Page 15

15

Say Her Name

EMILIA

S nowflakes descended from the dark clouds, each like fleeting little dreams falling to the earth to be forgotten.

I paced in my room. You have to come back .

The words had taken root inside me. They’d consumed my every thought until I finally yielded to them.

A light knock on my door made my heart race in fear and anticipation. I would miss the snow. Only the snow.

“Come in,” I muttered, not bothering to look away from the window.

“You’re not dressed!” my mother cried as she entered the room and brought her severe energy in with her. Her presence had always been a tangible thing .

“Sorry,” I offered with little conviction.

I sighed, wishing she would leave. In a whole month, we hadn’t had one real conversation.

She rooted through my closet and tossed a black dress on the bed. She didn’t leave for me to put it on, either. No, privacy was not something she’d ever offered. Instead, she sifted through my bags, making sure I’d packed efficiently because apparently in her mind I was still a small, incompetent child.

So, I ignored the dress she laid out and went with my favorite blue one. When she noticed, she just stared at me. I ignored that, too.

I slid into my stockings and laced up my boots. I chose a pair of silver star earrings that dangled just above my shoulder, matching the pendant resting on my chest. I checked myself in the mirror, turning to see the outfit at every angle. My mother came up behind me and started brushing my hair without asking. I didn’t have the energy to object. I let her fawn and fuss over me, weaving my long dark hair into a single braid down my back.

My mother finished braiding my hair, but her fingers hovered, brushing down the long tail before she let it rest against my back. When our eyes met in the mirror, hers were full of pride. “You look beautiful. So grown up. Are you sure you want to go back?”

This— this right here was why my sister couldn’t stand me. No matter how hard I tried, or how kind I was to her, Nyx would only ever see me as a living, breathing reminder of the affection she never received. Never in our entire life had my mother ever treated Nyx this way. Never soft, never doting, never patient. I remembered watching her do Nyx’s hair when we were little, the way she would pull and yank like she was trying to make it hurt. She’d get angry and scold her when Nyx would wince or say ouch. Eventually, Nyx stopped wincing. Eventually, she stopped reacting to the harshness, and that harshness began to take root in her eyes.

How could a mother love one daughter, but not the other?

“I have to go back,” I told her.

“Well. If you insist, I suppose. You must be careful. Los Angeles has always been a dark place, but with your sister and the Darkbringer on the loose, it is only a matter of time before they start attacking again.”

Cold dread slid down my spine. “Mother, you can’t be serious.”

“I am very serious. You are not safe, Emilia. You must be vigilant. Stay on campus grounds. Don’t trust anyone. Do you understand?”

My head was in another world. Her words spun in my mind like a cyclone, the severity of them making my knees tremble.

“Nyx wouldn’t do anything to hurt anyone,” I rasped. “Nothing they’re saying about her is true, Mother. I thought you would know that.”

Esmeralda Morningstar scoffed, the sound identical to my sister’s. “You always were blind to her true nature.”

She sounded like the High Lord, only crueler.

She patted my braid, humming a tune under her breath. Nonchalant about the demonization of her own daughter.

“You don’t have to go back,” my mother murmured. “Stay here.”

I sucked in a sharp breath through my nose. “I’m going back. At least this time you’ve given me the courtesy of a warning.” Repressed fury licked at the inside of my stomach, climbing my throat and taking control of my tongue. “Unlike the first time I left for Luna Academy, Mother. Do you know how many times I have looked like a fool in front of my friends? Everyone around me knows things about our world that I do not. For instance—I never knew Underworlders existed. I thought we were the only supernaturals. Because you never told me otherwise… You never told me anything .”

Esmeralda eyed me as if I had just removed a mask and revealed a new face. Her shock, however, was fleeting. She schooled her features immediately, playing absently with my braid. “You speak truly. But I must tell you, the lack of counsel was intentional. Had I spoon-fed you the truth over the years, it would have trickled through your mind and taken root, blooming into a false sense of normalcy. It is best to be thrust into our world and jarred awake . Then you see it as it is.”

I turned away from our reflection to face her in real-time. My mother, so regal and sharp in every way. Her thick black hair was tied back into a perfect ponytail that lashed just above her tailbone. She wore smoky eye makeup and red lips, just like the daughter she couldn’t stand. “You’re saying you kept me ignorant on purpose? So that I could have the rug ripped from under my feet?”

She tipped her chin up, nose high in the air. “Look how fierce you have become. I sent a lamb to Luna, and you have come back a dragon. I see it inside of you. A power you have long kept hidden. It is different from the typical magic of our bloodline, but fathomless nonetheless. Be grateful, Emilia.”

Ice manifested over the mirror behind us, crackling like frozen flames. “ Grateful ? You neglected us! Both of us! Since I’ve been back we have barely spoken. You won’t talk about Nyx. You—”

“Do not lose control of your element, Emilia Jade,” my mother scolded.

Blood rushed to my head. My heart slammed but I took a step closer to her, the ground under us turning to ice as I dared to say, “I want you to say her name .”

Flames lit in her dark irises. “After everything, you still defend her! Do you truly not know what she is? I knew the second she was born what she was, Emilia. You believe in a false image. Your sister is a malignant spirit. Her union with the Darkbringer was predestined, and will bring nothing but death and ruin.”

I was shaking my head, eyes burning. “No! She’s a victim! Solaris is forcing—”

“ Enough .” When my mother spoke the word, the Earth shook.

I did not back down. “NO! She is your daughter! You may use the Clash of Spirits as your excuse now, but you were always cruel to her. I remember. Even when she was just little—an innocent child, you were vicious! You used to serve her cold food. You ignored her every time she spoke or you condemned what she said. You smacked her for any little thing! You—”

“Your sister was never innocent!” Flames erupted from her clenched fists and they rapidly slithered up her arms to fan around her in an orange blaze. “You speak with glibness and ignorance. You do not know what they did to me.”

My face drained of warmth despite my mother’s fire. “What are you talking about?”

She studied me while she quaked with silent fury. I had to stumble back when she stepped closer. My back hit the mirror, but she didn’t relent. My mother came nearly close enough to burn me. “The Darkbringer visited me the night after I saw your sister in the Sacred Temple. You know the night.”

For a beat, it didn’t click. Then the memory tumbled into my brain with a harsh slap. I remembered it too vividly. Nyx falling to the ground, my mother screaming that she had shamed our entire family. Nyx’s bloody lip and reddened cheek.

“She told him I harmed her, and he came here. To this house. Strolled in as if he owned it. He came to avenge his girl.”

My stomach plummeted.

“He assaulted me viciously before sending me into the shadows. I was trapped in the darkness. No one noticed—no one came for me. Not even my own daughter. When you stopped hearing from me—when you didn’t see me at the Clash of Spirits, did you even think anything of it?”

My chest rose and fell. It felt like a head-on collision inside my head as I started to shake it, my face twisting with denial. “I—”

“Of course you didn’t.” To my surprise, her fire went out, and her face softened. Slightly. “Perhaps that is my fault. It doesn’t matter now. By some miracle, I awoke after the Clash of Spirits. And I remember everything.”

My mother turned abruptly to grab my things off the bed and shove them at me. “You best get going, Emilia. The Luminary is waiting.”

“No! We have to talk about this!”

She summoned a portal and shoved me through it.