Page 43 of Little Wing (Shades of Fairhaven #1)

W hen Lotus showed up at my doorstep, I fought against the urge to drop my coat and pull her into my arms. I was worried about her since the moment I saw her run out of Little Wing, but seeing her keeping distance from me made the ache of missing her much greater.

There was relief in seeing her unharmed and I admit I respected her decision to show up at my home. I was already on my way out to possibly meet her at the apartment when I opened the door to find her waiting. That time I was glad to have been running a bit behind.

We sat in the living room on separate couches and talked.

Frankly, it felt more like an interrogation, which I fucking hated.

I listened to her answer question after question when all I wanted was to get my ass off the couch to sit beside her.

More than once I caught myself gripping the edge of the couch to keep myself from moving to her.

This conversation felt fragile, and I knew sitting beside her would leave the space between us too charged.

I sat as calm and collected as I could, because she was there.

Lotus was sitting on my couch with her heart out in the open.

As I listened, I looked her over. Though whatever bruises she might have had from the incident at Little Wing were likely gone, I couldn’t stop picturing her horrified expression when I failed to protect her.

I hated it. I hated the memory that replayed over and over in my head.

Now, I knew I'd kill anyone to lay a hand on her next time. I’d be ready to burn it all down for her, just to make sure I’d never see her look so damn scared and broken again.

To push the thought away, I finally asked her about the man her brother brought up. Wesley. Whoever he was caused Lotus’s eyes to water even as she smiled at me.

“When we lived out East, Luca and I moved around often to maintain our anonymity. Rural areas suited us best at that time. We occupied a barn that reminded us of the one our family had.” She paused and rubbed her scarred wrist, a memento given to her by her brother.

“Luca would go out for days at a time, whether it was to hunt or scavenge for things that could keep us hidden longer. It meant I was frequently left alone. As you can imagine, I got stir crazy. Why should Luca be the only one to go out? I was smart, I could be careful, even if he didn’t trust me to be.

” Lotus gripped the hem of her dress and allowed her gaze to settle on a glass of crimson I had left out on the coffee table before she arrived.

“While Luca was away, I used that time to venture into town.”

The way her ruby eyes glossed over, I imagined those memories were painted in her mind clearly. The sensation of memory was often a double-edged sword, especially if reminiscence brought a pain that never really went away. I saw it in the way her posture shifted.

“I met Wesley late one night while we were both taking our horses for a ride. He was unbothered by my appearance, my odd availability, and my strange lodging.” She pressed her lips into a thin line.

“Our friendship quickly blossomed into something warmer and more romantic. He was my first for many things.”

“Did he know?” I asked quietly .

She shook her head slowly. “I never told him, never saw the need. Each night that we spent together, I thought it would be our last. I felt robbed of so much of my life that I wanted to cherish what moments I was allowed…” Lotus bit down on her lip and looked at me.

“I suppose I have made that mistake for as long as I can remember. Lying by simply not declaring what I was. I was just so lonely.”

Lotus continued speaking, painting the picture of what her life was like before Fairhaven.

What it was like with Wesley by her side in the middle of the night.

There was a glimmer of hope and love that was unmistakable just as the crushing weight of loss that shrouded her when she described the night Luca found her with Wesley.

How was it fair for that fucker to go out for days at a time while Lotus stayed back?

How was she expected to just stay and wait?

Her voice broke as she recalled Luca locking her in the barn and leaving her.

I couldn’t fucking take listening to that.

I couldn’t bear watching her shake, not without moving from where I was seated to the loveseat she was clinging to.

I did so in two quick strides and sat down close enough to feel the hum of her distress vibrating off her body, yet still far enough to not smother her.

“I… I was there for so long, Silas,” Lotus sniffled. “And then he… he—”

My nails dug into my palms as I held back the urge to sniff out the scent that matched hers. I continued to listen, letting my arm press gently against her side to let her know she wasn’t alone. What she faced was terrible and to still feel so haunted by those events… I didn’t blame her. Who could?

Lotus turned and looked at me, searching my eyes before she gently traced the scar on her wrist with her trembling fingers. “I loved Wesley completely and he loved me.” She paused. “And it was his love for me that ultimately sealed his fate.”

“What happened?” I immediately winced, hoping my question wouldn’t close the channel of her memory.

“I lost count after two weeks and three days of being locked away in the barn with nothing to quench my thirst.” She brought her hands to her throat and swallowed.

“And after what might have been a month of being away from Wesley, he eventually came looking for me when he did not see me come by his home a few days in a row. We had a routine, Wesley and I.”

Holy fuck… he starved her.

“He showed up and I…” Lotus chewed her bottom lip, pain-filled words still lodged in her throat.

Fuck it . I reached out and pulled Lotus into me.

Her tears already streaked down her cheeks as she pressed her face against my shoulder.

Her arms hung limp at her sides, but I just held her firmly yet gently.

I wanted to be her safety net, the one she trusted to protect her.

Waves of the torment she felt reverberated in my bones.

Bloodlust—it had to have been it. For a vampire to go without blood for more than a day was painful, but nearly a month?

More? I couldn’t imagine the pain she felt.

“I killed him,” she whimpered softly against the now damp fabric of my shirt.

“Oh, Lotus,” I groaned, rubbing circles on her back when she finally moved to wrap her arms around me, clutching my shirt in her small fists.

I was going to fucking kill Luca. No, I was going to lock him up and torment him the way he did Lotus.

How could someone do that? How could he do that to his own sister?

Not only as her brother, but her maker ?

“I had never consumed human blood until Wesley. I fed off him and I could not stop. I could not stop even after his heart stopped beating…” Lotus pulled away and looked at me.

Her ruby eyes, while tear-stained, shimmered.

If only those orbs could pull me into her past. I wouldn’t hesitate to do whatever I’d be required to in order to save her from this suffering.

Without saying a word, I allowed her confession to settle between us.

What happened was dark and often carried by many vampires as our greatest shame.

But as she cried, I had to bring my hand to her cheek, feeling her soft skin against my calloused hands and sighing quietly when she leaned into my touch.

“So, I too have taken a human life, Silas.” Her eyes closed and more tears wet my hand. “If Luca is captured and he tells everyone of my own sins, then…”

“No,” I growled.

“Silas, if he is punished, what would keep them from doing the same to me?”

I shook my head and placed both hands on either side of her face. “What you did is nothing like what he did, okay?”

“But…”

“You were put in an impossible position, Lo. Luca abused you, starved you.”

Lotus’s eyes fluttered open. “But I took a life…”

“And he committed an unforgivable crime against his kin.”

My fingers stroked her tear-stained skin as I looked at her closely.

Lotus might have committed the act, but she had no choice.

Bloodlust made vampires lose all control they normally had.

It was an autonomous drive for survival.

The fact that she held on as long as she did without any blood was unthinkable.

She simply did what she needed to in order to survive.

Wesley was unfortunately in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Though I knew Lotus felt the guilt eating away at her, I sent a quiet thanks into the void—wherever Wesley ended up.

His loss was what helped the woman crying in my arms survive.

We stared at each other for a long time.

I observed the way her body fit so comfortably against mine.

How was it that even after so much pain and loss that she suffered, Lotus managed to brighten my day each time she smiled.

Damn it, I missed that smile now. It had me wishing I could destroy anything and anyone that kept her light from shining.

When my thumb brushed over her lower lip, I couldn’t help but smile when she pursed her lips and pressed a chaste kiss to my fingertips.

“I won’t let anything happen to you, Lotus,” I promised and pulled her back into me, to hold her securely in my arms. We sat together, embraced, and quiet, letting the new knowledge between us settle.

The seed of doubt that Luca attempted to sow withered.

And though I vowed to protect Lotus, there was some truth to what she said.

If Luca was going to be captured, then it wouldn’t be long before the vampire mob could pull Lotus into the middle of this mess.

Despite being a victim, they would try to pin her name to his crimes.

That was the unfortunate side effect of being tethered to a maker.

I ran my hands up and down Lotus’s back, feeling her raspy breathing settle into a quiet hum.

“Thank you,” I whispered into her hair. “Thank you for trusting me with this.”

I could not begin to imagine the weight that she carried all these years.

At least now I hoped she knew that she didn’t need to carry it all alone.

I wasn’t going to leave her side, not when so much of my being called out for her.

Not when the love I felt for her only grew deeper, even more so after Lotus confided in me.

Luca could try whatever he wanted, but I would not let his mistakes take Lotus away from me, not when I had just begun to see her smile again.