.”

“No! You went from vowing to kill him to threatening to kill yourself! I thought I was unhinged, but Jed, this is next level. What in the seven hells has gotten into you? You’re supposed to be the Capricorn earth—solid, grounded, level-headed!”

“Well now I have your fire coursing through my veins!” he snarled and burst into flames.

Fire erupted from his clenched fists and clawed up his arms, fanning around him just like my flames did me. But unlike my fire, his was a deep, raging orange. His usually blue irises now sparked with embers—an entire ring of them around his massive pupils.

My lips parted, the heat of his blaze blowing my hair back and casting a warm glow on my skin.

I couldn’t help but smile. Goddess, Jedidiah on fire was a sight to behold.

“Well,” I breathed, in awe of him, “we firelings must learn to control ourselves, or entire cities will burn.”

“Says you,” he murmured sardonically. I watched the fury on his face wane, his flames shrinking until they went out completely.

Silence hung in the air as we stared at each other. I found myself going completely frozen, like one might do around a wild animal. Not wanting to startle him and ruin this moment. He’d softened, but it felt like one wrong move, and he’d snap back into mania. Which made me realize… I hadn’t considered before, the way he had changed. He wasn’t just an earthling anymore. He was fire, too. And fire made us crazy. Impulsive, reactive, explosive. One moment of despair away from unleashing it all and leaving nothing but ash and ruin in your wake. I understood that better than anyone.

“I know it sounds crazy, but I think jumping will work.”

My heart dropped. He wasn’t going to give this up, was he?

“You’re right, Nyx,” Jed went on. “I do know how magic works. If he has this place cloaked with all access points locked, except the terrace—that means this is the only exit point. It doesn’t matter if you fly or fall. It just means this is only way out. He thinks he’s the only one who can launch off this ledge. He doesn’t realize we’ve done this before.”

My tongue went dry. I searched his eyes, searching for a semblance of sanity. I found none. “Jed, even if you’re right, it’s not worth the risk. Solaris will be back, and he will let us go. Trust me.”

I fought to keep my expression solid even though I was telling a white lie. Solaris would never let me go. Jed, on the other hand…I felt like Solaris would let him go. With the inkling that he’d be back eventually—for me.

“If you think for one second that I’m going to hitch a ride with that winged freak, you are sorely mistaken. You do realize that’s what he means by flight, right? He wants to be our air taxi out of here. He wants to be in control. And I am not going to let that happen.”

He tore his gaze away from mine and hopped up onto the stone ledge.

My intake of breath was so sharp it hurt.

The ledge was about a foot wide, giving him enough space to stand steadily, but still . I swallowed hard, looking up at him while he stared outward, overlooking the city like a young god. He was calmer than before, which was ridiculous. Who in the seven hells found peace on the precipice of certain death?

I wracked my brain for things to say to talk him down, but came up blank.

His mind was made. There was no changing it.

Fuck it .

I planted both hands on the stone and pulled myself up, my breath shaky as I rose to my feet and took my place next to him. My knees wobbled as I dared to glance down. My stomach swooped. We were up so high . Over thirty stories high. We’d been on top of the world together before, but this was different. On the mountain, it had been too dark to see the ground. The fall was a mystery. Up here, I could see exactly how high we were. I could see the streets below, where my body would splat like a fucking egg.

The wind played with my hair, threatening to nudge me off the edge.

“What are you doing?” Jed demanded. “Get down.”

“No.” I glared up at him, defiant and absolute. “You jump, I jump.”

I watched as a wave of hesitation washed over his face, making a tiny seedling of hope bloom in my chest. Maybe this would make him stop.

But the hesitation was gone just as quickly as it came.

“Are you sure?”

Shit.

No, I was not sure. “Yes.”

“It will work, Nyx.” He held out his hand, the portal globe catching the light of the moon. “We’ve done this before. Freefall is nothing. Just hold onto me. I’ll toss this and take us somewhere safe.”

I nodded, my heart about to burst out of my chest. I couldn’t muster up a word.

He was really going to do this.

I glanced down again. At least the death would be painless. I read somewhere that after a certain amount of free fall, your heart would give out. Or was that only the case for mortals?

We stood there for a while, feeling the wind, and watching the city lights. The fact that he wasn’t making a movie to jump had a seed of hope blooming in my belly. He wouldn’t actually do it. There was no way.

Out of the blue, he laced his fingers with mine and let his fire free. Flames seeped slowly from his palm, his heat beckoning mine. He let his fire trail up his arm, lighting both of our skin aglow.

I almost smiled, but there was a depth to the moment, a seriousness, that had my face staying still as stone. My fire responded instantly, white-gold flames releasing from my skin to mingle with his orange ones where our hands were locked. Mine traveled up my arm as well, so bright I had to squint.

We must have looked so wondrous, standing on the ledge of the building, on fire. I wished I could float outside myself and see.

“How do the flames not burn our clothes?” he asked. It felt like a question he’d been pondering for some time.

I shrugged. “I actually don’t know. Most firelings aren’t immune to fire. Their hair and clothes will burn—shitty for them, ha. They can’t let themselves go up in flames like me. Er, like us.”

“I’ve seen your clothes burn off.” His words were loaded. His eyes too.

My heart raced. “Yeah. I mean, you know.” Why was my voice so breathy? “If I really go buck wild and let the flames literally engulf me—then my clothes burn off. Never my hair, though.” I smirked and flicked a lock of silver over my shoulder with my free hand.

“Hmm.” He looked away from me.

I took a long, slow breath. “Are we really going to do this, Jed?”

“What other option do we have? I refuse to let that freak control me.”

I nodded. I understood.

I glanced back down to the streets below. Maybe Jed was right. Maybe the portal would work. Even if it didn’t, though… What did it matter? I was exiled from the Celestial Society, vilified, and demonized beyond redemption. My reputation wasn’t only ruined, but manipulated into something so dark and unforgivable, there was no possible comeback for me.

On top of all that, I was bound to Solaris for the rest of my living days. A gamble with death didn’t sound all that bad.

Death would be a kindness.

Suddenly, I wasn’t afraid.

“Ready?” Jed’s voice was slightly higher pitched than normal.

“Yes.” It wasn’t even a lie this time.

“On three?”

I nodded, my hair whipping around as the wind picked up.