Page 41

FORTY

LIVING

ALIVE—POD

KILLIAN

F uck, it's freezing out here.

I knew this winter would be harsh, especially after the sweltering summer we just had. But this bite of cold is fucking unbearable. Still, I manage to keep a smile on my face as I navigate my bike through the city's snowy streets, Ash riding alongside me. For the first time in ages, we feel alive.

And I know it’s because Cali is finally back in our lives, and by the looks of it, she isn't going anywhere anytime soon. We can finally begin to explore all of the feelings we've buried deep—the feelings we tried so hard to forget.

Regardless of the shit she's dragged us into—the shit we do so willingly now—I fucking love her, and I know that Dominic and Ash do, too.

Cali was the first girl I fell in love with, and that was back when we were eleven—back before any of us knew exactly what love was, what it meant, what it felt like, and all the sacrifices it demanded. But somehow we all just... knew . We knew we felt something strong for her, and we knew that we didn’t want it to end—to lose the feelings we shared for so fucking long.

When she got ripped away from us, we held onto that love, so fucking optimistic. But as the years passed and nothing changed, we learned how to suppress those feelings, just so we could make it through each day.

Neither Dom, Ash, or myself ever felt the way we did about Cali for anyone else. We couldn't bring ourselves to move on from her, especially living without closure. We let those suppressed feelings consume us, but in the best fucking ways.

We held onto the fading past and our confusing feelings tightly, using the tiny glimmer of hope to forget about all of the hurt, the trauma, and the betrayal we experienced at the hands of our fathers. We fucking clung to that hope, hoping that maybe one day we’d be reunited again and she would take all of our pain away like she used to promise.

After a few days apart, meant to alleviate some of the pressure our fathers have been putting on us, Ash and I decided to check in on her since we hadn’t heard anything for a while.

It’s starting to worry me a bit. Even when we first moved her out, she would always call, text, or engage in her typical creeping through the shadows to sneak in through the window. But we haven’t heard a fucking peep from her lately.

Approaching the subway tunnel where I often work on my graffiti, I pull my bike to the curb and park it, eager to show Ash what I’ve created. Lost in his own thoughts, I notice Ash repeatedly checking his phone, searching for any word from Cali. The growing concern on his face, his thick brows pinching together, tells me what I already dread—still nothing.

“She’ll call, brother,” I assure him, though I can hear the uncertainty in my own voice as we make our way down the icy steps, hands stuffed deep in our pockets to guard against the chill.

“Yeah, but why hasn’t she yet?” Worry clouds his expression, and I can only shrug, feeling a sense of helplessness creep in.

“I’ve got no fucking idea, but we’re heading over there after this, so just try to relax.” I nod to my left, urging him to follow as we step onto the underground platform, the thick echo of voices bouncing off the cement walls.

“What are we doing down here, Kill?” he asks, furrowing his brows in confusion as he scans the surroundings, trying to make sense of it all.

I can’t help but grin, excitement mingling with anxiety as we draw closer. "You’ll see."

Then, without warning, fury erupts inside me, coursing through my veins like wildfire. My fists clench, knuckles whitening as I fight the urge to hit something. I draw in a heavy breath, hissing through gritted teeth, my lips curling back.

I’m absolutely fucking furious.

All I see is red... along with the wreckage of my mural—Calista's face ruined under layers of bullshit paint.

“Motherfucker!” I roar, tension radiating through my body as I pace back and forth, trying to make sense of the chaos. “It’s all ruined.”

“Wait, you painted this?” Ash’s jaw drops in awe as he takes in the devastation of my once vibrant artwork. “Kill, this is absolutely incredible!”

“It was incredible. Now it’s fucking trash. Why would someone do this?” I glance around at the other pieces I’ve created along the tunnel walls, an even deeper confusion settling in. “None of my other work has been touched. Just this one.”

“Does anyone know about it?”

I rack my brain, desperately trying to sift through the chaos. Just as I’m about to shake my head no, a realization hits me.

“Fucking hell,” I mutter. “Delilah is the only other person, besides Cali, who knew about it. And I highly doubt Cali would destroy my work.”

“Oh, yeah, man. Delilah is a jealous, spiteful bitch. She clearly doesn’t like that you stopped seeing her now that Cali is back. She's jealous that you're giving Cali the d and not her,” he chuckles, attempting to lighten the mood.

I can’t help but crack a small smile despite my seething anger.

But I’m still so damn furious.

"Let's just fucking go," I spit, kicking an empty Budweiser can off to the side. "I just wanna go see her now."

Ash hugs his arm around my shoulders as we walk, able to sympathize with every feeling and emotion running through me having to do with Calista. And it's refreshing to have someone else who understands exactly how I feel.

"You think she's been out... killing?" he whispers the last part as we pass a group of homeless men huddled around a fire roaring inside a rusty burn barrel, passing what looks like a crack pipe back and forth.

"I'd assume so. It's like she's addicted to it—to the thrill, the high. Ya know?" My mouth waters as a gust of wind blows the scent of burnt crack right in my face as we descend the tunnel, feeling the itch in my veins from the drugs burning a hole in my fucking pocket.

"Speaking of high." I tug Ash to the side of the tunnel behind the column, pulling out a folded dollar bill from my pants pocket. "Want a line?" I ask, opening it up to reveal the fine white powder packed neatly inside.

"Fuck, yeah. I need something to warm my ass up before I get back on my bike." He rubs his hands together, bringing them to his lips and blowing the hot air from his mouth into them.

I take another bill from my pocket and roll it up, quickly sniffing a generous sized bump of coke just to get my blood flowing again. I tilt my head back, block the other nostril, and sniff deeply, trying to get the whole line to drip down the back of my throat. While I adjust to the intense rush and savor the bitter drip, I hand both bills to Ash, keeping a lookout while he quickly sniffs his line.

Once the drug is in our bodies, awakening everything inside of us and warming us up like we wanted, I tuck everything into my pocket, and we continue the walk back to our bikes.

Thankfully, in a much better mood, an idea pops into my head as we mount our bikes and prepare to take off.

"I wanna swing by Walmart real quick," I yell to Ash over the rumble of our bikes.

"What for?" He puts his helmet on, flipping open the visor to look at me.

"There's some things that I want to pick up for Cali." I grin, my head full of naughty ideas and inappropriate thoughts, anticipation rolling around in my stomach as we pull away from the curb into the busy street, congested with after work traffic.

Stopped behind a long line of nonmoving vehicles, I glance at Ash. He raises an eyebrow, intrigue creeping into his expression.

"You gonna spoil her now? After all that time apart? What's the plan, Romeo?" He winks, his curiosity piqued.

I chuckle, the rush still buzzing through my veins. "Think of it as a we've missed you, Merry Christmas surprise," I laugh, grinning mischievously.

"You're definitely in fucking deep," he teases, revving the engine as we drift into the flow of traffic. "But, fuck, so am I, and fucking Dom, too."

The cold air whips past us, invigorating and sharp, but I can't help but feel alive with anticipation. It’s not just about the gifts; it’s about letting her know she’s missed and needed, and so fucking wanted whether she feels like it or not.

As we approach Walmart, a wave of nostalgia washes over me. This place has seen countless memories—a mix of late-night runs, ridiculous purchases, getting high and fucking in the parking lot, and running into friends. I park my bike near the entrance and hop off, gesturing for Ash to follow.

"Come on, let's make this quick. We don’t want her thinking we’re soft or something," I joke.

Inside, the fluorescent lights buzz, illuminating the aisles filled with everything imaginable and the overflow of busy shoppers trying to prepare for the holidays.

My heart races as I navigate through sections of cheap trinkets and women's clothing, finally finding the undergarments. I grab a couple sets of lingerie in dark and Christmas colors, perfect for what I'm envisioning, and I can’t resist picking out a ridiculously oversized beanie—one with red flames and sugar skulls on it, and a fluffy black pompom on the top of it. Cali is a sucker for cute but dark things, and anything with skulls on it.

“What do you think?” I hold the beanie up for Ash’s approval, oblivious to some middle-aged woman glancing at me incredulously.

He snorts with laughter. "That’s going to be a hard pass for me, but I can already picture her wearing it with that laugh of hers. Perfect!”

I hold up the sexy, revealing lingerie, amused by his sudden change of expression. His lips curl, his tongue darting out to lick the drool dripping off them.

"Now those are fucking perfect. Put them in the cart, too." He grabs a black pair of fishnet knee-high stockings with red bows at the top, winking. "Throw these in too. I'm dying to see how fucking hot she's going to look wearing them."

“Good eye, Ash." I grin as I toss the beanie into the cart, along with the stockings and lingerie, ready to grab the main things I wanted to stop here for.

We cruise down the snack aisle next, and I grab several bags of her favorite popcorn—kettle corn, cheddar, and the sweet caramel kind that’s just terrible enough to be wonderful—along with a box of hot chocolate mix, mini candy canes, and a few of her other favorite things, keeping in mind not to go crazy since we're on our bikes, which have absolutely no storage.

Suddenly, a thought strikes me. “Shit, we should grab something else. How about a bottle?”

Ash nods, guiding the cart toward the opposite side of the store. The corner store has nothing on this massive Walmart selection. We make our way to the liquor section, where the shelves are packed with colorful labels and fancy bottles. I might not have the most refined taste, but I know Cali loves a good buzz.

“What are you thinking? Wine cooler?” Ash smirks, shaking his head as he picks up a flimsy bottle of some neon-colored concoction. “Honestly, how old are we?”

I snicker at his suggestion. “Nah, let’s get something she can mix. Whipped Vodka is her favorite, and it's smooth enough that it doesn't have to be mixed. Whatever it takes for her to loosen up and have a bit of fun.”

After some deliberation, I settle on a decent sized bottle of the Smirnoff Whipped vodka she loves, tossing it in the cart with.

"Done?" Ash asks, a little overwhelmed with the amount of people flooding the store.

"Almost. We have to hit the Christmas isles now. We need some decorations..." I wink, showing off a devious smirk, knowing exactly just what I'm going to get.

Once in the crowded isle, I find everything easily, and toss it all into the cart, just ready to go.

As we head toward the checkout, I can feel my adrenaline and excitement curdle into something deeper—nervousness. It’s been so damn long since we’ve all just been together.

“Dude, are you really ready for this?” Ash asks, glancing over at me, his expression shifting from playful to serious.

“I don’t know, man. I want to be.” My voice lowers. “What if she’s... changed since she's been gone? What if something happened and she shuts us out again? What if we're no longer enough?”

“Stop that shit.” Ash stops in front of me, squaring his shoulders. “Cali is our girl. If anything, she’s been waiting for us to show up and remind her of what she loves about life—about us. If you go in there with that doubt, you’re only going to trip yourself up.”

I nod, absorbing the words. The impulse to self-sabotage lurks in the shadows, wanting to drown my hope, but Ash is right. She has always seen something in us; it’s time I focused on that.

We check out, our arms full of supplies, feeling invigorated as we shove the strategically packed bags into our backpacks and hop back on our bikes. The cold air bites at our faces, but the warmth in my chest keeps the doubt at bay.

“Let’s go see our girl... our Little Psycho,” I shout to Ash, feeling the rush of adrenaline mix with anticipation as we speed off into the night, the city lights blurring as they flash by us—each one a reminder that we’re heading back—back to the warmth of friendship, misguided choices, and maybe even a little bit of love.

As we near Calista's place, I can hear my heart pounding, louder than the wind against my helmet, and I hope she’s ready for what's about to unfold.

* * *

Overwhelmed by anxiety, I quicken my pace down the motel corridor, the room number—69—etched firmly in my mind, impossible to forget.

As we arrive at her door, I notice the "Do Not Disturb" sign hanging on the handle but knock anyway, ignoring the warning.

"What if she doesn't answer?" Ash asks nervously, anxiety creeping in at the thought that this long journey might lead nowhere.

"Then we’ll use our key," I reply with a grin, reaching for it in my back pocket.

But before I can retrieve it, the sound of the deadbolt clicking open and the chain sliding free halts me in my tracks. A smile spreads across my lips as the anticipation of seeing her ignites my nerves—I've fucking missed her.

Ash and I exchange a concerned glance just as the door swings open. I step inside, but Cali isn't there to greet us. Instead, I spot her on the balcony, her silhouette framed by the sliding door left wide open.

As I close the door behind us, an unsettling feeling washes over me. The room tells a silent story of her struggle, and my heart sinks. The small kitchenette is a chaotic mess, littered with crumpled red Solo cups, empty liquor bottles, and scattered drug paraphernalia. It's clear she’s been deep in the throws of something destructive, on a binge none of us saw coming.

The room is dim, cluttered with knocked-over lamps and shards of broken glass glimmering against the faded green carpet. Pill bottles are strewn everywhere, hinting at her fragile state.

Worry threads through us both as we drop our backpacks on the table near the pull-out couch. The TV hums softly in the background, her favorite rock songs playing at a low volume.

"Shit, it’s worse than we imagined," I murmur to Ash as we cautiously approach the open door, where she stands hunched against the snow-dusted railing, a cigarette dangling from her fingers, eyes lost in thought as she surveys the city below.

We step onto the balcony, trying not to startle her. But before we can get too close, she turns around, and the sight is heartbreaking. She is still as beautiful as ever, yet she looks like she's been through fucking hell and back.

Dark circles frame her eyes, which hold a haunting emptiness. Her hair, a messy bun, has strands cascading down to frame her face, and in her hand, she clutches a mini bottle of vodka, the cigarette hanging from her lips. Every part of her looks so delicate, and all I want is to pull her in my arms, but I hold back.

Facing us, she wears black spandex shorts, exposing fresh cuts along her thighs—red and scabbed. Her white sports bra is tight, barely covering her full, perky tits, accentuating her figure, though its tight fit draws attention to the hardness of her pointed nipples beneath the fabric.

“Cali, sweetheart, are you alright?” I step toward her, wanting so badly to see her smile light up again.

She shrugs, swallowing the last of the vodka and chasing it with a drag from her cigarette. “What do you think?”

“Why haven’t you called or answered any of our messages? We’d have been here in a fucking heartbeat,” I urge, closing the distance until our toes almost touch.

“I didn’t want to bother you with my problems.”

“You could never be a bother to us, baby girl. I promise,” I say, my heart aching at the sight of her like this. “We brought you some things to brighten your day.” Grinning, I reach out and pull her into my arms, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her head as she leans against my chest, her body visibly relaxing.

“We thought we’d spend the night, enjoy a few drinks... maybe have some fun,” Ash adds with a smirk, managing to coax a small smile from her lips.

“Let’s go inside so you can show me what you brought,” she replies, her mood shifting as a genuine smile breaks across her hardened face.

But the reminders of her conditions and the medications it’s evident she hasn’t been taking, a likely cause of her downward spiral.

I pour us all a cup of whipped vodka, eager to lift the mood. Ash and I watch as Cali digs through the bags of merchandise shoved in our backpacks, that smile of hers growing wider with each item she pulls out. The beanie goes on first, and I knew she’d love it. As she sifts through the lingerie, her eyes sparkle with mischief.

“Should I try one of these on?” she asks, holding up a silky black set and a lacy red number, mischief glinting in her eyes.

“Only if you feel like it," I reply, hoping she’s in the mood. "Plus, I thought we could decorate a bit.” A suppressed chuckle escapes me, not wanting to give away my intentions.

She finds a string of Christmas lights and presses a button that makes them flicker in vibrant colors, lighting up her eyes with a soft glow. Looking between Ash and me, she winks and playfully loops the lights around my neck.

“I can’t exactly decorate with these,” she laughs, tugging the lights to pull me closer. “They’re way too short.”

A dark, playful grin spreads across my face as I wrap my hands around her hips, hoisting her onto my lap so she faces me. She tightens the string of lights around my neck, matching my smirk as she begins to rock back and forth, igniting smoldering flames inside me.

"You didn’t expect to decorate with these, did you?" she teases, glancing back at Ash, who steps closer, closing the distance between them.

“We can do anything you want with them,” Ash says, his eyes filled with hungry anticipation as he bites his bottom lip.

Without warning, I snatch her chin, gripping it tightly with my fingers. Turning her head, I crash my mouth down on hers, taking the initiative and wildly lashing my tongue around hers. Every moan that slips from her lips, I catch in my throat, kissing her with passion, need surging through my veins.

I somehow manage to get the lights around from my neck, and with my mouth fused to Cali's, I toss them to Ash, who uses them to bind her hands behind her back.

"I knew you two were up to no good," she moans against my lips, her tongue teasingly dipping between them.

When she's secure, Ash pulls her away from me and throws her over his shoulder, her plump ass jiggling right in his face as he walks her to the other side of the room.

Adjusting my cock, I stand up and follow them to the couch, shedding my clothing on the way. Slipping my hand into my boxers, I wrap it firmly around my cock at the base, and stroke to the sight of Ash throwing Cali onto the couch, her petite body landing with a little bounce.

"I fucking need you, Cali. I need my Little Psycho to come out and play," I groan, my eyes rolling back.

"Then what are you waiting for?" she asks sarcastically, flicking her gaze between me and Ash. "Fuck me, both of you. Use me. Own me. Mark me. Fucking ruin me, and don't you dare hold anything back." The fiery look in her eyes makes Ash and I quickly strip, standing naked right in front of her as she glances at our cocks and licks her lips like she's hungry.

"Be careful what you wish for," Ash warns, laying down on the couch while I strategically strip Calista's clothes off piece by piece, using my knife to slice her bra off since her hands are tied behind her back.

"Killian!" she gasps, staring down at her tits, her pierced nipples hard and taunting. "That was my favorite one."

"Get the fuck over it. I'll buy you a new one," I huff, slightly lifting her and positioning her on Ash's lap, his cock pressing against her pussy.

I get behind her, kneeling with one knee on the couch and my other foot planted on the carpet, smoothly gliding my hand down her spine.

"I'm going to fuck you from behind until there's fucking rug burn on my knee," I whisper in her ear as I push her forward onto Ash, rubbing my dick up and down her ass.

Ash, silent and impatient, guides his cock to her already drenched cunt and slides into her in a single stroke, squeezing her hips and slamming her down until he completely fills her up.

"Ooh," she moans, tugging at the string of colorful lights that have her hands bound behind her back.

He grabs her throat and yanks her down so her tits are pressed against his chest, making it easy for me to enter her ass from this angle. "Go ahead, Kill, ruin that tight, pretty ass while I destroy her pussy," Ash coaxes, using his grip on her hips to slowly grind her back and forth while he's buried deep inside of her.

"I fucking love you, Cali," I admit, for what seems like the first time out loud.

“I love you too.” She shivers, softly moaning, and pushes her ass out for me like a good girl who wants to fuck as much as I do.

Holding onto the lights around her wrists, I guide my cock to her puckered ass and ease in, blowing out a deep breath as I feel her tight ring of muscle stretch around me.

"Mhm," she moans, wiggling a little for me to help guide me in, and when I'm fully seated inside her ass, I groan in sheer ecstasy.

"Sit up," Ash commands, giving her ass a small but hard slap, making her jump and sit up even faster with both of our cocks inside of her.

"Fuck!" Calista's head tilts back as she sits up straight, using her knees to bounce her body, sliding up and down on Ash's dick.

Still holding her bound hands, I begin thrusting mine, feeling the sensation of Ash's cock, only separated by a thin layer of slick skin. Once we finally begin moving in a perfect rhythm, our thrusts in sync, the three of us throw all other cares and worries out the open window, revealing in the feeling of her utterly consumed by the both of us.

Cali bounces up and down as I slam into her ass, Ash every so often thrusting his hips up to match her movements. Everything feels surreal. My head is spinning, swimming in the dance of seduction, as I truly own every inch of her ass.

"Yes, fuck me," she begs, whimpering as our cocks rip her holes apart, making her feel things she's never felt.

I thought I felt alive earlier, but right now, compared to that, I realize I didn't feel alive at all. No. Not like this. Not like I do now. Fuck, now I truly feel alive, and with every thrust, moan, and spasm, I never want this night—this feeling—to ever end.