Page 78 of Loving Taylor

"You can keep trying."

I had a knack for poker. I don't know if I had the best poker face or just the best luck, but I had only lost a handful of times.

"No more smack talk. Shuffle the cards." I caught the beer Traye threw at me.

Two hours later, Dominique and Traye had left with their pockets empty. And I felt a little more relaxed than I had in a while. It could also be the result of the couple of beers I had drunk already.

"How do you do it?" Slater asked, taking a swig of beer as he propped his feet up on the coffee table.

I shrugged. "It’s a gift."

My one hand rested on my leg that was propped against the table and my other was tightened around the neck of my bottle of beer. It was empty but I continued to hold it.

"You and Jordan sorted yourselves out yet?" I found myself asking.

He wouldn't look me in the eyes and his easy-going features tightened.

"No."

"It looked like there was something going on." I sat up and set down my empty beer bottle.

"It doesn't matter what it looks like." He cradled his beer in his hands, his attention focused on the bottle. "After everything that's happened, I can't let anyone else in."

I leaned back as I studied him.

He looked like he had been transported back in time to when I had first met him. He had been so badly traumatized that he had barely spoken a word for the first couple of days. All he had done was give me this intense look before walking away.

It had taken a few weeks before he had come out to play. Slowly but surely we had become friends and the foundation to our long-lasting friendship had been lain.

When he had told me about his past it had left me reeling. That was when I realized that although my upbringing had been difficult there were kids out in the world with worse.

"You let me in," I murmured. There had been no reason for him to trust me but he had.

His eyes met mine. "You were my lifeline. If it hadn't been for you, I'm not so sure I would still be here."

I didn't like to get emotional but hearing the sadness in his voice that matched the despair in his eyes made it impossible to sit there without thinking about the weight of guilt on his shoulders.

"It wasn't your fault." I had told him that countless times but it wasn't enough.

"I don't want to talk about it." He shook his head before taking a gulp of his beer.

I had been unable to release him from the guilt that haunted him and there was nothing anyone could do. Some things couldn't be forgiven or changed.

I didn't know what to do to get rid of the pain inside. It was like a physical pain that constantly brought attention back to what I had lost. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose.

The next morning Slater cornered me again in the kitchen. I don't know why he was so worried about me sorting myself out.Maybe it's because when you're upset you're an asshole, I reminded myself.

I looked down into my mug, wishing I was anywhere but here.

"They say talking about it helps."

I looked up to glare at him. "No amount of talking about it is going to erase what happened."

He shrugged. "You have to try something."

He leaned back against the kitchen counter and crossed his arms as he studied me a little closer. "It's Taylor." He knew who it was about but he had no idea what had happened.

I looked away from him, not wanting him to see what I didn't want to say. I didn't want to admit out loud that I had been an idiot to trust her and that now I was dealing with the consequences of that betrayal.