Page 64 of Loving Taylor

Slater watched me, with his arms resting on his legs. "What did you do?"

I rubbed my hands over my face, feeling the rising frustration. I let out a deep breath before I answered.

"I did a search on Taylor."

He didn't say anything even though I knew it was something he wouldn't agree with.

"The other night when we went out...I told her some things about my past." I didn't miss the flicker of surprise he sent me. We didn't tell anyone about our childhoods. It was our way of putting them firmly behind us. If we didn't talk about it, it didn't exist. "And when she wouldn't open up about her background I got angry with her."

I paused for a moment, feeling slightly guilty under the intense gaze of my best friend. Was he thinking of his own past that he kept firmly under wraps?

"But I never thought about looking into her background until her brother warned me to stay away. He said something bad happened to her and that she had a very protected upbringing. He told me she wasn't like other girls and she wouldn't be able to recover when I walked away."

"He said that to you?" He looked a little taken aback.

"Yeah." I straightened up and linked my hands, feeling more agitated. "After he left I went upstairs and did a search on the internet."

"How did you know there would be something to find?" he asked. Most people's bad experiences couldn't be found on the web that was open for the public to see.

"Remember the night she got attacked? When she mentioned her name to the cop, he seemed to think he had heard it before."

"Really?" he asked, enthralled in my story.

I nodded. Feeling uncomfortable, I rubbed the back of my neck.

"It wasn't like I was trying to break her trust." I was trying to find the right words to describe the motivation behind my actions. "I thought if I knew, I would understand why she was so naive and understand her better. Maybe even understand why she was so hesitant to report the stuff that was happening to her."

I looked at my friend.

"Why do you care?" he asked, taking me by surprise. "I know you've been fucking her but you're acting like this is something more permanent."

"It's the same way you've been acting with Jordan," I shot back, not liking how he had said out loud what I’d already been wrestling with.

He looked uncomfortable. He hadn't been expecting my remark either.

"It wasn't permanent,” he said. “She was just some girl I spent some time with but it's over."

So he’d been strong enough to cut her loose. I wasn't strong enough to do the same with Taylor.

"You know what happens if we let them in." The seriousness in his eyes reminded me of all we had overcome. His eyes transported me back to the first time I’d seen him next door looking so lost and sad.

I looked down, unable to look my friend straight in the eye. "It's already too late."

Despite warning myself, I had done it anyway and now I had to deal with it.

The silence that followed made me look up. I expected to see judgment in his expression but there was only sympathy.

"Then you fight for her."