Page 180 of Lost Lyrebird

I laugh.“I’ve seen and heard a thing or two.”

“Anyway, we’ve been together since she got pregnant, but it’s always been rocky.”He pauses, almost hesitant.

I can see it coming.“That’s why you sleep around?Because it’s not love.Not the real kind.”It’s blunt, but there’s no point in dancing around it.Not with him.

He sighs, shrugging.“Yeah.No.It’s never really been that.I find her sexy as hell.But she knows it and uses it against me.Swear to fuck, she tries to guide me around by my dick.She’s either wantin’ to fuck me or bitch me out.There’s no in between with her.The other women… that’s because she gets off on being jealous, or sometimes I do it when she freezes me out.”He shrugs.

“It sounds like it’s a game to both of you.”

He huffs.“Yeah, maybe it is.”

“Does she know everything about what goes on in the clubhouse?”

“Depends on the day.Some days, she wants to know every dirty detail, and she gets off on it.Other days, she acts like I’m the worst piece of shit on the planet.It’s a fucking mindfuck.One moment, she’s hot and heavy.The next, she’s an ice queen and ready to cut my dick off.”

“Is she worth it, if you found a way to work through your issues?Is that even possible, you think?”

He stiffens.“Fuck, you don’t pull any punches, do you?”

I shrug.“It’s two simple questions.Is it fixable, or is she worth the time and mindfuckery?Or are you just putting off the inevitable?”

He doesn’t answer right away.The silence that follows is telling.He stares off into the distance, then finally admits, “I don’t know how to answer either of those.”

He does.His hesitation says more than any words could.I don’t push him, though.Telling someone to end a relationship never works unless they’re ready to hear it, and most of the time, it only pushes them back into the situation because they want to be the one who makes the decision.They want you to be wrong.

Bodie’s not there yet.One day, but today’s not that day.

“I’m no relationship expert,” I say instead, trying to soften the blow.“I’ve got my own stuff to sort out.I was fucked up over Finn for years, lied about everything and pushed him away because I couldn’t face my past or face him long enough to learn his truths, and look where that got us.”

He grins, a wicked gleam in his eyes.“Murderers standing on the side of the road dressed as clowns?”

I laugh, backhanding his chest.“No, dummy.Him in rehab, nearly killing himself to win me back.”

“Oh… yeah.That.”

“Yeah.That.”

Bodie’s smile fades again, the weight of his situation settling back in.“What about my kids?If I leave her, I know she’ll try to take them, and there’s no doubt in my mind, she’ll keep them from me.”

“She can try,” I say firmly.“But we’re not going to let her.We’ll hire the best lawyers, dig up whatever dirt we need to.And if push comes to shove…” I give him a dark smile.“We’ll bury another body together.”

He snorts, but there’s a glint of hope in his eyes.“Yeah?”

“Yeah.That’s what BFs are for, right?”I hold up my fist, and he laughs, bumping it with his own.“Now there’s fisting.That’s what I’m talkin’ about.”His dimples are back, and it’s a welcome sight.

“No fisting, but you’re definitely in ride or die status.”

He nods.“Ride or motherfucking die.I’ll take it.”

CHAPTER 51

The most profound love may come with trigger warnings, but the hell you fight through could be worth it in the end.

I had to wait months to see Finn again after he’d admitted himself into a medical rehab program.We’d found him one in Colorado that could not only help him with his addiction, but also his PTSD, migraines, and depression—which he’d also been diagnosed with.

He could have visitors every week after the first month, but he’d asked me to give him some time to work through some of it first.They were going to try some different medications to help with the migraines, and the side effects could alter his moods.He also didn’t want me to witness him go through what he called some of the uglier parts of addiction, which were the first he’d have to face: denial and withdrawals.

But today’s the day, and my nerves are in fucking shambles.Each step closer feels like a battle against myself.My chest flutters with the threat of a panic attack.My hands tremble as I fidget with the rings on my fingers, which are loaded down with all my favorites, and all my tattoos are on full display.