Page 14 of Love on Ice (Love in Terengia #5)

14

FAMILY MAN

Sebastian

What's going on? Are there hidden cameras somewhere?

I look around in the terminal uncertainly, but as far as I can see, there's no film crew hiding anywhere ready to shout, Surprise!

I’d just decided to lure Michael back to my apartment and pour out my heart to him. Now, everything is different.

Annabelle is there. And not alone. She has a baby in her arms!

Michael and Annabelle met on a skiing weekend break organized by the Tyrolean Deaf Sports Association. Annabelle is a CODA, which means a Child of Deaf Adults. She was overjoyed to meet someone her own age on the trip who was from Vienna, as she’d had plans to come to the Austrian capital the following year to take up a post-doctoral position in the Department of Roman Law at the University of Vienna. She’d graduated from law school in her mid-20s and was writing her doctoral dissertation in Latin at the time .

For a few years, they were just acquaintances who met up occasionally. Then Annabelle's research focus changed to the topic of taxation in the Roman Empire. And since she struggled with numbers, who better to help her than financial genius Michael?

In the beginning, their meet-ups were purely for research. A while later, though, they decided to attend the sign language dance course held by Witaf, the Viennese association for deaf people. Dancing lessons turned into long evenings together and those evenings eventually turned into more. Although they’d known each other for several years by that point, it was only when they danced that the spark happened. They quickly became a great team. Michael the laid-back joker, and Annabelle, who’s never met a bull she couldn't take by the horns.

Michael has told me so many times how much he admires Annabelle’s determination. He made sure she switched off occasionally, and she put a fire under his butt when he needed it.

She also got Michael involved with the youth group at Witaf. So to this day, he puts himself out to organize regular meetups, parties, trips, and an annual summer camp to the Tyrolean Alps for deaf youth. Everyone there loves him, of course.

Michael and Annabelle were totally tight for five years. They brought out the best in each other until Annabelle broke up with Michael about two years ago. He was inconsolable for weeks. He confessed to me that he’d planned to propose to her at their next dance class after the summer break. Then suddenly it was over. She’d fallen for someone else and moved out of their shared apartment — just like that.

I never liked Annabelle. But if I'm completely honest, I'm not sure if I didn't like her personality or if I was just jealous.

Now she's right here in front of us.

How did she find out our flight time? I didn't even give Michael's brother Linus this info because I’d booked a cab back to our apartments.

And the more important question is where did she get the baby?

Nervously, I shuffle from one foot to the other as she approaches. Her eyes find Michael's, then she’s signing something.

I need a moment until the meaning of the words penetrates my brain. Or until my subconscious allows me to understand what is being communicated.

"Hi, Daddy!"

What the ...?

A choked sound comes out of my mouth.

My world is blurring.

The two of them separated two years ago. I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure a pregnancy is nine months, not two years.

But what if it's true? a shrill voice quavers in my head.

Michael wanted to marry this woman. He’s a total family man and always wanted to have children.

There's a sudden roaring in my ears so loud that it drowns out all the other sounds of the airport.

I have to get out of here!

If the odds were already low that Michael would want to continue our thing –– let's call it that –– they’ve just crashed to zero.

Tears threaten to spill from my eyes.

I have to get out of here!

There’s no way I can put a brave face on things .

I don't want to see Annabelle win my Michael back for good.

I just have to get out of here — now!

I turn to the pair standing next to me, who are now staring at each other with wide eyes.

I raise one hand in a weird little wave, a croaked “Ciao!” squeezes out of my throat, and I speed-walk towards the exit. Actually, that’s more dignified than the reality, which is that I run as fast as my legs will carry me.

The first tears trickle down my cheeks, but I force myself to swallow my feelings.

Luckily there is no queue for the cabs, which is a miracle in itself!

I jump into the silver Mercedes at the front of the line and barely manage to shout my address before I collapse into a sobbing heap on the back seat.

Michael

I stare at the drama unfolding in front of me in disbelief. It seems like I’ve stepped into a parallel universe.

Annabelle is walking towards me as beautiful as ever. The freshly washed curls bounce happily with every step. Her body is slim, although her breasts are definitely bigger than usual. Her dark blue eyes are cold as she looks at me. Deep circles under her eyes imply may sleepless nights. But as for the newborn in her arms ... Or is it a baby?

I have no idea how old this child could be. Being the youngest in the family, I've never had the opportunity to spend enough time with children to be able to gauge their age. Especially not such small ones.

But this one is little more than a tiny bundle. An adorable, tiny bundle .

Don't newborn babies always look a bit like aliens? This one certainly doesn't. Maybe it’s a little older? It’s wearing a pink and white striped jacket with a fluffy bear embroidered on the left side, and the clothing makes the baby’s eyes look even bigger and darker. Eyes that are looking at me full of wonder and trust.

A movement next to me snaps me out of my thoughts. Sebastian has raised his hand in a wave, or is it shaking? He says something that I can't quite grasp, and then he turns and runs away.

I stare after him, stunned. Surely he wouldn't leave me alone in this situation, would he? My heart splinters. I want to run after him, but a hand holds me back. Irritated, I look down.

"This is Vicky," Annabelle signs. Then she also shows me her daughter's sign name, which refers to her incredibly large eyes — which is fitting!

A sign name is something like a nickname to avoid having to spell out a person's name every time. The signs usually refers to a physical feature, character trait, or hobby of the person, while the mouth forms the given name of the person. My own sign name is “curly” — because of my wild curls, obviously, while Seb's is the sign for "curious." His thirst for knowledge was almost unquenchable even as a child. Being a teacher is tailor-made for him.

Sebastian.

My head snaps up, and I feverishly search the terminal for my best friend. When I fail to spot him anywhere, I start to panic. I have to talk to him! But Annabelle's hand holds me back for the second time.

"We need to talk!" she says, her expression serious.

"Not now!" I try to push past her, but she grips my elbow almost painfully hard .

At the end of my tether, I turn back to her.

"Congratulations on the birth of your daughter! She’s as sweet as pie. Let's go for coffee sometime soon and catch up. But right now, I really have to get going!"

But clearly, Annabelle isn’t going to let me go that easily. The clamp-like grip around my elbow becomes even tighter. She looks deep into my eyes. Frustrated, I huff out a breath. I want to get out of here! But it's obvious that my ex-girlfriend won't let me leave until she says what she wants to say. Resigned, I look at her.

As always, Annabelle can read my face like a book. It’s only when she’s sure that I won't run off as soon as she lets go of me, that her fingers loosen a little.

"No. Let's talk about our daughter now!"

Sebastian

The sleepless night, the tears in the cab, the knowledge that everything is over between us ... I'm done.

A sob claws its way from my throat at the thought. I can't believe it ended like that. I’d half expected a slightly awkward conversation with him dismissing the whole thing as a bit of a joke. Then I would probably have learned to live with it somehow.

What a stupid idea, because I cannot imagine life without my best friend.

But now ...

Now everything is different.

Totally.

I always knew that being a couple was a pipe dream. But somehow hope has managed to creep into my heart over the last ten days.

Hope that he’d want more .

Hope that he had enjoyed our time together as much as me.

Hope that maybe I could convince him to give us a try.

Now there’s no chance.

Talking would have been pointless.

Michael now has everything he always wanted: His dream woman and a child.

His child.

My heart stutters at the thought of Annabelle walking up to us and signing "Hi, Daddy."

She’s given him something he’s always wanted. Something I’ll never be able to give him.

The tears start to flow again.

Why has this hit me so hard? It’s not as if any of this is a surprise. It was always clear that my little crush would end this way.

An English proverb by Alfred, Lord Tennyson comes to mind: "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

But what does Tennyson know?

I was in love with my best friend for decades and could live with it. Was I happy? Thinking back to last week, probably not as happy as I could have been. But I could cope.

Now that I know what might have been, what I’ll miss every day, every hour … my life has become almost unbearable.

How am I ever going to convincingly be the best friend again?

How will I ever sit next to Michael and not mourn the loss of having his arm wrapped around me?

How can I be the funny uncle to his daughter who unknowingly ripped him from my arms?

How will my heart ever recover ?

Michael

I stare at Annabelle in disbelief.

What the hell is she talking about?

Our daughter?

As I said, I can't tell exactly how old the baby in her arms is. But it doesn't matter if the sweet little thing is a day, a week, or a month old. Hell, even if she was a year old — and even I know that she’s not that old yet — it's been over two years since Annabelle and I last slept with each other.

"What are you talking about?" I ask my ex.

For the first time since she appeared so unexpectedly in front of Sebastian and me, she seems to be running out of steam. It's almost as if I’m watching her deflate.

"It could be ..." Annabelle signs almost tentatively.

She lost me completely now. "What are you talking about?" I sign.

I sound like a scratched record, but what else am I supposed to say?

"Come for a coffee. Please!" Annabelle looks at me pleadingly, and it’s clear who her daughter has inherited her expressive eyes from.

I sigh.

I've never been good at saying no to Annabelle.

But Sebastian …

I’m not sure what to do.

My gaze wanders towards the exit again, and I run through how much time has passed since Sebastian ran away. Even if there was a queue for the cabs, the chances are slim that he’s still here.

"Okay," I sign, giving in to Annabelle's request.

Without a word, she heads towards a small café in a somewhat quieter corner of the airport. I follow. Now that I have a quiet minute, I can't help but feel anger rising inside me. This whole situation is so unfair. I had plans with Sebastian, and she’s ruined everything — shoe-horned herself between us.

But I don’t just blame her. Why did Sebastian have to take off like that? He didn't even give me a chance to process what happened. And I kind of expected a best mate would stand by me in a difficult situation like this.

Do I mean so little to him?

I almost run into Annabelle when she stops in front of the small café. Annoyed, I take a seat on one of the black wooden chairs.

Annabelle's intelligent eyes look at me disparagingly. She knows that I’m not happy.

"The usual?" she finally asks.

I nod.

Without warning, my ex hands me her baby before turning around and lining up at the counter. For a moment, I sit frozen. My eyes slide incredulously back and forth between the child in my arms and Annabelle. But she has her back stubbornly turned toward me.

I’m at a bit of a loss as to what I should do, but Vicky looks up at me with her puppy-dog eyes. She doesn't seem frightened or unhappy about being dumped in the arms of a complete stranger. So I wave to her before feeling totally stupid. To my surprise, she waves her arm vigorously back. Does she like that? I wave again, then I add her sign name. Again, Vicky responds to my movements, so I carry on making a mixture of simple signs and pulling faces, and finally a smile appears on her angelic face. She really is adorable.

Before long, Annabelle returns with two small red coffee cups. For the first time, her eyes don’t seem so frighteningly cold but have warmth and gentleness in them, which is how I remember them.

What happened to you, Annabelle? I wonder.

The petite woman drops into the chair opposite me but makes no move to take her baby back.

"You're good with her," she states.

She seems breathless all of a sudden, and I look at her concerned. My gaze seems to make her squirm.

"You'd be a good father to her," she adds.

Even though our relationship was years ago, Annabelle is still important to me. I loved her once — very much so — enough that I thought I’d spend my life with her. It hurts to see her so unhappy.

"What's wrong, Annabelle?" I ask after a short pause.

"Dominik …" she begins tentatively — it’s the name of the man she left me for. “He fell in love with someone else while I was pregnant.”

My heart breaks for her. Maybe I should feel a bit more of schadenfreude to hear that Annabelle is going through something similar to what I went through two years ago, but I feel nothing but sadness for my ex.

I was devastated for weeks when she left me. So I can only imagine how it must feel when there's a child involved.

Her hand is lying pale and almost fragile next to her cup on the marbled tabletop, and I reach out my free hand and squeeze it briefly. She turns her head away, tears welling in the corners of her eyes. Then she takes a deep breath and turns back to me with a determined expression.

In a rush, she signs, "I met your mother last week. She said that you are still single. So, I thought maybe we could try again, and you could be a father to Vicky, "

Sebastian

The walls of my apartment feel like they are closing in. Not even the new Lego set I’d pre-ordered which arrived during our trip helped settle me. Normally, the concentration required to put it together calms me down. I love the Lego Architecture sets, especially the attention to detail that went into making the famous buildings. My gaze slides from the Eiffel Tower to the Great Wall of China and lingers on Notre-Dame de Paris.

I swallow.

Michael bought that for me.

The best friend I have now lost … probably forever.

Tears threaten to well up again, and I hurl one of the white cubes I'm currently holding at the others on the table in front of me.

I had been so looking forward to the Taj Mahal. Now, the pieces blur in front of me through the tears gathered in my eyes. I've lost all the peace of mind that Lego building normally brings me.

I have to get out of here!

The sun shines palely and it is bitterly cold — only a few degrees above freezing — but I need to move. I put on the warmest sportswear I can find then grab my helmet and slam my apartment door behind me.

In the shared bike storage room of my apartment house, I unlock the chain of my beloved mountain bike. It’s not the weather for my elegant road bike. For a start, it wouldn't be suitable for the route I have planned, and second, I need the comforting familiarity of the bike I bought with the first money I earned myself. My trusty matte black mountain bike is still going strong and is a surefire way to help me regain my composure in tricky situations .

As soon as I hit the road, I swing into the saddle and ride out of town. The cold air flowing into my lungs grounds me. My body protests at the cold, but I pay it no attention. In fact, I need to work my body until my mind stops thinking.

About twenty minutes later, I reach my destination — or at least the beginning of the route that will take everything I have. It’s a road which was mostly built in the interwar period and leads steeply up through the Vienna Woods into the mountains via countless switchbacks. My goal today is the second highest mountain: The Kahlenberg.

The wheels of my trusty wire bike touch the largely paved road, and I'm ready. It's time to think of nothing but my burning thighs and my measured breaths.

Michael

I stare incredulously at Annabelle.

Her chin is raised as if ready for a fight.

I shake my head in disbelief.

My feelings are clearly obvious, and some of her fighting spirit crumbles.

"But you do love me." Her signs are hesitant, her eyes slightly desperate.

It breaks my heart.

I run my hand slowly over my face. There's no point in stretching the truth now.

"I loved you once ," I reply as sensitively as I can.

The child in my arms wiggles restlessly. Vicky must feel the tension between the adults at the table. I look at her and can't stop a smile from spreading across my lips as I gently boop her nose with my finger.

When I look up, Annabelle's eyes are hopeful. I wasn’t clear enough, it seems .

"You could love me again. Me and Vicky!"

I sigh. As hard as this is, I need to be as clear as I can. "I will always love you … in a way. You were one of the most important people in my life for a long time, and you still matter to me. If you need a friend, I'm always here for you."

Her face falls as I say what I have to say.

Then I add, "Or as a godfather for Vicky."

I turn to the child in my arms and make a few more funny faces for her. My heart is thumping. That was harder than I thought. I swallow hard. I’m close to bursting into tears myself, but luckily, the laughing baby in my arm distracts me.

This is all too much. Being ambushed by Annabelle, Sebastian abandoning me, and all the emotions of the last week … Annabelle is not the only one who needs a few minutes to collect themselves.

When I eventually look up again, her gaze has gone hard again.

"But your mother said that you’ve been single since we broke up. I know I've hurt you. Probably a lot, actually. But don't you think you could get over it?"

Could I? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe if Annabelle had come to me before my vacation with Sebastian, I would have tried again. I don't love her the way I did two years ago, but apart from the way it ended, we had a great time together. Maybe our relationship really would have been worth giving a second chance.

Now, though, there is Sebastian.

No matter how angry I am with him right now, how hurt I am by his behavior, I love him.

Annabelle is watching me closely as all these thoughts race through my head.

"There's someone else," she states matter-of-factly .

I nod.

Her gaze falls.

"But your mother ..."

"It's brand new," I confess quietly.

She jerks back, and her eyes widen. She's always been way too good at putting two and two together, and she obviously knows where I've been for the last ten days. And more importantly, who I've been with!

"Sebastian ..."

I have no idea what to say. Annabelle has never liked my best friend. She hated it when Sebastian and I wanted to do something alone. She was always jealous of him, although there was never any reason for that. Or maybe she saw more than I did back then.

I sigh. Denying it would feel like a betrayal. So, I nod.