Page 35 of Love, Academically

Quixotic (adjective) quix·ot·ic

Extravagantly chivalrous or romantic

Lila

The need to keep Rhys at arm’s length was tiring.

Fighting the urge to pop into his office to ensure he had his mid-afternoon sugar pick-me-up, tell him about her day and ask about his, was hard.

But he had brought this on himself by making it extremely clear that he didn’t want that kind of relationship with her.

The kind of relationship where they had sex.

Hot, needy, desperate sex. Because that’s what she wanted, and it was difficult pretending that she didn’t.

Her lips remembered the taste of his, and thinking about his hand squeezing her thigh, his length pressing against her core made her hot. Wet. For him.

But she wasn’t about to go crawling to him. She did enough of that with Jason and Technicolour Lila did not crawl for anyone, unless she chose to crawl towards Rhys Aubrey’s unclothed dick.

God, where had that thought come from? That wasn’t like her, she was normally so, well, nice.

In the post-Jason stage of her life, she was starting to look at what she wanted, and take that very same thing. It was time to embrace herself, her needs. Not put other people ahead of her so much.

Eventually, when Jasmeet called on her lunch break that crisp, autumnal Tuesday, she didn’t answer. Neither her nor Maddy had texted her back at the weekend. She knew that they both had lives et cetera, et cetera, but going out with Rhys on Saturday had been important to her.

When Maddy had desperately wanted to go and see that strange art exhibition in Bristol, who had hot footed it down there and paid the extortionate fee to get in?

When Jasmeet had said she’d bake a hundred cupcakes for the summer fete, who was it that had stayed up all night doing it because Jasmeet didn’t actually know how to bake cupcakes?

That’s right. Lila.

So, was it too much to ask for a little bit of interest in her own life? In something that was important to her? Maddy hadn’t even replied about Susie Dent and Jasmeet had dismissed it out of hand.

As soon as Jasmeet’s name stopped flashing on her phone, she felt guilty.

No one should do something they didn’t want to, she fully got that, and Jasmeet had been the best person on the planet when she was with Jason, and when they’d broken up.

Maddy had talked (whispered) with her every night when she had been up with Ellie and Lila couldn’t sleep.

Snatching up her phone from the desk, she called Jasmeet back quickly.

“Sorry I missed you, I was on a call,” she lied.

“That’s okay, babe,” Jasmeet said. “I wanted to catch you whilst you were at work because it’s about Rhys.”

Lila was silent for a beat. “Rhys? Why are you calling about Rhys?”

“Because Dan told me he’s miserable because you’re ignoring him,” Jasmeet said, hurriedly. “And if Dan is telling me he’s miserable, it’s because he wants me to do something about it.”

Lila’s mouth dried up. Had Rhys been shouting his mouth off about how she practically forced her hands down his pants and was wholly unwelcome?

“What else did he tell you?” she asked, trying for indifference but fully aware that she sounded a little desperate.

“Nothing, and that’s not for me not trying to find out,” Jasmeet said, pointedly. “Why are you ignoring him?”

Lila sighed.

“Okay, scratch that. I’ll come over tonight and you can tell me then,” she said.

Lila was tempted to say that she was busy tonight, because Jasmeet had demanded rather than asked, but that would have been petty. Besides, she did want to see her friend.

“Babe, also I realised I never asked you about how Saturday night went. I’m such a bad friend,” Jasmeet said with a hitch in her voice. “There’s this thing at work, and I…” she trailed off.

“You can tell me about it tonight when you come round,” Lila said gently. “Shall I cook?”

“Yes, please. Can you make Comfort Carbonara?”

“Oh shit, it’s a carbonara kind of night, is it?”

The buttery, creamy, mushroom and bacon-filled pasta wasn’t really a carbonara, but it was the best comfort food in the entire world, saved only for the direst of occasions.

“But only after I hear all about you and Rhys.”

Lila’s throat thickened with emotion. God, she was awful. Her friends did love her. It’s just that she was so used to being last, to being let down, to being swept under the carpet. Technicolour Lila went a bit overboard. She was new and bright and fresh, and not restrained or refined at all.

“Jas, are you okay?”

“Of course, babe. What time are you home and sorted out?”

“About six?”

“See you then,” Jasmeet said. “Oh, and Lila?”

“Yeah?”

“Talk to Rhys. He’s miserable and that makes Dan weird,” she said. “I’ve got to go. Love you.”

Lila stared at the phone on her desk. Fuck.

Firstly, she was a grade A bitch for thinking solely of herself when Jasmeet was obviously going through something bad enough to require Comfort Carbonara. Maddy was struggling with the baby and also had a relationship to maintain.

Secondly, she was going to have to talk to Rhys.

It was inappropriate to drag their friends into the situation, but somehow a niggle in the back of her brain told her it was her fault.

If she had just talked to him when he came to her yesterday instead of being all aloof and professional, then no one else would have brain space taken up by their little spat.

But that could wait until after a little trip around the lake. It was bright and fresh and soon it would be dull and wet and not nice enough to get out in her lunch break, so she’d make the most of it now.

Autumn was by far her favourite season. It was all reds and oranges, comfy wool dresses and ankle boots, crunchy leaves and low, bright sunshine.

The trees around the lake were exploding with colour, still some bright greens clinging to the branches, lush evergreens, but maroon and yellow ochre were simply everywhere. Nature made her smile.

She was so fixated on getting to the lake that she didn’t see Rhys until he was right in front of her.

“Oh, hi,” she said, her lips stretching into a tentative smile.

“Hi,” he said, eyebrows rising in surprise that she’d not blanked him.

“Um…” She gestured to the lake. “Walk with me?”

A slight look of hope crossed his face and he nodded, falling into step with her, his hands clenching in his pockets.

They walked in silence until they were halfway around the lake.

Yeah, she’d invited him to walk with her, but he was the one that wanted to talk to her, so she’d let him take the lead.

“I’d like to take you out on Saturday,” Rhys blurted, a faint blush colouring his neck.

Lila stopped and jerked her face up to his.

“Why? We’ve already been out. The deal is done. There’s no need.”

Rhys’s eyebrow rose.

“I would like to take you on a date. A proper date.”

Wait a second. He’d gone from not wanting her to touch him, to wanting to take her out on a date? Oh, perhaps he was a virgin. Perhaps he didn’t do one-night stands. Perhaps she had moved too fast for him.

“You want to take me on a date?”

“A date where there is no obligation to…” Rhys winced slightly and let his sentence hang.

“Oh.”

He didn’t want there to be any obligation. They’d only been together because of their bargain and having sex wasn’t part of it. If they had, he would probably feel it was forever tainted by the overhanging agreement they had. It was actually quite gentlemanly. Damn him.

“Is that why—”

“Yes,” he interrupted.

“But I didn’t feel that there was any—”

“There wasn’t,” he said quickly. “But I prefer not to be ambiguous.”

“You could have told me,”

“Oh yeah?” Rhys said, an amused smile playing across his face. He took a step towards her. “When would I have done that, Lila?”

Her tongue darted out to wet her lips. They were close now, close enough for her to make the sudden desire to climb him like a tree a reality. Because he wanted to take her out.

“So you did want to?” Her voice was barely more than a whisper. Her eyes skittered up the column of this throat to his eyes, dark and ravenous.

“What? Fuck you?” A smirk played across his lips.

She nodded, swallowing hard. God, the harshness of that word ‘fuck’ and the easy way he said it made her stomach tighten.

“Say it, Lila. Ask me properly.” His voice was low and gravelly.

She wet her lips again. Christ, he was going to make her say it, here where anyone could hear her. There was a couple of girls sitting on a bench, but they were quite a distance away.

Lila took a deep breath.

“Did you want to have sex with me?”

Leaning forward to whisper in her ear, Rhys’s cheek brushed hers and she stopped breathing.

“I wanted to fuck you perched on that dining table,” he said, his breath hot against the shell of her ear. “I wanted to make you come on my fingers, I wanted to eat you until you exploded on my face, and then I wanted to fuck you exactly the way you like it.”

Her lips dropped into a shocked O.

Lila sucked in a breath, fully aware that she was poppy-red and desperate for him to touch her, to make good on his words. He pulled back and she stared at his throat, the small hint of skin just above his loosened tie, the smugness in the twist of his lips. The desire in his eyes.

“Can I take you out on a proper date on Saturday?” he repeated, his voice hoarse.

She nodded, speechless.

“Thank you,” he said, turning to walk back around the lake. He stopped, and turned back. “You’re so pretty when you’re thinking about what I could do with you.”

Lila’s eyes went wide in shock. How could Rhys – calm, collected Rhys Aubrey – have such a filthy, dirty mouth? A mouth that he obviously wanted to put on her. A mouth that she was desperate for.

Lila had to go round big Sainsbury’s three times to get everything she needed for Comfort Carbonara, while concentrating on anything other than the shape of Rhys’s lips when he had told her he wanted to fuck her.