Page 87 of Loving Taylor

But I blamed myself more.

Slater walked out of the kitchen carrying a hot mug of coffee. He set it down in front of me on the coffee table. "Here."

"Thanks," I said, taking a gulp. I needed the caffeine to keep going. The hot liquid burned my tongue slightly. The pain was welcome, it momentarily took my attention from the internal mess I was.

The seat next to me dipped as Slater dropped down beside me.

"She came by, looking for you." I looked at my friend.

"When?" I felt shaken.

"After you left."

An overwhelming feeling of guilt pressed down on me and I tried to allow it to pass but it weighed down heavily on me. I deserved to feel like the asshole I was.

"You have to at least consider that this might end badly," he whispered. He had grown fond of Taylor so I knew he was worried too. I put my coffee down and glanced at him. He was staring at the wall across from us. We were both overtired and running on empty.

"I'm afraid of what I might do if..." I couldn't complete the sentence. He turned his head and our eyes connected.

"You were there for me when I didn't know how I was going to carry on."

I nodded and swallowed hard. I remembered our positions being switched and I had been the one telling him that it hadn't been his fault.

"And I'll be there to make sure you do get through this," he assured me with somber determination.

I looked away as I let out an emotional breath, feeling like all my emotions were trying to break at the same time.

The cops didn't have a lot of evidence and I didn't have a lot of confidence in them to find her. There had been no witnesses. It would take them time to try and get a match on the car that had caused the accident. Time Taylor didn't have.

Every incident replayed in my mind as I tried to figure out the motives behind her kidnapping. Would knowing help deal with what the outcome would be? If I could figure out why she had been taken and the intent behind it, I could tell myself that he didn't intend to hurt her.

But remembering the words 'Whore' written on her missing underwear made my stomach drop. I had been her first and only lover. The thought of someone taking her against her will made me sick to my stomach. I tightened my fists when a red-hot burning anger flowed through me like a volcano ready to explode.

We had to find her. And quickly.

I got my phone out of my pocket and called Jeff. I'd already spoken to him a few hours earlier so I doubted he had any more news but it gave me some comfort calling him, like I wasn't sitting around doing nothing.

Connor had a massive team already trying to find Taylor. He had the best money could buy. But Jeff was still out looking for her too.

"Anything yet?" I asked. My bad mood had only worsened with the lack of sleep and worry.

"Nothing concrete. I have a lead. I'm on my way to investigate it now," Jeff answered. It sounded like he was driving.

"What lead?" I asked, feeling my heart race with nervous curiosity.

"It could be nothing."

I looked down at the floor so as not to react to his words. It was like riding a rollercoaster, up one second and then down the next.

"Okay," I breathed. He couldn't do his job if I kept him glued to the phone.

"I'll call you as soon as I have anything," he assured me.

I disconnected the phone and held it in my hand.

"What’d he say?"

"He is following up on a lead." I felt a glimmer of real hope that he would be able to find her but I had to remember it could be nothing.