Page 123 of Lost Lyrebird

Because that’s the one thing that’s never added up.Why am I the only one she stays away from?

Why push me away and seek attention from every HOC brother but shun me when the attraction we share is undeniable?

Suspicion and anger drive me away.I’ve never been good at hiding my emotions, and I already know the answers I’ll get if I approach this directly—more of the same.

When I make it back to my tent, my head’s fucked—a mess of puzzle pieces, feathers, and breadcrumbs that whirl around like a janky merry-go-round inside my brain.

How many other things did I dismiss about her because I thought they were trivial?

Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.

Sharp pain spreads to the back of my skull and down my spine.It gets more intense the longer I try to reason it all out.

I push through it only to be rewarded with another bloody nose.I need to stop.Stop thinking.This riddle has taken more than ten years off my life, no, triple that, and if I don’t quit, it’ll take even more.My brain feels like it’s tearing itself apart the more I try to remember.

I pop a few pills, and they inevitably pull me under and grant me mercy.The numbness sinks in and slows down the spinning in my mind.

I don’t know how long I sleep, but Bodie shakes me awake sometime later.“Hey, man.Everyone’s getting ready to head out.”

I try to get up.I really do.But he’s a blur, and my body feels like a heavy bag when I attempt to sit up.I finally manage it, and I rub my eyes as I try to shake off the exhaustion weighing me down.It doesn’t help that my head is screaming this morning,

“What happened?”Bodie is holding up the bloody shirt I used last night to stop the nosebleed.His face is filled with concern.

“Just another nose bleed.Not a big deal.”

I avoid his gaze as I run my hand over the blankets searching for the pill bottle.He finds it before I do and passes it over to me.

“Grab me some water, will ya?”

He nods and leaves to do just that.While he’s gone, I swallow two pills dry.When he returns, I take another two under his watchful gaze and chase them down with water.

“I told the guys to take off without us.I’ll stay behind with you until you’re up to riding, and we’ll meet up with them when we get to Reno.Which means, you’re gonna lay your ass back down and get a few more hours of shuteye.”

I’m already shaking my head before he finishes speaking.“No.Go.I’ll be fine.”

But after a small argument with him, that’s precisely what happens.

I give in, lie back down, and pass the fuck out.

Three thoughts keep circling in my head as Bodie and I ride toward Reno.One: I need to figure out how to go about getting answers from Lily in ways she can’t deny.Two: That this is the first time I’ve been negligent in my duties as Road Captain, and with the way my life is going, I need to do the honorable thing and step down and hand in my patch.There’s a chance, though a slim one, that Cap will cut me out of the club because of the pills, but I need to come clean about them.Three: the sobriety coin in my pocket feels like it’s burning a hole through my jeans.I don’t deserve to carry it anymore, and doing so feels like a sin in itself.It’s another broken promise that wrecks me.This one to my father.

But I can’t function without the pills.And I’m also no good to anyone if I can’t think clearly.

So I’m damned either way.

It sinks home with each mile I drive that there’s no winning this battle.There’s only surviving it long enough to do what I’m here to do.If Lily’s who I think she is, confirming that and explaining myself, seeking her forgiveness before I go… that’s all I can hope for.

CHAPTER 35

It’s a rare person who can carry a wealth of secrets and keep them close to the vest.

It’s not until we enter the local bar that I realize the Greenbacks are attending the same bike rally.Deeds, ever one to stir up trouble, keeps making eyes at me from across the bar, until I motion for him to cut that shit out.

Lowering his face, he tucks his long auburn hair behind his ear and laughs to himself.When I again catch his hazel gaze, he raises a brow at me, and smirks like this is a game and he’s amused.For a while, he toes the line.But this only lasts long enough for him to navigate the crowded room and work his way towards me.Under his cut, he’s sporting a red flannel, and his black ripped jeans hug the muscles in his legs.When he brushes by me, he leans in close, and his hot breath brushes over my ear.“Meet me out back.”

I don’t react in any way.

I do, however, keep him in my peripheral vision, and when he exits the bar, I tell Stone I need to use the ladies’ room.He nods distractedly and says, “All right, babe.”Then pats my ass as he turns back to continue the conversation he’s having with Septic.